Wanting to be a "Hot" mom

[snowbunnies300]

I've been thinking about this post for a very long time. I am wondering why a woman wants to be seen as a "hot" mom. Seeing the post about little girls clothing that talks about being pretty etc and how moms don't want to impart that onto their daughters but I have also seen posts wherein women want people to see them as hot, sexy etc.

Maybe I'm not clear (in my own mind I just can't type what I want to say). I understand wanting to be seen as an attractive I just don't understand wanting people to see me as "hot". Is it that I compare hot to sexy? How do you define hot? How do you want people to see you? I want people to see me as a person who is kind, compassionate, loving and yes attractive but not in a sexual way. Only my husband needs to see me in a sexual way.

[boolady]

I want people to see me as a person who is kind, compassionate, loving and yes attractive but not in a sexual way. Only my husband needs to see me in a sexual way.

This doesn't sound like it has anything to do with whether you're a mom or not, then, it just sounds like how you'd like to be viewed, mom or not.

[Trigglet]

I think it almost always speaks to insecurity, sadly. Of course, we all dress for others as well as ourselves (generally speaking), and there are special impacts that being a mother can have on your sense of yourself as a sexual and attractive woman. But I think any time someone is obsessed with trying to create one particular impression on people (rather than a range of impressions courtesy of our actual range of capacities etc) e.g. hot, smart, funny etc it usually reveals a fear that that is precisely the attribute they lack in their own opinion.

Of course, there are also just those people who are spectacularly shallow :D but they're in the minority, I hope!

[hoodlims]

Well to me, being a "hot" mom means I can still retain some semblance of my old body, not wear frumpy mom jeans and shoes, and look pulled together, as opposed to frazzled. As long as I can do that, I consider myself to be a "hot" mom. I just don't want to let being a mom take over everything, including my appearance. Lately, I have not been doing so well!

[Raidra]

I'm not sure if I'm missing a larger conversation, but I just wanted to point out that a lot of women really lose their identities when they become mothers. I think most of us also understand how our relationships with our husbands change after having kids, and how some of us don't get treated like the vibrant, sexual women we used to be. I suspect that the desire to be a 'hot' mom is part of struggling to regain the sense of self they had before having kids.

[Kindra178]

I want to be a hot mom. Not sleazy but definitely a milf.

[Nicsmom]

I think "hotness" is related to youth, and being a "hot" mom means you look young. You can be an attractive woman at any age, but you don't call an older, attractive woman "hot". So I guess moms want to be hot not so much because they want to be seen in a sexual way per se, but they want to look young and youth is sexy.

By the way, I don't aspire to be "hot", I'll go for "attractive" any day. Plus I think looking hot at my age takes too much work and I'm lazy. And I don't like high heels.

[boolady]

Well to me, being a "hot" mom means I can still retain some semblance of my old body, not wear frumpy mom jeans and shoes, and look pulled together, as opposed to frazzled. As long as I can do that, I consider myself to be a "hot" mom. I just don't want to let being a mom take over everything, including my appearance. Lately, I have not been doing so well!
and

I'm not sure if I'm missing a larger conversation, but I just wanted to point out that a lot of women really lose their identities when they become mothers. I think most of us also understand how our relationships with our husbands change after having kids, and how some of us don't get treated like the vibrant, sexual women we used to be. I suspect that the desire to be a 'hot' mom is part of struggling to regain the sense of self they had before having kids.

:yeahthat: Honestly, this whole thread seems designed to make people feel shallow for wanting to feel good about themselves. I'm not sure I get it. I think people use the term "hot" for not wanting to be frumpy, as PP said. And I'm not sure where anyone has ever said that they meant that they want to sexually attract males other than their husbands.

Either too much is being read into things people have said, or people use the word "hot" to mean feeling good about their appearance or it's an attempt to bait an argument.

[KpbS]

I tend to agree w/ the OP. I think that there is a difference between being attractive, wearing clothing that fits, is relatively stylish, hair tidy/presentable, etc. and being hot, sexy, or ultra trendy clothing, designed to emphasize your physical features (presumably those sexualized--breasts, hips, butt, etc.) tight, low cut, etc. I want to look good but I don't spend any time whatsoever trying to look "hot" except perhaps when going out with my husband on a date night or something.

[boolady]

I want to look good but I don't spend any time whatsoever trying to look "hot" except perhaps when going out with my husband on a date night or something.

I guess I'm wondering if previous posts on this issue have really been referring simply to what you're talking about, but using a different term. Maybe that's the confusion. I don't know.

