Some PTing questions

[maestramommy]

I am very motivated to get Laurel Pt'd in the next several months because I'm interested in a Montessori preschool. But the kid has to be fully (unassisted) PT'd by then. This is totally uncharted territory for me, as we've sort of followed the kid's lead with Dora and Arwyn, or at least pushed when it got really late in the day.

For starters Laurel does know how to pee in the potty, does it every day before nap and bedtime. But she never wants to go otherwise. When she sits down to pee, I can see from her face that she is actually pushing/straining the pee out, as if she's pooping. Is that normal? I mean, does that mean peeing is a deliberate act of will, signally maybe her physical parts aren't quite ready? I always thought you keep holding the pee until you get to the toilet, then you relax and it just comes out.

she's only pooped on the potty a couple of times, and that was when she had just pee'd, and I encouraged her to try pooping because I knew she was due. Otherwise she just doesn't want to poop on the potty.

She hates diaper changes, always struggles, and if she has had a wet/messy diaper for a while her bum is red and cleaning it is a pain, literally. During these times I just keep telling her that if she doesn't like this she needs to pee and poop on the potty instead of her diaper. I have this spiel now that I end up rattling off at diaper changes 9 times out of 10. A couple of days ago Dh overheard me and said, "Ah, she's only 2, she doesn't get it yet." Which I appreciate, I just figured I should say something since she gives me such a hard time during changes.

Official registration starts Jan, but they start taking applications in Dec. Obviously the director told me if I really want a space to get in early. And so far this is our only real hangup. I mean, if she really can't PT in time there's nothing I can do, and I don't want to risk losing her spot in her current school OR trying for a spot at the public school.

So, any tips? I remember a while back someone else really had to PT their kid by deadline. Laurel will be 3 end of June. Is it really too early to be thinking techniques? She's smart but she's also a rock, and one thing I've learned is that PTing is like sleeping and eating. You can lead a horse to water.......

[maylips]

I think every kid is different, so what works for one may not work at all for another. And it depends on her personality, absolutely. But maybe some tips (my age 2 in August boy is now day trained and my DD trained at 24 months old):

- is there something she is REALLY interested in that you can give her an incentive? My boy LOOOOVES trucks and I found some Gap underwear with trucks on them. He loves them and wants to put them on in the morning.

- we did jelly beans after going - 1 for pee, 2 for poop. I'm sure you've heard the m&m treat and this one is the same. I put a jar in each bathroom so they could see them. Part of earning the bean was flushing and washing hands afterwards too, but they did it.

- DD liked the Bjorn small potty, but DS wants to sit on the big one. I think this has something to do with being the second child and wanting to be like his sister. Which makes me think, for you, would it help to have your older ones standing around, cheering her on? Impressing Mom is not always as cool as impressing sisters.

- I think that straining to pee is pretty normal. They don't get the relaxation part yet so she's just trying to get it out and straining is the most logical way to force it out for kids, I would imagine. If she can pee in the potty, she can physically pee in the potty. I think one of the main signals she's NOT ready is if she can't keep a dry diaper for longer than an hour or two.

- I don't know that I'm the master at potty training, even with kids fairly young training early, but I would say I was a stickler at a schedule. I would pick up the kids from what they were doing every hour and say "it's time to earn a bean" Sometimes DS fought me on it and would tense up and not sit down on the toilet but we would just stay in there until he was ready to sit down.

- naked time REALLY helped with DS. Not sure that matters so much with girls.

All that being said, I think if you're trying to get it done by a certain time, Laurel probably has that time-tested Kid Power that allows them to know Mom wants something so there's a good chance it won't happen. :)

Good luck!

[anonomom]

Is she straining because she thinks she is required to go every time she sits on the potty? If so, you can go very low-key and escort her to the potty every 15-20 minutes, but make it clear she does not have to pee each time.

With both of my daughters, potty training started with underwear. They were allowed to go to the store and pick out the kind they wanted. After that, it was sheer bribery -- I used jellybeans for dd1 and squinkies for dd2 (who is four months older than your child and I would just now call her trained. As in, within the last two weeks). With dd2, training took months -- some days, she was really into it, some days she wanted to wear diapers. I don't honestly know why it worked when it did, though I did giver a final push on pooping by delaying when she asked for a diaper, until she finally gave up and used the potty.

[maestramommy]

Right now Laurel gets 1 m&m for peeing, 2 for pooping. And she's earned the 2 m&ms before, so I know she understands that part. In the beginning she would sit down to pee even when I knew she couldn't because she had just peed'd 15 minutes before. And she'd be really upset when she couldn't produce. But now if she sits down and nothing happens, she just says, "I'm all done." So I know she understands about that too.

I keep hoping she'll get so fed up with the diaper changes that she'll start going more often. She really loves the candy, which is why I'm a little perplexed as to why she doesn't want to go more often. She has told the sitter on her own that she wants to go.

[Cam&Clay]

I had to have DS2 trained by September for preschool. We struggled all summer with the 1 gummy bear for pee, 3 for poop. He loved it, but if he had an accident, then oh well. He didn't seem to care, especially with poop.

I switched gears and invented the Potty Fairy. She brought you a treat overnight if you had zero accidents during the day. The treats were little...a sheet of stickers, a Hot Wheels car, etc. After the first week, he was trained. I let the fairy come for another week or so before I told him that she had to move on to other boys and girls who were learning to use the potty.

That was the last week in August. He hasn't had an accident since, but he's a lot older than your DD.

[Simon]

The straining doesn't sound unsual. Most kids are able to hold it and the real learning has to do with letting go at the appropriate time.

I let Ds2 use his potty in front of the TV. He uses a BBPotty Chair.

The reason that TV works for us is that he gets distracted and it helps him relax and let the pee out faster. I also find that he isn't reluctant to leave playing when he needs to pee because watching a video is also an attractive option too.

I don't think having her ready in time will be a problem. Your deadline is about 9mo away, right? We just make using the potty (at least making visits there) a regular and non-negotiable part of life.