Need ideas to help DH with organization

[HIU8]

It's apparent that DH is unable to help himself. We have family plans tonight. DH has known about them for a week. We talked about them last night. This morning (while getting dressed) DH tells me he will be late b/c of a program he is running that will go until 7 or 8 pm. Ok, not the end of the world. The kids and I are still going through with our family plans. HOWEVER, DH does this ALL THE TIME. He has a calendar on his phone that he uses (he just switched from a Trio to a real smartphone) and he puts EVERYTHING on his calendar (and uses the notes section for important info etc...). Yet, he still is not able to keep his schedule straight. He won't do a paper calendar anymore (I function best with a dayminder b/c I can write it down).

If you have experienced this yourself (or your spouse) please share with me tips on how to handle/overcome it. It's been 7 years of "oh I forgot" or completely getting his schedule wrong when he is telling me what he has to do (he is lucky he has never NOT shown up for a program or a meeting). Not to mention the fact that many times we have had to cancel last minute b/c DH forgot something he was already committed to.

[wellyes]

I don't know if it's organization or priorities - he didn't forget the program he's running, right? I don't think that is luck.

[HIU8]

I think it's a little of both. He forgets to let me know his schedule AND he also has forgotten things on his schedule, but he has never missed anything (he might forget on Monday where he has to be on Wednesday and then realize it's actually on Thursday). Either way it's completely annoying and it carries over into other areas. We have an appt this afternoon at DS's school. DH wrote it down and then scheduled on top of it and then canceled what he had scheduled so he could be there.

[Giantbear]

sounds like he has the tools in place, he is just not using them properly. He needs to get in the habit of checking his calendar prior to committing to things to see if there is a conflict. It sounds like he is doing the opposite.

[WatchingThemGrow]

I think we have succEss because we share our google calendars and can see each others calendars, plus MIL's. I would be like your DH all the time. My DH will put family events in the calendar so we can both see them.

[mmommy]

It depends how much this bothers you.

It bothered me a lot, as it made me feel that I was just not a priority to DH. So, several months ago I told him how hurtful it was and insisted that we go to counseling.
In the first appointment I talked about how stressful and hurtful it is to live with someone so disorganized. I talked about how I begged him to set up a gcalendar and to share it with me, and that I wished he would look at my calendars I had already shared with him. About 10 minutes after we were home from that appointment he had it all set up and functioning.
We only had 3 appointments, and haven't felt like we needed to go back (yet)
Getting the stress of this off of my shoulders really helped our marriage.

[BabyBearsMom]

Dh and I share our Google calendars, so I know what he is doing and he knows what I am doing. I also keep a paper calendar in the kitchen with family events on them. That way, there are lots of reminders.

[ellies mom]

Sharing google calenders and then making sure he has them synced to his phone helped us a lot. You need to make sure that the calender you are putting things onto goes directly to the calender that he is referring to and putting thing onto. You may have to set up reminders to help him keep the important things in mind. And you need to make sure that you are seeing his calender so you can say, "Hey, I noticed you scheduled XYZ on this date, are you aware that we already had plans?".

[hillview]

We have a physical calendar on the fridge -- DH is better with physical vs digital. He got an admin which helps. We talk about it daily. However all that, he still just spaces things from time to time.

[BayGirl2]

I think a common mistake is to have multiple calendars - one for work, one for home, a paper one on the refrigerator, etc. A person should only have 1 main calendar where they manage all their personal and business commitments, since both must be balanced. Whether it is paper, electronic, Outlook, Google, etc. is a matter of preference. DH and I both use Outlook for work so for any personal events we send each other an Outlook invite that we can accept or decline. We don't view each other's calendars, and I'm not sure I see that as necessary since we're both adults who must be capable of managing ourselves.

It does sound like the tools are in place but its a matter of process (checking before committing) or prioritization (valuing personal events equal to professional ones). I'd start with a serious conversation about how this affects the family and problem solve about how to avoid it in the future.

[niccig]

I got sick of DH calling me to see if we were free to do something. I got an iPod touch, he has an iPhone. Everything goes into iCal. Now our problem is him syncing it. If it's in the calendar on the desktop (I put it on my iTouch and then sync to the desktop), and DH double books because he didn't sync, then he has to figure out a solution.

He still calls though before committing us to something.

[cuca_]

Another vote for google calendar. We share them so we both can see what the other has scheduled. Once in a while one of us will forget to put something in, but for the most part it works well.