Baby Shower - WWYD? Warning, Mini Rant

[hoodlims]

I am so undecided about what to do in this situation.

My best friend is having a baby shower for her second baby next month. We had our first babies around the same time, and our seconds are due in the same week. Our babes will be just about 2 years apart.

The baby shower is 3 hours away from my house and scheduled on the same day that I made a long awaited hair appointment. I know it seems really lame, but I am a SAHM with absolutely no time to get away to pamper myself. My last hair appointment was before I got pregnant, and I scheduled this hair appointment right before I am due to give birth because I don't know when I will ever be able to go again.

So my conundrum is this: I missed her first baby shower because I was out of the country. I don't really want to go to this baby shower because of the scheduling conflict and length of trip. But my in laws live in the same city her baby shower is, so it wouldn't be a 6 hour round trip in just one day. To top it all off, I am a little annoyed that she is having a second huge baby shower just 2 years after having the first one, and with a HUGE registry to boot! Is it just me, or is it poor etiquette, considering the fact that she already has everything from the first go around?

What would you do? Decline (even though I missed her first) and just send a gift? What excuse can I give (the hair one seems lame)? Or suck it up and go, even if it means making an ENTIRE weekend out of it (we would have to leave home Fri night, and return Sun afternoon)?

[mjs64]

I think the distance and your due date are excuse enough! Don't go. Send a gift from the huge registry, and get your hair done!

[TwinFoxes]

If the person I considered my BEST friend was having a shower, I'd go, especially since I missed the first one. But I would also tell my best friend if I thought she was making a huge etiquette breach, and I hope she'd do the same for me.

[ha98ed14]

I think the distance and your due date are excuse enough! Don't go. Send a gift from the huge registry, and get your hair done!

:yeahthat: I don't think you need to mention the hair appt. That sounds petty. I would make it about the time and the distance. FWIW, I think it's tacky, but I would just keep that to myself.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Why can't you reschedule your hair appointment again?

I'm surprised that she has a shower scheduled so close to when she is due.

Beth

[JTsMom]

I am so undecided about what to do in this situation.

My best friend is having a baby shower for her second baby next month. We had our first babies around the same time, and our seconds are due in the same week. Our babes will be just about 2 years apart.

The baby shower is 3 hours away from my house and scheduled on the same day that I made a long awaited hair appointment. I know it seems really lame, but I am a SAHM with absolutely no time to get away to pamper myself. My last hair appointment was before I got pregnant, and I scheduled this hair appointment right before I am due to give birth because I don't know when I will ever be able to go again.

So my conundrum is this: I missed her first baby shower because I was out of the country. I don't really want to go to this baby shower because of the scheduling conflict and length of trip. But my in laws live in the same city her baby shower is, so it wouldn't be a 6 hour round trip in just one day. To top it all off, I am a little annoyed that she is having a second huge baby shower just 2 years after having the first one, and with a HUGE registry to boot! Is it just me, or is it poor etiquette, considering the fact that she already has everything from the first go around?

What would you do? Decline (even though I missed her first) and just send a gift? What excuse can I give (the hair one seems lame)? Or suck it up and go, even if it means making an ENTIRE weekend out of it (we would have to leave home Fri night, and return Sun afternoon)?

I wouldn't want to be three hours away from home right before my due date, especially with a second baby.

[sunshine873]

How close to due date is it? My insurance wouldn't have let me travel 3 hours away from home within a month of my due date. Maybe your Dr feels the same way???

I personally wouldn't go. I think the fact that you're pregnant to is enough reason to not want to sit in a car for that long - send a gift & I simple I'm sorry I couldn't make it. Then go get your hair done & enjoy the day!

[nfowife]

For my best friend I'd go. And in terms of etiquette, maybe a family member really wanted to have a shower for her so she is going along with it.
I would reschedule your hair and go to the shower. I'd be hurt if my BFF missed a party for me to get her hair done.

[WolfpackMom]

I wouldn't miss anything of my best friend's for a hair appointment. That being said, if its really close to your due date, like within a month, I wouldn't travel that far from my Dr/hospital - but I had a lot of issues at the end of my pregnancy with DS so that colors my view.

As far as etiquette, yeah I think its tacky, but that wouldn't stop me from going and celebrating and supporting my friend.