[luckytwenty]

I don't want to look like a trampy mom or a slutty mom or even a MILF. But do like it when people say, "I can't believe you had three kids!" I work hard to avoid looking like "someone who let herself go," which seems like the opposite of a "hot mom." I don't think being a mother means you have to gain a lot of weight, stop working out and dress like it's the early 90s. Maybe I'm somewhere in between wanting to be "hot" and wanting to not look like a model for "Mom Jeans," but it does matter to me.

[elbenn]

I think the word "hot" has a connotation of overtly sexy, not classy attractive. I think lots of moms want to feel attractive, but the word "hot" conjures up images of low cut tight shirts, short skirts, fish-net stockings, collagen lips, etc. I know not everyone uses the word that way, but it definitely has more of that connotation than "pretty" or "attractive". The word "milf" is similar, except that "milf" is downright vulgar.

[arivecchi]

I'm not really sure I get the OP's attempt to make a distinction between attractive and hot. I believe that a mom who focuses on feeling attractive and confident is a positive thing. I think all moms should devote some time and energy to themselves and appearance has a lot to do with one's confidence.

[cvanbrunt]

Sign me up as wanting to be a hot mom. And I'm not shallow. I'm very smart, over-educated, have plenty of interests, and also enjoy being a mom. I think the OP is insulting. What's wrong with being attractive to other people? It's not like I'm running around with my bits hanging out. But, I do wear stylish clothing that fits well and doesn't hide my figure. I may be a happily married mother of two but I'm not dead.

[BillK]

My wife's a "hot" mom whether she wants to be or not. ;)

[crl]

My wife's a "hot" mom whether she wants to be or not. ;)

:bighand: Great post!

I feel like some context is missing here? I don't spend a ton of time on my appearance and I don't think I am particularly shallow or vain. But I do try to look reasonably attractive and put together. I think being a mom makes that harder for most women, because of lack of time and money and because little kids can leave one looking rather grubby and so on. I really, really like it when dh tells me I look hot. So I guess that means I want to be a hot mom. I don't understand what is wrong with that?

Catherine

[snowbunnies300]

Ok got it. Some here think I am baiting and trying to start something. That is further from the truth than I can ever express. As I stated I've thought about this for some time and wasn't sure if I was coming across in a way that my mind was processing the question.

Back to lurking and keeping any questions like this to myself. Sorry if I offended anyone. I was only trying to understand why a woman wanted to be seen as hot.

[boolady]

Back to lurking and keeping any questions like this to myself.

No need to be passive-aggressive about it. Several posters found your question insulting or baiting, I think, because Catherine (crl) put it, it seemed to be missing some context-- several posters, myself included, questioned whether maybe it was a terminology issue-- "hot" vs. attractive or put-together.

Instead of sulking about it, you could explain what you meant in your question...I think if you go back and read your original post, you might be able to see how it could be seen as being rather judgmental with absolutely no background/context for the question at all.

[elbenn]

I think maybe I understand OP's question. I think she maybe is just lamenting how instead of women wanting to just look beautiful or classy or put together, it seems (at least in the media) that now the norm is to look sexy and hot. For example, think of Jackie O. or Betty on "Mad Men" or Sela Ward on "Once and Again"--all beautiful women but still look classy and compare them to many of the looks you see on the Real Housewives of NJ or similar type shows where the style is to just exude sex.

[hellokitty]

No need to be passive-aggressive about it. Several posters found your question insulting or baiting, I think, because Catherine (crl) put it, it seemed to be missing some context-- several posters, myself included, questioned whether maybe it was a terminology issue-- "hot" vs. attractive or put-together.

Instead of sulking about it, you could explain what you meant in your question...I think if you go back and read your original post, you might be able to see how it could be seen as being rather judgmental with absolutely no background/context for the question at all.

:yeahthat: OP, I think ppl are interpreting you post differently, since you did not define exactly what you think, "hot" means, yet you gave an impression of negativity toward it. Personally, I think of a hot mom as a woman who looks like she takes care of herself. She looks fit, does her hair and makes an effort to dress nicely. Does that mean that she is not a nice person, because of the way she dresses? No. A mom can look hot and be a great mom or a not so great one. I don't think any less or more of her mom abilities based on her looks. However, I think that it's ok to want to look attractive. Now slutty mom is different. She is the one whose thong and tramp stamp you can see peeking out of her pants and whose boobs are bulging out. I feel as if your definition of hot is closer to what I would consider as slutty.

