Church that isn't Jesus-y?

[Green22]

Sounds silly, I know.

I was raised jewish in an area with no jews. When I came upon the jewish community in my city, I did not fit in at all. We weren't "culturally jewish" if that makes sense, just in terms of belief system. I never had any friends at Sunday School and I always felt different. DH is Orthodox but does not go to church. We now live in an area where there are little/no jews, and I have decided that I am okay with DD being raised some sort of christian, and we can go to my parents to celebrate the jewish holidays (which are always just an excuse for dinner together really). I want her to have a sense of community, to be raised with faith and the sense of a greater power, and I also don't want her to experience total shock/alienation if we should one day have to send her to a christian school (b/c private is far too expensive for us and public might not work for whatever reasons).

My issue is that I want to be able to be part of this with her too as she grows up (go to christmas church, or be involved in church stuff she chooses to be involved in), but I'm not sure I'll be able to get on board with stuff that is really Jesus-based. Like orthodox, that seems very jesus-y to me. Are there any that are more god centered- generally? I feel like being jewish gives me a common background with the christian faiths so I can try to branch out from there.

I hope this doesn't offend, I just wonder if anyone has any denomination recommendations or ideas on finding a church. Thanks in advance.

[JoyNChrist]

Do you have any Universal Unitarian churches in your area? They can be a good choice for families of blended faiths or those who don't want a church that teaches a specific doctrine.

[Seitvonzu]

i was going to also say that it looks like you are looking for a unitarian church. any christian denomination is going to be "jesus-y" because, uh, hey! they are based on the belief that Jesus Christ died for our sins and as such, he is our Savior.

i'm Catholic, and while it's not a fundamentalist religion (maybe that's what you mean by Jesus-y?), it's definite pro-Jesus ;) I understand your issue finding somewhere for your kiddo to belong, as my husband is not exactly anti-church...but not super pro, either. he's pretty much agnostic and even the little prayers our daughter learns at her Lutheran preschool rub him the wrong way. i think it's cute, AND our daughter LOVES when we go to church. hrmph. it's tough!

[echoesofspring]

Do you have any Universal Unitarian churches in your area? They can be a good choice for families of blended faiths or those who don't want a church that teaches a specific doctrine.

:yeahthat:
I grew up in a UU church from about age 9 onwards. It was a wonderful, welcoming community, very diverse in terms backgrounds, beliefs, etc.

[lucybabymamma]

It kind of makes me giggle that you are looking for a Christian faith that is not Jesus-y -- sorry! It does not offend me, but I think that is kind of the point. I think its great you are seeking faith and prayer for your child and I will be interested in following the recommendations:)

[Green22]

I know, it is silly. *I* am missing the point of church, I suppose. Maybe I do mean fundamentalist - I think I mean a church that is not exclusionary/pretty liberal (I see the orthodox church as being this way - at my DH's family's church events I am not even acknowledged by the priests, though I did get a head nod last time). I guess want to be able to be involved feeling totally alienated, I want to be a good model for DD and I don't want to seem like a hypocrite when she's older. I also don't want people telling DD bad/scary things about her non-Christian family.

TY for the recs!!! I am going to google to see if there is anything in our area.

[cvanbrunt]

Try this:
http://www.beliefnet.com/Entertainment/Quizzes/BeliefOMatic.aspx

I agree with the Unitarian suggestion. I grew up United Methodist and it strikes me as one of the more liberal mainstream denominations. But I quit going to church when I was sixteen.

[Smillow]

I don't have any direct personal experience, but do you have any Quaker churches near you? They might be the kind of community you are looking for.

[hellokitty]

OP, the UU church sounds like it would fit what you are looking for. You can go to www.uua.org to read more about Unitarian Universalism. We have been attending a UU church for about 5 yrs now and LOVE that the church is so accepting of ppl of all faiths, sexual orientation and races/ethnicities. We are asian american and this is one of the few places in our area, where the immediate focus is not about "where" we are from (it is not assumed that we are foreigners, since we are not white), which tends to be something that is other churches we have attended, tend to hyperfocus on when they first meet us and it really rubs me the wrong way. I also did not want a "jesus-y" church, so I know where you are coming from. The children's religious education program is top rate. I love that my kids are getting exposure to a variety of different religions and the UU principles, esp the one about social justice. If you have any questions, feel free to PM me.

[wellyes]

UU for sure. I am just starting out in "the chosen faith" (meaning that almost everyone in it is there by choice, not born into it). I came here asking pretty much exactly what you did, and that is where the BBB led me, and it's pretty wonderful.


