Misuse of stroller (gripe & WWYD)

[amldaley]

UGH! I love living in the military community but we have a younger than average maternal age. We have alot of young moms. Alot.

Today, as I was leaving the hospital, I watched a mom in her early 20's pushing a NEWBORN in a nicer umbrella stroller. The baby was still bleery eyed and squish faced, so no more than a couple of week old. DH and I guessed 8lbs. Slump/squished in the almost upright seat.

I have often seen 3 month olds in $7 umbrella strollers. But this one took the cake. It FLOORED ME. Mom walked along, texting on a smartphone. The stroller was maybe a Chicco. Not being able to afford a reclining stroller is not an excuse....she could have carried the baby in. She is walking from a not huge parking lot, on a sidewalk, in to a building. Carrying the carseat would have been better (and I am so opposed to that).

There are so many classes for free to these women on base, including a "Baby Bootcamp" via New Parent Support Program. SOMEONE should have told her how unacceptable that is!!!!

Would you have said something? Do you think the hospital staff will????? (I doubt it).

[BayGirl2]

So tough. I'm not sure if I would have said something or not. I always want to, but rarely do. The carseat on grocery cart is where I usually have to hold my tongue.

Do those classes actually cover that kind of stuff? Unfortunately in the ones I've been to through various sources they don't cover things like overuse of carseats or what kinds of strollers to consider. They focused on the 5 S's (important but I can watch that video on my own) and swaddling and stuff like that. Very little on proper equipment use.

[waitingforgrace]

No, I would not have said anything. Obviously not the best choice but I'm not going to purport to be the authority on what's best for someone else's child when I know nothing about why they're doing what they are.

FWIW I've seen many parents/caregivers who are not in the "younger than averge maternal age" group using baby equipment incorrectly and I routinely push a stroller and use my smartphone.

[BayGirl2]

No, I would not have said anything. Obviously not the best choice but I'm not going to purport to be the authority on what's best for someone else's child when I know nothing about why they're doing what they are.

FWIW I've seen many parents/caregivers who are not in the "younger than averge maternal age" group using baby equipment incorrectly and I routinely push a stroller and use my smartphone.

I don't think OP was referring to use of the smartphone as the issue. A newborn baby in that position could have serious breathing issues.

OP - I guess one effective way to say something would be to play unsure-Mom and phrase it as a question. Like "oh, is it ok for a small baby to sit upright? I wasn't sure if I could use my umbrella stroller yet?" That would maybe at least encourage her to think/research/ask about it without telling her what to do or sounding authoritative. All new mom's are somewhat unsure of something, so you are kind of bonding on the uncertainty.

[strollerqueen]

I don't think OP was referring to use of the smartphone as the issue. A newborn baby in that position could have serious breathing issues.

OP - I guess one effective way to say something would be to play unsure-Mom and phrase it as a question. Like "oh, is it ok for a small baby to sit upright? I wasn't sure if I could use my umbrella stroller yet?" That would maybe at least encourage her to think/research/ask about it without telling her what to do or sounding authoritative. All new mom's are somewhat unsure of something, so you are kind of bonding on the uncertainty.
I agree. I doing something like this is so egregious that it's dangerous to the baby's health and well-being. SOMEONE has to tell her, for the poor little baby's sake.

[Multimama]

FWIW I've seen many parents/caregivers who are not in the "younger than averge maternal age" group using baby equipment incorrectly and I routinely push a stroller and use my smartphone.

I took the smartphone comment to mean that it was not a case of the mom not being able to afford a more appropriate carrier/stroller option for her baby.

But I do agree that older moms are plenty capable of making baby gear mistakes.

OP, I probably wouldn't have said anything, except to my DH. But I like the PP's suggestion of asking the mom about it inquisitively rather than acting like you know it all. (Young moms probably get that attitude enough!)

[arivecchi]

A relative of mine does this. She stuck both of her kids in a cheapie umbrella with no recline. Awful. I never said anything even though I really wanted to. She also does not know how to use car seats properly. Her kids are always riding with loose harnesses and chest clips in the belly. It's a train wreck, but I know she would be furious if I said anything.