[Nicsmom]

I think maybe I understand OP's question. I think she maybe is just lamenting how instead of women wanting to just look beautiful or classy or put together, it seems (at least in the media) that now the norm is to look sexy and hot. For example, think of Jackie O. or Betty on "Mad Men" or Sela Ward on "Once and Again"--all beautiful women but still look classy and compare them to many of the looks you see on the Real Housewives of NJ or similar type shows where the style is to just exude sex.

:yeahthat: I think this is where the question is coming from. And BTW, I think all of the classy and beautiful women you mention are sexy also. So I wonder if there is also a distinction between hot and sexy. Well, maybe Jackie O not so much, but Sela Ward is definitely very sexy in a non-"real housewife" kind of way.

[Raidra]

I think maybe I understand OP's question. I think she maybe is just lamenting how instead of women wanting to just look beautiful or classy or put together, it seems (at least in the media) that now the norm is to look sexy and hot. For example, think of Jackie O. or Betty on "Mad Men" or Sela Ward on "Once and Again"--all beautiful women but still look classy and compare them to many of the looks you see on the Real Housewives of NJ or similar type shows where the style is to just exude sex.

I could see that. There's a difference between overly sexualized and hot, though.. at least in my book. You can definitely be hot but still classy. I would never aspire to dress in an overtly sexual way, but I don't think that's the same as hoping that other people find you 'hot' (which-to me-is like attractive but with a little more sex appeal).

[almostmom]

I want to be a hot mom. Not sleazy but definitely a milf.

Yeah, count me in. I like feeling sexy, or hot. But probably if you saw me, you wouldn't put those words on it! Nothing is hanging out, or too short or anything. It's just feeling comfortable and free and happy in my body when I'm out at a party or on a date with DH. Or even sometimes at home with him on a Wednesday night (though often it's sweats that are just a good fit!). I do feel like a sexual person, and I don't feel a need to hide that. I mean, I have kids - so there's evidence!

[BabyBearsMom]

I don't want my daughter to equate her self worth with her appearance. Therefore, I don't like those kinds of shirts that are about being pretty making it seem overly important. But that doesn't mean that I am against dressing to look attractive.

I don't think that wanting to be "hot" necessarily means that you want everyone around you to want to get it on with you. I think it means that you want to feel good about the way you look and feel attractive yourself. I'm sure I'm not saying this in the most articulate way.

[crl]

I think maybe I understand OP's question. I think she maybe is just lamenting how instead of women wanting to just look beautiful or classy or put together, it seems (at least in the media) that now the norm is to look sexy and hot. For example, think of Jackie O. or Betty on "Mad Men" or Sela Ward on "Once and Again"--all beautiful women but still look classy and compare them to many of the looks you see on the Real Housewives of NJ or similar type shows where the style is to just exude sex.

I can see that kind of distinction. I think this is largely definitional. If hot means slutty or trampy then it is inconsistent with classy. And I can definitely see striving for classy rather than slutty. But when dh says I look hot, he doesn't mean slutty. He means attractive and sexy, but not slutty or trampy. The other day I put on a bikini top and swim skirt to bath the dog and dh sad I looked hot. It wasn't skimpy or slutty, IMO, just attractive and appropriate for bathing the dog.

I can also understand a world view that all of this is vanity and should be avoided. I don't share that view, but I get it.

Catherine

[AshleyAnn]

Sign me up as wanting to be a hot mom. And I'm not shallow. I'm very smart, over-educated, have plenty of interests, and also enjoy being a mom. I think the OP is insulting. What's wrong with being attractive to other people? It's not like I'm running around with my bits hanging out. But, I do wear stylish clothing that fits well and doesn't hide my figure. I may be a happily married mother of two but I'm not dead.

:yeahthat:

Its ok to want to be attractive, sexy even, in regular life. I think the op is equating "hot" with "skanky" when they are two very different looks. Hot is simply attractive with a hint of sexual. Skank is letting it all hang out.

I am a hot mom. Im also a single mom. I enjoy looking nice and feeling a little sexual. Im not shallow, i just know what my momma gave me and i like sharing it with the rest of the world. Im thin because i work hard to keep my body up. My hair is done and my makeup is on because i woke up early and put in the effort. Its fine if u choose not to do so but dont think badly of me because i do. One of the big flaws my exhusband had with our marriage was i let the flair go and stopped being hot (and i was FAR from mom jeans and sloppy hair territory!) I dont see a hint of cleavage or butt hugging jeans as taking away from DD. If anything when mommy feels good about herself shes more positive and playful.

This thread is insulting to women who are good moms in heels. I think its sad so many women lose themselves in mommyland but i dont make threads calling them out.

