Can you trust that your 7 yr old is telling the truth?

[HIU8]

This is school related. DS will be 7 in November. Several professionals told us to hold him back a year (so he is currently in K after doing an advanced pre-K/k\K-lite last year). The teachers just told me they think he is bored (but it is partly his innatentive ADHD which they now better understand--they were mistaking some of DS's behaviors as boredome). DS is in a private where about 50% of the students are ADHD. There are 8 kids in his class ranging from 5 to almost 7 (most are 6). DS is the type of kid who WILL NOT do a skill until he has it down pat 100% first. He is a perfectionist and pays attention to every little minute detail to the Nth degree.

So, I asked DS about school. He said some of the stuff he has done last year and it's easy. Some of the new stuff is easy. However, he also said he "likes it easy" and does not want me to talk to the teachers about challenging him.

1) I do not know whether to believe him that it is easy or not to be honest.
2) My mommy gut has been telling me that holding him back was not a really good choice (and that we made a mistake not really challenging him last year). We initially held him back b/c of pragmatics issues and immaturity. That seems to not be the case as much anymore.

I honestly do not know whether to believe him and go with my gut or just leave it alone.

[kedss]

that's tough, if he says he likes it easy, that may be the case, but that doesn't mean its what he needs right now. my seven year old probably likes the stuff that's easy for him too, but I think he likes that he's being challenged this year. hugs, I hope you find what's best for all of you-

[american_mama]

I don't think this is a truth/lying issue, as in "Did you do X that I told you not to do?" I think this is about him trying to express his thoughts and feelings about challenge and schoolwork.... sometimes not an easy thing for adults to do. I'd consider how easy/fast he does his homework, whether what he is learning seems to YOU to be below his skill level, what his teachers say, what schoolwork does interest your DS. There isn't really one objective truth to un-cover about this. It's just a sense of how engaged and challenged he is in school and, often the harder thing in my experience, figuring out what to do about it.

Also, ignore him saying he doesn't want you to talk to the teachers. Those aren't terms a 7 year old can dictate. He may indeed like it easy - my older DD1 generally does - but again, that's not something you want to encourage.

[HIU8]

No homework in K. The only thing I have to go by is the work he brings home (mostly art projects and handwriting without tears and speech therapy worksheets). I do plan to speak to the teachers next week at the conference in depth about this. I'm concerned.

[ahisma]

I'm probably in the minority here but as long as the quality of education is good I am not concerned about it being "easy". I know for a fact that DS finds the work at his school easy. I also know that he could succeed at the next grade level. But, there are skills that he needs to work on that are better met at the grade level where he his, where he can focus more on those and less on keeping up academically. (social confidence, fine motor and speech fluency).

Sure, he's doing academic work that isn't particularly challenging to him. But, he's not bored at all. He loves it, and he's thriving. In respects to the issues that we were concerned about, he's blossoming. He has plenty of time to be pushed on the academics. I'm big on building confidence and providing opportunities for success.

I guess my point is that if he is engaged I wouldn't sweat it. What happens when you combine his perfectionism with the next grade level? Would that bring anxiety?

[american_mama]

You can also observe the classroom, once or multiple times. Considering what level he likes to read at when he can choose on his own, what kind of math skills he shows in everyday life or when you specifically talk about math (if everyone in our family has two of these, how many do we have? etc.) will help you get a sense of his level.

[squimp]

I bet he's telling the truth as he sees it. I would think that in a classroom of 8 kids, the teacher should be able to provide enough differentiation that kids are challenged academically. My DD has 25 kids in her 2nd grade class and many of the kids are very advanced and no one is bored. If the teachers are telling me my child is bored, I start worrying about the teachers, not my kid.

It sounds to me (and haven't you posted on this before?) that you're regretting the choice to hold him back. Have you had teacher conferences yet this year? Is this something you could discuss with the teacher - whether he was held back inappropriately? Seems like a valid question to me.

[HIU8]

pt conf is next week. It's a private, so they should be able to piece something together even if not advancing him up a grade. Sometimes DS does ask for more of a challenge, so I really want to see it given to him, and it's still early in the year for something to be done. I'm also concerned b/c the teachers and the parents are SO HAPPY to have DS so their kids can model from him (DS is the oldest in the class due to being held back). I need to ask who/how DS gets to model behaviors etc... b/c it really seems one sided right now and I want him given the same opportunity if he can handle it.

[Gena]

I'm not sure this will help you, but to answer the question in your subject line: No, I do not trust my 7 year is telling the truth. It's not that my DS is willfully deceiving, it's just that he gets confused about language and with wanting to say what will make an adult questioner happy. It seems like the more I ask him about an event or a situatuon, the more varied his answers become, as gets confused about what he is supposed to say. He can also be easily manipulated by other children and by adults to say what they want and DS does not realize this is happening.

Like I said, I'm not sure that helps you.

Going by your previous posts, I think you need to push for your DS to be challenged more at school and see if he could be tested for 1st grade.

[daisymommy]

My son is a perfectionist too, who gets embarrassed and frustrated if something is challenging and he can't get it 100% right, preferably on the first try. If he anticipates something is going to be too hard, he often won't want to attempt it, or he will become anxious and almost shut down.
It's crazy though, because he is amazingly bright, but he doesn't understand that everyone has to *learn* things first, then practice, to succeed.

So, I believe your DS is telling the truth. He likes it easy, so he can continue with his comfort level of perfectionism. He's afraid of you talking to the teachers, them making things harder for him, and thus in turn, he may not get things perfect right away, or he may have to struggle a bit. And he knows this--so he's scared.

I would have a heart to heart with the teachers about the issue, and how to slowly increase the level of difficulty of his work (if possible), but do it in such a way as to be cognisant of his possible anxiety over not succeeding right away.