I like PP's suggestion though of posing an "innocent" question.

[BayGirl2]

I like PP's suggestion though of posing an "innocent" question.

Actually read that suggestion in Dr. Sears "Attachment Parenting" book, which I was reading while BF'ing last night. Seems like a good idea in general, although I hate when people play dumb in non-parenting situations.

[swissair81]

I'm going to be perfectly honest about a huge fault of mine. I hate when people, be it random strangers or my mother/mil tell me what I'm doing wrong with my parentlng. My way of not having a temper tantrum at them is to totally ignore them. I admit it's a fault, but it's been fined tuned by having a relative who shakes her head in disbelief when I insist on syringe feeding my newborn who refuses to latch on, and another one who purses her lips everytime she asks me if I'm still nursing my 14 month old, and yet another who thinks I'm nuts that I prefer to wear my baby and not use a snap n go. So I just don't listen anymore, and I could imagine that if this mother felt criticized, she might do the same.

[poohbear]

I'm going to be perfectly honest about a huge fault of mine. I hate when people, be it random strangers or my mother/mil tell me what I'm doing wrong with my parentlng. My way of not having a temper tantrum at them is to totally ignore them. I admit it's a fault, but it's been fined tuned by having a relative who shakes her head in disbelief when I insist on syringe feeding my newborn who refuses to latch on, and another one who purses her lips everytime she asks me if I'm still nursing my 14 month old, and yet another who thinks I'm nuts that I prefer to wear my baby and not use a snap n go. So I just don't listen anymore, and I could imagine that if this mother felt criticized, she might do the same.

:yeahthat: I am the same way. If a stranger said something to me, I would be pretty annoyed and completely ignore anything they said. If it was someone I knew, I might make a gentle comment, but otherwise I would probably say nothing...

[roseyloxs]

I'm going to be perfectly honest about a huge fault of mine. I hate when people, be it random strangers or my mother/mil tell me what I'm doing wrong with my parentlng. My way of not having a temper tantrum at them is to totally ignore them. I admit it's a fault, but it's been fined tuned by having a relative who shakes her head in disbelief when I insist on syringe feeding my newborn who refuses to latch on, and another one who purses her lips everytime she asks me if I'm still nursing my 14 month old, and yet another who thinks I'm nuts that I prefer to wear my baby and not use a snap n go. So I just don't listen anymore, and I could imagine that if this mother felt criticized, she might do the same.

:bighand: First off I have to say YAY for extended breastfeeding. Love it. DD still hasn't given up the boob juice either. Secondly I think spending hours reading and researching gives us the right to ignore dissent from those who haven't bothered. Especially if they have no interest in starting a dialogue.

To the OP I probably wouldn't have said anything but I do wish I would have the guts to. Almost seems like a scenario they could use on that show What Would You Do?

[Multimama]

I'm going to be perfectly honest about a huge fault of mine. I hate when people, be it random strangers or my mother/mil tell me what I'm doing wrong with my parentlng. My way of not having a temper tantrum at them is to totally ignore them. I admit it's a fault, but it's been fined tuned by having a relative who shakes her head in disbelief when I insist on syringe feeding my newborn who refuses to latch on, and another one who purses her lips everytime she asks me if I'm still nursing my 14 month old, and yet another who thinks I'm nuts that I prefer to wear my baby and not use a snap n go. So I just don't listen anymore, and I could imagine that if this mother felt criticized, she might do the same.

Okay, I have thought more about this now. I don't think the innocent question thing really works. When I was in Europe and babywearing in the winter older people would sometimes ask me, "Isn't he cold?" It was such a dumb question. It's like, well, obviously if he thought he was cold I would fix the situation! Asking the mom if it was okay to put a baby that age in an umbrella stroller would probably get the same reaction. Obviously if she thought it wasn't okay she wouldn't be doing it.

I was alternately annoyed/amused by these questions and I didn't really think they impacted my parenting, but then again I did eventually find a better solution to keep my son warm, so maybe they made an impact.