[elektra]

I want to be a hot mom so I can feel good about myself. Look good, feel good and all that.
I'm sure some people are insecure or feel the need for attention, especially if someone is way over the top, boobs hanging out everywhere, overly done makeup, hair, super flirtatious.
But I do still wear tight or low cut stuff sometimes because I like feeling sexy on occassion. However, I also like feeling classy, put together, fashionable too. It's not all about the "hot" or "sexy" factor. (Subtly hot maybe?)
In reality though, I am usually in some form of sweats and would not be described as hot.

[khalloc]

I would like it if other people found be sexually attractive. It would be a problem if only my husband saw me that way. I dont wear revealing clothes, or what I consider to be revealing, but I think its normal to want to look attractive to the opposite sex.

I dont want my DD wearing revealing clothes, but she is 6. I am 33. So it doesnt really make alot of sense to compare a grown woman to a child.

[Green_Tea]

I feel as if your definition of hot is closer to what I would consider as slutty.

:yeahthat:

I frequently tell my friends who are moms and look fabulous (because they take care of themselves, eat right, exercise, look put together, polished and most of all, exude confidence) that they're hot! In my book, it's a compliment to be called a hot mama. I don't think "hot" is synonymous with sexy/slutty/trampy/suggestive. Heck, I think Michelle Obama is the consummate hot mama!

[*myfoursons]

I wouldn't object to being viewed as a "hot" mom. Not in a RH fake collagen and pulled taut way, but in a "you look fab" way. And not just "you look fab, I can't believe you had 4 kids."

Does this mean I want every man and inclined woman to want to sleep with me? No, of course not. But I take pride in taking care of myself, and making the most of God-given assets. I have no problem dressing to accentuate my body. If I had big boobs, I might even let them hang out on occasion.

My body has carried and nursed four children, bends into a pretty kick ass backbend, allows me to lay flooring and tile, go on hikes, and all kinds of amazing things. I love my body, and if others think it's hot, cool.

[MMMommy]

I interpret "hot" as being good looking, attractive, pretty, etc. I don't associate the word "hot" with being slutty, overtly sexual or trashy. Hot means good looking to me. So would I want to be considered "hot"? Of course, why not. Who doesn't want to be considered attractive or pretty?

[sntm]

Agreeing with some PP, there are plenty of single moms on here and plenty of attached moms who have been single after having kids. And it's not crazy for longterm marrieds to want to be appreciated by the opposite sex either!

I'm not feeling so hot right now in early pregnancy, but I have been a hot mom. I think you can be sexy without being slutty. I don't think it keeps me from being a role model for my son, either, since I'm also pretty accomplished professionally as well.

[creativelightbulb]

I want to be a hot mom. Not sleazy but definitely a milf.

:yeahthat:

and after 15 months of mommyhood I think it is high time I get BACK on the road to "hotness"...Spring 2012 or bust!!

[maestramommy]

:yeahthat:

I frequently tell my friends who are moms and look fabulous (because they take care of themselves, eat right, exercise, look put together, polished and most of all, exude confidence) that they're hot! In my book, it's a compliment to be called a hot mama. I don't think "hot" is synonymous with sexy/slutty/trampy/suggestive. Heck, I think Michelle Obama is the consummate hot mama!

:yeahthat: I think "hot" is a compliment when both men and women say that about a person. Then it's not just about looks. As for me, dh thinks I'm hot, always has. That's good enough!

[icunurse]

I think it is all semantics. To me, the term "hot mom" reminds me of Amy Poehler in "Mean Girls", wearing her tight pink sweatsuit and trying to fit in with the young girls. At DD's school, we have plenty of attractive moms - ones who wear nice clothes, hair and make-up looks good, etc. We also have slob moms. But we have one "hot mom" (according to my use of it) - today she wore fuzzy pink boots, skintight sweatsuit with "Pink" across the butt -there was even some gemstones on it today!- always with hoop earrings, a little too much make-up for daytime, and a haircut that is only good for the runway. She is younger, so I think that, in her mind, she is a MILF or hot Mom. And maybe to a 15 year-old and her husband, she is. But she makes more of a shock than a statement.

One more "hot mom" in town. Wears heeled boots, excessively ripped jeans, low-cut tops, lots of make-up every time that I see her. She is a good-looking woman and very nice (she's in PTO with me), but I often wonder what her kids think (they are in junior high). Again, IMO, trying too hard...

[arivecchi]

:yeahthat:

and after 15 months of mommyhood I think it is high time I get BACK on the road to "hotness"...Spring 2012 or bust!!:rotflmao:

Love the road to hotness!

