What do you honestly think of this scenario?

[Kymberley]

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[sunshine873]

No, you're not over-reacting. It's disgusting. Kudos to your DH for rising above, doesn't that just make you swell with pride at the amazing man he became?

[Kymberley]

No, you're not over-reacting. It's disgusting. Kudos to your DH for rising above, doesn't that just make you swell with pride at the amazing man he became?

Yes it does!

I just don't understand how someone could treat their flesh and blood that way. It's heartbreaking.

[wellyes]

That is terrible. A child should feel cherished by his parents. He must be very strong to have gone against the odds. Graduating with honors shows he treated himself with respect when his own parents failed to.

[Kymberley]

The sad and sick thing is that this is only one horrible aspect. There are so many, but I don't want to write it all out. I would be sick.

[KLD313]

No, you're not. That's sad and disgusting. My ex-husband was treated terribly by his parents and he's mentally messed up from it. So, I think it's amazing that your husband can come out of that situation and be OK.

[kijip]

Does he still talk to these people?

I know of families that treat their kids like that. It is extremely disgusting. It's as though they don't realize that parenting is a permanent, life changing commitment.

[Kymberley]

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[AnnieW625]

And i thought it was cruel and unusual that parents I knew growing up who would charge their college student kids rent, but what your DH went through is just plain wrong; it makes rent seem acceptable. Hugs to your DH.

[megs4413]

That's so sad and just shameful on the part of his parents. What a wonderful thing that your DH was able to rise above it!

I can sort of relate...I started dating my Dh when he was 14, so I was able to see some of the less excellent parts of his upbringing (similar to your DH, mine didn't have a bed at home), but up until last year (when he started doing some therapy) I didn't know how bad it was BEFORE I met him and some of the stuff I learned in therapy with him made my blood absolutely boil. His father died two years ago, but his mom....Sometimes I can't stand to be in the same room with her. I'm just so mad at how she treated someone who is so precious to me. I guess since he didn't know any different, it's only now occurring to him that he has even the right to be upset. He hasn't sorted through all of that yet, but we have distanced ourselves from her.

I wish I had some sort of advice on how to deal with it, but I can only offer commiseration. Whenever I get upset about it, I try to remember to take extra great care of him now. It's certainly motivating...HUGS!

ETA: I should add that it doesn't help him when I get mad at his mom FOR him. So I keep *most* of my commentary on her parenting to myself. He gets defensive even if it doesn't make sense.

[KrisM]

How sad. I don't understand how 'parents' can treat a child like that.

[niccig]

The sad and sick thing is that this is only one horrible aspect. There are so many, but I don't want to write it all out. I would be sick.

It takes an awful lot to overcome a childhood like that. Is your DH in counseling so he can deal with the ramifications? I'd also suggest that you will understand his behaviour the more you know about his childhood.

I did therapy all of last year, and after each session I would tell DH what I had discussed with the therpaist. It's not nice stuff to talk about, so you don't. The therapy opened the door, so I could tell DH these things. I could see DH's mind ticking through and going "oh, that's why you react like X when I do Y." He can also quietly mention "that's your father speaking" when I may over react with DS, and it pulls me back into line. It's difficult to not repeat parenting you experienced, it takes a lot to break the cycle.

:grouphug: to your DH. No child should be treated like that.

[crl]

:hug:

Catherine

[Melaine]

That is really sad, and I would be heartbroken if DH had been treated that way. It is very hard to think about someone dear to you being hurt, especially as a child. It's so hard to know that you can't go back and heal those hurts. But I'm sure that he is blessed to have someone like you who loves and cares for him now, and wants to help him work through any pain from the past.

[karstmama]

yeah. my dbf had a rotten childhood without much cherishing evident. so i work hard cherishing him now! he came from dirt poor & abused to working for the federal government as a program evaluation expert, & i couldn't be prouder.

anyway, i hear you & feel for your dh.

[Momit]

That is absolutely awful. Your DH must have tremendous inner strength to rise above being treated so badly by the people who are supposed to love him the most. Hugs to you both.

[daisymommy]

As the wife to a DH who came from a dysfunctional and abusive home, it doesn't end when they reach adulthood. It creeps into your home, into your marriage, and often parenting, as well as their own self esteem and career--if they don't seek counseling to work through the issues. Otherwise, it just gets shoved under the rug and pops it's ugly head up time and again.

[luckytwenty]

I think his parents are awful. You must seethe with rage everytime you see them.

[MamaMolly]

I'm so sorry for him. That is just rotten. My mom was abused, and I agree, it comes up. Therapy really helps.

[marylovesbennyhill]

I would give your FIL a camping pad for Christmas with a tag that says "You reap what you sow"

[crayonblue]

A 16 year old boy, parents are divorced, lives with Mom. He sleeps in the basement on a twin mattress sitting on the concrete floor. She kicks him out because of the way he dresses and because he skateboards (note: not doing drugs, drinking, smoking, or anything like that!). He goes to live with his Dad, 40 minutes away from his school. There, he sleeps in an un-air conditioned and unheated attic on a camping pad (that you put under a sleeping bag) for 2 years until he graduates HS, with honors.

This is my husband's story, with a few missing aspects. I just learned about him sleeping on a camping pad (or whatever it's called) in the attic in the freezing cold and blistering heat. I'm furious, but I have no right to be. Unreal. They both had jobs, his mom was a teacher, his dad an engineer at a factory. They both treated him like garbage, and I'm feeling so bad for him right now. I'm actually crying. Am I over-reacting?

Honest question: was your DH bothered by the sleeping in an un-air conditioned and unheated attic on a camping pad? As a teenager, my brother chose to sleep out in a room above the garage that was un-air conditioned and unheated. I think he slept in a sleeping bag. Looking back, my parents could have really shown him how much they cared by installing AC and heat but I'm not so sure my brother was all that bothered by it.

My brother has lots to overcome in his childhood but the sleeping conditions probably aren't one of them.