[BabyBearsMom]

I'm going to be perfectly honest about a huge fault of mine. I hate when people, be it random strangers or my mother/mil tell me what I'm doing wrong with my parentlng. My way of not having a temper tantrum at them is to totally ignore them. I admit it's a fault, but it's been fined tuned by having a relative who shakes her head in disbelief when I insist on syringe feeding my newborn who refuses to latch on, and another one who purses her lips everytime she asks me if I'm still nursing my 14 month old, and yet another who thinks I'm nuts that I prefer to wear my baby and not use a snap n go. So I just don't listen anymore, and I could imagine that if this mother felt criticized, she might do the same.


:yeahthat: I am the same way. If a stranger said something to me, I would be pretty annoyed and completely ignore anything they said. If it was someone I knew, I might make a gentle comment, but otherwise I would probably say nothing...


:yeahthat: My pet peeve is the mommy drive by. Even when I think someone is doing something awful (little babies who aren't RF'ing; car seats in carts; excessive snap n' go use etc.) I bite my tongue. I have a MIL who criticizes every parenting decision I make and it makes me sensitive to it. I always think that we are all doing the best that we can as mothers and pointing out mistakes we are making just makes it harder. For all you know, the woman might have an older child and accidentally took the car with the wrong stroller in it. Got to the hospital and said "Oh crap, I can't carry the baby this far, I don't use an infant car seat, and I don't have the right stroller" and just had to make it work with what she had.

If a friend asks my opinion on something, I will share my thoughts, but I would never give advice like that unsolicited. I remember once, wearing DD in an Ergo and a woman came up to me and told me I was suffocating the baby against my chest and I should "save up my money" and buy "one of those nice baby bjorns so she can see!" I was pretty livid. I wanted to tell her to save her money and buy some manners.

[swissair81]

I remember once, wearing DD in an Ergo and a woman came up to me and told me I was suffocating the baby against my chest and I should "save up my money" and buy "one of those nice baby bjorns so she can see!" I was pretty livid. I wanted to tell her to save her money and buy some manners.

OMG, really? How obnoxious is that.

[mom3boys]

My mom just said to me last week "you're STILL breastfeeding?" DS is 3 months old.

Even what seem like innocent comments drive me crazy. DS was fussing a little at the grocery store, some lady was like "someBODY's hungry!" I had of course purposely fed him right before going to the store to avoid having to stop and BF. I was like "actually, he just ate." So she said he must need a new diaper. No, he had a clean diaper. Sometimes little babies fuss!

So to the OP, I probably wouldn't have said anything. Even with my friends, I usually keep my mouth shut unless they ask me for advice (I was among the first of my friends to have kids, so they do ask for advice and benefit from my previous mistakes!)

[BabyBearsMom]

OMG, really? How obnoxious is that.

Um yeah, it was pretty freaking obnoxious

[roseyloxs]

No one ever says crap like this to me. I must just give off that B vibe so the crazies keep their distance.

[amldaley]

No, I would not have said anything. Obviously not the best choice but I'm not going to purport to be the authority on what's best for someone else's child when I know nothing about why they're doing what they are.

FWIW I've seen many parents/caregivers who are not in the "younger than averge maternal age" group using baby equipment incorrectly and I routinely push a stroller and use my smartphone.

My point re: the smartphone was that she could afford the phone and a data plan, so being able to afford a stroller with a proper recline was not an issue.

[amldaley]

I'm going to be perfectly honest about a huge fault of mine. I hate when people, be it random strangers or my mother/mil tell me what I'm doing wrong with my parentlng. My way of not having a temper tantrum at them is to totally ignore them. I admit it's a fault, but it's been fined tuned by having a relative who shakes her head in disbelief when I insist on syringe feeding my newborn who refuses to latch on, and another one who purses her lips everytime she asks me if I'm still nursing my 14 month old, and yet another who thinks I'm nuts that I prefer to wear my baby and not use a snap n go. So I just don't listen anymore, and I could imagine that if this mother felt criticized, she might do the same.

