What do you do-child disobeyed and found Christmas presents...

[todzwife]

I had all of the kids Christmas in the closet, in a box, covered with a blanket. I specifically told the kids to stay out of the closet.

Well, my almost 6 year old just brought me her leap pad and asked if it was for her. I KNOW she had to have gotten into the box, dug it out of the BOTTOM and opened it up.

I am REALLY unhappy with her right now. I already loaded all of her content onto the leap pad, so I can't really take it back.

WWYD? Save it for her birthday? (It's 2 weeks after Christmas)

[kijip]

I would either save most of her gifts for her birthday or switch up some of them. I get the Leappad can not be returned but maybe there are other things in there that can?

My parents once had a bike for my brother for Christmas. He found it. They hid the bike at a friend's house, put a new smaller gift in a box the bike had come in, and made him wait till his months off birthday for that bike.

Later on, my other brother and I would find gifts when we thought they might be around (usually my parents got checks from my paternal grandparents and spent that money on our tree and gifts for the year) but we never got caught. :bag

[Canna]

I would just give it to her for Christmas - the surprise may be ruined, but I don't think I'd "punish" further by withholding the gift.

I do think it's pretty developmentally normal for a child that age not to be able to help themselves from looking for presents like that.

[JustMe]

Just had a similar situation with 8 year old dd. I am done giving her consequences for this kind of thing (tried it consistently for years and learned the hard way it was not the right approach for dd). I just told dd that she now knows what some of her Chanukah presents are and will still need to wait for Chanukah to get them.

[sariana]

I agree that you can still give the gift; it doesn't have to be a surprise.

I think the bigger issue is that your DD needs to understand that when you say "Stay Out!" you mean it. What if there had been a safety reason for staying out of that closet?

I think she should work with you to come up with her own consequence. She needs to know she did something wrong.

At the same time, Christmas is partly about giving gifts to make our family and friends happy. Your DD needs this message, too, so it's okay to carry through with your plan to give that as a gift now and not wait until her birthday. (That would be okay, too, though, especially if she comes up with that idea as her consequence--having to wait the extra time.)

[ast96]

I think you need to sit down and have a discussion about how she took something away from you by ruining the surprise -- that part of giving the gift is anticipating the surprise and joy on her face, and now you won't have that. Ask her what she thinks the consequence should be.

[scriptkitten]

I think you need to sit down and have a discussion about how she took something away from you by ruining the surprise -- that part of giving the gift is anticipating the surprise and joy on her face, and now you won't have that. Ask her what she thinks the consequence should be.

i like this.

i probably would have flown off the handle and threatened to give the present to them in june and then been like "ha ha now you know there IS NO SANTA!" :)

[mmommy]

I agree that you can still give the gift; it doesn't have to be a surprise.

I think the bigger issue is that your DD needs to understand that when you say "Stay Out!" you mean it. What if there had been a safety reason for staying out of that closet?

I think she should work with you to come up with her own consequence. She needs to know she did something wrong.

At the same time, Christmas is partly about giving gifts to make our family and friends happy. Your DD needs this message, too, so it's okay to carry through with your plan to give that as a gift now and not wait until her birthday. (That would be okay, too, though, especially if she comes up with that idea as her consequence--having to wait the extra time.)

:yeahthat:
I think it could also be a good idea to have her help pick out or wrap gifts for other family members, and talk about how she'll get that great feeling of giving someone else a surprise when they open the gifts she wrapped. This will help her to learn the giving side of gifts, which can help to offset the more selfish/snooping inclinations most of us have.

[JBaxter]

I would do nothing. I have snooped every year since Ive been able to do so. I vividly remember finding stuff in my moms closet. I really dislike surprises. Let her know it wasnt nice but drop it.

[wellyes]

I would just give it to her for Christmas - the surprise may be ruined, but I don't think I'd "punish" further by withholding the gift.

I do think it's pretty developmentally normal for a child that age not to be able to help themselves from looking for presents like that.

I agree it's developmentally normal, but I also think there should be consequences. Otherwise you are letting her know it's OK to disobey and sneak behind your back.

[gatorsmom]

I would have lied and said it was for her cousin and to stay our of their presents since they are not for them. Or I would have said that grandma bought them and asked you to wrap them and to stay out of the closet so as not to ruin the surprise for the other kids.

I think a situation like that requires some quick thinking. I haven't read what the other posters have said. They were probably better responses that didn't involve lying to your kids. :)

[kijip]

I agree it's developmentally normal, but I also think there should be consequences. Otherwise you are letting her know it's OK to disobey and sneak behind your back.

