WWYD - offensive book?

[ahisma]

MIL has a book that she insists on reading to DC, regularly. It is a book that is commonly seen as quite offensive. DC adore the story. They adore MIL reading it to them. We have asked her, over and over, not to read it to them, ever. She has many other books. They would adore anything that she read to them, but since she makes a production over this book, they do too.

She has, in response to our many, many complaints, edited the story slightly. Not nearly enough. IMO, it's not possible to amend this story enough to make it palatable, especially given that the illustrations are a BIG part of the problem.

Now, DC have actually told someone that this is their favorite book. DH is at a loss, as am I. They're leaving for vacation this week and we may actually just go take the book. That feels horribly wrong, but so is the book.

[ChristinaLucia]

What is it with ILs? Strange. I don't know what I would do, but I will say the curiosity is killing me about what book it is!!

[nmosur]

Have you come out and directly asked her why she does when you and your DH don't want her reading the story to the kids??

[wellyes]

I'm gonna guess.... The Giving Tree?

I don't know what I'd do if my MIL did something to my kids against my explicit instructions. I think you have been too easy on them. I'd put my foot down. Say never again, no negotiation, you lose the right to see them if you don't respect my parental authority.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

Hmm, I don't know what I would do. I guess it would depend on how exactly i felt the book was offensive (e.g. if it was a book that say, used very outdated illustrations/descriptions which are considered racist nowadays, then yeah, that would REALLY bug me, and if my DC ever went around saying it was their favorite book, i'd be pretty disturbed, not to mention mortified). But if it was just one of those books that i didn't really agree with the message or whatever (say, the Giving Tree or one of those commonly controversial children's books) then I guess that wouldn't bother me as much and i'd probably just let it go...i figure my DC are allowed to have different interests/opinions than mine in books.

I guess it would also really depend on the relationship with MIL. If I got the feeling that she was purposely trying to read that particular book to DC and get DC psyched about it because she knew it would bother me, then I would be *beyond* pi$$ed and would have my DH have a serious talk with her (if your DH has already done that, and she still does it, then I'm at a loss..). I too would be tempted to get rid of the book somehow, but then couldn't she just buy another one? (or is it out of production or something?)

And, I can't help but ask.. what book is it??? I am dying of curiosity here!

[ahisma]

Sorry, I should mentioned which book it is. I think I'm just too mortified to see it in print.

It's "Little Black Sambo". MIL is not racist. But, seriously? THAT book? She changes the word "black" to "brown". Whatever. Doesn't fix a thing. Text aside, the illustrations are despicable.

DH has talked to her. BILs have both talked to her. She keeps on doing it. She knows, very well, that we are NOT okay with it. At all.

[Cam&Clay]

Holy crap! That is one of THE most racist books out there. Horrible stereotypes! I'd have a big problem with her reading it to them!

[JoyNChrist]

Sorry, I should mentioned which book it is. I think I'm just too mortified to see it in print.

It's "Little Black Sambo". MIL is not racist. But, seriously? THAT book? She changes the word "black" to "brown". Whatever. Doesn't fix a thing. Text aside, the illustrations are despicable.

DH has talked to her. BILs have both talked to her. She keeps on doing it. She knows, very well, that we are NOT okay with it. At all.

I would just flat out tell her that it's not allowed, that she is being disrespectful of your authority and values, and that if she can't stick to the boundaries you've set, the kids won't be able to see her.

Deliberately going against my wishes like that would make me crazy. Not okay at all.

[maestramommy]

Just googled, and there is actually a wiki entry on it. Okay, I can see why it's offensive. Though it's really too bad, because the story itself is rather charming. At least according the the synopsis I read. The wiki said the original story has undergone a lot of revisions since the controversy started. Is your MIL reading an original version? Or is the revised version still pretty bad?

I also don't know why you and Dh don't just put your foot down with MIL. It's a book that your kids now love. If she doesn't respect your wishes over something like this, I wonder how she handles other matters of disagreement.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

I just looked up that book on wikipedia...WHOA. not PC illustrations/wording at all. maybe it's a great book/story otherwise, but NOT something i'd be wanting my kids to be reading and telling others that it's their favorite book..especially when they're not old enough to get why it can be offensive to others. especially knowing that in many cultures, "sambo" is used as a derogatory term.