We syringe fed DD much to our families dismay, too. And they were sooooooo happy when DD weaned at 14 months, so I do understand that. But in those instances, you actually know, for a FACT, that your choices are actually BETTER than what they are suggesting, that you provided a HEALTHIER choice for your child. In the instance of the stroller, it had to be either lack of information or a clear decision not to care. Neither could be said of your BFing decisions.

I would never have said something to her in a mean or harsh way.

[amldaley]

My mom just said to me last week "you're STILL breastfeeding?" DS is 3 months old.

This made me laugh out loud. Your mother and my mother are totally in the same camp. When DD was about 2 or 3 months old, we were out of town to see a Pedi-Ortho for her. I was sitting in the parking lot of a shopping center nursing in the car. DD was never a fast nurser, so that usually took 30 minutes, plus dealing with her in a pavlik harness, etc. My mother sat out on a bench and struck up a conversation with a man in his 60's and they sat there co-misterating about how much time they had to waste sitting around while their dauhgters breastfed. Back in their day, they didn't do such things. (He had just returned from visiting his newborn grandchild). My mother routinely made me want to rip my own ears off my head just so I could not hear her complain about breastfeeding.

That said, I still purport that a breastfeeding choice is the opposite b/c you KNOW you are making a good decision based on medical fact vs the stroller usage.

The baby was positely squished. The only thing holding her upper body up was her lower body.

[amldaley]

So tough. I'm not sure if I would have said something or not. I always want to, but rarely do. The carseat on grocery cart is where I usually have to hold my tongue.

Do those classes actually cover that kind of stuff? Unfortunately in the ones I've been to through various sources they don't cover things like overuse of carseats or what kinds of strollers to consider. They focused on the 5 S's (important but I can watch that video on my own) and swaddling and stuff like that. Very little on proper equipment use.

Yes - they do. I have taken then class myself. It is a two day class that covers everything from carseat installation to crying to cpr.

[amldaley]

I don't think OP was referring to use of the smartphone as the issue. A newborn baby in that position could have serious breathing issues.

OP - I guess one effective way to say something would be to play unsure-Mom and phrase it as a question. Like "oh, is it ok for a small baby to sit upright? I wasn't sure if I could use my umbrella stroller yet?" That would maybe at least encourage her to think/research/ask about it without telling her what to do or sounding authoritative. All new mom's are somewhat unsure of something, so you are kind of bonding on the uncertainty.


I agree. I doing something like this is so egregious that it's dangerous to the baby's health and well-being. SOMEONE has to tell her, for the poor little baby's sake.

I could have gone that route - thanks for the suggestion. I just can't get this little baby out of my head for some reason!!!!!

[BayGirl2]

We syringe fed DD much to our families dismay, too. And they were sooooooo happy when DD weaned at 14 months, so I do understand that. But in those instances, you actually know, for a FACT, that your choices are actually BETTER than what they are suggesting, that you provided a HEALTHIER choice for your child. In the instance of the stroller, it had to be either lack of information or a clear decision not to care. Neither could be said of your BFing decisions.

I would never have said something to her in a mean or harsh way.

I do agree there's a difference between making educated parental choices that others may not agree with and not being aware of a potential danger. I mean, if you see a child in imminent danger (drowning, in front of a car) you help out, right? You'd have to assess if the situation was truly imminently dangerous for the baby.

I've also received comments about the baby being cold, or hungry, etc. I just have babies that cry sometimes! But usually those are well meaning people so I'm annoyed but write it off.

[longtallsally05]

UGH! I love living in the military community but we have a younger than average maternal age. We have alot of young moms. Alot.

Today, as I was leaving the hospital, I watched a mom in her early 20's pushing a NEWBORN in a nicer umbrella stroller....

I have often seen 3 month olds in $7 umbrella strollers. But this one took the cake. It FLOORED ME. Mom walked along, texting on a smartphone. The stroller was maybe a Chicco. Not being able to afford a reclining stroller is not an excuse....she could have carried the baby in....

There are so many classes for free to these women on base, including a "Baby Bootcamp" via New Parent Support Program. SOMEONE should have told her how unacceptable that is!!!!

Would you have said something? Do you think the hospital staff will????? (I doubt it).

