explaining differences in skin color to toddler

[lmh2402]

are there good books? - i'm sure there are, and i'm sure you all will know them

based on a rather embarassing line of questioning that DS apparently engaged in with our nanny today, i think it's time to start talking about how everyone looks different - different skin, hair, eye color, etc.

thanks

[lhafer]

I haven't read any books on the subject. My 5 year old asks me all the time about different skin colors. I tell her that people are all different and unique. And their skin/hair/eyes/body frame/etc are all different as well. Some people have very dark brown skin, light brown skin, kind of redish skin, kind of yellowish skin, kind of olive skin, peach skin (which is what she calls her skin - she corrects me when I call it pink), etc.

During these conversations, I try to talk up the point of being unique (I don't like to really use the word "different") and that if everyone looked or acted the exact same, it would be quite a boring world. When she's describing someone, I try to steer her more towards their clothing, instead of using adjectives like old, pretty, hairy, etc.

All this, and there are STILL plenty of times she has utterly embarrassed me out in public with the things she says!

[lmh2402]

thanks so much! i actually wasn't looking so much for a book for me, as i was thinking a book for him would be nice

[k1178]

The Skin You Live In by Michael Tyler.

[larig]

not a book but, I think the sesame street old school videos have some great messages about diversity. (they are allegedly not appropriate for today's toddlers, but that hasn't stopped me from letting DS watch them.)

[sarahsthreads]

DD1 read this book as part of a program where all the kids in the primary school read the same book last year or the year before:

The Colors of Us (http://www.amazon.com/Colors-Us-Karen-Katz/dp/0805071636/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1320980598&sr=1-2), by Karen Katz

I do notice that the reviews are kind of mixed on this one. Apparently the people of various skin colors are represented somewhat stereotypically, although I have to be honest that I didn't remember that, and I don't think that DD1 picked up on it. As I recall, she was more fascinated with the many descriptions of skin colors that were foods (cinnamon, peach, cocoa, caramel).

Might be worth looking at from the library, at least!

Sarah :)

[amldaley]

We did not have too much of an issue with it as DD was in daycare (now preschool) with kids and teachers of all colors. It just sort of evolved naturally. The kids were learning their colors one day. "Point to something red! Point to something blue! Point to something brown!" and DD pointed at her teacher.

We chatted about different skin colors and how wonderful it is to have friends of all different colors. She was very accepting of that.

I could see this being more diffiult in a less diverse community.

Just a kudos to you for addressing it, but wanted to add that you can find opportunities to discuss it and let it be not such a big deal.

[wendibird22]

We have Whoever You Are (http://www.amazon.com/Whoever-You-Are-Mem-Fox/dp/0152007873/ref=sr_1_28?ie=UTF8&qid=1321019321&sr=8-28) by Mem Fox. I think it's a nice story about what is the same and what is different about people (words, houses, skin, hair).

[lizzywednesday]

not a book but, I think the sesame street old school videos have some great messages about diversity. (they are allegedly not appropriate for today's toddler's, but that hasn't stopped me from letting DS watch them.)

:yeahthat:

They're not "constructed with the educational needs of today's preschooler" ... which basically means they're playful and not deliberately didactic like today's Sesame Street episodes are and anybody who learned anything from them probably learned it by accident.

And they have those classic "pastoral" montages and the "sugar beets" song.

And I think they only count to 12. (Today's Sesame counts to 20.)

Whatever.

The whole idea about the Street was that it was an idealized microcosm of what makes living in a city great - all kinds of neighbors who are all different colors, with different habits, traditions and ways of living, who live harmoniously on their very own Street.

[BabyMine]

I explained to M that we all have different shades of skin color. I showed him my arm and TT's and explained that even though one is lighter or darker it's still an arm. We are all caucasian but I am very pale. I explained how boring the world would be if we were all one color.

[larig]

:yeahthat:

They're not "constructed with the educational needs of today's preschooler" ... which basically means they're playful and not deliberately didactic like today's Sesame Street episodes are and anybody who learned anything from them probably learned it by accident.