I've been on that road for the past couple of months, have lost almost 20 pounds (so I am almost back to my pre-kids weight) and have gotten new clothes and shoes after 5 years of focusing on my kiddos. I gotta say IT FEELS GREAT! :cheerleader1:

[bisous]

See, I wouldn't want to be called a milf, like at all. If I understand it correctly (and I might not) it is kind of a gross concept but I'm also (admittedly) a prude. I also HATE the concept of a cougar. Not because an older woman cannot be attractive but rather because she already inherently IS. I don't feel like I have to compete with much younger women or change myself. I like my age, my experience, my intelligence and even my body even though, yeah it has changed a bit from my teenage years!

FWIW, I'm 35 years old, size 6, 5'7 125 pounds. I have long blonde hair and can rock a pair of jeans. I care about my appearance and want to be attractive. I hope my husband finds me sexy. But honestly, I don't care one whit if a bunch of teenage or even college aged guys think I'm sexy. I'm so much more than that!

Does that make sense?

[creativelightbulb]

:rotflmao:

Love the road to hotness!

I've been on that road for the past couple of months, have lost almost 20 pounds (so I am almost back to my pre-kids weight) and have gotten new clothes and shoes after 5 years of focusing on my kiddos. I gotta say IT FEELS GREAT! :cheerleader1:

WOOT - YOU BETTA WERK IT GIRL!!! :jammin:

[gatorsmom]

and


:yeahthat: Honestly, this whole thread seems designed to make people feel shallow for wanting to feel good about themselves. I'm not sure I get it. I think people use the term "hot" for not wanting to be frumpy, as PP said. And I'm not sure where anyone has ever said that they meant that they want to sexually attract males other than their husbands.

.

I didn't read this into the portion of the thread I have been reading. I guess I see "moms who try to be hot" as those moms who spend a lot of time at the gym; a lot of money on clothes, accessories, beauty treatments, and make up; and make their physical appearance their first priority. There are definitely some moms for whom that is a top priority. I know some IRL. I think the reason some people make that a priority is all about insecurity in another area of their life. Maybe there are some marital problems, maybe they are insecure about other areas of their life (job, family expectations), or maybe they are worried about how they are aging. I could see lots of reasons for it.

I'd like to be more attractive than I am now. At some point, probably when my kids are all in school full time, I will start exercising an hour or 2 per day and making healthier meals much more often. Part of that is about being healthy but the bigger part of it is my appearance. I know it's about my own insecurities. I feel more confident when I look attractive. I don't mean immodest- I will always be modest. I will never show any cleavage, wear too-short skirts, or wear see-through shirts or pants. I just wasn't raised that way. But I wouldn't mind illiciting a "hey, she looks good" type of thought in someone's mind. :D

[SnuggleBuggles]

(didn't read other replies) I don't strive to be a hot mom but I wouldn't mind being hot for the sake of it. :) I want to look good and be in shape. Being in shape feels good and is healthy so what's wrong with that? I'm not going to get breast implants (girls are a good size already), plastic surgery for anything else...I'm not going to wear inappropriate clothes and stride around in stilettos for preschool pick up. But, I am happy to look good otherwise.

Beth

[creativelightbulb]

I keep asking myself which I'd prefer...

my DH and DC's feeling apologetic because they have a "hot" mom...

or

my DH and DC's feeling apologetic because they have a "dry" mom...

I think I'm ok with door number 1

[crayonblue]

I get what the OP is saying. I don't find the post insulting.

I'm in southern California now where beautiful people abound. Beautiful people who are beautifully dressed. But, there are also people (mostly women) who sexualize their appearance.

I don't know if they are really aware of how they come across or not.

[hillview]

HOT mama here. No apologies. I don't sleep around (except with DH in hotels). I wear clothes (leggings are not pants).
/hillary

[Kindra178]

Last week DS1 asked me if I was going to pick him up from school. I said, yes, and I will be there with your brothers. He said, "Can you wear your hair like this (demonstrating with his hands downward) and not like this (demonstrating with his hands a ponytail)?"

[maestramommy]

Last week DS1 asked me if I was going to pick him up from school. I said, yes, and I will be there with your brothers. He said, "Can you wear your hair like this (demonstrating with his hands downward) and not like this (demonstrating with his hands a ponytail)?"
:hysterical::jammin:

My kids are so nice. Dora is always saying, "Wow, you look pretty Mommy!" whenever I have to get dressed up or made up for any reason. Last week I wore my winter coat for the first time, and she said, "Wow I like your coat dress!" Remarks like this make me think geez I must look so dry most of the time:p But it reminds me of when I was in jr high. One of my friends said, "Wow Melinda your mom is so pretty!" I was like, "Really?" :bag I never thought she wasn't pretty. But she was my mom. I never thought about whether she was pretty or not.