UGH! That sounds incredibly frustrating. I hear you about the things I have seen on military bases. I'd have felt the same way (that she should have known better, since military bases routinely offer free, well-publicized parenting education and family support seminars and home visits from new parent support programs), but I probably wouldn't have said anything despite wanting to do so. DH is totally paranoid about being perceived as a snooty officer with a be-yotch for a wife.

My first impression of the food court at our latest assignment was "Yep, I should have known". There was a dad & mom (who looked like teenagers), sitting with a Coach purse (probably a couple hundred bucks @ the PX) on the table, and a sleeping baby in a no-recline, cheapie umbrella stroller. While mom was chowing down, she had the stroller tipped backwards so the handles rested on her leg...wheels on the ground. It didn't look like there were any brakes to engage (nor do I think she would have used brakes if she had them). If the mom had jostled her leg just a tiny bit, the stroller would have rolled off her leg and the baby would have smacked her head on the tile floor. WTH wouldn't they spend less $$$ on the purse and buy a stroller with recline so as to avoid potential skull fractures? They clearly had enough $ to spend on (several visible) tatoos (for both dad & mom) as well as that stupid purse. I wanted to say something, but DH was mortified and asked me to refrain. Sometimes military people are such dumb@$$es when it comes to their priorities (and I can say that because we are a military family too). If they conform to the other stereotypes too, they would own a motorcycle, an awesome video gaming system and a large, flat screen TV.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

:yeahthat: My pet peeve is the mommy drive by. Even when I think someone is doing something awful (little babies who aren't RF'ing; car seats in carts; excessive snap n' go use etc.) I bite my tongue. I have a MIL who criticizes every parenting decision I make and it makes me sensitive to it. I always think that we are all doing the best that we can as mothers and pointing out mistakes we are making just makes it harder. For all you know, the woman might have an older child and accidentally took the car with the wrong stroller in it. Got to the hospital and said "Oh crap, I can't carry the baby this far, I don't use an infant car seat, and I don't have the right stroller" and just had to make it work with what she had.

If a friend asks my opinion on something, I will share my thoughts, but I would never give advice like that unsolicited. I remember once, wearing DD in an Ergo and a woman came up to me and told me I was suffocating the baby against my chest and I should "save up my money" and buy "one of those nice baby bjorns so she can see!" I was pretty livid. I wanted to tell her to save her money and buy some manners.

:yeahthat:

i agree.

it really gets me when i see babies practically levitating in their carseats resting on shopping carts (talk about fall hazard). or i see pics of babies on Facebook, sitting in Bumbo seats on a kitchen counter (!!) ..makes me cringe. Though i try to bite my tongue, because I'm sure in other ways i make "bad" decisions as a mom (i let my kid eat french fries every now and then) and i'd be annoyed if someone tried to lecture me on what i should feed my own kids.

that's crazy about the Bjorn comment. so far no one has really given me any comments like that, except for a large number of people comment on my DS sucking his thumb (he's not even 2). I pretty much just ignore it.

[mjs64]

My first impression of the food court at our latest assignment was "Yep, I should have known". There was a dad & mom (who looked like teenagers), sitting with a Coach purse (probably a couple hundred bucks @ the PX) on the table, and a sleeping baby in a no-recline, cheapie umbrella stroller. While mom was chowing down, she had the stroller tipped backwards so the handles rested on her leg...wheels on the ground. It didn't look like there were any brakes to engage (nor do I think she would have used brakes if she had them). If the mom had jostled her leg just a tiny bit, the stroller would have rolled off her leg and the baby would have smacked her head on the tile floor. WTH wouldn't they spend less $$$ on the purse and buy a stroller with recline so as to avoid potential skull fractures? They clearly had enough $ to spend on (several visible) tatoos (for both dad & mom) as well as that stupid purse. I wanted to say something, but DH was mortified and asked me to refrain. Sometimes military people are such dumb@$$es when it comes to their priorities (and I can say that because we are a military family too). If they conform to the other stereotypes too, they would own a motorcycle, an awesome video gaming system and a large, flat screen TV.