[arivecchi]

I would speak to MIL again and prohibit her from reading the book again. I would tell her that I am very serious about this and do not want my kids exposed to racist attitudes.

I would also explain in great detail to my kids why the book is unacceptable. Bet they repeat that discussion to MIL. :icon_twisted::icon_twisted::icon_twisted:

[AshleyAnn]

If it were a badly written or wierd book I would accept it.

A truely offensive book would not be allowed in my house. I'd toss it in the trash the second she left my house and hope the kids forget about it. No guilt about it.

Sounds like its an offensive book. Trash.

[AngelaS]

I would tell her no more and if she can't respect your wishes, she doesn't get to be left alone with your kids.

Funny thing, I remember my grandma having that book when I was a kid. I loved it! I loved the tigers and how he outsmarted them and turned them into butter.....

[ahisma]

She's reading an older version, complete with racist imagery.

I think the problem that comes in to play is that MIL is not racist. She was read this book as a child, by her father...who happens to have been a well respected philosophy professor. She just refuses to see that it is offensive.

It is a nice story, if you strip the racism away. You can't do that with the book in hand though.

Would it be awful if we just took the book out of their house? She bought it on vacation, I can't imagine she could find it in a local bookstore here in Michigan.

[eagle]

oh, this is SO INTERESTING.

i didnt know about "Little Black Sambo" and i looked it up. wikipedia has an entry which includes a synopsis and as i was reading it, it sounded VERY familiar...

i have been reading the same story to my son! we bought a little golden books compilation and it has the same story but without the rascist drawings.

as a compromise, why dont you throw away "little black sambo" and replace it with one that is just like it but newer? no need to go into further explanations about racism or anything. "oh, that old book was getting kind of worn out, so we went out and got the latest version!"

http://amzn.to/vQ0tIp
http://amzn.to/uDQwd1

http://images.betterworldbooks.com/006/The-Story-of-Little-Babaji-9780060080938.jpg

http://www.bibyco.com.au/secure/catalog/images/bookLGBboytigers.jpg

[ahisma]

oh, this is SO INTERESTING.

i didnt know about "Little Black Sambo" and i looked it up. wikipedia has an entry which includes a synopsis and as i was reading it, it sounded VERY familiar...

i have been reading the same story to my son! we bought a little golden books compilation and it has the same story but without the rascist drawings.

as a compromise, why dont you throw away "little black sambo" and replace it with one that is just like it but newer?

http://amzn.to/vQ0tIp
http://amzn.to/uDQwd1


This is perfect! Thank you!!! She can tell the story, but in a charming, not racist way. Perfect solution! Thank you!

[wellyes]

I think the problem that comes in to play is that MIL is not racist. .Put that question to http://yoisthisracist.com/ and see what he says. From the context I am assuming she is not a woman of color. She does not get to decide whether or not a racial slur (sambo) is acceptable.

eta - oops, posted right after you found your solution! Hope it works out.

[Cam&Clay]

I remember my mother saying that this was her favorite story as a child but she later realized it was WAY inappropriate!

[JBaxter]

Sorry, I should mentioned which book it is. I think I'm just too mortified to see it in print.

It's "Little Black Sambo". MIL is not racist. But, seriously? THAT book? She changes the word "black" to "brown". Whatever. Doesn't fix a thing. Text aside, the illustrations are despicable.

DH has talked to her. BILs have both talked to her. She keeps on doing it. She knows, very well, that we are NOT okay with it. At all.

When I read your OP that book popped in my head. I'm 44 and I vividly remember my great grandmother ( who taught in a one room school house) reading me that book over and over. I would give anything for that book but NOT read it to my kids. I think our copy wore out it was probably from her school teaching days.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Playing the opposing side...is it possible to use the book that your MIL and kids adore (you said the kids love it, right?) as a teachable moment with the kids. I haven't read it for ages (and only then just one time) but it sounds like the story has redeeming value. I guess I also have a hard time b/c I love my ILs and would try and see the good in their choices. eta- glad you found a compromise!!

