Not bonding during the 2nd pregnancy?

[Kaylee31]

Is there something wrong with me? I'm not a cold-hearted person-- but TBCH, sometimes I momentarily forget I'm even pregnant and I feel almost apathetic about it. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to be expecting (it was planned & I TTC for almost a year). But I'm just not "into" it like I was the first time and am not as emotional. It's hard for me to describe, b/c I don't even understand it. Even though my EDD is getting closer, it just doesn't seem real to me for some reason. I am not sentimental about it, I don't talk to the baby like I did with DS. I don't get the warm, fuzzy feelings when I feel her move. I haven't put any real thought into choosing a name yet or bought anything for her yet. Well, I have no need to buy new baby gear and she will share a room with DS-- so I don't have much to prepare for her arrival and won't be doing much nesting, I imagine.
Is this abnormal? Did anyone else have a similar experience? I really think (and certainly hope) that I will love her equally to DS once she arrives. But I feel like a failure for not already feeling that way now.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

yeah, i sorta had similar experience. with my 2nd pg, i was too busy puking and running after a toddler to really pay attention to the pregnancy itself. lol.

with my first, i had a pregnancy journal and wrote in it every single day, logged my weight, and put in ultra sound pics. i took baby bump pics every single WEEK. DH read a baby book (Dr. Seuss Places You'll Go for babies in-utero) EVERY NIGHT, even when he was traveling (he would do it over the phone). i counted down the days until my next checkup/ultra sound and was so excited about it. i would talk to the baby in the car all the time.

with my 2nd, i didn't keep a journal at all. i took ONE baby bump pic (at 32 weeks). no in-utero bedtime stories..we were just too tired at the end of the day. l when the time for the checkups/ultrasound came, i was like, ALREADY??? and we had to scramble to find childcare for DS or deal with him in the ultrasound room (UGH). it was all a blur. oh and i never talked to the baby either, usually DS was with me too so i was just too busy. honestly, when i was preggo with #2 i felt like i was in survival mode the whole time. a lot of it probably was bc my two were ridiculously close toegher, also, my son is unusually active. also, dealing with morning sickness probably didn't help.

now that DD is born (she is 8mos now), sometimes i feel a stronger bond with her, bc i think her personality is more similar to mine. she's much more sensitive and a little bit of a drama queen :) and very much a "mama's girl." even sometimes DH says "[DD] doesn't like me, she only wants you." So yeah, totally don't even worry..even you don't do much at all while pregnant, once the baby is born you will love the little one to pieces! :)

[arivecchi]

Did you see this thread?

http://windsorpeak.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=416188

You are definitely not alone on this. :grouphug:

[waitingforgrace]

Yep I'm right there with you, although I wasn't super sentimental about DD1 either. It's not my personality generally but this time it's hard to believe I'm even pregnant. Never mind DD2s EDD is jan 4! I think it's probably normal, or at least I hope so :)

[BabyBearsMom]

I think we could totally start a club (see my thread from yesterday: http://windsorpeak.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=416188). I think it is just harder to bond with #2 because you can't focus 100% of your mind on the baby. When you are pg with #1, it is all encompassing. But now you have #1 to run after and tend to. And adding to the family is freaking scary. I know that I have a routine that works with DD and who knows what will happen to that when the new baby gets here.

But everyone keeps telling me that I will love this little critter when he/she gets here and I am just going to trust that all of those people are right. :hug:

[mommylamb]

I posted in the other thread, but wanted to reiterate here that I totally feel this way about this second pregnancy. Part of this is that I'm busy between work and home life and haven't had the time to really focus in on the fact that I'm pregnant. Part is that I'm not doing all the shopping I did while pregnant with DS (no registering, crib shopping, etc. I will be having a sprinkle, but I feel a little guilty about that and I'm not planning on registering, which is maybe a mistake but I don't want people to think I'm looking for gifts). Part of it is that I know how hard it's going to be. Last time, I couldn't imagine what it would be like to be sleep deprived that way. And this time will be worse and I know it. I also remember how painful labor is, and honestly, I'm totally frightened to go through it again. It's also very hard for me to imagine loving another baby as much as I love DS, but I know it will happen.