[arivecchi]

Last week DS1 asked me if I was going to pick him up from school. I said, yes, and I will be there with your brothers. He said, "Can you wear your hair like this (demonstrating with his hands downward) and not like this (demonstrating with his hands a ponytail)?"This is adorable!

My favorite compliments are those that I get from my 4 year old. Love that guy! :love-retry:

[luckytwenty]

My kids think I'm gorgeous. It cracks me up and touches me because it sure does emphasize that love is blind. (Not that I'm ugly. I'm just not The Most Beautiful Woman In the World, as my children would argue.) I was watching TV with my 8 year-old son and the Cover Girl commercial with Linda Evangelista and the bright red lipstick came on. He said, "Wow, she is almost as pretty as you are." He said it with a totally straight face, too! As I was sitting there in no make up and scrub pants!

[maestramommy]

My kids think I'm gorgeous. It cracks me up and touches me because it sure does emphasize that love is blind. (Not that I'm ugly. I'm just not The Most Beautiful Woman In the World, as my children would argue.) I was watching TV with my 8 year-old son and the Cover Girl commercial with Linda Evangelista and the bright red lipstick came on. He said, "Wow, she is almost as pretty as you are." He said it with a totally straight face, too! As I was sitting there in no make up and scrub pants!

Awwwww, your DS is so sweet!:heartbeat: Now that I think about it, I only get compliments when I'm dressed and made up. Ah well, my kids think the Disney princesses are pretty. Now who can compete with that standard? :tongue5:

[mjs64]

HOT mama here. No apologies. I don't sleep around (except with DH in hotels). I wear clothes (leggings are not pants).
/hillary

:yeahthat:

For me, it's an attitude. And love the legging PSA!

[Jeanne]

:yeahthat:

For me, it's an attitude. And love the legging PSA!


Agreed. I think it's a combination of tude and attire. If any woman puts on a pair of heels, wears well tailored clothing, does her hair and make-up and is generally pretty, she's going to be considered hot which does sexualize her or her appearance.

And I think sexualizing one's appearance is a matter of subjectivity. Dressing like Britney Spears at any age is an attempt to sexualize appearance and we can all point that kind out. But dressing nicely and on-trend will also sexual one's appearance. It's unfair to assume that that a woman has an appearance insecurity for wanting to be considered hot in this way.

I'd rather be considered hot MILF any day than looked at as just a standard middle aged Mom. And I know enough people that agree on what the look of a standard mom is and it's not just the wearing of Mom jeans.

[anamika]

My kids think I'm gorgeous. It cracks me up and touches me because it sure does emphasize that love is blind. (Not that I'm ugly. I'm just not The Most Beautiful Woman In the World, as my children would argue.) I was watching TV with my 8 year-old son and the Cover Girl commercial with Linda Evangelista and the bright red lipstick came on. He said, "Wow, she is almost as pretty as you are." He said it with a totally straight face, too! As I was sitting there in no make up and scrub pants!

This reminds me of something that happened with DD recently. We were in a bookstore and DH and DD were browsing outside while I was inside. DD came running up to me and DH had the biggest grin on his face as he told me I had to go outside to see something. DD dragged me to a book, pointed it out and said, "Look Mommy, it's a picture of you." And guess what - it was a biography of Sophia Loren complete with a beautiful picture of her. :hysterical:

[smilequeen]

I wasn't hot before I had kids, so it's unlikely I'm going to get there now...but I think it's great to aim to be attractive, in shape, and put together. I wish I was there, but I'm not quite back there yet...My kids think I'm gorgeous too, my husband probably doesn't but he doesn't say that.

[spanannie]

Sign me up as wanting to be a hot mom. And I'm not shallow. I'm very smart, over-educated, have plenty of interests, and also enjoy being a mom. I think the OP is insulting. What's wrong with being attractive to other people? It's not like I'm running around with my bits hanging out. But, I do wear stylish clothing that fits well and doesn't hide my figure. I may be a happily married mother of two but I'm not dead.
:yeahthat:

[sweetsue98]

Hotness is defined differently by everyone. My definition is confidents, humor, kindness and appearance. I definitely want to be hot for my DH and myself without compromising my family.

[KLD313]

I dont think hot equals slutty. I would live for someone to tell me I look hot right now. Once i lose my baby weight I hope to be hot again and I don't think there is anything wrong with that.

