at what age could your DC be trusted to...

[♥ms.pacman♥]

..walk alongside you (or follow you) in a public place (e.g. supermarket, etc)? how old were they when you could go somewhere and you could set them down and they will follow you or be near you (for the most part), and not immediately run off and try to make a break for it? :)

just wondering because my DS is 22 months and I still can't have him unrestrained when we go out. i feel like he will need a stroller forever! he has a tendency to run off and get into EVERYTHING. i try to put him down, but it's like as soon as his feet hit the floor he's running off to explore something that catches his eye. it's REALLY hard bc i have DD as well so i don't have the liberty to be chasing him everywhere.

anyway, i used to think maybe he was still too young but then when we visited DH's brother and his family (for DNiece's 2nd birthday), we all went to TRU and DNiece was just in the store, and then in the parking lot, happily walking alongside SIL/BIL!! I was SHOCKED...my DS would NEVER do this. he would run off to the toys the first chance he got. DS was the in shopping cart and we still had hard enough time getting him to let go of toys he managed to get a hold of!

and now i'm in a mom's group and i see moms with kids the same exact age as my DS, and the kid actually can follow the mom around in a restaurant or whatever. they don't even use a stroller for some outings (hard for me to imagine). The mom just says "Come here, {kids name}", and the kid actually LISTENS and follows!! :eek: that is so not the case here..i could scream DS's name and it's like he cannot hear me at all, he's just too focused on exploring whatever and trying to grab something he wants...

[lizzywednesday]

I think it depends on the kid.

My brother Gerald, for example, was very much like your niece by the age of 2. But, Ger has always been a very "cautious" kind of a kid - he'd watch a million times before he tried but once he tried, he did whatever it was he wanted to do exactly right.

However, my brother Joe was like your DS until he was maybe 5 or 6.

My sister was good at following at about 2 and my nephew is 2 and pretty good about following and not bolting.

It's fine.

FWIW, my DD is 3 months younger than your DS and she's a bolter, too. I usually wear her or keep her in the stroller because 25lbs of toddler is WAY too much for me to carry all the time!

She's getting better about listening, but she's not "there" yet.

[Melaine]

Gosh, I don't know about the parking lot. Definitely somewhat over 3 it was safe to let them walk along side me most of the time at stores and and the park. We did get rid of our stroller somewhere around then. They weren't going to unpredictably just take off like they would when they were 2. But because there were two of them, I still didn't do that unless I couldn't find a double shopping cart or something. I'd say over the last 6 months I have started letting them SOMETIMES walk along beside me in the parking lot without holding hands (they just turned 5). They are good about it, but it still makes me nervous sometimes. I do want to give them the appropriate freedom though so I let them do it.
I think at your DS's age, it would be unusual for a child to be able to walk along side a parent safely in a parking lot. Most kids we know cannot do that. I also think that parents with only one child might be able to give their kids more freedom, because they can always run after him at the drop of a hat. Those of us with more than one do not have that luxury so we have to avoid the issue by giving less freedom.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Gosh, I'm thinking it was closer to age 3, maybe even 3.5. He's almost 4 and sometimes needs reminders (every few days) about not running off. He listens immediately and he almost always makes good choices. We didn't need a stroller (I stopped using it around 2yo) but I just had to make sure to be holding his hand in many situations. parking lots= holding hands is still not negotiable. He's short and if a car came I need the ability to pull him out of the way vs relying on verbal commands to make him safe.

Don't forget, in your first example you were comparing boys and girls- there are big differences sometimes in the early years with that stuff.

Beth

[hillview]

Between 3 and 4 and there is some variance based on the kid.

[KrisM]

For DS1 and DD I know it was around 28 months or so. I remember because it got remarkedly easier going places with a baby (their sibling) around then, as they could walk and hold onto the cart or whatever without being in it.

Even now, DS1 needs reminders at times to not do stupid things in a parking lot :).

[crl]

My kids are horrible about this. I remember having the same problem with ds (who is now 8). He would just take off. And not look back. All the other moms would chat while their kids happily played at the playground. I would be sprinting after ds. Now dd is the exact same way. The difference between kids is astonishing. And I keep wondering what I am doing wrong.

Anyway, ds was very, very late to following and listening in those situations. He was 4 before I felt any confidence that he would stay with me. He was still an only child at that point so I was able to deal with it more easily though. DD is 19 months and shows no signs of ever following, staying with or listening.

Catherine

[georgiegirl]

Dd never tried to run away from me. She was so attached that I never had to worry about her running off...anywhere. So from birth with her.

DS is 2 (turned 2 in July), and he loves to run off. It's pretty scary since he will just up and bolt...towards a busy street, towards a huge puddle of mud, out of stores, towards breakable items. He's very mischievous and naughty. I often have to carry him kicking and screaming in parking lots. Hopefully he can be trusted by the time he's 3.

[o_mom]

My older ones around 3-3.5, DS3 is 4.5 and still cannot be trusted and shows no signs of growing out of it.

[elliput]

I do not have duckling children. DD is 6 and still will not consistently stay by my side when out- however her autism plays a large role in this so she is not really a good example. DS is 3 and can not be trusted to follow. He will run off at the drop of a hat.