[kristenk]

When I first read your post, it reminded me of "Little Black Sambo" but I didn't think it would really be it. I remember reading it when I was little and loving it. Um, yeah, I don't like it so much now. I also remember eating at Sambo's restaurant when I was little and looking for the scenes from the book.

I love the idea of replacing it with the new, non-racist version. I'm glad you found your answer!

[JoyNChrist]

oh, this is SO INTERESTING.

i didnt know about "Little Black Sambo" and i looked it up. wikipedia has an entry which includes a synopsis and as i was reading it, it sounded VERY familiar...

i have been reading the same story to my son! we bought a little golden books compilation and it has the same story but without the rascist drawings.

as a compromise, why dont you throw away "little black sambo" and replace it with one that is just like it but newer? no need to go into further explanations about racism or anything. "oh, that old book was getting kind of worn out, so we went out and got the latest version!"

http://amzn.to/vQ0tIp
http://amzn.to/uDQwd1

http://images.betterworldbooks.com/006/The-Story-of-Little-Babaji-9780060080938.jpg

http://www.bibyco.com.au/secure/catalog/images/bookLGBboytigers.jpg

This is so nice and helpful. I love this board. :)

[TwinFoxes]

Reading the OP I just knew it was Sambo. I'm glad you found a compromise you're happy with, but no way would someone who blatantly and repeatedly went against my expressed wishes get to watch my kids without me being there.

[Melaine]

I would tell her no more and if she can't respect your wishes, she doesn't get to be left alone with your kids.

Funny thing, I remember my grandma having that book when I was a kid. I loved it! I loved the tigers and how he outsmarted them and turned them into butter.....

:yeahthat: We also read the book at my grandma's house.

[nmosur]

I really don't get how Sambo ended up being a racial slur though. I am very very curious about that. The child in the book (Sambo) is South Indian, Tamil to boot and so am I, so is DD (half Tamil anyway!). I don't think the book was how the slur started.

[lmwbasye]

This is so nice and helpful. I love this board. :)

:yeahthat:

[♥ms.pacman♥]

This is so nice and helpful. I love this board. :)

:yeahthat: BBB is awesome! OP, glad you found a solution!!

[TxCat]

Sorry, I should mentioned which book it is. I think I'm just too mortified to see it in print.

It's "Little Black Sambo". MIL is not racist. But, seriously? THAT book? She changes the word "black" to "brown". Whatever. Doesn't fix a thing. Text aside, the illustrations are despicable.

DH has talked to her. BILs have both talked to her. She keeps on doing it. She knows, very well, that we are NOT okay with it. At all.

I was totally guessing it was this book!!!

What is it with odd in-laws?? DH's aunt is obsessed with that book and has like 2 copies at home and was all excited to find two more copies at her mother's house after she passed away this fall. All I can say is there is no way she is reading that book to DD.

ETA - I think replacing it with the newer, non-offensive version is brilliant. I need to remember that if DH's aunt continues to rant about needing to read "Little Black Sambo" to DD. And that woman IS slightly racist, so it is about as inappropriate as can be.

[wellyes]

I really don't get how Sambo ended up being a racial slur though. I am very very curious about that. The child in the book (Sambo) is South Indian, Tamil to boot and so am I, so is DD (half Tamil anyway!). I don't think the book was how the slur started.
The 'Sambo' stereotype predated the publication of the book. While the story isn't racist, the artwork was. It was a reference to the Picaninny stereotype (http://abagond.wordpress.com/2010/08/06/the-picaninny-stereotype/). And the book was published during Jim Crow, a terribly brutal phase of US race relations. It's unfortunate that the story has that baggage, by all accounts is it a lovely tale.

[nmosur]

The 'Sambo' stereotype predated the publication of the book. While the story isn't racist, the artwork was. It was a reference to the Picaninny stereotype (http://abagond.wordpress.com/2010/08/06/the-picaninny-stereotype/). And the book was published during Jim Crow, a terribly brutal phase of US race relations. It's unfortunate that the story has that baggage, by all accounts is it a lovely tale.

Thank you for the reference.

[ha98ed14]

The 'Sambo' stereotype predated the publication of the book. While the story isn't racist, the artwork was. It was a reference to the Picaninny stereotype (http://abagond.wordpress.com/2010/08/06/the-picaninny-stereotype/). And the book was published during Jim Crow, a terribly brutal phase of US race relations. It's unfortunate that the story has that baggage, by all accounts is it a lovely tale.