And they have those classic "pastoral" montages and the "sugar beets" song.

And I think they only count to 12. (Today's Sesame counts to 20.)

Whatever.

The whole idea about the Street was that it was an idealized microcosm of what makes living in a city great - all kinds of neighbors who are all different colors, with different habits, traditions and ways of living, who live harmoniously on their very own Street.

Actually DS learned to count to twenty from a great song on one of the videos! I love the old street. I've grown to love the newer ones too, but as a kid who went to a pretty homogenous rural school it made me aware of the diversity outside my little corner of the world. (It helped that my parents taught in more urban schools and I got to know their students!) I still get a tear when I see Jesse Jackson and the kids do I am Somebody.

[american_mama]

I'll have to update later with more info, but for now

"Shades of Black"... by Pinkney (two authors, a husband and wife, same last name) nice photography about all the shades of African-Americans, including those with blue or green eyes, pale skin. I think many adults who haven't been paying attention would be surprised to consider the range of "black" in American and elsewhere.

"Rainbow Kids, Hawaii's Gift to America" by Fassler... book by Hawaiian photographer, probably special order

"All the Colors of the Earth" by Sheila Hamanaka... illustrations of all different shades and races of children, generic diversity message

A few storybooks that I am forgetting.... "Hope" by Isabelle Monk about a biracial girl, "On the Fence" (eta: the right title is "The Other Side" and hints in illustrations and between-the-lines about the segregated South).

eta:
I thought of a few more:
"Princess Grace" might be a good way to talk about idealized (typically white) images of heroes and beauty (put in children's terms of course... who do people consider a hero? what is considered pretty? does that match the kids you see in school/neighborhood/town? how might kids feel who don't see themselves in those images?).

For children's books with beautiful images of African-Americans, I'd look at "Come On, Rain", "Tar Beach," maybe "I Love My Hair" (I have only a dim memory of it), "Please, Baby, Please,"He;s Got the Whole Words in His Hands" illustrated by Kadir Nelson, and "Baby Dance" by Ann Taylor (short board book, so better for preschoolers). I'm sorry I don't have examples from other ethnic groups, but hopefully other posters or librarians can help there. I think it's also helpful to explain ethnic differences in terms of background: people's ancestors come from different parts of the world, where often people look a certain way, be that Asia or Africa or Scandinavia or Ireland. We can all be American and have belonged here for a very long time, but still have relatives from long ago who came from somewhere else in the world.

eta again:
In googling the author of "Hope," I found this blog with helpful descriptions of a range of books, primarily about biracial children (all races) and international adoption: http://www.cynthialeitichsmith.com/lit_resources/diversity/multiracial/multi_race_picbooks.html.

[Seitvonzu]

after some strange conversations with my toddler who was trying to figure this stuff out, we got the book "people" by peter speir (sp?)-- i really like that the focus is on all sorts of differences and how boring would the book be without them? we all enjoy it :)

[Jo..]

Adam (5) was just grilling me about this the other day.

I told him people come in all shapes, sizes, and colors, and that is what makes our world interesting and beautiful.

He wound up telling me he wishes he had brown skin, because it is so pretty. I told him that people's skin often (but not always) matches their Mommy and/or Daddy, and that all colors are pretty.

We went round and round for a long time.

These discussions are tough, aren't they? I never know if I am saying the right thing.

[dcmom2b3]

Adam (5) was just grilling me about this the other day.

I told him people come in all shapes, sizes, and colors, and that is what makes our world interesting and beautiful.

He wound up telling me he wishes he had brown skin, because it is so pretty. I told him that people's skin often (but not always) matches their Mommy and/or Daddy, and that all colors are pretty.

We went round and round for a long time.

These discussions are tough, aren't they? I never know if I am saying the right thing.

I just burst into tears reading that your boy wants to have brown skin b/c he thinks it's pretty.

Pretty? Pretty? Brown skin is pretty? I've never heard that from anyone, and I'm a 40 something black woman.

I can't begin to tell you how much his thoughts mean to me.

Even if you doubt the effect of your converations, it's clear that you're doing right by him. Please give a hug from me, and from every other brown person who ever doubted they were pretty.

