DH got another "Babysitting" comment

[BayGirl2]

I am back to work a couple days a week now and DH is off on those days to take care of the baby - now 2 months old. So today he takes her out shopping and comes back to tell me he got a lot of the "so you're babysitting today?" comments. He usually answers with "no, she's mine and I'm taking care of her, babysitters get to give them back". Apparently DD was screaming and people were telling him what a great Dad he is to take care of her. I was in the exact same stores just a week ago and anytime she cried I felt like I was getting the "bad mother that can't control her baby" looks. I always get the "is she hungry?" comments, as if baby crying must be caused by some mistake I'm making. Daddy caring for baby is a hero, Mommy caring for baby is just doing her job.

I just find it strange and humorous that fathers and mothers STILL get such different reactions. I know I'm really lucky to have a very involved DH, but we live in an area with LOTS of stay at home Dad's. CA has paid parental leave for fathers and many people use it. I guess I would expect people here to be less tied to what I consider the old expectations of parental roles.

[twowhat?]

I totally get this. Once at the grocery store DH had both girls by the hands. I was running around grabbing groceries while he took his time just walking the aisles with them. At the checkout, one lady said to me (loud enough for him to hear): You're so lucky. I wish my husband was like that.

OK, yeah, I was grateful for the help. But these same checkers see me virtually EVERY week, with BOTH girls, by MYSELF. Sometimes while DH rests at home!

It reminds me of the Everybody Loves Raymond episode where Debra forces him to take the kids out of the house so she can get something done. He whines and complains and eventually agrees. At the park, he sits with all the moms, and happens to have a chance to offer help fixing stroller wheels etc. Then Debra runs to the park to find him (because he forgets the kids' coats?) and gets bombarded by the "you are so lucky to have a husband like Ray...blah blah blah".

LOL!!

[BayGirl2]

I remember that episode with Raymond - hilarious.

At least my DH finds the comments funny and doesn't buy into it. I think I'm particularly sensitive to it now because I still find it a struggle to deal with both kids together, he doesn't.

We really do have a fairly equal parenting relationship (when you subtract bf'ing from the mix). Its actually reversed for us:
Yesterday I took them both out all day so he could clean the house in preparation for him cooking Thanksgiving dinner. I was seriously proud of myself for making it through the day. I returned home with a car full of soaking wet and puke covered gear, telling him that the carseat straps needed special cleaning.

[maestramommy]

LOL. I'm glad your Dh isn't fazed much by it, because it would be easy to be. Everytime I have a performance day at church Dh is soley responsible for the kids. The music director always thanks him profusely. The only reason this doesn't offend him or me is because 1) I'm a SAHM and *I* know what a handful my kids are, even though I have more strategies in place, 2) On any given Sunday we can leave church thinking extremely unChristian thoughts about the kids:tongue5:, and 3) My music director was a WAHM/WOHM with 3 kids close together and got NO help (as in zero, nada, not a lick) from her old school dh 30 some years ago, so she gets it.

[carolinamama]

DH gets these things too if he has even just 1 kid with him. I can have 3 and it's just being the mom. And the looks if one of them is throwing a fit or screaming. DH has always told me that he gets all kinds of help from strangers and friends whereas it is rare that someone offers to help the mother.

[smiles33]

Yup, DH, who only works 4 days/week, is famous at our local grocery store as he does all the grocery shopping with the girls that day. It seems like everyone at the store recognizes him and the girls. The few times I've gone, we've had everyone ranging from baggers to checkers, to the pharmacist and the store manager, greet the girls.

I can still recall one of the first times I went in to that store with the girls to pick up some meds from the pharmacy and the pharmacist grabbed his meds before I even said his name due to recognizing the girls. The cashier at the front even said to me, jokingly, "So you must be the nanny!" as I rarely bring the girls to that store (I do the Costco runs, though!).

[crl]

People used to assume dh was divorced when he went out with ds alone! He had one woman trying to get him to join her single parenting group.

Catherine

[citymama]

My DH gets called "super dad" or "Mr. Mom" every time he is out with the kids, in particular with the baby. He likes the super dad but as an equal co-parent with me in terms of responsibilities and time taking care of kids, he does *not* like Mr. Mom!

And hey, what about super mom over here??? I'm with DD2 all the time and nobody ever calls me that!

[mackmama]

It reminds me of the Everybody Loves Raymond episode where Debra forces him to take the kids out of the house so she can get something done. He whines and complains and eventually agrees. At the park, he sits with all the moms, and happens to have a chance to offer help fixing stroller wheels etc. Then Debra runs to the park to find him (because he forgets the kids' coats?) and gets bombarded by the "you are so lucky to have a husband like Ray...blah blah blah". LOL!!

That episode cracks me up, and it is crazy how different of a response a mother gets versus a father. It's 2011, people! ;)

[BayGirl2]

OK, I do have to admit that I've been offered "help" at least twice in the last couple weeks. Its always when I'm loading the kids in/out of the car. I'm not incompetent, really, I just have a newborn who HATES the carseat and screams a lot and a toddler who wants to test me. Apparently I look helpless enough to be treated like a dad. :-)

[Giantbear]

I hate when people tell me i am babysitting dd when i have her out. But i definitely get treated differently when i have our daughter for the day than my wife does.