Advice? Hugs?

[mommy111]

I'm just feeling so down and alone right now!! I don't know how all the single moms do it.
Background is that we just got back from work related travel where I had the opportunity to meet an old friend. And it just struck me how ALONE I am. I have the kids. I work, and while I like what I do, at this point its only a job. My family has retired overseas and so are far away. I feel so alone. And there's no expectation of it getting any better.
I have no adult in the house to talk to, and while I do have some friends, everone is busy with their families. I am in a new city. I don't date or expect to ever get married again because I have 2 small kids and belong to a fairly conservative and very small cultural group, and I would not get married outside our cultural group.....tried that once and look where it got me! The kids will grow up and go away. So its not likely to get any better either.
I'm usually fairly upbeat. But meeting with this friend and remembering the days when we were kids and all hung out together (and when her brother was always trying to catch my attention) has made me feel so alone. Any advice on how you other wise mamas deal with this?

[TwoBees]

No advice, just lots of :grouphug:

[scrooks]

:grouphug: sending hugs and good thoughts!

[SnuggleBuggles]

Re. your small cultural group and limited pool of potential mates- is there somewhere you can live where the community would be bigger?

(((((hugs)))))

Beth

[Globetrotter]

:grouphug: You never know what the future will hold, so don't give up hope. If you really WANT to meet someone, would you consider looking online? Many ethnic groups (even small ones) have online matchmaking services, and I've seen divorcees and widows on these.

Have you gotten to know the parents of your kid's friends? Is there a group that puts on cultural events?

[mommy111]

Thank you ladies for your support. I think I was just going through this phase where I was feeling really, really down.
I should look for community events that center around our culture, but, really, divorce is a taboo in our culture and people marry early, so most people out there are already married. Its very, very rare to find someone single in my age group or to find someone nice who is divorced.
I am more or less resigned to being alone, its just that when I meet old friends and think of what might have been and who I may have married, I sometimes feel very down.
And I've been in a little bit of a mid-life crisis anyway since Steve Jobs died :) I'm wondering what the heck it is that I'm doing with my life.

[sste]

I have a friend who is indian-american and when she divorced her (doctor) husband she felt like the indian-american community behaved like she had gone on a lunatic killing spree! Divorce is taboo and apparently divorcing a doctor is particular sacrilege.

Well, her parents backed her and she moved to a new city and after a few years she started dating this INCREDIBLE guy. He is indian-american as well but adopted as a child and let me tell you he was raised right. This guy is a gem. In many conservative communities, including indian, the men can be doted on and pampered until they are no longer bearable! Not so with this man - - he is part of the indian-american community but he also looks at life with such compassion. They are now engaged. :) :) This is all to say do NOT resign yourself to life alone. Stay open to the universe, kwim?

[Fairy]

((( Hugs )))

Honey, never say never. Just don't pigeonhole yourself there. So, you're feeling like you have to marry within your culture. Ok, so you do. Trust me, the fish are out there. There is a fish for you. Today, tomorrow, in 2017. But he's there. I'm so sorry you feel so alone. Get thru one day at a time, and if it takes a cookie now and then, have one.

[larig]

:grouphug: I'm sorry you're feeling alone. It is so hard to be away from family, and parenting on your own is exhausting. I really admire you for reaching out and wish I could lift your spirits.

I'm understand the Jobs thing too. It's really affected me.

[nmosur]

I would urge you to look for friendships outside your cultural circle. Right now you definitely need a new perspective on single-hood, it can be fun if you decide to make it fun. If you are uncomfortable starting a friendship with a person of the opposite sex (which you shouldn't be, imo) get together with girls from work. Make it a kids and moms evening out. There is a group of ladies who meet for pizza at a local place every Thurs with their kids. I am always curious what their deal is - if they are single moms or just mom friends - the kids are of varying ages from 3 to 15 or so. Also, not every friendship with a man has to end in marriage - it can just be companionship. And you never know - you might meet the right guy, fall in love and defy society! Again!!

Hugs!!

[oneplustwo]

Sometimes those meet-ups with old friends from our past lives can really do a number on us. . . all those what ifs and could haves!

I don't have great words of wisdom, but I do agree with everyone else ~ never say never. I love how a PP phrased it: be open to the universe! Be good to yourself. We all have our low days.

Hugs!

[Globetrotter]

There is a group of ladies who meet for pizza at a local place every Thurs with their kids.

I bet that's a playgroup :) or evolved from a playgroup!

OP, I agree that you should try be open to possibilities outside your group. There is no guarantee that things would have worked out with someone from your same background, but you would have been stuck in the marriage. You just never know.. there are some gems out there.

[mommy111]

I have a friend who is indian-american and when she divorced her (doctor) husband she felt like the indian-american community behaved like she had gone on a lunatic killing spree! Divorce is taboo and apparently divorcing a doctor is particular sacrilege.

Well, her parents backed her and she moved to a new city and after a few years she started dating this INCREDIBLE guy. He is indian-american as well but adopted as a child and let me tell you he was raised right. This guy is a gem. In many conservative communities, including indian, the men can be doted on and pampered until they are no longer bearable! Not so with this man - - he is part of the indian-american community but he also looks at life with such compassion. They are now engaged. :) :) This is all to say do NOT resign yourself to life alone. Stay open to the universe, kwim?
Wow, that is such a cool story!!! Now tell me she has 2 kids and I will be all set :) Could you find me a guy like that? In our culture, divorce is a taboo, divorce with kids is unheard of, and divorce with kids when you were married to an MD makes you a weirdo. You're accepted as long as you decide to be single for the rest of your life and act that way, and not otherwise.
Thank you all for your support, I've been in a huge funk which is unlike me. I do have friends, and the moms in DD's class have been awesome about inviting us over and making friends. But its just hard and it gets scarier as I get older.