[arivecchi]

Still don't trust my kids that much with this and my oldest is almost 5. He listens but wonders and spaces out a lot, so I have to constantly direct him. It's exhausting, so I have him hop on a stroller board a lot. My almost 3 year old is insane. He is always in a stroller.

[roseyloxs]

I occasionally would let my kids walk with me per request around 2. I can only do it though if I know I won't be distracted. I tend to shop early in the morning when the grocery stores are empty. It makes this a little easier. I give my kids 3 strikes. I let them know not to grab things or walk off or stop walking without letting me know. After 3 strikes they go back in the cart. If I am in a good mood it will just be for a few minutes then they can try again. If I am not then they will have to wait for another day. I will let them walk in parking lots but only when they hold my hands. This has never been a problem for us but neither of my kids were runners.

[Pear]

DD is 2yr 8 mo and I can't trust her for a second to walk next to me. She just takes off sprinting if I don't have physical control of her.

[eno0609]

DD is 2yr 8 mo and I can't trust her for a second to walk next to me. She just takes off sprinting if I don't have physical control of her.
:yeahthat:
same with DS...but even if he agrees to hold my hand it only lasts a few minutes and he will just drop to the ground if he doesn't want us to hold him.

With DD I can't remember when she outgrew that stage, but I'm pretty sure by 3 she wasn't like that. She will still run ahead at the mall but listens and slows down when we call her. We still hold her hand at parking lots just in case though.

[elephantmeg]

DS just recently-maybe 4.5. DD is pretty much there at 3 but I insist on hand holding in parking lots

[Simon]

Ds1 was fine from the day he could crawl/walk , so 1yo. He had excellent impulse control and is a rule-follower. He would never run off or touch things if we said no even once. It was a dreamy toddlerhood!

Ds2 I use a stroller more because I am pregnant than anything. I tend to carry him to a store then use the cart because I like him at eye level so we can talk. I let him walk at outdoor or kid places (botanical gardens, zoo, museum, mall) and keep him more contained in grocery stores, for instance.

[hellokitty]

I agree with whoever said it depends on the kids. DS1 is almost 8, and I still can't always depend on him to walk next to me w/o becoming lost. DS2 though has always been pretty good about it, by age 3 he would stay by my side. DS3 is almost 2.5 yrs old and he does anything, BUT stay by my side. I need to put that kid on a leash!

[hoodlims]

Depends on the kid. Mine has never walked away from me EVER. She is very cautious. She is 21 months and sometimes I lose her only because I can't see her when she is right under my butt.

[wellyes]

3.5 but we DEFINITELY hold hands in the parking lot. I don't care how good a kid is, that is just not safe at that age.
DD is good at this for the most part but will bolt occassionally. I trust her, with caution.

[kerridean]

I never allowed my DDs to run off. I just simply did not allow it. The first time they tried that was the last. They were punished with a time out or put back in the stroller. If they tried it again, they were punished again immediately with stroller time or a time out on the curb. It only took 2 or 3 times. They learned that if they wanted to walk like a big girl they would hold my hand and walk nicely, or they rode in the stroller. They were both doing this easily by 2. We were done with strollers by 3 (even at amusement parks).

[wellyes]

I think most kids are willing to be dive with strollers by 3 - they are for parents convenience .

[AngelaS]

I taught my girls very early to walk without holding my hand. We'd play the stop and go game. They could run ahead a bit, but when I said 'stop' they have to stop immediately. If they didn't, they had to hold my hand. If you sit on the floor and have someone hold your hand above your head for five minutes, you'll realize just how much that hurts!

[dcmom2b3]

Twenty-five. She's the love of my life, but dang, my girl is a runner.

[twowhat?]

Definitely depends on the child. Mine are 3 years old and are practically velcroed to my legs. But I have several friend with 3-yos (both boys and girls) who would take off immediately given the opportunity.

I may complain about my super super shy kids...but I will admit that yes, it's nice that they insist on holding my hand in the parking lot. And most everywhere else:)

[♥ms.pacman♥]

thanks for the responses everyone! i guess it really varies by kid. i thought it was an age thing but seriously, i think my son will be in grade school before he learns not to run off (or maybe even then?)


3.5 but we DEFINITELY hold hands in the parking lot. I don't care how good a kid is, that is just not safe at that age.


Oh, i TOTALLY agree. IMO, my BIL and SIL (as well of a A LOT of our neighbors) have a very different parenting style than DH & I (and seemingly most of the BBB, lol)..i mean, things like helmets, rear-facing car seats are a foreign concept, and i always see 2yos walking around by themselves (nearest adult is like 10 feet away) while cars RIGHT THERE are pulling out and driving by.. it's so strange and seems so unsafe to me. but then I thought maybe these kids are just somehow way more street-smart than my DS because they are always allowed to run free, and we almost never let DS do that, bc i fear of what would happen...

And everytime that DS has tried to run off, we ALWAYS put him in his stroller or shopping cart (mostly bc i just gave up on letting him walk). He gets annoyed at first but after a while is content to sit there. I mostly use a double stroller these days. But there's some situations where using a stroller isn't always practical...

