Ferberizing a 2 yr old?

[jgenie]

I've hit my breaking point and need to do something about getting some sleep. DS2 will fall asleep in my arms at night but wakes up an hour later and then will continue to wake up every hour or so until morning. DH works crazy hours and travels quite regularly so it's just me 99% of the time. I have no patience, am short tempered and find myself disengaging from my kids and DH. I battled depression before DC arrived and I can feel it sneaking back in. I need to find a way to get some uninterrupted sleep and 30 mins to exercise at least a few times a week.

Has anyone ferberized a 2 yr old? Any tips? I've resigned myself to trying to sleep train DS2 next week. Can someone give me the Cliff Notes to the intervals? TIA

[chozen]

not sure if this is some thing you would even consider but have you thought about setting up a place for him to sleep in your room, maybe a cot or a toddler bed?

[wellyes]

Oh, my. That sounds so hard. For you and him too. I'm tired just thinking about it. Why do you think he wakes up hourly? Ferberizing is great for getting kids to self-sooth to sleep, but I know if it would help with that - the lack of getting into a deep sleep cycle.

I'd offer the cliff notes but honestly, I've only ever done it with an infant (8 months both times), I'm sure it is different with a mobile toddler.

[bostonsmama]

DD has been nursing to sleep for 13mos, and she's gotten to the point where she'll fight going down. We're doing a modified CIO b/c I've tried it a MILLION times before and she WILL cry every single night for an hour or more if I let her (without checks--although we have a video monitor), no matter how consistent we are. I make sure she's dry, fed, not too warm or cool, and with her fav comforting blanket, and put her down to sleep awake. I pat her on the back lovingly and tell her I love her. After 10 min of fussing, if she gets amped up, I'll go in, pick her up, soothe her, and put her back down after her breathing returns to normal. See, my DD isn't calmed at all by a loving pat on the back. It makes her scream worse. So, I modified to what works. If she cries again. I let her go 5-10min again, and will pick her back up, snuggle and return her to the crib when she's calmed down. This isn't how you're 'supposed' to do it, b/c Weissbluth believes children will cry to the longest interval in which you've picked them up/checked on them. At least for my DD at this stage, it's quasi-working. Last night she whined herself to sleep for 25min. The night before she grunted/whined for 30min, then stood up screaming. I went in to console her and after the 2nd time she went to sleep all by herself in a hot second. Part of me wonders if she just wants to know that I'm still "out there" and that if she really needs me, I'll come. She sleeps through the night, though, once she's down (usually 10hrs on the dot).

[Simon]

That sounds a lot like my Ds1. He was having trouble with overlarge adenoids/tonsils, which made him wake frequently and he would freak out if he was alone. So, I would just make sure there isn't a medical reason for the nightwaking because that is really a lot, though we've BTDT.

I don't know if Ferber will work as well at that age but you can try. Another idea would be the sleep lady shuffle, I think that's the right name, where you slowly transition (changing positions every 3 days) so it would go from holding Ds in arms, to maybe just holding his hand or laying next to him but not holding him (3 nights of this). Then the next 3 nighs sitting in a chair next to him and maybe holding hands but not laying next to him, then in a chair and not holding hands, then in the chair farther away, then in a chair at the door/outside the door but with the door open so you are visible, etc. During this time you can talk to and comfort Dc to reassure them. I think it is supposed to work well with older kids. FTR, I haven't used this technique with a super reluctant sleeper, we did a quick version with Ds2 (from rocking, to laying down together, to laying down with me nearby, so only 3 stages). I still do sit near Ds2 while he is falling asleep.

[luckytwenty]

At that age, I think the Supernanny technique would make more sense. I think Ferber is more for babies.

[chozen]

At that age, I think the Supernanny technique would make more sense. I think Ferber is more for babies.

what is supernanny's tech.?

[babyfiorina1]

I started practicing methods taught in Healthy Sleep Habit Healthy Child when DD was about 8-month old, then recently when DD was about 11 month-old I read the Ferber book. I kinda combine both methods. It was a bit easier compare to a toddler, as she wasn't too mobile yet.

She wouldn't sleep on her own. Only slept when I was next to her and as soon as I put her down on the crib, she woke up an hour later, it drove me nuts and I was ready to put an end to that. With Weissbluth method, I pretty much let her cried it out. She would cry from a range of 1 hour to 3 hours initially every night and every nap she took, I know, I thought I was the most cruel mom on earth, but it worked on DD. After 2-3 days it finally went down to 30 minutes to 45 minutes of cry, then 10 minutes and now...she could fall asleep without my help anymore. It took her about 10 days. With Ferber's method, I recently use it to readjust her nap time as she's been sleeping 12-hour stretch (went to bed at 6 pm) and that kinda disturbed her naps (wouldn't take nap (if she did only 15 minutes), but tired without it). So, I stretched her bed time to 7:30 pm and she would wake up at 6:00 am and took 1-hour nap twice during the day.