[Green_Tea]

If it is within 3-4 weeks of your due date, I would not go. I wouldn't mention the hair appointment, just that your Dr. is not comfortable with not letting you travel that close to your due date. Send a great gift and a huge flower arrangement with your regrets.

ETA: if we're talking more like 6-8 weeks before your DD, I think you should reschedule your hair appt and go.

[luckytwenty]

I'd go unless it was when you were 37+ weeks or you have a difficult pregnancy or reason to believe you'd go into labor early. I can see why you're annoyed by this, and I would be, too, but if she is truly your best friend, you kind of have to suck it up and show up. It might not be her "fault" that the shower is elaborate but rather the choices of the people throwing the party--and if you know you're having a huge shower, it does make sense to register for it. Sorry!

[Pear]

My reality is that it is next to impossible to arrange childcare for something like a hair appointment. If I wanted to reschedule I probably would just end up having to skip the haircut for another month or two. Coming from that perspective, I would just send a gift to your friend and keep your plans.

[swissair81]

Once I hit 36 weeks or so, I don't travel more than an hour from home. Even within that timeframe, I try and have my activities be closer to the hospital than further away. My hospital is 40 minutes from my house, so I'm a little paranoid.

[MamaMolly]

I think the distance and your due date are excuse enough! Don't go. Send a gift from the huge registry, and get your hair done!

Go do something nice for yourself. This is going to be the last chance to do it for a while, and I think you should enjoy it thoroughly. No guilt.

I don't even think your due date is an issue. I personally would not want to sit in a car for 3 hours when even 30 minutes pregnant! Nor visit my inlaws for a weekend. Blech. Go get pretty and HAVE FUN!

[hoodlims]

I know i seem totally petty, that is why I hate this situation! FYI, I am due exactly one month after the baby shower, but it has been a super easy pregnancy. I couldn't schedule my hair appt any other day, because we had family engagements and stuff leading up to Thanksgiving. Basically, that was my only free weekend.

[AnnieW625]

In our area second showers are extremely popular ESP. If you already know the sex of the baby. Prior to having DD2 I went to 4 showers for single 2nd babies and 2 for twins as seconds. No one offered to host a shower for my DD2 in my circle of friends and my girls are 4 years apart, not 2 or 3, which seemed to be the norm for those second babies. We didn't find out the sex of our baby so that could've been the reason or maybe those friends weren't as close as I thought. With that said my feelings were hurt so I totally get why you are annoyed with the second shower.

Now with that said I think I'd keep your hair appt. and send a gift unless you really think you'll be stepping on too many toes by not going.

[BabyBearsMom]

I would go to the shower. I have two best friends and I would do anything to be with them during their important times even if it caused significant inconvenience for myself. I know they would do the same.

I also don't think that having a second shower is tacky at all. I think that every baby deserves to be celebrated. I would probably buy a different gift, but I wouldn't spend less money on the second baby than I did on the first.

[ezcc]

I would not go. 3 hours is a long way to drive- I think in the grand scheme of things it will not be as big a deal for her to have you miss it as it would be for you to try and make it. I am having a 3rd baby long after I gave everything away from my 1st and 2nd babies- a friend is giving me a shower which I appreciate but I certainly would not want even a close friend to have to make sacrifices (or even drive more than 20 min!) to attend.

[MMMommy]

If it is within 3-4 weeks of your due date, I would not go. I wouldn't mention the hair appointment, just that your Dr. is not comfortable with not letting you travel that close to your due date. Send a great gift and a huge flower arrangement with your regrets.

ETA: if we're talking more like 6-8 weeks before your DD, I think you should reschedule your hair appt and go.

:yeahthat:

[tiapam]

i would not go to the shower. if you don't get your hair done, you will be going through the holidays with bad hair! for me, the three hour one way drive is the deal breaker. you won't even get to spend any real quality time with your friend. i think it would be more fun to visit some time after the babies come.

i totally get the hair thing. i was trying to make a facial (which I don't get regularly but really like) appt once and realized they were open on Memorial Day. I felt bad getting a facial on MD but really preferred havgin DH watch the kids. i feel bad asking other people, like my sisters or friends to babysit for stuff like that.