DD cried herself to sleep tonight; is this normal 4.5 stuff?

[ha98ed14]

In the last 6 weeks, DD has started:

+ Waking up in the night. She's always been a great sleeper, and she usually goes to sleep fine, but the last few weeks she's been waking up in the middle of the night. It's like having an infant again. She wakes up crying and needs us to go in to get her to go back to sleep. Sometimes when that doesn't work, we have to let her CIO.

+ Crying at the drop of a hat when something is not the way she wants it. Instead of asking to be scooted in to the table, or for her sandwich to be cut in half, she immediately starts crying. She starts crying even before asking for help! Where did this come from?!? She does not even give us the chance to say "No." or do it wrong (according to her), she just immediately starts crying! She was NOT like this before! She was a happy kid who just asked for help.

+ Being really mouthy. Rude. Disrespectful. To me. And not to DH. He has better boundaries and follow through with consequences than I do, so some of it is probably my fault. She's always been a Daddy's Girl; now I feel like she's a Wish-I-Didn't-Have-You-For-A-Mommy Girl.

+ Lying. But she's totally stupid about it. She'll ask DH, "Can I do XYZ?" He'll say no, and then she will come and tell me that he said she could and could I help her set it up. That was today.

Another instance from today: She went to the bathroom and left the door open. I happen to see her hop off the pot, pull her pants up and come out to the living room. DH was cooking and she says, "Can I help? I washed my hands!" Um, no, she didn't. I called her on it and told her I just saw her get off the toilet and walk out here and she didn't wash them. And yes I am 100% sure that I did not miss her doing it. DH sent her back and told her not to lie and to wash her hands if she wanted to help.

Seriously, I think she spends half the day in tears when she is home, but she is happy as a clam at school. School reports no behavior issues. Did we spoil her THIS badly that she cries over every little thing?!?

[Uno-Mom]

Yikes. Could it have anything to do with the whole holiday craziness? Six weeks ago was when the whole society started getting hyped up and emotional about it.

[ha98ed14]

Yikes. Could it have anything to do with the whole holiday craziness? Six weeks ago was when the whole society started getting hyped up and emotional about it.

Well, I don't think so. We did a very low-key Christmas, and she started the crying before asking for help thing starting in late Oct/ early Nov. The lying started this past week. I don't even know if she knows she's lying.

[lalasmama]

:grouphug: No real help, but OMG, we've been there, and I'm sorry you're there right now. In our case, it just took time, consistent boundaries, lots of "that's not how you get what you want"s and lots of twisty straws for me....

I'm willing to bet a lot of this stems from the sleeping issues. They once did a study and found that kids who weren't getting enough sleep often tested positive for ADD and similar issues... and that once their sleep was enough again, they didn't test positive anymore. It sounds like something like that could be going on. Would you be willing to attempt to get her sleeping again via medication? (Some parents have luck with melatonin or benedryl.)

As far as the lying, I was told to think of it more as "wishful thinking" and "words have power" thinking. In other words, she's trying to see if she can control her environment with her words.... Personally, I still thought it was lying, and it still annoyed me, but I was able to deal with it easier knowing it was normal.

[ha98ed14]

:grouphug: No real help, but OMG, we've been there, and I'm sorry you're there right now. In our case, it just took time, consistent boundaries, lots of "that's not how you get what you want"s and lots of twisty straws for me....

I'm willing to bet a lot of this stems from the sleeping issues. They once did a study and found that kids who weren't getting enough sleep often tested positive for ADD and similar issues... and that once their sleep was enough again, they didn't test positive anymore. It sounds like something like that could be going on. Would you be willing to attempt to get her sleeping again via medication? (Some parents have luck with melatonin or benedryl.)

As far as the lying, I was told to think of it more as "wishful thinking" and "words have power" thinking. In other words, she's trying to see if she can control her environment with her words.... Personally, I still thought it was lying, and it still annoyed me, but I was able to deal with it easier knowing it was normal.

I just talked to DH and he said that her waking up was only in the last 2-3 weeks, and he thinks it's because she's had a cold (symptoms) for all that time. The crying and rudeness have been going on since late fall (Oct/Nov). But I am sure that the culmination of tonight's drama is absolutely a result of poor sleep!

I feel like if the crying-before-talking could go away, I could deal with the rest. Lately, I have felt like I do not enjoy being a mom these days. Maybe we're not supposed to enjoy it.

[Naranjadia]

We are having/have had some of those issues. The twins are one month shy of 5, but in the past half year we've had much of what you describe:

- DS crying at the drop of a hat, though not DD (though he seems to be emerging from this, it did last about 4-6 months)

- both kids: some waking with difficulty going back to bed without a) backrub or b) getting in our bed (but usually no crying at this point)

- DD - Mouthy, but in a testing way

- a bit of lying from both of them

Unfortunately, the holidays have turned DD into a bit of wicked little witch. She's mean to her bro and sassy to us. She had strep, plus a visit with her super-exciting and emotionally exhausting cousins. And she has difficulty with changes in routine at school.

But, if my experience is a guide, the crying is temporary. At first, I thought DS was imitating my much younger niece's tantrums to manipulate us. But he really did have trouble regulating his emotions for awhile.

[kaitlyns.mom]

DD just turned 4, and we are having many of the same issues. Lots of sleep problems, coming out of her room or waking up in the middle of the night... Lying, crying, attitude, etc. We are cutting back on her TV and I think that will help. Also less sugar. Although truthfully I think it is a normal developmental stage that we will manage to survive.... somehow.

[dogmom]

My DD is the queen of drama at home and and ange; at school, always has been. I think during times of stress/change/general excitement it takes my DD more to hold it together at school and she looses it at home. When she started Kindergarten she could not make it up the driveway without screaming at me by the top. I just learned to set bounderies and walk away a lot, the come back the the screaming/crying puddle that was her and comfort her. I'm not saying I don't loose it with her, I do. But I don't think you are spoiling her, she just sounds like a lot is going on right now for her and she's having trouble dealing. Try to get the basics down, decent food, regular sleep. It will get better.

[daisymommy]

As annoying as it all is, yes, it's normal for the 5 and under age set. Sorry!
I think you're handling it the way you should. It's not because you spoiled her, it's because she's a child :) Not a mini adult.
This too shall pass!