The doctrine of UU is follows seven principles:

The inherent worth and dignity of every person;
Justice, equity and compassion in human relations;
Acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations;
A free and responsible search for truth and meaning;
The right of conscience and the use of the democratic process within our congregations and in society at large;
The goal of world community with peace, liberty, and justice for all;
Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part.
My first-ever UU sermon mentioned Jesus with great respect, as a teacher and role model. Buddha, Ghandi and Ben Franklin also came up.

[Green22]

Well what do you know. You guys are good. I took the belief-o-matic test and came up with reform judaism, universal unitarian and liberal quakers.

Again, thank you!! I feel good about this!

[lucybabymamma]

I know, it is silly. *I* am missing the point of church, I suppose. Maybe I do mean fundamentalist - I think I mean a church that is not exclusionary/pretty liberal (I see the orthodox church as being this way - at my DH's family's church events I am not even acknowledged by the priests, though I did get a head nod last time). I guess want to be able to be involved feeling totally alienated, I want to be a good model for DD and I don't want to seem like a hypocrite when she's older. I also don't want people telling DD bad/scary things about her non-Christian family.

TY for the recs!!! I am going to google to see if there is anything in our area.

No, no don't think it's silly! But sounds like you are searching for a community and faith for yourself first though? And that might be the key to it all. If you find something that resonates with you and that you are trully happy and content with, you can help DD feel ok about her family or school no matter what -- even amid different beliefs. And, you will be an authentic role model for her versus just going through the motions, which I think is so important and wish for so much for my DDs....
For instance: I grew up in a Christian family and we went to church every week, but it wasn't something that carried over into "real life" even though I also went to a Christian school. On the other hand, my husband has very prayerful parents who truly live their beliefs daily, not just once a week. When he had problems as a teen and young adult -- even though he didn't want his parents' help -- he used prayer and his faith to guide him in his decisions!

[Jo..]

I took the beliefnet quiz, and based on the results, we went to a a Unitarian service.

It was WEIRD. Every other line out of the pastor/preacher's mouth was "god, Budda. Allah, the higher spirit, or whatever it is that you belive in"'
....it got old, and FAST.

Also, they had a WONDERFUL child area and playground, but no kids. The particular church that we tried out was all very old/disabled people...no kids at all except for ours.

I am looking for a liberal quaker group nearby.

[mezzona]

Well what do you know. You guys are good. I took the belief-o-matic test and came up with reform judaism, universal unitarian and liberal quakers.

Again, thank you!! I feel good about this!

woah amazing that the test and the recs were spot on! I hope you find what you're looking for, op. off to try that test...

[hellokitty]

I took the beliefnet quiz, and based on the results, we went to a a Unitarian service.

It was WEIRD. Every other line out of the pastor/preacher's mouth was "god, Budda. Allah, the higher spirit, or whatever it is that you belive in"'
....it got old, and FAST.

Also, they had a WONDERFUL child area and playground, but no kids. The particular church that we tried out was all very old/disabled people...no kids at all except for ours.

I am looking for a liberal quaker group nearby.

Are there other UU churches in your area? I ask, b/c each one has its own flavor. Our UU church has never said stuff like the one you attended. Granted, our church was also made up of a lot of older ppl, but since we've joined a lot of younger families have joined as well. I know that one hr south of us, the UU churches are huge and full of younger families, since it's a larger city.

[Trigglet]

I just took that beliefmatic test and it recommended secular humanism, universal unitarianism and nontheism :D - so I would reckon that OP would fee pretty okay about a UU congregation seeing as it appears in a list with two other specifically non-religious 'beliefs'!! Of course, with the caveats PPs have mentioned above about the profile of particular congregations.

Good luck, OP - I'd be interested to hear what you find out in your spiritual travels!

[wellyes]

I took the beliefnet quiz, and based on the results, we went to a a Unitarian service.

It was WEIRD. Every other line out of the pastor/preacher's mouth was "god, Budda. Allah, the higher spirit, or whatever it is that you belive in"'
....it got old, and FAST.

Also, they had a WONDERFUL child area and playground, but no kids. The particular church that we tried out was all very old/disabled people...no kids at all except for ours.

I am looking for a liberal quaker group nearby.

Yeah, each one is different. I went to the one in my town's website and read some newsletters and sermons and their religious education philosophy - and really didn't care for it. Nice people but just not my style (a bit more wiccan influenced than I'm interterested in). I went to the site for the one the next town over and was just blown away, it was perfect for me.