[tribe pride]

OP, I don't find your post insulting at all. It's an honest question, and I think something worth considering- why do we dress the way we do, and what messages are we trying to send with what we wear? Clearly, the definition of "hot" varies from person to person. Some people associate it with looking fit, attractive, and put together. Other people think it has slutty overtones. And it is interesting to think about the fact that many people (not necessarily here on the boards, but IRL or in other places I've read) will say that they hate the early sexualization of little girls, but then don't have a problem with older women dressing sexually. Girls learn from the example of our culture, and the messages our clothing sends.

To answer your question, I personally think that there is a difference between wanting to look attractive and wanting to look hot, and that "hot" tends to have sexual overtones. Looking nice, being healthy and in shape, etc. are all great. However, I'm uncomfortable dressing in ways that draw attention to parts of my body I consider private, and try to avoid showing cleavage, wearing tight fitting pants, etc. But this is pretty normal for my social circle. And my husband, frankly, would prefer that I be frumpy rather than dress in ways that draw the attention of other men. As far as he's concerned, my body is for his enjoyment alone. ;) And guys I'm friends with honestly appreciate when women dress modestly- they find it challenging to not to look at a woman lustfully (to use a biblical term) when so much clothing is designed to reveal much. And I try to be mindful that I'm setting an example for my boys about what is appropriate.

I get that I'm coming from a very different perspective than a lot of posters, though, so many people may not agree with. I'm really not trying to offend anyone. I just wanted to let the OP know that she's not crazy for asking her question and thinking about this topic.

[DrSally]

These stories of how our kids think we're so beautiful are so heartwarming!

I tend to think of "hot" as attractive with a bit of sexual attractiveness thrown in. Like, a mom in skinny jeans/nice top/good boots. I've called friends and maybe even people here "hot" at times. I think it's a compliment and I wouldn't turn it down (although I don't recall any specific time when I was called "hot"). I don't equate Hot w/slutty at all.

[Babymakes3]

I don't aspire to be a "hot" mom but a cool/hip mom yes! I try to make sure i'm put together and fairly up on fashions. DH likes to joke with me at times that I look like a "mom" like with my most recently haircut (which I hated) and my longer shorts (he thinks I don't need them). So I guess mainly for me it's about being viewed as not just a "mom".

[crayonblue]

OP, I don't find your post insulting at all. It's an honest question, and I think something worth considering- why do we dress the way we do, and what messages are we trying to send with what we wear? Clearly, the definition of "hot" varies from person to person. Some people associate it with looking fit, attractive, and put together. Other people think it has slutty overtones. And it is interesting to think about the fact that many people (not necessarily here on the boards, but IRL or in other places I've read) will say that they hate the early sexualization of little girls, but then don't have a problem with older women dressing sexually. Girls learn from the example of our culture, and the messages our clothing sends.

To answer your question, I personally think that there is a difference between wanting to look attractive and wanting to look hot, and that "hot" tends to have sexual overtones. Looking nice, being healthy and in shape, etc. are all great. However, I'm uncomfortable dressing in ways that draw attention to parts of my body I consider private, and try to avoid showing cleavage, wearing tight fitting pants, etc. But this is pretty normal for my social circle. And my husband, frankly, would prefer that I be frumpy rather than dress in ways that draw the attention of other men. As far as he's concerned, my body is for his enjoyment alone. ;) And guys I'm friends with honestly appreciate when women dress modestly- they find it challenging to not to look at a woman lustfully (to use a biblical term) when so much clothing is designed to reveal much. And I try to be mindful that I'm setting an example for my boys about what is appropriate.

I get that I'm coming from a very different perspective than a lot of posters, though, so many people may not agree with. I'm really not trying to offend anyone. I just wanted to let the OP know that she's not crazy for asking her question and thinking about this topic.

I tried and tried to think through what I wanted to say but gave up writing a long post. You totally expressed what I was thinking! Although I do wear tight pants because I have a big booty and baggy booty is worse than tight booty, ha!

[♥ms.pacman♥]

This is adorable!

My favorite compliments are those that I get from my 4 year old. Love that guy! :love-retry:

:yeahthat: i love reading all these sweet stories about how little ones think their moms are so pretty! :heartbeat: It melts my heart.

once when DS was about 15 mos old, we were at a store in the checkout lane. He saw a magazine that had Eva Longoria on the cover, pointed excitedly and said "MOMMY!!! Mommy!!!" :heartbeat: Awwww! And more recently, DS was playing with his Dr Seuss alphabet cards. The one with the letter "Q" had a cartoon of a queen. I asked him, "Who is that?" and he replied "Mommy." :) so sweet!