[mjs64]

I just burst into tears reading that your boy wants to have brown skin b/c he thinks it's pretty.

Pretty? Pretty? Brown skin is pretty? I've never heard that from anyone, and I'm a 40 something black woman.

I can't begin to tell you how much his thoughts mean to me.

Even if you doubt the effect of your converations, it's clear that you're doing right by him. Please give a hug from me, and from every other brown person who ever doubted they were pretty.

Oh, now your post brought tears to my eyes. It reminds me of some of bell hooks' writing in which she describes a black baby doll, left to gather dust on a shelf. I am so sorry that you haven't in 40 years heard that brown skin is pretty. Let me say it too then. Brown skin is gorgeous.

[sarahsthreads]

Oh, now your post brought tears to my eyes. It reminds me of some of bell hooks' writing in which she describes a black baby doll, left to gather dust on a shelf. I am so sorry that you haven't in 40 years heard that brown skin is pretty. Let me say it too then. Brown skin is gorgeous.

:yeahthat: Seriously, I agree. And I imagine DD1 does too - her favorite doll has brown skin, and she picked that doll out herself and begged me to buy her. (We won't go into the fact that she named it - as a very innocent 4-year-old - "Lover". I cringe when she tells other adults the doll's name...)

Sarah :)

[inmypjs]

My SIL has explained this quite well to my kids, I think. She is a scientist FWIW. When they asked her why her skin is dark brown and their skin is much lighter, she explained that her skin has more of something called melanin in it. She said that just like eye color, hair color, etc, skin color is different for different people. She said that how much melanin each person has in their body determines how dark their skin is, and she has more than they do. The kids were very satisfied with this explanation.

[JTsMom]

I am so sorry that you haven't in 40 years heard that brown skin is pretty. Let me say it too then. Brown skin is gorgeous.

Me too. About a week ago, Jason was looking at the cover of Dr. Sears's The Baby Book. He said, "You know which baby I really like? This one, because I love his brown skin." I promise you, it's being said, it probably just doesn't usually get shared.

[american_mama]

bump for my edited response, in case the OP wouldn't otherwise see it

[California]

DCMom2B, your post brought tears to my eyes too. Made me think of this short film, which broke my heart -- stretching it and forcing it to encounter some difficult truths-- the first time I saw it:
A Girl Like Me: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=1091431409617440489#

For the OP, we have All the Colors of the Earth and The Colors of Us. You may find The Colors of Us to be an easy conversation starter. There are food analogies in that book that a toddler can relate too. My kids spun it off into cookies and most recently Starbucks drinks. My DD1 is my peanut butter cookie, my mocha latte. My son is my sugar cookie, my vanilla frappuccino :). Chocolate, cinnamon, caramel, peanut butter, vanilla... all positive, all fun. Like a PP mentioned, simple scientific explanations cut through a lot of the cultural bias. My kids have grown into understanding skin pigment, even if they didn't "get it" the first time I explained it.

That said, I don't want to seem to be oversimplifying anything here. Skin color has a scientific basis. Racism doesn't. Both outright and subtle racism is something I am really struggling to explain to my kids. If anyone has any good books on that please share.

And just for fun, the best description of skin ever in a song (a song for adults, not kids), India.Arie, who is beautiful, and intelligent, and all around amazing: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=12kMTnObZcM

[BelleoftheBallFlagstaff]

I explain that people with darker skin usually come from places (or their ancestors) where there is more sun and that their bodies produced more melanin to cope with the UV exposure. And that pale people like me, had families that came from places like Ireland where there isn't as much sun. One of the first dolls I bought her had "brown" skin, I think it is good for kids to see every color in their lives, and I live in a pretty white area.

I always tell her we are more the same than different, that despite skin color differences we are all the same inside. I grew up in the Bay Area and it was so much more diverse, I really didn't think about race much growing up....

For a while she called all light skinned black men "Obama" (she held my hand while I voted for him). She would get excited "Mama Obama is at Safeway with us!" Thankfully they all laughed, but yeah that was embarrassing.