I read this reference, too and got a much needed insight into the song and dance number entitled "Abraham" in the movie "Holiday Inn" with Bing Crosby. I love old Christmas movies, and this one came in a set that I got for Christmas several years ago. My jaw hit the floor when I saw this part; it made me really cringe to see it even in the private space of my own house with no one else around. Now I know why. I found it very offensive, but did not know that it was part of a larger portrayal of people of African descent. Thanks for the reference.

[kijip]

Holy sh!t.

First off, you can participate in racism without being a klan member or something. So I personally dismiss the idea that reading this book and claiming it is not a racially offensive book is free of racism. Sorry. The whole "does a racist thing but is not a racist" line is a pet peeve of mine.

I like the idea of the same story sans offensive pictures. Alternately, can she and you open a dialogue with the kids on why these are racist pictures and images? It has happened so might as well make it a teachable moment.

The irony is that these stories have African oral tradition roots. It is the artwork and era of popular publication in the US that gives them this dark turn.

[ahisma]

MIL is in her 70's. I really think it is a generational thing. I get that from reading my posts there is no way to know if she is racist, I am confident that she is not. If anything, she is shockingly naive.

It's more a case of loving a story that she grew up with and feeling a strong attachment to something that reminds her of her father, who she was exceptionally close to. Her father is very, very well respected professionally as a strong intellectual with great compassion. So, to her it is just inconceivable that a story that he read her could possibly be racist.

The kids are 5 and 3. IMO, a bit young for that conversation. They do have strong role models who are people of color (karate instructor, music teacher). It's a discussion to be had, for sure, but I don't feel that they are really old enough to grasp the concepts at this point.

[Melaine]

This is really interesting. The version I read was I believe from the 1950's and the art was not offensive to my memory (granted I was a small child!) This is the one:
http://www.horsegroomingsupplies.com/horse-forums/little-black-sambo-book-found-garage-sale-143555.html

This is making me really really crave pancakes.

[Melaine]

Sorry double post.

[katerinasmom]

Holy sh!t.
First off, you can participate in racism without being a klan member or something. So I personally dismiss the idea that reading this book and claiming it is not a racially offensive book is free of racism. Sorry. The whole "does a racist thing but is not a racist" line is a pet peeve of mine.

Well my guess is that she doesn't really understand why it is racist. Being naive does not make her racist. She has good memories associated with this book and noone has ever explained why it is viewed as a racist portrayal. I would never have thought that the book was offensive - even after reading the Wikipedia page. I had never even heard the word Sambo before. It really wasn't until I read the post that directed us to the explanation of the Picanniny stereotype that I understood why this book was so offensive. The story itself is cute. But now I have been educated and if I choose to read this book to my kids, I will choose the modern adaptation with the more acceptable artwork and names. I would like to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she will do the same.

[TwinFoxes]

Well my guess is that she doesn't really understand why it is racist. Being naive does not make her racist. She has good memories associated with this book and noone has ever explained why it is viewed as a racist portrayal. I would never have thought that the book was offensive - even after reading the Wikipedia page. I had never even heard the word Sambo before. It really wasn't until I read the post that directed us to the explanation of the Picanniny stereotype that I understood why this book was so offensive.

I totally believe that someone in (I'm assuming) 20s or 30s doesn't know that Sambo is a racist term. Someone her MILs age would know it, it was a common slur. Sambos was a large chain of restaurants similar to Denny's that closed in the 70s in large part because of its name. It was not an obscure term, its right up there with "jungle bunny". As someone who's been called "Sambo" I can tell you it's racist...unless perhaps they were admiring my tiger taming abilities.

[katerinasmom]

I totally believe that someone in (I'm assuming) 20s or 30s doesn't know that Sambo is a racist term.

Yes I'm in my 30s - and learning something new everyday.

[June Mommy2]

Those of you who have older versions of the book and want to get rid of it should sell it on ebay...they go for big bucks there. I'm not trying to make light of the situation, just trying to bring something good out of it!

[eagle]

im almost 40 and i dont think ive heard "sambo". i had to look it up.

i never even heard of the chain sambos. according to wikipedia "By 1979, Sambo's had 1,200 outlets in 47 American states." so there were plenty around, it just wasnt in our familys radar. i do remember going to dennys, but never a sambos.

[wellyes]

I think the dividing line is whether or not you grew up, or were an adult, during the Civil Rights Movement (mid-50s to late 60s). Some who is 65 would have been in high school and college during the thick of it - universities integrating, race riots, the assassination of Medgar Evers, the Voting Rights act, sit ins, Freedom Riders, the March on Washington, King getting the Nobel Prize. Race was very much front and center, and it would IMO take almost willful blindness for someone that age to be completely unaware of racial slurs like Sambo. In a way that we a bit younger have been lucky enough to to a little more oblivious to.
As someone who's been called "Sambo" I can tell you it's racist...unless perhaps they were admiring my tiger taming abilities.
Seriously? How awful!

[zag95]

I'm 39 and have heard of Sambos restaurant, as well as grew up reading the book Little Black Sambo- I think my grandma had a copy. My mom, a retired elementary teacher said she found out the book was worth a fortune for original copies- seems like I remember seeing it at Powells in the rare book room for something like $150 each, when I was in HS.

When I think of offensive books like Little Black Sambo, or similarly, Huck Finn, where racial slurs are used, I think of it as a teachable moment for kids. The books were written in a time period reflective of what was happening- racism, Jim Crow, post- reconstruction, etc. For younger kids- I would probably switch the book and have them read the improved version. When they are older and can understand the conversation, I might share with them, how some literature/books that were written in a different time, are considered offensive by today's standard.

I think in examining literature from the past, we can continue to be aware of racism and stereotypes of different cultures/religions/ethnic backgrounds, and how far our society has come, and needs to continue to go.

[american_mama]

Funny, I knew it was Sambo as soon as I was halfway through your original post. As a child, I guess I liked this book well enough to check it out of the school library. It somehow fell in a mud puddle on the way home and got completely ruined... every page soaked and muddy, and it dried all wrinkled and warped. My mom had to pay to replace the book, and thrifty as she was, we kept the muddied original for our use (albeit not on our regular bookshelf, now that I think about it). I liked it even more after we owned it!

There are alternate versions of the story that are more PC (one is presented as a folklore from a particular Indian or African group, as I recall), but frankly, I wouldn't even go down that path with MIL, since it's a line-in-the-sand about your parental authority.

eta: In addition to the two other links, here is another modern re-telling of the story, set in the American South:
http://www.amazon.com/Sam-Tigers-Telling-Little-Black/dp/0803720289

I also remember the restaurant Sambo's which changed its name to Sam's before ultimately going out of business. In one of those iterations, I believe they had a straw farmer's hat as part of their logo, which kind of further suggested the southern/rural/agricultural person associations with the name. It wasn't like the restaurant was called Sambo's and it was some coincidence that it matched a racist stereotype: they were trying to capitalize on that stereotype.

[hellokitty]

Wow, I am sorry, but if you pointed out to your mil that this book is racially offensive and she STILL didn't feel that there was anything wrong with it, SOMETHING is wrong. I, "get" that she is from a different generation, but seriously? She is OK with this book, esp since she has an older copy with the very offensive illustrations??? It blows my mind that she thinks nothing of exposing stuff like this to her grandchildren! I just keep shaking my head.

[Globetrotter]

I'm glad you found the perfect solution, thanks to Eagle :jammin:

However, if something similar comes up again, i would just be very firm and say that is racist and not acceptable in our house. Being me, I would also go into an explanation for "Educational" purposes, but ultimately I would have to put my foot down.

[luckytwenty]

[QUOTE=american_mama;3378033]Funny, I knew it was Sambo as soon as I was halfway through your original post. QUOTE]

:yeahthat: Before even opening, that was the children's book that sprang to mind. I remember my parents talking about it being racist, and I grew up in the 1970s.

[kwc]

OMG. When I saw what the book was, I couldn't believe it.

