Melt my grinchy heart please

[BeachBum]

So I went to pull some tags at the angel tree at starbucks. The only things on there were Wii and DS games.

I'm really struggling with this. Please help me give with a glad heart...not negative feelings.

[kedss]

I wonder how much of this is the kids wanting it or the parents? I would find another way to give this year if this isn't what makes your heart happy- ;) I know the feeling-

[DietCokeLover]

I struggle a bit with that too. I can't fault children for wanting those things, but I can't afford to do it for them. I would either find another friend to co-share an angel child with, or look for other opportunities to give this Christmas season.

[kristac]

I'm guessing you feel like if the child has a Wii or DS that they are not so "needy" or that thier family does not have the correct priorities for thier money?

Try to assume positive intent. Maybe the family had the Wii or DS before the parents lost thier jobs or fell on hard times. Perhaps it was a previous generous gift. Or maybe the child is not aware of the monetary value of these things and was told to make any wish?

I agree with pp- either split the game with a friend or find another place to give. Don't dwell on it when you don't know the circumstances.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Thanks, kristac, for writing that out. It was my take on it too. I just read the advice column on Slate.com yesterday and there was a similar charity gift quandary. Her reply to that was similar to kristac's- it's very hard to know the circumstances. There are other charity options out there though if that one doesn't feel good to you.

Beth

[hillview]

I avoid picking angels who want electronic things -- we don't have them and I am not an expert and I prefer to get kids legos or crayons or books. I don't judge but do avoid.
/hillary

[TwinFoxes]

I'm guessing you feel like if the child has a Wii or DS that they are not so "needy" or that thier family does not have the correct priorities for thier money?

Try to assume positive intent. Maybe the family had the Wii or DS before the parents lost thier jobs or fell on hard times. Perhaps it was a previous generous gift. Or maybe the child is not aware of the monetary value of these things and was told to make any wish?

I agree with pp- either split the game with a friend or find another place to give. Don't dwell on it when you don't know the circumstances.

These were my thoughts exactly. There are many non-nefarious reasons a child would ask for these types of games/devices. Wii and DS have been out for years and years, the parents could easily have gotten a hand me down console and now the child needs games. Or the child sees there cousins/friends with Wiis and think they'd like one at their own house, but have no concept of how much they cost. I hope this helps un-Grinch you. :)

[elephantmeg]

Ugh. I picked up our tags yesterday and the lady who was bell ringing next to the tree said she had helped with the wishlists and they had made a rule this year for no electronics period. Said it was getting out of hand. I picked out a 6 yo who wanted cars and a 1 yo that wanted blocks/educational stuff. I generally try to match the kids ages but couldn't find a 3 yo girl so I figured DD would love to shop for a baby!

My prob this year? I didn't keep a close tab on how much we were spending and walked out with $100 just on the 6 yo! DS picked out a pack of hotwheel cars, a car/truck combo, and a monster truck. I got 2 outfits, a medium wt coat, a pair of shoes and some christmas candy. Oh and DS insisted on a pair of PJ's!

[Mommy Of A Little Angel]

I tend to pick the kids who ask for useful things like coats, books, etc. In the long run, they will get much more use out of these. Plus, the cost of owning a game system doesn't stop with buying the console. Extra accessories and games cost way more and probably could not be afforded making the gift limited. I found one with a 2 year old asking for a car seat which I happily snapped up!

[ray7694]

I know what you mean. I teach in a low income school and I often find that families of poverty spend every penny they have on entertainment. I wouldn't be suprised if these children have game systems.

[wimama]

I avoid picking angels who want electronic things -- we don't have them and I am not an expert and I prefer to get kids legos or crayons or books. I don't judge but do avoid.
/hillary

That is my take on things. In my opinion, kids need toys. Obviously not as much as they need food, shelter, clothes, love, etc. But, kids develop through play. And, I love buying toys. But, I don't judge the kids asking for electronics, I just would not pick a angel tree tag for a kid that wants video games or expensive electronics. I would just pass those tags up and pick a kid that is asking for a regular toy or more practical gift.

Maybe the fact that there are so many electronic & video game tags left, is due to other gift givers feeling the same way.;)

[ahisma]

I know what you mean. I teach in a low income school and I often find that families of poverty spend every penny they have on entertainment. I wouldn't be suprised if these children have game systems.

I think this is a common phenomenon. If you are living in a difficult situation the ability to escape becomes important, emotionally. If you can't travel, take a hobby related class, etc...what does that leave? If a kid is essentially a latch key kid, spending lots of time alone because parents are working to make ends meet and can't afford extracurriculars that we take for granted I think it's to be expected that they'd spend copious amounts of time on the Wii. Less than ideal, sure. But, not immoral.

Where we may save for a vacation, what is in their reach is a Wii. $150 doesn't get you far, travelwise, especially if your starting point doesn't even involve reliable transportation.

