Pity Party

[mytwosons]

I've been in a funk since yesterday because a kind, well-meaning person encouraged me to someday visit Cape Town, which has always been a place I've wanted to visit.

I work with (very well paid) faculty and they just don't understand that others might not have the same financial cushion. I don't make near six figures, have a huge student loan for my MBA, a DS who needs >$150/month in supplements and prescriptions, and an unemployed husband who is back in school.

The other staff are all DINKs, so have money to travel. I don't. The staff understand my situation, but the faculty don't (I don't go around whining about it) and will ask when I'm going on vacation (i.e. traveling to some great location). A long weekend car trip staying at a Best Western is not in the budget, so we definitely aren't going on any international trips.

I know we are better off than many, but the innocent comments and questions just reminds me of what a cruddy place we are in financially and makes me sad.

[hillview]

That stinks. I totally understand what you are saying. No words of advice just a hug.
/hillary

[crl]

I'm sorry. :hug:

Catherine

[wellyes]

I get it. I'm sorry. People without money worries have such freedom, they don't even realize until it's gone.

[ThreeofUs]

I'm sorry. It's hard to bear sometimes. :hug:

[BabyBearsMom]

:hug: Sorry! A lot of people I know are DINKs and they never understand why I can't go on lavish trips or go out to dinner and drinks with them in the evening or buy whatever designer bag. In the end, I remind myself that those trips and dinners and nights out and stuff, that is what makes their life happy and fulfilling for them. I used to love traveling to exotic locals, eating out at the cool restaurant downtown, and buying a new Coach bag every season. Yet, I had all of those things before DD and I still felt hollow. Now I rarely have "treats" like those, but I feel fulfilled because I have DD.

[HonoluluMom]

Some people really can be clueless or insensitive.

[mytwosons]

Thanks for commiserating.

Thankfully, all the staff are aware DH has been out of work for some time, so I don't have to hear comments from them as well. This faculty member is truly so nice and I don't think it occured to him that my DH might be unemployed.

Now, my Chair who knows DH is out of work, knows my DS's medical history and knows where I got my MBA drives me crazy with his comments, but that's another story! :ROTFLMAO:

ETA: We spent approx $100k on DS's medical bills (pulled from retirement). I've never shared that with the chair, but he knows insurance didn't cover the bills since his good friends have two kids on the spectrum and he knows how much they spend each year.

[mytwosons]

:hug: Sorry! A lot of people I know are DINKs and they never understand why I can't go on lavish trips or go out to dinner and drinks with them in the evening or buy whatever designer bag. In the end, I remind myself that those trips and dinners and nights out and stuff, that is what makes their life happy and fulfilling for them. I used to love traveling to exotic locals, eating out at the cool restaurant downtown, and buying a new Coach bag every season. Yet, I had all of those things before DD and I still felt hollow. Now I rarely have "treats" like those, but I feel fulfilled because I have DD.

I think my issue is our financial picture has changed so drastically, it's not a matter of delaying trips, etc., it's coming to terms with the fact they will never be in the picture. Covering braces, some college and retiring before I'm 70 will be stretching. I'm working long, hard hours and am not reaping any of the traditional benefits I had expected.

[elephantmeg]

my bro and SIL are DINK, living in chicago and are always taking fabulous trips. Makes me sick sometimes but they envy our low mortgage and how far we are into it. I just hope we stay healthy enough that when we are done with our mortgage and the kids are out of the house that we can travel then!

[Melaine]

I feel that way when I look a LOT of threads on the BBB. We don't vacation. We spend a night at a truly crappy hotel on our way to a family wedding out of town. We have not been on a true vacation since our honeymoon and even that was two states over and at a VERY modest hotel. We talked about Disney World and now the girls ask about it pretty frequently but it was a mistake to mention and now I'm afraid we'll never be able to take them. We have NO retirement savings, NO college savings and are barely paying our bills some months. I have never been on an airplane, much less been overseas.

What REALLY gets me is people talking about how desperately they need a vacation when their last international trip or cruise was about 4 or 5 months ago. And knowing our situation is unlikely to change is just utterly depressing.

[mytwosons]

I feel that way when I look a LOT of threads on the BBB. We don't vacation. We spend a night at a truly crappy hotel on our way to a family wedding out of town. We have not been on a true vacation since our honeymoon and even that was two states over and at a VERY modest hotel. We talked about Disney World and now the girls ask about it pretty frequently but it was a mistake to mention and now I'm afraid we'll never be able to take them. We have NO retirement savings, NO college savings and are barely paying our bills some months. I have never been on an airplane, much less been overseas.

What REALLY gets me is people talking about how desperately they need a vacation when their last international trip or cruise was about 4 or 5 months ago. And knowing our situation is unlikely to change is just utterly depressing.

:hug: I think it's the realization it isn't going to change that is the hardest part. I always thought if I did the "right" things, I would have the financial security, but that just isn't the case anymore.

[liz]

OP, I'm sorry :hug: