adoption baby shower

[Globetrotter]

A close friend has adopted a baby from S. America (her second, but her oldest is a teenager now) and I'm trying to figure out how to plan a shower for her. The baby will turn one soon so she plans to have a party and invite all their friends. They have a TON of friends. Therefore, I am thinking we could some sort of MNO just for her close GFs (could still be quite a few, however..). I know a number of them casually and I would be planning this event with one of them. I could also include her dd's godmother and another close friend of hers (who I don't know all that well), but at this point I have only included one other person.

Can you all give me some pointers or ideas? I've hosted several showers, but this brings a new twist and I am lost.. plus the fact that they have a lot of friends so we would need to somehow limit the numbers. She put a registry together, but i'm noticing that people are already visiting and bringing gifts. We couldn't even start planning before because everything happened so fast but it was uncertain until the end whether it would go through!

[misshollygolightly]

Why not do a sip-and-see or meet-the-new-baby type thing instead of a full on shower? Everyone expects a meet-the-baby party to be after the baby arrives anyway, of course, so you don't have to rush on the planning as much. Usually a meet-the-baby party is a little less structured (no or few games). Plan it between mealtimes (say, around 2:00 or 3:00 in the afternoon) so you can serve tea and cake or some other light refreshments instead of a meal. Less food and no games would mean you could accommodate a larger guest list. If you go this route, do check with your friend to make sure the event won't be overwhelming for her little one.

Also, I would discourage you from planning a Moms Night Out event unless you clear it with her first. Your friend will probably not want to (or maybe even be able to) leave her new little one for an evening...in these first few months, she really needs to promote bonding. I doubt she'd be comfortable leaving the little one in someone else's care just yet.

So nice of you to want to plan something--I hope you can work out something. If an event isn't in the cards, maybe you could just arrange to have several good friends deliver meals to her over the coming weeks...I'm sure she'd appreciate that (maybe even more than a party).

[JustMe]

I am so glad you want to do something for your friend and her new baby. Too often adoptive families do not get celebrated enough. I tend to agree with the pp, though, that you should check in with her friend about what she would want. I know it can feel less fun than a surprise, but I think it is more important for it to be something that feels right to your friend---and there is just really no way to know what that is without asking her. FWIW, my dd came home when she was 11 months old. Some friends offered to make me a shower and I turned them down. Her birthday was next month, and I wanted to do the birthday party as the big party-I did not want a shower. I waited for her, not knowing if she would ever get here, and was so thrilled to plan her first birthday party. I would never have left her with anyone at that point to go out with friends. I would have loved if people would have given me prepared meals, as dd needed constant attention--her needs were very similar to a newborn's, but people did not realize that. My son came home at 4, and I was thrlled when a friend offered to make me a shower. They asked if I thought ds should be there, and I did as he is an outgoing kid, who loves attention and is not overwhelmed by it. We all had a great time. JME.

[Globetrotter]

Thanks! I should clarify a few things. They will be hosting a large first bday party in the next several weeks, so I felt that would be the baby's official introduction. of course, friends are coming over one by one to meet them so all the close friends will have seen her anyway. I was thinking this would be more for her (as a new mom) and she also needs a fair amount of baby stuff still.

I had mentioned a shower to her before the baby arrived and she seemed excited about it, but yes I will definitely check in with her. Just wanted to get ideas first to know what to present :) Plus she HATES surprises so it will definitely not be a surprise (and I'm also not too gung ho about surprise parties)!

As for going out, YES, excellent point about not wanting to get out without the baby! I'm not sure in her case, because she is the type who will go out anyway, but I definitely would ask her.

I like the idea of having some sort of tea (women only?? with our two girls as helpers) - and she could bring the baby, though unless her dh comes along it won't be relaxing for her. I suppose he could be there, too. I just didn't want it to be a family or kid shower because that would be the size of a wedding, unless we somehow limit the numbers! (and the bday party will be exactly like that)

Appreciate the feedback and please do give more suggestions if you have them!