Last pregnancy, DH and I read pregnancy books together and talked about the baby all the time. This time, I've read 1 pregnancy book, and it was on my own. I also had some issues with this because I was really hoping to have a girl, and I'm having another boy. Which brings me to more guilt, because I can't help but wonder if I would be more into this pregnancy if this baby was going to be a girl. :bag

The person who seems most excited and focused on the fact that there's a baby coming is DS. He is so sweet about the whole thing. He constantly talks about how he's going to teach the baby to do X or will put a sticker on my belly so that he can give the sticker to the baby. He talks to my belly, kisses my belly, tells me that he's going to help me. It's really adorable. I should take my cues from him.

[Kaylee31]

Did you see this thread?

http://windsorpeak.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=416188

You are definitely not alone on this. :grouphug:

No, I don't know how I missed it. Thanks!


I think we could totally start a club (see my thread from yesterday: http://windsorpeak.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=416188). I think it is just harder to bond with #2 because you can't focus 100% of your mind on the baby. When you are pg with #1, it is all encompassing. But now you have #1 to run after and tend to. And adding to the family is freaking scary. I know that I have a routine that works with DD and who knows what will happen to that when the new baby gets here.

But everyone keeps telling me that I will love this little critter when he/she gets here and I am just going to trust that all of those people are right. :hug:

Your thread made me feel much better! Glad to know I'm not alone.
And the thought of having a toddler & a newborn is just a little bit terrifying to me. ;)


I posted in the other thread, but wanted to reiterate here that I totally feel this way about this second pregnancy. Part of this is that I'm busy between work and home life and haven't had the time to really focus in on the fact that I'm pregnant. Part is that I'm not doing all the shopping I did while pregnant with DS (no registering, crib shopping, etc. I will be having a sprinkle, but I feel a little guilty about that and I'm not planning on registering, which is maybe a mistake but I don't want people to think I'm looking for gifts). Part of it is that I know how hard it's going to be. Last time, I couldn't imagine what it would be like to be sleep deprived that way. And this time will be worse and I know it. I also remember how painful labor is, and honestly, I'm totally frightened to go through it again. It's also very hard for me to imagine loving another baby as much as I love DS, but I know it will happen.

Last pregnancy, DH and I read pregnancy books together and talked about the baby all the time. This time, I've read 1 pregnancy book, and it was on my own. I also had some issues with this because I was really hoping to have a girl, and I'm having another boy. Which brings me to more guilt, because I can't help but wonder if I would be more into this pregnancy if this baby was going to be a girl. :bag

The person who seems most excited and focused on the fact that there's a baby coming is DS. He is so sweet about the whole thing. He constantly talks about how he's going to teach the baby to do X or will put a sticker on my belly so that he can give the sticker to the baby. He talks to my belly, kisses my belly, tells me that he's going to help me. It's really adorable. I should take my cues from him.

You've put into words almost exactly how I feel. )
As for the gender, I'm the total opposite. I think I would be more excited if I was having a boy (even though I always thought I wanted one of each). Now I'm worried a girl will be more difficult to raise (more emotional, more tantrums, more dramatic, etc.)
That is so cute about your DS! Mine doesn't seem to understand the concept yet. Another one of my fears is how he is going to react to a baby around all the time.

[Kira's Mommy]

I think we could totally start a club

:yeahthat: count me in as another member. OP, you're not alone :hug:

[hoodlims]

Totally normal! I have a feeling of "been there, done that" with this pregnancy. We have only 1 picture of the belly, and I am too busy worrying about and caring for my toddler to spend much time on this pregnancy. Plus, I am mostly excited about giving my toddler a little brother or sister. Seems sad, but I think it is very very normal!

[essnce629]

Totally normal!

[swissair81]

My second pregnancy was different because I got divorced before DD1 was born. 4 years is a huge gap for me, and I was over the moon when I was pregnant again. I had been pining since my oldest turned 1, and I anticipated that baby just like I had with my oldest. I think my 'second' pregnancy must have actually been my my third. I wasn't in a rush for the 9 months to go so quickly.

[legaleagle]

Totally normal, and it's really bad now with #3, but I bonded with DS2 much more quickly once he was born, so obviously was not a long term issue.