I know it's harder with toddler though. I remember a mom shared with me with his child constantly wanting to climb out from the crib and wouldn't sleep and she said that she got a crib tent and it helps somehow to keep him in the crib.

I feel for you, though mine wasn't a toddler yet, I hope it works out for you.

[Uno-Mom]

At that age, I think the Supernanny technique would make more sense. I think Ferber is more for babies.

I haven't seen it in ages, since our tv died, but when I did see the show i remember their technique pretty much was Ferber. The baby version of Ferber involves a child who can't get up and follow you, obviously, but his info for older kids does talk about gently and silently leading or carrying them back to bed.

Good luck!!! It sounds like this is the right thing for you, but I'm sure it will be hard. If you can, I do suggest getting Ferber's book and actually reading it. The things he says about older kids, and the examples he shares, will be comfortint and make you realize you're not suffering through this alone! I think you need that boost, if you're feeling the sleep deprivation take its toll on you now.

[Kira's Mommy]

That sounds a lot like my Ds1. He was having trouble with overlarge adenoids/tonsils, which made him wake frequently and he would freak out if he was alone. So, I would just make sure there isn't a medical reason for the nightwaking because that is really a lot, though we've BTDT.

I don't know if Ferber will work as well at that age but you can try. Another idea would be the sleep lady shuffle, I think that's the right name, where you slowly transition (changing positions every 3 days) so it would go from holding Ds in arms, to maybe just holding his hand or laying next to him but not holding him (3 nights of this). Then the next 3 nighs sitting in a chair next to him and maybe holding hands but not laying next to him, then in a chair and not holding hands, then in the chair farther away, then in a chair at the door/outside the door but with the door open so you are visible, etc. During this time you can talk to and comfort Dc to reassure them. I think it is supposed to work well with older kids. FTR, I haven't used this technique with a super reluctant sleeper, we did a quick version with Ds2 (from rocking, to laying down together, to laying down with me nearby, so only 3 stages). I still do sit near Ds2 while he is falling asleep.

:yeahthat:

I'm so sorry. My DH travels a lot too. I can only imagine what you're going through.

Do you nurse him when he wakes up?

If you nurse him and you co-sleep, believe me, you're not alone. Lots of my friends' babies still wake up every hour to nurse even after the age of 2. Then they stop at around 2.5. I can tell, however, that in your case waiting is not a good option. Night weaning worked perfectly for us. Daddy had to take the night shift for 3 nights, which in your case may be a challenge.

If you don't nurse him, and I'm really sorry if I state the obvious, I would ensure there are no medical reasons for his frequent night wakings. I say that only because I think that waking up every hour every night is a little unusual for a night weaned 2 year old. How's his mood during the day? Has it always been like that or has it gotten worse?

[daisysmom]

You sound pretty desperate. I have been there too.

My DD is now 4.75, so there is hope for you (!!) because she is now a great sleeper. She was a great sleeper from birth to 6 months too, but at 6 months she really started having problems with sleep. So did I, of course. So I know how tired you all.

First, we made sure that there were no medical issues (such as sleep apnea). I have a neighbor whose daughter had similar issues and they did a sleep clinic for here where her sleep was monitored at a hospital. Finally they determined it was her adenoids and she had them removed at 3 and is a GREAT sleeper now as a result, so make sure you check that out if you haven't.

We did CIO (Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child) probably 10 different times, starting at about 8 months. Every time it worked (though was brutal on me) until maybe a month would go by and she would start waking up again b/c of a developmental stage (such as crawling and walking... she always had sleep interruptions for developmental stages). It was just one time after another. She was always up at least twice during the night, but probably not every hour. A typical sleep cycle, I thought, was 45 minutes. If we made it past the 45 minute mark, we were generally home free for a few hours.

My child will get in the "habit" of waking up (literally the same time) and what we needed to do was break the habit. At 3, we started doing this with rewards. They were a godsend for us. CIO wouldn't have worked for us past 3 though, as she was in a bed and would have been terrified to be trapped in her room. Rewards worked better.

Some kids just aren't ready to sleep on their own, IMHO. But I know the tired Mom issues - I was there. I did my best to go to bed at 9 and make time during the day to exercise, even though I was grumpy too.

[hoodlims]

Do you have the book? I would start there, because Dr. Ferber breaks up his book into younger Ferberizing method (under 1), and how to deal with older children (even up to 7 or so!). Read the book, very informative, and not just CIO.

[AnnieW625]

My only advice is to buy yourself some noise cancelling headphones, and get the book esp. since you are dealing with an older child. Good luck.