If you think you need to start over in finding friends,

[ourbabygirl]

how do you go about doing it?

I started staying at home with DD when she was born 3 years ago, and I feel like I pretty much have no friends/ social group anymore. DD started pre-school this fall, but she only has 4 other kids in her class, and it's not the sort of thing where I see the other moms and can socialize with them (kids are ready to get picked up right away when we come, everything is rush-rush when we're dropping them off & picking them up, etc.).
DS is a year old and still naps in the morning, so our schedule is not very predictable and prevents us from doing most scheduled activities through Moms Club or ECFE. And, unfortunately, most of the moms I've met through our ECFE classes when DD was a baby have kids in the same pre-school class, but since DD didn't make the age cut-off, we don't have that in common and don't see one another much.

It seems like all of our friends have faded away since we all started having kids... DH and I have an occasional party or play date, but don't get invited back. We like hosting things but I don't have much motivation to keep doing it when it's not reciprocated.

Any BTDT? Is it possible to start over making a whole new group of friends?

Thanks for your help!

[PunkyBoo]

A lot of commisseration from me, not a lot of advice though. I got lucky when Punkin was a baby and met a great group of similar-parenting moms that I am still very close to and we see each other once every month or 2 for moms' nights out. But I have had a heck of a time getting friends for Boo. I've taken him to almost every rec and parks class and music classes and whatever else I could fit in between his nap schedule and Punkin's schedule. I started conversations with everyone I could, invited others for playdates, etc. and got very little response and no reciprocation. And these were moms with just one kid whereas I was juggling 2. I still haven't figured it out. I now consider one of Punkin's friend's mom as one of my best friends but it took them being in the same class since kindergarten (they're now in 2nd grade) for the friendship to really take hold. I'm really hoping that when I start Boo in preschool in a few months that he will make friends whose mom's are interested in friendships as well. I know though how emotionally exhausting it can be to reach out to others and have it go nowhere. Hugs.:hug:

[megs4413]

I found myself in a similar spot several years ago and joined a MOPs group. Those girls were a lifesaver for me and are still some of my best friends ever! I know you said time limits are a problem for the MOMS groups you looked at, but at the MOPs group I was in, I could just attend the playdates (which were monthly) or the mom's night outs (monthly) if I couldn't attend the biweekly meetings.

[mackmama]

I am totally in the same spot. I can't figure it out either. I guess that I am hoping that I will meet new people and great friends when DC starts school in a couple of years.

[zag95]

I'm kinda in a similar situation. I work part-time as a school district home instructor/sub.

I'm working on playdates with DD's preschool friends/moms.

I do a bookclub 1x per month. Half the gals in the group are moms.

I do scrapbooking and meet about every 6 weeks with a small group.

I get together with some former work colleagues and friends and do dinners out about every 6-8 weeks.

It's hard- never thought I'd be in the position of having to try so hard to make friends. But when you aren't in school, and not working regularly (or at all) those avenues are not available. I am also connecting with a non-profit group that I am involved with.

[momof2girls]

What about volunteering at school?
FWIW most of my good mom friends I made have been since both DDs started elementary school which is when their solid group of friends formed.

[maestramommy]

I finally joined a MOMS Club when Laurel was about 1.5. I already knew a bunch of moms, but it was a loose network, and I never knew about any playdates or meetups. After I joined it was a bit better.

But we also joined a church when we first moved here (2008), and one of the first things I did in the fall was join the handbell choir. I met a bunch of really cool ladies. Most of them had older kids or were empty nesters, but still, very cool ladies, and the director is the queen of them all. Hanging out with them in rehearsal once a week really kept me going for a long while. I probably know more about their lives than most of the moms in my MOMS club.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I am an active member of my preschool's social organization. On days off from school, I help coordinate things like going to the playground or indoor play place together. The whole school is usually invited though sometimes just the class. I don't always click with everyone but I have been making a few more friends that way + ds2 has fun!! It;s such an easy thing to do and you already have a simple group to work with.

Beth

[boilermakermom]

I understand this 110%. Most of the girlfriends I had pre-kids decided to continue working after they have had kids. Our schedules are completely different. Not to mention, they think I am crazy for staying home. We have pretty much lost touch.

There is a MOPS group in my area, but the meetings are at the same time as DD's ballet class. I thought about joining next fall when DD starts preschool.

DH suggested I look for local playgroups on meetup.com. I feel weird doing that though.

[georgiegirl]

I feel similarly. I've met a ton of moms, but I just don't feel like I click with many. After dd (now 5) was born, we moved to a very non-diverse small city in the Midwest. I'm originally from southern California, but have lived in Virginia, NY, and PA before moving here, so I'm used to diversity, and I find it hard to relate to most moms here. It's not just that everyone is white and christian, it's also that they don't understand anything that isn't white or Christian. I was raised Jewish and several of my mom friends have never really known a Jewish person before.

[VClute]

I vote for MOPS, too. At our MOPS group, the children were put in a nursery, and we moms could have our meetings in peace and quiet. We talked about real issues, not just the surface stuff that you can get in a playdate, IMO. And discussing real issues with people makes you closer friends, as evidenced by all the thoughtful discussions here.

[hellokitty]

I d still encourage you to join moms club, even if you have an infant. Try to attend morning events, your older child will enjoy events during holiday breaks and summer breaks. There is also moms night out. Moms club is what you make of it. If you don't attend functions, it won't be useful, but the more functions you attend, the more moms you meet and you broaden your network, good luck. Moms club was the only way I was able to make mom friends. Ppl who join WANT to make friends, which for me was helpful living in an area with very little new blood, most locals keep to themselves, so it's harder for newer ppl to make friends.

[nfowife]

In a few months when your ds is napping once a day it will be much easier to get out. So I would try the moms club again then. Also within the moms club there are usually weekly playgroups to join by age and those will be a good option as well. Also look into gymboree or kindermusik type classes or baby storytime at the library.