I also would highly recommend the "The Story of Little Babaji"... it's very sweet and I think very positive. We are a biracial family and I am a bit sensitive/ overattuned to offensive/ unPC books. I first became aware of it as it is included (with an explanation of the history) in the 20th Century Children's Book Treasury... it's a big hardbound book that has over 40 children's books published inside (with smaller pictures, etc)... heavy but great for taking with us on week-long vacations so we'll have a ton of books to read to the kids in one package:
http://www.amazon.com/20th-Century-Childrens-Book-Treasury/dp/B00509CNZ6/ref=pd_bxgy_b_text_b

I am concerned, however, with your MIL's unwillingness to fully respect your wishes or to recognize the problem. Racism does not have to have ill-intent.

[Corie]

I have never heard of this book or the word, Sambo.

[rlu]

When I think of offensive books like Little Black Sambo, or similarly, Huck Finn, where racial slurs are used, I think of it as a teachable moment for kids. The books were written in a time period reflective of what was happening- racism, Jim Crow, post- reconstruction, etc. For younger kids- I would probably switch the book and have them read the improved version. When they are older and can understand the conversation, I might share with them, how some literature/books that were written in a different time, are considered offensive by today's standard.

I think in examining literature from the past, we can continue to be aware of racism and stereotypes of different cultures/religions/ethnic backgrounds, and how far our society has come, and needs to continue to go.

I'm going to second most of this, pointing out that Huck Finn is generally aimed at teens or older, not young children. I disagree with removing Huck Finn from the schools (not that zag95 suggested doing so, but this is one of the most banned books) because it is a teaching moment and we should not put blinders on regarding our past, as zag95 points out in her last paragraph.

I remember Sambos (that's the name I remember) and had a tiger stuffie from the chain. I'm craving pancakes right now so strong is that association. I didn't know/remember it was a book though and I hope OP has gotten the advice she needs to resolve this awful situation.

I ran into a similar situation when I bought a Brer Rabbit golden book (over ebay) but subsequently decided I just couldn't figure out how to alter to make it acceptable to read to DS (the one with the tar). It was a piece of the movie Song of the South I remember enjoying not getting the racism at all at that age.

[ahisma]

I wonder how much of it has to do with geographic regions. MIL grew up in a Dutch community so IMO, it is entirely possible that she was insulated from a lot of things that were prevalent in other parts of the country.

I did know about the term Sambo, but only from the past few years when I helped DD research some stuff via the online Jim Crow museum. I grew up in Fairfax (NOVA). Until today I had never heard of the restaurant either.

DH had never heard of the term - he grew up in the midwest.

RE: MIL's insistence on doing things we've asked her not to - it's a problem. Ongoing. It extends far beyond this - to food, permissiveness, etc. She's said things like "I know you don't allow this (non-vegetarian food item to veggie kids), but I'm going to offer it to them." I let DH navigate that. He's behind me on this book thing and will be going to their house to remove it - his idea.

[ahisma]

Going back to the teachable moments - any suggestions for doing so with a 3 and 5 yo? DD (13) definitely gets it and is quite intuitive and outspoken. I have no problem having that discussion with her.

But...the boys...that's harder. I don't think that they have a framework for racism yet. Differences, yes. Equality, yes. We haven't presented it in terms of race yet though. They have strong role models in their lives from all different walks of life (gender, socio-economic, racial, sexual orientation, etc.) and we talk about embracing differences. I guess I just hate the thought of telling them that racism even exists at this age - that there are people out there who think differently about people based on ethnicity. Are they old enough to understand? That's a pretty heavy subject.

[infomama]

Thanks for the link Eagle....just ordered a paperback of the first book linked to!

[eagle]

thanks everyone for the props! made my day!

:cheerleader1:

[MontrealMum]

I also knew which book the OP was referring to before I scrolled down.

My mom owns the book - it's part of a series that she has - and she read it to me when I was a child. She is from the same community that the OP's MIL is from, in the same age bracket, and she still lives there.

She's recently begun to make noises about reading "her" books to DS (we were down there on an extended vacation) and right away I thought of that book and panicked. She saw the look on my face and said, "Don't worry, not Little Black Sambo, the other ones". I've got to say that I was kind of surprised, and extremely happy at the same time to not have to fight that battle.

