DS is clingy and whiny in the evening after starting daycare...Any BTDT?

[new_mom_mry]

DS started daycare a few weeks ago. We are finally now at a point where he is much happier at the daycare itself during the day and seems happy when I pick him up. Oddly, although according to the daycare provider he likes the daycare a lot more now, he doesn't seem very happy in the evenings at home. Part of the issue is that we are still nursing in the evenings/mornings/night time, so when we get home, he expects to nurse and gets really annoyed when I try to distract him with another activity. I am slowly trying to wean him and since his weight is only in the 20th percentile, I was told by his ped that excessive nursing is only contributing to the problem because he is filling up on milk and not always wanting to eat solids in the appropriate amount. I try to offer him food as soon as we get home around 5pm, but he screams when I put him in his high chair. So I let him nurse a bit, and we play, and he continues being cranky and whiny, and then once I finally manage to feed him dinner, he gets this great boost of energy and wants to play until he gets tired. It's almost as though he needs to eat dinner to feel good and happy, but he doesn't realize that and thinks that nursing will do the trick! I don't think we had this issue to the same degree when he stayed home with the nanny. He definitely didn't ask to nurse to the same degree when I would get home from work...and he was way less clingy and fussy....Any suggestions or advice from mamas whose kids have displayed similar behavior after starting daycare?

[catsnkid]

DS started to be like that more at that age. He started at 3 months. It is a long day for them.

I would suggest
a- trying to put him to bed earlier so he goes well rested. Hard to do.

b- serving him a snack, preferably protein when you pick him up if daycare doesn't. Our daycare serves a parent provided snack and it helps a little bit. DS gets cheese. That helps with the hungries.

[new_mom_mry]

DS started to be like that more at that age. He started at 3 months. It is a long day for them.

I would suggest
a- trying to put him to bed earlier so he goes well rested. Hard to do.

b- serving him a snack, preferably protein when you pick him up if daycare doesn't. Our daycare serves a parent provided snack and it helps a little bit. DS gets cheese. That helps with the hungries.

Thank you for your suggestions. I totally agree that 8.5 hours is a LONG time to be away from home for a 14 month old. He does get breakfast, lunch, and 2 snacks at daycare; I can ask them what time they serve the 2nd snack. I am hesitant to offer a snack when I put him into the car seat because I am concerned that then he won't be hungry for his actual dinner. He is a very picky eater and we constantly struggle with trying to feed him, yet the crux of the issue is that he is super antsy to nurse once he sees me and thinks he needs to nurse to be happy, etc. but what he really needs to eat is a wholesome dinner meal...

[AnnieW625]

Completely normal, and both of my girls started daycare at 4 months old and went through this phase starting at about 14-16 months old. With DD1 it was the worst at about 18-20 months. I think a lot of it has do with growth spurts; both of my girls grew like crazy between 12 mis. and 2 yrs. old. Some weeks are better than others and this is true even now with DD1 who is 5/1/2 and in kindergarten.

[new_mom_mry]

Completely normal, and both of my girls started daycare at 4 months old and went through this phase starting at about 14-16 months old. With DD1 it was the worst at about 18-20 months. I think a lot of it has do with growth spurts; both of my girls grew like crazy between 12 mis. and 2 yrs. old. Some weeks are better than others and this is true even now with DD1 who is 5/1/2 and in kindergarten.

do you have any idea what's causing this stage?? Increased awareness that parents leave the child with the daycare provider during the day and resulting increased desire to be held and bond with the parent in the evenings?

[mikala]

I am slowly trying to wean him and since his weight is only in the 20th percentile, I was told by his ped that excessive nursing is only contributing to the problem because he is filling up on milk and not always wanting to eat solids in the appropriate amount.

This isn't the point of your original question but this phrase stood out to me. Has he always been in the 20th percentile or is he sliding down the growth chart? We've had threads on this a few times lately where someone creates worry about a child's weight being below the 50th percentile when in fact they've always hovered in the same range.

I like PPs suggestion of giving him a snack when he gets in the car. It doesn't have to be anything overly huge or filling but just enough to tide him over until you can get home and get dinner on the table. We've used some mini Larabars for quick snacks like this.

Is it possible to have dad do a daycare pickup and start the dinner routine without you so nursing isn't an option for a few days? That might also help kickstart a new routine.

[YouAreTheFocus]

Thank you for your suggestions. I totally agree that 8.5 hours is a LONG time to be away from home for a 14 month old. He does get breakfast, lunch, and 2 snacks at daycare; I can ask them what time they serve the 2nd snack. I am hesitant to offer a snack when I put him into the car seat because I am concerned that then he won't be hungry for his actual dinner. He is a very picky eater and we constantly struggle with trying to feed him, yet the crux of the issue is that he is super antsy to nurse once he sees me and thinks he needs to nurse to be happy, etc. but what he really needs to eat is a wholesome dinner meal...

I agree with the suggestion of giving him a snack in the car to tide him over. I still have to do this at age 2+. Maybe it would help if you don't think of it as a snack that is going to ruin his dinner, but instead think of it as one component of his dinner. Like I'll give mine a banana, ok, now I don't have to worry so much about fruit...give him a sting cheese, ok don't have to worry so much about milk/protein. I try to avoid things like crackers, true "snacky" type things.

[new_mom_mry]

This isn't the point of your original question but this phrase stood out to me. Has he always been in the 20th percentile or is he sliding down the growth chart? We've had threads on this a few times lately where someone creates worry about a child's weight being below the 50th percentile when in fact they've always hovered in the same range.

I like PPs suggestion of giving him a snack when he gets in the car. It doesn't have to be anything overly huge or filling but just enough to tide him over until you can get home and get dinner on the table. We've used some mini Larabars for quick snacks like this.

Is it possible to have dad do a daycare pickup and start the dinner routine without you so nursing isn't an option for a few days? That might also help kickstart a new routine.

he used to be in the 50th percentile, but began steadily dropping off when he turned 9 months old and began refusing purees and only wanted to eat finger foods. It's really hard to get rich/nutritious foods into him...

Sadly DH can't do daycare pickups...he does the dropoffs and doesn't return home until 7pm. I will start giving DS a snack on our ride home (which is around 10 min). Thanks for all of your advice!