And what is funny is for the longest time (since he was about 1yo ) DS kept insisting that Sir Topham Hatt (from his Thomas the train books) was "Daddy." DH was not so much a fan of that one. LOL :rotflmao:

[mommy111]

These stories of how our kids think we're so beautiful are so heartwarming!

I tend to think of "hot" as attractive with a bit of sexual attractiveness thrown in. Like, a mom in skinny jeans/nice top/good boots. I've called friends and maybe even people here "hot" at times. I think it's a compliment and I wouldn't turn it down (although I don't recall any specific time when I was called "hot"). I don't equate Hot w/slutty at all.
Hey, you're the mommy who always has all these great fashion finds like tailored jackets and cool shoes and pretty sun dresses...and didn't you also lose a lot of weight in the not-too-distant past, or am I mis-remebering some post...I always view you as one of the Board's fashionistas....or in other words, a hot momma :jammin:

[DrSally]

Hey, you're the mommy who always has all these great fashion finds like tailored jackets and cool shoes and pretty sun dresses...and didn't you also lose a lot of weight in the not-too-distant past, or am I mis-remebering some post...I always view you as one of the Board's fashionistas....or in other words, a hot momma :jammin:

Well, that is just too sweet :loveeyes:

[LexyLou]

Well to me, being a "hot" mom means I can still retain some semblance of my old body, not wear frumpy mom jeans and shoes, and look pulled together, as opposed to frazzled. As long as I can do that, I consider myself to be a "hot" mom. I just don't want to let being a mom take over everything, including my appearance. Lately, I have not been doing so well!

:yeahthat:

I'm a hot WOMAN. I take pride in taking care of my body and dressing well. I want to look good for me. I am a mom and that's VERY important but I'm also a woman and I want to look good.

I don't want to look like a 30 something trying to look like a 20 something. I want to be appropriate but that doesn't mean I can't be hot.

I also happen to be smart and caring too. :p

[dogmom]

I don't want to be "Hot" anymore. I certainly don't want to be a MILF. I remembering when I was in my 20's seeing some 70+ yo woman in the grocery store in a leopard print mini skirt, cat's eyes glasses, and grey hair in a fashionable cut. She did not look "hot", she looked like she had her own style and didn't give a damn what anyone else thought. I remember thinking, "I can't wait to be her."

I want to wear what I want because it's fun. I want to not worry about how much flab I have. I want to just be concerned about my health. I don't want to please anyone but me and my husband. As long as my DH is still trying to jump me I don't care if anyone thinks I'm hot or not. I feel like it's a lot of extra effort I could be putting some where else.

[kozachka]

Sign me up as wanting to be a hot mom. And I'm not shallow. I'm very smart, over-educated, have plenty of interests, and also enjoy being a mom. I think the OP is insulting. What's wrong with being attractive to other people? It's not like I'm running around with my bits hanging out. But, I do wear stylish clothing that fits well and doesn't hide my figure. I may be a happily married mother of two but I'm not dead.

:yeahthat: except I only have one child. I have good genes, and I clean up well. So I go for the hot look, not just hot mom look :jammin:.

My confidence, smarts, kindness and wicked sense of humor are my best features but I have no problem with people admiring my curves and how I move them. I dress appropriately for the occasion, which could include dressing sexy (e.g. low cut top/dress) when I am going out with DH or my girlfriends, if I feel like it. I don't do skanky or cheap, but that's not hot in my book. And I don't see anything wrong with people other than my DH finding me attractive. Heck, most of the time, I dress for me and other women, not men, anyway.

[kozachka]

[QUOTE=bisous;3322947]See, I wouldn't want to be called a milf, like at all. If I understand it correctly (and I might not) it is kind of a gross concept but I'm also (admittedly) a prude. I also HATE the concept of a cougar. Not because an older woman cannot be attractive but rather because she already inherently IS. I don't feel like I have to compete with much younger women or change myself. I like my age, my experience, my intelligence and even my body even though, yeah it has changed a bit from my teenage years!

I care about my appearance and want to be attractive. I hope my husband finds me sexy. But honestly, I don't care one whit if a bunch of teenage or even college aged guys think I'm sexy. I'm so much more than that! [QUOTE]

Very well said. I also don't want to be a mom that my DS friends would want to f.... That's just gross and that thought alone makes me want to :barf:. Nor do I want to be the object of desire to college aged guys.

I am flattered when people think I am in my late 20s or early 30s, rather than creeeping into late 30s, but I have no desire to compete with much younger women and dress appropriately for my age.

[Globetrotter]

For me, it's wanting to look attractive, dress well and feel good about myself FOR myself. Believe me, I got really frumpy after the babies came along, so it's taken a while for me to get to anything even approaching hot :)