School placement issue...LONG

[HIU8]

DS's school (a private) had DH and I come in to meet with the teachers and the education coordinator, OT, ST, head of lower school, lower school counselor. They do this for all new students. They wanted to gain more insight into DS outside of school to go along with what they are learning about him during school. Here is what it boils down to:

They definitely see his ADHD (innatentive) issues during the day. DS self regulates by making noises (or making up silly words and repeating them to himself). He often looks like he is bored or spaced out and turns around a lot (although, when something concerns him directly he can really pay attention). Our outside OT talked with the teachers and they mentioned it helped a lot. They also said that DS academically is doing really well (and that some of the material has been repetitive for him since he is the oldest in the class at almost 7). They said over and over again how DS is the only one who knows certain things (even though most of the kids in the class are 6--so they had been held back as well).

What DH and I came away with was that K may not be the best placement for DS. DS has told us both this year and last year that he is bored (not all the time, but does get bored with some of the work).

First, DS is starting meds for ADHD.

Second, DH and I are going to be requesting that DS be moved to 1st grade for at least part of the day to see how he does with the goal of ending up in 1st grade for this school year. I feel like the team we met with alluded to this but never really said it. I know at this school (even though I'm paying for it, I still will have to really fight to get what I think DS needs).

We feel like we need to give DS the chance to see if he was placed wrong these last 2 years. It has honestly been our feeling from the start. Several professionals "guided" us in this direction and our feeling is that prior to the ADHD diagnosis DS abilities were masked and he was labeled as immature. However, if it doesn't work, he will simply just go back to K.

So, WWYD? Are we overthinking this? is it to late to change things if they truly need to be changed?

[Kindra178]

I am not a teacher or professional in this field. So you can take my advice with a grain of salt. I see no reason not to try him in first grade. I am thinking that if he is bored in K that may cause more behavior problems. I also think your parental instinct is telling you to do this so you should follow it. First grade with the proper supports may be exactly what he needs (based on your previous posts, it seems your school has good support).

[SnuggleBuggles]

It sounds like my ds, who has an ADD dx. We put him through per his age and he is one of the youngest in his grade bc he is a summer boy. There are things about him that never will/ would get better by holding him back. He is at the top of the class in math and near in reading; academics are not an issue. Organization and focus are his challenges. I am happy that we didn't hold him back because he is where he needs to be academically and the other stuff is just always going to be a challenge. So, I would suggest that you also consider going to 1st as soon as you can.

Beth

[HIU8]

I really feel the need to fight the school on this issue. DS has a November Bday (our cutoff is September 1st), so in K he is the absolute oldest and even in 1st he would be one of the oldest b/c of a fall bday. Without age brought into it, DS has matured A LOT between the initial school visit and now. He is happy at the school and is a leader in his class, but I think he still would be in 1st as well. DH and I are composing a letter tonight. We will send it Thursday most likely (we want to reread it tomorrow and make any changes etc...).

[quinnsmom]

As a 13 year teacher and someone who has worked at a private school for the last 4 years I say you are right to fight for what you want for your child. Private schools are a business. You are paying them to educate your child. If you want him in first grade and there isn't a teacher who is seriously against it - then tell them that is your goal. Be direct - tell them your plan and ask them what they think the best way is to carry out the plan - like you expect and KNOW that they will do everything they can to help your son reach the intended goal. I find that parents who know what they want for their child and work with the school to make it happen - its a win-win situation.

ETA - try and get in to meet with the Head of Lower School as soon as possible after you send the letter. Maybe ask for a meeting time in the letter?

[HIU8]

Here is the letter we plan to send (with names etc... left out). Any feedback:

Mr. X,

Thank you for coordinating the meeting on Tuesday to share information and insights into DS's progress at SCHOOL. We found the session and comments very enlightening and reassuring. We hope that we were able to offer you insights into DS outside of school as well.

After hearing everyone’s comments regarding academics and the consideration that it appears that he gets bored during the day, we would like to request DS be placed in the first grade for at least part of the day (eventually leading to a full day placement). We understand that some of this “boredom” may be a result of the ADHD. However, DS has mentioned that he is bored at school at times. We feel that he may need the challenge and would like to see him given the opportunity.

As we mentioned during the session, DS will be starting meds for ADHD. We are working with a developmental pediatrician who made the initial diagnosis and will be monitoring DS.

Please let us know what the team thinks of our request. We are open to any and all discussion.

Sincerely,
HIU8

[jse107]

He needs to be moved to first. He should be with age-level peers doing work that is novel for him. I think your letter is good, however I would be a bit more insistent that you would like him in first. If it were me, I would not focus on the boredom so much, rather that he needs some novel things presented with peers who can discuss these things with him. It may be great that he's a leader and gets "it", but he needs to have kids to learn from too.

[HIU8]

I agree. I have always agreed, but deferred to the "professionals". My only concern is that he will be behind in some areas as he has not had the full K instruction yet. My answer to that has always been tutoring (or starting him at a lower level in first and giving him the opportunity to catch up).

[HIU8]

I changed the letter I'm writing to DS's school. Just wanted some opinions.

Dear Head of Lower School,


Thank you for attending the meeting on Tuesday to share information and insights into DS’s progress at SCHOOL. We found the session and comments very enlightening and reassuring. We hope that we were able to offer you insights into DS outside of school as well.

After hearing everyone’s comments regarding academics and the consideration that it appears that he gets bored during the day, we would like to request DS be placed in the first grade for at least part of the day to start (leading to a full-day placement).

We understand that some of this “boredom” may be a result of the ADHD. However, we feel that we have done a disservice to DS by placing him in kindergarten this year. We have been speaking with DS and he has also mentioned to us that he is bored at school at times. We feel that he needs to be challenged with novel concepts presented to him and peers to discuss these with, and that placement in an age appropriate first grade class would be better for him. We intend, as you know, to continue to provide supports for DS in the form of speech and OT (with the addition of medication for ADHD).


Please let us know how we can all make a transition to 1st grade happen. We are open to any and all discussion.


Sincerely,
DH and I

[WatchingThemGrow]

Changing some of the "bored" comments to "needs a higher level" or "to gain more advanced skills" may sound better. A teacher who comes across this may bristle with the idea that her class is boring.

[HIU8]

Thanks.

I reread and am changing how I said that. One of his teachers did use the word bored (saying she thought he was bored with the work), so I am using it (since they already did). I did change the rest of the letter to look more positive rather than focusing on the negative though.

[egoldber]

If it were me, I would emphasize "a more age appropriate academic placement".

[Kindra178]

If it were me, I would emphasize "a more age appropriate academic placement".

Agreed.