[kristenk]

I think this is a common phenomenon. If you are living in a difficult situation the ability to escape becomes important, emotionally. If you can't travel, take a hobby related class, etc...what does that leave? If a kid is essentially a latch key kid, spending lots of time alone because parents are working to make ends meet and can't afford extracurriculars that we take for granted I think it's to be expected that they'd spend copious amounts of time on the Wii. Less than ideal, sure. But, not immoral.

Thank you for writing that, ahisma. That makes so much sense to me, but I never thought of it that way.

[Green_Tea]

I think this is a common phenomenon. If you are living in a difficult situation the ability to escape becomes important, emotionally. If you can't travel, take a hobby related class, etc...what does that leave? If a kid is essentially a latch key kid, spending lots of time alone because parents are working to make ends meet and can't afford extracurriculars that we take for granted I think it's to be expected that they'd spend copious amounts of time on the Wii. Less than ideal, sure. But, not immoral.

Where we may save for a vacation, what is in their reach is a Wii. $150 doesn't get you far, travelwise, especially if your starting point doesn't even involve reliable transportation.

:yeahthat:

I think the point of buying a gift for a child is to surprise and delight them, not to decide if the gift is a "good" or "bad" one. Parents make lots of different choices for their families, and it can be hard to understand them without context, so there's an element of trust and surrender involved when you purchase a gift for a child you don't know.

If the thought of buying an electronic game doesn't sit well with you, perhaps making a monetary donation to an organization that supplies gifts or to a food bank is a better choice for you.

[ABO Mama]

We don't have video games at our home, so I don't like to buy them for others. I would pick a different tag, or donate somewhere else.

[kwc]

While I generally avoid the electronic requests myself (we don't have any game system, so I also wouldn't even know what to buy!), I agree that you cannot know the circumstances. We occasionally let our kids play on our phones/ computer/ DH's ipad but we don't allow them to own any of their own electronics... it's a choice for us, but meanwhile our house is OVERRUN with "quality" toys that I am always stepping on/ over and being exhorted to participate in.

My patient population is 97% low income children (Medicaid). The majority of them live with more than one family in an apartment, often with 6-8 people in a 2 bedroom unit. Some live in unsafe neighborhoods where they are only comfortable being outside at public parks, etc. I think we all agree that sometimes we just need our kids to play quietly by themselves. Many many of my patients have gaming systems in part to occupy the kids ... the younger kids have DSs (or sometimes a cheap drugstore ripoff) and some of the older ones have xbox or similar... though only 1 or 2 games as (we all know) the games are very expensive. These families usually do not have cable tv and often their cell phone service has been turned off when I try to call them.

I'm a bit torn... I see so much childhood obesity and I spend so much time begging parents to limit screen time, but at the same time, I can totally understand parents requesting a DS game or Wii game for their kids.

[AbbysMom]

I know some kids in tough financial situations. When they ask for gifts, they ask for Uggs, American Girl and massive Lego kits. They go to public school and these are the toys that their friends have that they covet. I think it makes sense that they would request what they really want because they know that they can't get it from their family.

If I did a giving tree and had a budget that would pay for a game, I'd get it and be happy to know the kid was happy. :)

[amldaley]

If you don't feel comfortable, then give through a charity where you can give as you wish, such as Toys for Tots. You can give ANY new, unwrapped gift. You can maintain your budget and your personal values.

These toys are distributed throughout your local community and the nation. Anyone can make a request - families, agencies, schools, etc to receive toys. So they really do get distributed widely and to people who need them.

You could also call the school and see if they are doing any sort of secret adot-a-family program. Ours here do it at the beginning of the school year with backpacks and then those families are re-reviewed at Christmas to see if there is a need.

[Tondi G]

Maybe diving into their DS is a way for those kids to escape the reality of their life right now.

[Melaine]

We did two Angel Tree angels last year and it ended up being kind of expensive, because I wanted to do the requested gift (I picked little kids so these were NOT extravagant) plus lots of necessities like pjs and coats, etc. We also did 8 shoeboxes for Samaritan's Purse. I do love doing the shoeboxes because the kids that get that stuff are so grateful (from everything I have seen) no matter how small the gifts are.

This year, I think I will do Toys for Tots because I can take some of the stuff already in my gift closet rather than buying stuff new and having to scramble for sales on specific things.

I agree with what you are saying though about some of the requests. But I just remind myself that one way or the other, those kids are needier than my kids. Even if they might have some expensive things. They might need money or they might need more time with their parents. Maybe they just need their parents to make better choices with their money!

[maestramommy]

I would try to find another angel tree. Dh has one at work that is very popular, but he always picks either what he'd be willing to get or something that might be able to identify:tongue5:. this year he picked Dora toddler bedding for a 4yo and a kitchen set for a 3yo. I snatched them both up at Target. he wouldn't even look at electronics or games because BOTH of us would be clueless.