Should I get Hanukkah stuff?

[elektra]

My brother's girlfriend is going to spend Christmas with us again this year, but she will also be here over the first 5 nights of Hanukkah. She is Jewish and from Israel and although she is not really religious, she still observes Jewish holidays. Last year was her first time ever doing anything for Christmas.
Would it be tacky or awkward if I got a menorah or Hanukkah decorations?
I could always ask her if she wanted to add on a little Hanukkah celebration but my guess is that she would say "oh you don't have to do that." But maybe she would think it was still kinda nice?
I wouldn't want her to feel weird or expected to do anything, although I feel like she would have to help us with how the lighting should work and maybe light the candles but again, I don't want it to be awkward, just fun.
I feel like if the tables were turned it would be fun to have a small little Christmas tree or a Santa decoration or something- however it doesn't seem like a great comparison.
I think the awkwardness comes from the fact that she would need to give us a little tutorial on the celebration and be a bit of a host, even though she is a guest.

Or should I just stick with my Santas and skip the dreidels? I want to be thoughtful, not clueless. :)

[TwinFoxes]

Can you ask your brother? Personally, I think it would be sweet, but I have no BTDT.

[egoldber]

IMO, if it isn't a holiday you celebrate, I wouldn't. You could ask her if she wants to do a Hanukkah celebration when she is visiting. She might find it fun to do the cultural Hanukkah of the menorah and latkes. Or she may not.

Are you exchanging gifts with her? I know that one thing my DH and his family hate is when they get "holiday presents" wrapped in overtly Christmas paper. Every year we search to find more generic paper to make everyone more comfortable.

[mommylamb]

Hanukkah is really suck a kid-focused holiday, and such a minor holiday in a religious sense. I can see asking her if she would like to do anything to do with Hanukkah, but I don't think you need to decorate for it. If she wants to do anything, it will probably be lighting the menorah and saying the prayers rather than dreidels and other decor, which I think is really more kid focused.

[elektra]

IMO, if it isn't a holiday you celebrate, I wouldn't. You could ask her if she wants to do a Hanukkah celebration when she is visiting. She might find it fun to do the cultural Hanukkah of the menorah and latkes. Or she may not.

Are you exchanging gifts with her? I know that one thing my DH and his family hate is when they get "holiday presents" wrapped in overtly Christmas paper. Every year we search to find more generic paper to make everyone more comfortable.

We are exchanging Christmas presents. Our Christmas celebration, at least with my side of the family is pretty secular. She is getting our family Christmas presents and we are getting her a present. She did seem to really like getting a "Christmas" present actually. I think part of it is that she is really into my brother and wants to celebrate the stuff he does. And he spends a lot of time with her family celebrating other Jewish holidays.
Also, I feel like I need to take on a bit of the role that my mom would have if she was able- being welcoming and such, as a mother would do for her son and his girlfriend.

[elektra]

Hanukkah is really suck a kid-focused holiday, and such a minor holiday in a religious sense. I can see asking her if she would like to do anything to do with Hanukkah, but I don't think you need to decorate for it. If she wants to do anything, it will probably be lighting the menorah and saying the prayers rather than dreidels and other decor, which I think is really more kid focused.

Maybe I will just suggest to her that I would love it if she wanted to get some little dreidels for the kids or something. It does seem weird to be buying that stuff myself since we don't celebrate Hanukkah except when invited to others' celebrations.

[ahisma]

I think it is very thoughtful.

How well do you know her? Would you feel comfortable emailing her and telling her that you'd love it if she would share some Hanukkah traditions with your DC and asking for suggestions? That way you can honor her preferences and also not wind up making her feel like she is inconveniencing you.

[elektra]

I think it is very thoughtful.

How well do you know her? Would you feel comfortable emailing her and telling her that you'd love it if she would share some Hanukkah traditions with your DC and asking for suggestions? That way you can honor her preferences and also not wind up making her feel like she is inconveniencing you.

I like this idea too. Thanks!

[Green_Tea]

I think it is very thoughtful.

How well do you know her? Would you feel comfortable emailing her and telling her that you'd love it if she would share some Hanukkah traditions with your DC and asking for suggestions? That way you can honor her preferences and also not wind up making her feel like she is inconveniencing you.

This is a really nice idea.

FWIW, one of my (beloved) uncles is Jewish. Every year since he married my aunt 30 years ago my mom has gotten him eight small gifts for Hanukkah (usually presented all at once). He always seems delighted and grateful that one his traditions is being celebrated.

I certainly wouldn't be offended or think it was weird if one my Jewish friends bought me a Christmas present - I'd think it was thoughtful and sweet!

[vonfirmath]

Are you exchanging gifts with her? I know that one thing my DH and his family hate is when they get "holiday presents" wrapped in overtly Christmas paper. Every year we search to find more generic paper to make everyone more comfortable.

*wry* They'd hate being in our house. We wrap birthday gifts, year round, in overtly Christmas paper. I buy wrapping paper at the end of the season and use it year round for everything.

[new_mom_mry]

It would be really thoughtful of you to make some latkes on one of the nights, and actually, I would argue for including some Hanukkah decorations in your usual regiment of Christmas decorations (I bought some really cute Hanukkah gel clings at BBB the other day--so something that simple could do the trick) versus lighting candles/saying Chanukah prayers/playing dreidel games. She might feel awkward if she is called on to light the candles and educate the masses about Hanukkah, etc....I know I would. The Hanukkah decorations, on the other hand, would signal attention to both Christmas and Hanukkah and inclusion of her traditions.

[swissair81]

Chanukah is really a big deal in Israel. Even the non religious people celebrate it. I don't think it would be awkward at all considering that Chanukah falls at the same time as Christmas this year.

[elektra]

She might feel awkward if she is called on to light the candles and educate the masses about Hanukkah, etc....I know I would.

I know, right? LOL at the thought of me being some representative to a family for Christmas and all it's meaning. I would have to drum up some holiday song lyrics to guide me. And a prayer? It would play like a bad move.
So I definitely don't want her to feel like that.
I was thinking latkes too (hello Trader Joe's!) or maybe she is actually really good at cooking them and would want to make some for us.
I like the way ahisma worded it as far as asking her for suggested ways to celebrate.

[mikeys_mom]

Maybe ask her if she would like to light the menorah at your house. You can say that your kids would love to see a menorah, if she is comfortable with it. Really the only thing involved in lighting the menorah is making two blessings of one sentence each. If she is from Israel, she likely knows them. Having latkes or doughnuts to eat would be a really sweet thing to do. I'm sure she will appreciate your hospitality.