I am lucky to live in MA where just about every town has its own UU church. I know they arent' that common outside of New England. I read somewhere that only 1 in 6 people who identifies as Unitarian is a member of a church, and geography is certainly a factor in that.

[crayonblue]

I just took the quiz and scored 100% Mormon! Apparently I clicked something I didn't intend to (no offense to Mormons) because I'm an evangelical Christian! I am guessing the family values pushed me the Mormon direction.

[Trigglet]

I just took the quiz and scored 100% Mormon!

:rotflmao: that sounds like something that should be on a t-shirt!!

[mjs64]

What is secular humanism? I thought it was a philosophy, not really a practicing faith. Are there secular humanist gatherings? On the quiz, I scored 100% secular humanist, 91% UU. My family is looking for a community for us and DS as well.

[wellyes]

What is secular humanism? I thought it was a philosophy, not really a practicing faith. Are there secular humanist gatherings? On the quiz, I scored 100% secular humanist, 91% UU. My family is looking for a community for us and DS as well.

Well, they're all belief systems. 'Secular humanist' is a positive way of describing a way of thinking that some would call atheist/agnostic - which is a description of what you don't believe, not what you DO. Of course not all agnostics are secular humanists.

I would describe my uu church as largely liberal humanists - some members are theistic, some secular.

[mjs64]

Well, they're all belief systems. 'Secular humanist' is a positive way of describing a way of thinking that some would call atheist/agnostic - which is a description of what you don't believe, not what you DO. Of course not all agnostics are secular humanists.

I would describe my uu church as largely liberal humanists - some members are theistic, some secular.

Thanks for the distinction. We were planning to seek out a uu church and still will. Social justice is extremely important to me--it's one thing I take with me from the RC background I left--and I want DS to participate on a community where that is an important value.

[kijip]

I did the test and I got 100% Liberal Quaker with strong showings for Unitarianism and less so for Catholicism. So I am unsurprisingly a flat out walking religious contradiction. There is a Quaker meeting nearby, might have to try it. We have been going to a liberal American Baptist church with a gay minister.

[hellokitty]

Yeah, each one is different. I went to the one in my town's website and read some newsletters and sermons and their religious education philosophy - and really didn't care for it. Nice people but just not my style (a bit more wiccan influenced than I'm interterested in). I went to the site for the one the next town over and was just blown away, it was perfect for me.

I am lucky to live in MA where just about every town has its own UU church. I know they arent' that common outside of New England. I read somewhere that only 1 in 6 people who identifies as Unitarian is a member of a church, and geography is certainly a factor in that.

I would have felt the same way as you. Our congregation is also what I would consider more secular humanists with a some members who lean more toward asian religions. I would not have been too interested in a UU church that had more wiccan leanings. Not that I have any issues with it, it's just not my interest, and I don't think I would fit in with that crowd.

I think it's great that you have a variety of congregations. You're right, UU churches are more plentiful in the NE. Here in the midwest, most ppl have absolutely no idea what UU's are (and some ppl think it's a cult, since they never bothered to research anything, we're in fundamentalist christian land). I'm lucky that our congregation worked out for us. The next closest ones are both one hr in opposite directions and basically we wouldn't be able to go. I also matched up with liberal quaker when I took the test, but the one closest to us only meets ONCE a yr!!?? So, I never checked it out. I wanted to belong to a community. Meeting once a yr is not what I consider a community. Our church covers a huge geographical region, it is actually the oldest UU church in our state, however, for over a decade it actually was closed and then it was revived again in the 90's. When I joined five yrs ago, there were roughly 40 members. I think we are up to 80 now and it seems like we get more visitors than before who are interested in learning more about UU. We have always been member led, except for two yrs when we had a pastor. However, we decided when our pastor moved, that our congregation was too small for a full time pastor, so we are back to being member led again and I prefer it this way.

[ladysoapmaker]

I would look for a UU church in your area. And each one of those is different so if the first is not a good fit check out another.

Jen

[LexyLou]

I'm Jewish, but also very non religious but still when I'm in a church with a lot of Jesus stuff, I feel uncomfortable.

I have heard good things about Uniterian Churches as well. I'm in an inter faith marriage and had thought about checking one out but kind of decided we aren't an organized religion family...although my DD just asked if she could go to Sunday School (Jewish) so this Sunday she is starting at our reform temple with a lot of interfaith families.

As non religious as I am, if I were to do an organized religion, I think Jewish is the only one I feel comfortable with.

[Zansu]

What sort of Jewish congregation did you visit? Have you checked out Reconstructionist or Humanist congregations? Sometimes Hillel is a good option too, although it draws a more transient crowd.