I am starting to think it really depends on the kid, and yes, IME boys seem way more prone to running off than girls. If i just had my DD, i would probably scoff at parents who were running after their kids in the grocery store..bc my DD is SO EASY to control compared to my DS was at the same age. I once saw a poor mom running after her 2yo son in a mall..she couldn't run too far bc she was pushing an infant in the stroller..she had this total look of desperation and was running as fast as she (safely) could, yelling her son's name and screaming at him to stop. I saw the 2yo running...he was running SO FAST and thought it was the funniest thing EVER and the more she ran after him the faster he ran and the more he laughed. I felt SO bad for the mom bc this is EXACTLY the kind of thing my DS would do if he was allowed to walk around. He thinks it is all a game. Things like threats (e.g. "If you don't come here now, no pizza" or whatever) do not work on him at all.

[elliput]

I once saw a poor mom running after her 2yo son in a mall..she couldn't run too far bc she was pushing an infant in the stroller..she had this total look of desperation and was running as fast as she (safely) could, yelling her son's name and screaming at him to stop. I saw the 2yo running...he was running SO FAST and thought it was the funniest thing EVER and the more she ran after him the faster he ran and the more he laughed. I felt SO bad for the mom bc this is EXACTLY the kind of thing my DS would do if he was allowed to walk around. He thinks it is all a game. Things like threats (e.g. "If you don't come here now, no pizza" or whatever) do not work on him at all.

This has been me, but chasing a girl. There have been many times I have had to abandon DS in the stroller in order to catch my DD.

[mikeys_mom]

I agree with all the PP's that it for sure depends on the kid. My very unscientific observation of mine and my friends kids is also that boys tend to run off moreso than girls. I certainly know some parents who have girls that will take-off but it seems more common with boys.

I have a friend whose DS is the same age as my twins. He will take off in a second and not even think to look back. My girls will walk with me holding my hands, or holding DS or DD1's hand and wouldn't think to run away from us in a park, mall, etc.... DH and I took the kids on a trip to the beach last summer and our 3 girls were so happy to just play in the sand by the shore. I posted a video of them on FB and my friend told me that the only thing she could think of was that not in a million years could she ever imagine that scenario with her son.

[Indianamom2]

I would say that it absolutely depends on the child.

DD was probably 3-4 before she could be trusted out of the stroller and quite frankly, I still have to CONSTANTLY remind her not to touch and to keep walking and stay with me, even at 7 yrs. old. Of course, she also has sensory issues and ADHD, so I'm sure that makes a difference.

On the other hand, Ds is a really great listener and can generally be trusted to stick with me for short outings from age 2 on. He just listens so much better, plus he's a typically developing kid, so he doesn't have anything else distracting him.

[Melanie]

Hmm....my first fairly early on, he was never a 'bolter,' but at 22 months I'd have still had him close to me so he wouldn't get run over by carts or people or stolen (he was the freaking cutest baby and toddler ever, you know? ;)) though at 10 he still prefers to hold my hand (so he can gaze off at things and not have to pay attention to where he is walking I suspect!)

Dd...well...ahh...maybe now at 6 years old? Perhaps last year. Most of the time I just still hold her hand in public if it's a safety concern like a parking lot or a "China Shop." I have tried more and more to just walk and see if she follows, but it still worries me as she is still about 5-6 steps behind. A restaurant or park, for example, would be fine, but not a store where she can touch/take/bump things. She has always loathed to hold my hand but I was determined not to get a 'leash/backpack/whatever' b/c I wanted her to learn to walk WITH me. I've lost count the number of times I had a death grip on some part of her arm/hand in a parking lot/road with her yanking/pulling and screaming 'YOU ARE HURTING ME!!!' *sigh* She won't run off now, but wander off, choose to do something other than what I want, run into something, knock something over, sure.

I gave up the stroller just before she turned 5 and miss it on every single outing. I used the shopping cart when she was 5, still at at Costco or Target as their carts are bigger. Shopping was SOOO much more pleasant than. Not that she required restraining, she would just sit in there and I could zip about getting things done. It was easier to keep her contained. I could tell her not to get up as it would tip due to bags, etc. She is a child who is very smart and aware but very very determined and adversarial. And it is getting easier...in some ways. ;)

Hang in there, some kids are just easier than others in this regard.

[niccig]

I think it depends on the kid.



:yeahthat: A friend called me in tears as her DD#2 ran away from her at Target and just would not walk beside her like her elder DD did. I told her you never let her out of the cart. She then said, "but she cries and screams". I told her "and you keep walking, soothing her and get your shopping done as quickly as you can." She had never experienced this.

I think DS was closer to 4. Even now at 7, he'll hop on the front/back of the cart. He normally has a hand on the cart even if he's walking.

[citymama]

My DD is 5 and I still keep a hand on her in public places at all times (unless it's an open space and I can see her up ahead). She would totally bolt at a Target or some such store. DD2 is 18 months and it will be *years* before I will trust her not to stray away. She is absolutely clueless about looking out for us, keeping out of danger, etc. Toddlers are probably the least trustworthy in this regard. Even the best kids aren't reliable till at least 3 or 4.