:yeahthat:

[cono0507]

I found the gifts in my dad's closet growing up and got caught. On Christmas, I got coal in my stocking (yes, real coal) and my big gift was given to my little sister instead. I don't even remember what that gift was anymore but I was very hurt and remember being very upset at how I was punished for a long time. It still makes me mad. There are nicer ways of making her understand. I think having a calm talk with her to help her understand your disappointment would do.

[wolverine2]

Honestly, I think telling kids to stay out of a closet is just an invitation to look in the closet... it's too hard to resist. Like the "don't think about a purple elephant." I'd just give it to her anyway, and she'll get the natural consequence of not having a surprise. And then don't tell them anymore where things are hidden!

[Simon]

If I was feeling punative about it then I would likely keep the gift aside for another holiday, and not even her birthday, as a 2 week wait doesn't seem like much for me. But, it sounds like that was intended to be a "big" gift so that might not work for you.

Around here, I would just choose to give a different gift in its place and would hold that one back OR I would make it something she has to earn later on (not tied to punishment for sneaking in the closet, it just wouldn't appear in the holiday gifts). If Ds2 is a peeker, then I might consider the rule, "If you find it, it disappears." I never poked around for gifts at my own house just because it didn't interest me, though my BFF did as a kid and always found them.

I should add that I do think a large pat of the burden is on the parents to do an adequate job of hiding things if you don't want them found!

[roseyloxs]

I found the gifts in my dad's closet growing up and got caught. On Christmas, I got coal in my stocking (yes, real coal) and my big gift was given to my little sister instead. I don't even remember what that gift was anymore but I was very hurt and remember being very upset at how I was punished for a long time. It still makes me mad. There are nicer ways of making her understand. I think having a calm talk with her to help her understand your disappointment would do.

I think this is a very important story to think about. I know you are mad and she did something against your wishes but do you want her to remember this Christmas for the reasons above? I would rather my kids learn that their mother has a generous heart and forgives them even when they screw up. I love the PP's suggestions about having her come up with some possible consequences for herself.

[chozen]

I agree it's developmentally normal, but I also think there should be consequences. Otherwise you are letting her know it's OK to disobey and sneak behind your back.

:yeahthat: i think having her wait until her b-day for it is a good idea.

[todzwife]

I was in the shower when this all went down and I got out and she started apologizing profusely. I told her that her surprise is ruined and that makes me really sad. She offered to "earn" it back and went to clean up her room. I think she feels terrible, and I don't want to make her feel worse-there's no reason to. She'll get the gift on Christmas, already knowing what it is and it will probably remind her every time she uses it that she needs to obey LOL!

[SnuggleBuggles]

"Whatever you do, don't look there!"...it's human nature to look. She knows presents are likely there. She ruined her surprise. Punishment done, give on Christmas. Next time don't say where not to look because it's a dead on clue that there's something good there. Time to get much sneakier with your hiding!

Beth

[wellyes]

I was in the shower when this all went down and I got out and she started apologizing profusely. I told her that her surprise is ruined and that makes me really sad. She offered to "earn" it back and went to clean up her room. I think she feels terrible, and I don't want to make her feel worse-there's no reason to. She'll get the gift on Christmas, already knowing what it is and it will probably remind her every time she uses it that she needs to obey LOL!
Sounds totally reasonable. It is tough to be six!

[fauve01]

Honestly, I think telling kids to stay out of a closet is just an invitation to look in the closet... it's too hard to resist. Like the "don't think about a purple elephant." I'd just give it to her anyway, and she'll get the natural consequence of not having a surprise. And then don't tell them anymore where things are hidden!

:yeahthat::yeahthat::yeahthat:

[cntrymoon2]

I think this is a very important story to think about. I know you are mad and she did something against your wishes but do you want her to remember this Christmas for the reasons above? I would rather my kids learn that their mother has a generous heart and forgives them even when they screw up. I love the PP's suggestions about having her come up with some possible consequences for herself.

I agree with this. It's unfortunate that her big gift was ruined, but sometimes the urge to peek is too great. I wouldn't want to leave my DD with a memory like this surrounding Christmas.

[cntrymoon2]

I was in the shower when this all went down and I got out and she started apologizing profusely. I told her that her surprise is ruined and that makes me really sad. She offered to "earn" it back and went to clean up her room. I think she feels terrible, and I don't want to make her feel worse-there's no reason to. She'll get the gift on Christmas, already knowing what it is and it will probably remind her every time she uses it that she needs to obey LOL!


Awww, that sounds like the best possible outcome! It's great that she recognized her behavior on her own and offered to correct it. Good job, mama!