Would you tell someone you exchanged gift?

[niccig]

SIL is a piece of artwork. I emailed saying thanks for DS's Christmas and birthday present ( annoyed that she combined them into one present), and asked if they got our presents. Turns out we gave her DS something he already has, so she told me she will exchange it. We rarely see them, I would have never known the gift was exchanged and I feel it is rude to say "oh we already have that" I would have thanked the person for the gift and kept quiet about the exchange.


So rude or not and I am letting her artwork status get to me?

[smiles33]

I agree with you that I'd rather not be told, but I remember a thread where at least a few people mentioned wanting to be told if gifts were exchanged, so opinions vary.

[TwinFoxes]

I agree with you that I'd rather not be told, but I remember a thread where at least a few people mentioned wanting to be told if gifts were exchanged, so opinions vary.

Same here. I don't care to know, unless maybe it was a clothes size issue, because you could use the info in subsequent years. But others seemed to want to know.

[buddyleebaby]

I think whether or not I would mention it probably depends on my relationship with the gifter...an acquantaince, no, but my mom or my sister, most likely yes. They would find out anyway. ILs are kind of a gray area for me.

As an aside...I was an anxious kid and I distinctly remember worrying after my mom returned/exchanged some gifts I had received (because she did not approve of them) and told me not to mention it because we wouldn't want to hurt the gift giver's feelings. I worried for YEARS that they would come and ask about the gift/want to see them/etc. :rotflmao:It felt like a dirty secret.

[wellyes]

I definitely would not, but it's not rude. Hopefully she told you what she exchanged it for and that he loves the replacement gift.

[waitingforgrace]

I probably wouldn't mention it unless I thought the person would know because we see them often or whatever. But I don't think it's rude she told you, she was just being honest.

[Cuckoomamma]

I dont' think she's rude. She may be like some of the people in the other thread who feel it's rude NOT to be told. I wouldn't have said something, but others feel it's about being honest.

FWIW, I wish people would combine a bday and Christmas gift together. We have plenty of little things and would love some real quality items that cost quite a bit. Putting both my kids' bdays and Christmas together would make our day! Just shows how it's all a matter of perspective :-)

[Melaine]

I would probably tell the person just because I'm chronically honest about stuff like that. I would probably avoid the topic and I wouldn't mention the item in conversation, but if it came up then yes, I would explain that we exchanged it, especially if it was a double. That's assuming I already thanked them.

[MommyofAmaya]

I would probably tell the person just because I'm chronically honest about stuff like that. I would probably avoid the topic and I wouldn't mention the item in conversation, but if it came up then yes, I would explain that we exchanged it, especially if it was a double. That's assuming I already thanked them.

:yeahthat:

[Green_Tea]

I guess I am in the minority. I think your SIL *was* kind of rude to mention it. If there's no good reason to tell the giver, and they are not going to know otherwise, why tell them something that could potentially upset or disappointment them? Just say "thank you - we appreciate the gift!" and leave it at that.

I'd tell my mother or sisters or best friend - people I am very close to and who would be likely to find out the gift was a duplicate. I would not mention it to someone who would never know the difference. Even if you think you're "just being honest," why risk their feelings?

[JustMe]

I would not tell I exchanged something if the person was not going to find out. I would think it could hurt their feelings unecessarily. I think IMHO it borders on rude, although, OTOH, I could also see that some people might not care if their gift was exchanged and so would not think twice about saying something.

You mention she is a piece of artwork in general, and so perhaps this is the piece that is most important. An expression I love and have learned to pay attention to is "Don't go looking for milk in a hardware store", meaning when someone acts the same way over and over again, don't expect that they will all of a sudden be the way you think they should be.

[AnnieW625]

I think whether or not I would mention it probably depends on my relationship with the gifter...an acquantaince, no, but my mom or my sister, most likely yes. They would find out anyway. ILs are kind of a gray area.

This is me too. I don't think I would have an issue if the person is someone we are close with. I think most people are understanding. I would take offense if my BILW returned something that DN already had, and told me about it later.

[JoyNChrist]

I would tell a close friend/family member, but not someone I didn't have a great relationship with. And if I did tell, it would be something like "Oh, it was so great of you to get DS _______. You're apparently great at picking out things he likes because we actually already bought/received ________ a while back and he LOVES it. Since we already had one I let him exchange it for ______ and he couldn't be happier. Thanks again."

[Globetrotter]

I wouldn't say anything if it was a duplicate and they would never know.

However, if they live nearby I have mentioned it because it might come up if they ask the kids about it, but I would say something like PP - they already have it and love it, so you chose well.

With close friends, I usually ask them beforehand to avoid duplication and make sure it's a good fit. Personally, I wouldn't mind combined gifts if it means something nicer and a quality item.

Since you don't like your SIL, I bet that plays into your feelings here :) or at least that's how I am.

[niccig]

Since you don't like your SIL, I bet that plays into your feelings here :) or at least that's how I am.

I think this could be affecting how I feel - I know I would have a different reaction if it was my sister. She's not a nice person, so I'm not sure of the intent, but I'll try to let it go as her not being rude as others have suggested.

I don't like the combined birthday and Christmas present as DS's birthday is on Christmas Day. He already gets jipped as it is, without family giving him one present. My mother did it too. I know it's easier on them to do one gift, and that's probably why I'm annoyed - it's the easy way out.

[gatorsmom]

I guess I am in the minority. I think your SIL *was* kind of rude to mention it. If there's no good reason to tell the giver, and they are not going to know otherwise, why tell them something that could potentially upset or disappointment them? Just say "thank you - we appreciate the gift!" and leave it at that.

I'd tell my mother or sisters or best friend - people I am very close to and who would be likely to find out the gift was a duplicate. I would not mention it to someone who would never know the difference. Even if you think you're "just being honest," why risk their feelings?


:yeahthat: This is exactly what I was thinking. Why tell someone who would never know it otherwise? My first thought would be that they were trying to make me angry, one-up me, or being passive aggressive about something. I'd particularly think this if they have a history of being, "a piece of work."

[niccig]

:yeahthat: This is exactly what I was thinking. Why tell someone who would never know it otherwise? My first thought would be that they were trying to make me angry, one-up me, or being passive aggressive about something. I'd particularly think this if they have a history of being, "a piece of work."

This is what DH thinks and it's his sister. It's not worth getting upset over. I spent time trying to find a present DNephew would enjoy. I replied with an "Ooops, hope he likes the exchanged gift." We often get things DS already has or isn't interested in. I do return/regift/exchange, but I never tell the giver, I just feel it's impolite. If it's a duplicate gift, there's no way for the giver to know that the duplo set isn't the one they sent. The only reply to a question about a gift should be "thank you so much." I'm working on DS, so he doesn't say " I already have that" or "I don't like that."

[MMMommy]

I think it is unnecessary to tell someone you exchanged or returned their gift, especially if they would never know otherwise. Why potentially hurt a gift giver's feelings? I would just say a nice thank you and leave it that when given any gift.

[kijip]

If it is a duplicate, why not let the giver think it is the one they gave? :hysterical:

I would not necessarily tell but I actually am not offended when people tell me.