I'm sorry, but I really disagree with judging what people can afford, and thus whether or not they have their priorities in order, by observing their apparent possessions. The purse could have been a gift. The smartphone (in the OP) could have been an SO's or IL's. Also, priorities change. My DH spent a lot of money on (beautiful, IMO) tattoos in his early twenties, and, guess what--they are permanent. He has different priorities now.

I agree that both of those stroller situations are unsafe, but you really don't know how much people have and what they can/cannot afford by just looking.

[blackiris]

I think the unsure mom idea is a good one. I've done that before and you can say it in a way that will not be offensive. Listen, we've all gotten stupid advice from lots of people but once or twice, I've checked the baby and she actually WAS cold. Either it'll help or it won't but worst case scenario is she'll think you're a know it all. IMHO

[longtallsally05]

I'm sorry, but I really disagree with judging what people can afford, and thus whether or not they have their priorities in order, by observing their apparent possessions. The purse could have been a gift. The smartphone (in the OP) could have been an SO's or IL's. Also, priorities change. My DH spent a lot of money on (beautiful, IMO) tattoos in his early twenties, and, guess what--they are permanent. He has different priorities now.

I agree that both of those stroller situations are unsafe, but you really don't know how much people have and what they can/cannot afford by just looking.

Believe me, if you spend some time living on/around military bases and you'll meet plenty of people who don't have two nickles to rub together, but own lots of cool stuff most of which they purchased at the PX. It is an astounding, but very real phenomenon that many people spend money on stuff they want instead of things their children need. It is a mind-set. One example: I actually had a friend (married to an officer, owner of two nice cars, leather furniture, a large flat screen TV and lots of beautiful artwork & knick nacks, all of which they paid for), lament the fact that because of our husbands' flight pay, we just exceeded the income cut-off to qualify for WIC because WIC was "a good way to save money". I had to tell her that WIC isn't a vacation travel savings plan or a student-loan forgiveness program, that WIC is for people who have financial difficulties which prevent them from providing adequate nutrition for for their young children or themselves (in short, people who need it). That incident really made me think less of my friend.

[mjs64]

Believe me, if you spend some time living on/around military bases and you'll meet plenty of people who don't have two nickles to rub together, but own lots of cool stuff most of which they purchased at the PX. It is an astounding, but very real phenomenon that many people spend money on stuff they want instead of things their children need. It is a mind-set. One example: I actually had a friend (married to an officer, owner of two nice cars, leather furniture, a large flat screen TV and lots of beautiful artwork & knick nacks, all of which they paid for), lament the fact that because of our husbands' flight pay, we just exceeded the income cut-off to qualify for WIC because WIC was "a good way to save money". I had to tell her that WIC isn't a vacation travel savings plan or a student-loan forgiveness program, that WIC is for people who have financial difficulties which prevent them from providing adequate nutrition for for their young children or themselves (in short, people who need it). That incident really made me think less of my friend.

It's true that I have no experience when it comes to military bases. My point was meant to be more general, and to apply to OP's comment about the smartphone as well. Yes, it's unlikely she didn't purchase it and doesn't pay for a monthly data plan. I just try to give the benefit of the doubt. I understand what you mean, and I would be disappointed in your friend as well. I just try to avoid determining what the general population can and can't afford by glancing at what they appear to have. It sounds like you have more information than I thought. And again, back to the OP, both stroller situations--the one you describe and the one she did--sound awful. I don't think I would have said anything in either case, but I would have had to bite my tongue.

[Nooknookmom]

I have said something before and would do it again, it could be a spinal or breathing issue. She probably did'nt have a clue. I approach VERY carefully and always politely. Doesn't mean they always follow the advice or appreciate it!

[Melaine]

I get the point of your OP, but I can't help but bristle at the comment about young moms. Many young moms are perfectly capable and incredibly informed parents, and there are just as many older mothers who don't make the best choices for their children, for whatever reason.

I was/am a young mom but I would never say, "I love living in my neighborhood, but we have a lot of older moms. A lot." as if being "older" is automatically a bad thing. I just find the tone of your OP offensive.