I'd be a little worried at the insistence that the book still be read after objections have been made, and I don't buy that someone from that age bracket, and that part of the country, is that naive.

I would definitely order the newer, updated version!

[ahisma]

I'd be a little worried at the insistence that the book still be read after objections have been made, and I don't buy that someone from that age bracket, and that part of the country, is that naive.

I think that, on a certain level, individual circumstances do come in to play. MIL was somewhat sheltered and grew up in a very religious community. Truly, this woman feels that it's a mortal sin to step foot in a casino. It wouldn't shock me if she just hadn't been exposed to some things.

Add to that the fact that her father (born in 1893) read this book to her and that she thinks the world of her father - rightfully so. I have full confidence that her father would reject the book now, but she isn't really able to make that logical conclusion - this is a deeply emotional issue for her.

Just to clarify, I am NOT defending the book, or her decision to read it. Just her overall character. I feel bad on a certain level for putting this out there because I feel like her character is under attack. I have experienced many situations involving racial diversity with MIL and have the benefit of the insight into her character that those bring. There's really no way to share them in this sort of forum.

I get the responses, truly. I suspect I'd be typing a similar response to another poster. I guess all that I can do is explain that I really don't feel that she gets it. Is that a willful refusal to ignore something? Maybe. I don't know. It's an ongoing issue that extends far beyond this awful book.

New book is ordered and DH is preparing for the swap while they are vacationing.

[MontrealMum]

New book is ordered and DH is preparing for the swap while they are vacationing.
I think that's the best option. I'm sorry if it came off that I was condemning your MIL as racist, that's not what I meant. It's just that coming from that community myself, I was kind of surprised. But honestly, I've seen and heard much worse :( I think that each generation builds and grows, and as they say, when you know better, you do better.

[ahisma]

I think that's the best option. I'm sorry if it came off that I was condemning your MIL as racist, that's not what I meant. It's just that coming from that community myself, I was kind of surprised. But honestly, I've seen and heard much worse :( I think that each generation builds and grows, and as they say, when you know better, you do better.

No worries. I understand completely. Reading the book to kids is shocking, IMO. If I didn't know the woman I would share your sentiments, completely. I think she just lives in a bubble. I really don't know. I wish I had a better explanation.

[arivecchi]

OP, I just want to say that you are so kind for trying to compromise. Not sure I could be the bigger person when dealing with a similar issue with my own MIL, so kudos. Truly. :bowdown:

[kijip]

I don't get the generational thing. I am not saying that your MIL is a raging racist. Just that refusing to see the context of this as what it is is still a rather racist choice to make. I really think that most people, including ME (so I am not calling her a bad person at all), have participated in racism in some way at some time. My extremely wonderful grandfather balked when his son started dating a white woman with a black son. Being a good person yet still persisting with racism or in this case ignorance to a real and deep racist history are not mutually exclusive. I have no doubt your MIL is a moral and wonderful person. But being a moral person does not make everything she does or believe innocent or not racist.

But the generational thing for people younger than 90+ makes little to no sense. This is 2011. My dad is nearly 70, grew up with Jim Crow laws when he visited his very racist relatives and he definitely gets it. His mother, married to a very slowly reformed racist, got it. My grandfather, born near the beginning of the 20th century in segregated Texas, got it in time to embrace a black grandson. Age is not an excuse, especially after being told it bothers you. It bothered you for a reason.

I like your solution but wanted to clarify my previous post. Growing up in an interracial family made it clear to me the degree to which racism still thrives, mostly and most harmfully in subtle ways. I think that racism persists in part because people are afraid to call it out in themselves. We can't change anyone but ourselves but we can be a good example.

I think the difference between this and Huck Finn is that HF is presented at an age where kids can discuss and dissect and examine at a level past the storybook age.

[sntm]

Interesting discussion. I think the difficulty with labeling the MIL's actions as racist comes from the incredible (and rightly so) connotations that the word racist entails. There are so many degrees of racism, including some that are clearcut and intentionally harmful down to ones that are very subtle and even debatable. My guess is that MIL, who is usually a good kind non-racist kind of person, had a longstanding love of the book that was irrespective of her views on other races and became more entrenched in defending the book because the implication that she was racist by reading it was totally in conflict with how she sees herself.