I need your wisdom - how do I handle this?

[jgenie]

In the last few days DS1 has not eaten dinner when we've had dinner but wants to eat dinner at bedtime. He doesn't want to sit at the table when we're eating. The first nights I let him play since he said he wasn't hungry. Tonight I didn't let him in the playroom but he kept himself busy in the kitchen while we were eating dinner but again wanted dinner at bedtime. DS1 is at the bottom of the charts and we're monitoring his weight so it's really hard to deny him food if he says he's hungry. Anyone BTDT? What do I do?

[TwinFoxes]

I don't have advice, but for clarification, is he really not hungry, or he doesn't care for what you're serving?

[LMPC]

We don't have exactly the same issues with DD, but lately she has wanted to get up and play at dinner time which drags things out longer than I would like (so maybe similar in that sense). We started discussing with her the expectation that she at least sit at the table. We talked about dinner time being family time as well as eating time. Inevitably, she sits there and ends up eating. We also implemented the idea that she needs to ask to be excused and once she gets up (except to go the bathroom, say) then dinner time is over for her. Not sure if the last bit would work for you, but thought I'd mention it. She also eats what we eat, but can have a yogurt closer to bed time if she's still hungry.

Hope this phase passes quickly!

[truly scrumptious]

Sometimes DS decides to forego dinner and then is hungry at bedtime. We offer him something boring like a glass of milk so he isnt tempted to do it often, but doesn't go hungry. Also, when he's leaving the table after hardly eating we'll remind him - there's nothing more to eat until bedtime except milk. He might change his mind and have a few more bites.

[jgenie]

I don't have advice, but for clarification, is he really not hungry, or he doesn't care for what you're serving?

It's not that he doesn't care for it because tonight we had pizza. He wasn't interested at dinner but ate the pizza at bedtime.

[egoldber]

My younger DD is very much like this. She is often not hungry at "dinner time" for the rest of us. I have chosen not to fight this battle. Some nights she sits and eats with us and other nights she does not. She eats her dinner later. By nature she is a grazer. Honestly, I think it's probably a healthier way to eat anyway. As long as I am not making her a separate dinner, I don't see what the value is in forcing her to eat at a time when she isn't hungry.

[HIU8]

Both my kids are grazers. They pretty much eat several small meals a day. I adjusted dinnertime to when they like to eat in the evening, so dinner for them is about 5 pm. Then they both have a snack/another small entire meal around 7:30 pm right before bed.

[TwinFoxes]

Reading your 2nd post, I'd probably have him sit down with us for family time, but would let him actually eat his dinner later. Maybe his body clock is just different from the rest of your family's. I know what it's like having kids on the low end of (actually, not even on) the charts. It's stressful, or at least it was for me, now they're in the 30ish percentile.

[Uno-Mom]

Your post makes it sound like a new pattern, though. That doesn't sound like he's tapping into his natural hunger patterns. Is there any chance that he's avoiding the table for some social reason?

[wellyes]

My DD is the exact same way. In our family there are definite control issues at play... she does not like being told what to do, when to do it, where to sit, what to eat. We do the "you have to sit at the table" thing but never force food. And we do feed if hungry later, including offering cereal or yogurt. Not ideal but we have low weight issues too.

I get the idea that if we didn't feed her at odd hours she'd be so hungry that she would have no choice but to eat at mealtimes. But I am just not comfortable refusing a hungry child who hasn't eaten anything of substance since lunch (at best) toss and turn in bed from hunger. On days when she skips a later snack, dinnertime doesn't go better anyway.

So I hope to get great advice from this thread too! But for now I'll just say we're doing basically what you are, I think.

[Simon]

My body clock makes me hungry for dinner at 4:30 pm. Always has, even as a kid. I find it hard to balance eating for hunger at 4:30 when no one else is ready vs. eating because the clock, family, event says its the right time to eat. I want my kids to learn to eat when hungry not just because its the right time. In my case, it causes trouble with overeating/social eating.

I would let him skip eating with the family (depending on age he'd sit to keep us company) and would let him eat later, but not different food if you are worried about a pattern.

FWIW, Ds1 is low on the weight charts too and often only nibbles at dinner time. His bedtime snack choice is a cheese stick because it is filling and healthy but not overly exciting or time consuming to eat.

[sste]

Do you think it is a delay tactic on bedtime? My DS was doing this for a while and we finally made a "last call" for food one hour before the time we aim to have him asleep.

We do make DS sit with us for at least part of the meal - - there is I believe alot of research about eating dinner as a family and positive child outcomes. In our case our kids usually eat at 530 with the nanny and then they have a second meal with us at 630/730. We go light with our requests for them to eat since it is after all dinner 2 but they do need to sit with us for at least 10-15 minutes while we talk about our days. Often the kids put away a good amount of food in that time despite having told us they weren't hungry. :)

Good luck OP!

[lalasmama]

Any chance it's bedtime avoidance? That's what my niece does, and what DD tried a few times :)

For each of them, dinner isn't too much time before bed. So, they would hold off dinner, and then be "starving" at bed time. I did like a PP said, and gave a glass of milk, and that was it. However, my sister would let her DD have a full meal, effectively making bedtime 30-45 minutes later, which was then dragged out, because she was trying to get an overly tired child to bed.

Humorously, when DNiece tried to pull this at my house, and got offered a glass of milk, she took it and went to bed... and didn't attempt that with Auntie again :p

I'd try to find the cause/reasoning behind why your DC is doing it, and then work on it from there. Is there a late-afternoon snack at daycare? DD always ate less at home at dinner when this happened... Is it the only time your DC has to play "alone" (ie, no sibling climbing over him if he plays instead of eating at dinner time)? ... Is it a way that he's gaining some kid-control? (Is he getting other choices throughout the day?)

[crl]

We ask ds to sit with us for at least the first part of the meal. He can save his plate and finish it later. I do not reheat. If he has eaten a decent amount of the actual meal (or if it was something new and he didn't like it) he can have yogurt and/or fruit and/or cheese in unlimited amounts, but he has to get whatever he wants for himself. He can eat up until bedtime. At bedtime he can have some water but nothing else. He is eight though so I know he knows when bedtime is and that he needs to eat before that.

Catherine

[eno0609]

DD went through a phase like this as well. Sometimes it was because she was too busy playing or because she didn't feel like eating we were having, it is rarely because she doesn't like it. She still does this occasionally, so if she says that she's hungry at bedtime, we only allow a glass of milk.

I don't mind if she doesn't eat with us because she's not hungry yet, or doesn't feel like it yet because she's finishing up a drawing- if she wants to eat up to an hour or half an hour before bedtime that's fine, but she's learned that she can't demand dinner right at bedtime because (except for milk) breakfast will be her next meal.