I can't say anything - can I?

[roobee]

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[MamaMolly]

Do not say a word. SIL has been having him tested, she's aware something is off. It is NOT your place to say anything unless you are asked. And then you should still stay out of it.

If your therapist SIL thinks it is such a great idea to tell mom then SHE can be the one to start the family feud.

[roobee]

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[karstmama]

*if* you decide to - and not may be a valid option - i might just commiserate a bit about the testing so far not really pinpointing anything and suggest a behavioral or developmental pediatrician. you'd not be suggesting diagnoses, just someone who might be able to make one, ya know?

[crayonblue]

Well, I've been the one to point out to friends when I think there is something that needs addressing with their children. It doesn't always go over well, ha. But, I've decided that life is too short to pansy around and not help people.

Whenever I start stressing about a confrontation about anything, DH asks if I care enough about the person to deal with the aftermath. If I do, then I go ahead and stick my neck out.

The key is discretion and phrasing your concerns in a gentle manner.

Not saying that you should or shouldn't. But, sometimes kids do need an advocate when their parents just can't see what is going on. I WISH someone had butted in on a few childhood issues that my parents ignored.

[Gena]

There are ways you can talk about it, but your SIL has to be open to the conversation.

Here's a story that may or may not help you:

DS was diagnosed with autism a week after he turned 3. We did not immediately share this information with many people, because we needed some time to live with it. A few weeks later, several of DH's relatives were visiting from out of state and BIL host a big BBQ for everyone. During the BBQ, I noticed a couple of the out-of-town relatives watching DS closely. Later Aunt M and I were chatting about her visit. She said how nice it was to see everyone's kids and how much they had grown. She talked bout how big DS was getting, how cute he was, how smart and intense he seemed. Then she very gently said "He reminds me so much of a boy we know at our church. But that boy has, have you ever heard of Asperger's?" I told Aunt M that I had and that DS had recently been diagnosed with a high-functioning form of autism. I could see the relief wash over her face. We talked about the therapies DS was getting and his special needs preschool.

I was so touched that Aunt M had been concerned enough to have that conversation and by her gentle approach. I really appreciated that she came to me directly instead of talking to my SILs or other family members about it. Of course, I was open to the conversation because we had just been through the long diagnostic process (5 months). But Aunt M had no way of knowing that, so she was really taking a risk by raising the issue. We are not particularly close to her, but I have a special place in my heart for her because of this.


MamaMolly - thank you for that. I think I know that I can't say anything, but it is just HARD sometimes. I feel bad because I know they hit their insurance deductible this year and any additional screening would be covered by insurance.


Don't assume that the testing would be covered by insurance. That depends o the laws of your state and the details of her policy. In states where coverage for autism testing and services is not mandated by law, it usually falls under mental health. A lot of insurance policies do not have adequate mental health coverage. They often cover some psychological services, but may not cover psychological testing. It's very frustrating.

[nmosur]

Are you close enough to the Dad to bring it up with him or can your DH bring it up with the Dad.

[California]

Since you are close to SIL, have you tried asking her about her concerns for her DS? Let her lead the way. You may find a natural opening to bring up a screening or find out she's already thinking about one. I think the way the PP's aunt brought it up, "he reminds me of another kid..." is a very gentle way to approach it. I would encourage both SILs to talk directly to each other.

[mackmama]

There are ways you can talk about it, but your SIL has to be open to the conversation.

Here's a story that may or may not help you:

DS was diagnosed with autism a week after he turned 3. We did not immediately share this information with many people, because we needed some time to live with it. A few weeks later, several of DH's relatives were visiting from out of state and BIL host a big BBQ for everyone. During the BBQ, I noticed a couple of the out-of-town relatives watching DS closely. Later Aunt M and I were chatting about her visit. She said how nice it was to see everyone's kids and how much they had grown. She talked bout how big DS was getting, how cute he was, how smart and intense he seemed. Then she very gently said "He reminds me so much of a boy we know at our church. But that boy has, have you ever heard of Asperger's?" I told Aunt M that I had and that DS had recently been diagnosed with a high-functioning form of autism. I could see the relief wash over her face. We talked about the therapies DS was getting and his special needs preschool.

I was so touched that Aunt M had been concerned enough to have that conversation and by her gentle approach. I really appreciated that she came to me directly instead of talking to my SILs or other family members about it. Of course, I was open to the conversation because we had just been through the long diagnostic process (5 months). But Aunt M had no way of knowing that, so she was really taking a risk by raising the issue. We are not particularly close to her, but I have a special place in my heart for her because of this.

What a nice and gentle approach. I actually think it's okay to broach the subject in a way such as this. She might welcome the input, and you'll be able to tell pretty quickly if you bring it up.