When did you allow DC to attend bday parties w/o you, if you don't know the parents?

[cdlamis]

I have always attended birthday parties with DD's if I didn't know the parents. Now with DD#1 getting older (9 yrs) and not knowing most of the families at our school, it's getting harder to do so. She has been invited to an evening party at a friend's home this weekend and I can't attend with her (schedule wise). She really likes this friend (so do I) so I'd like her to be able to attend. Would you allow this (assuming mutual friends give me the "ok" for this family)?

Geez- as my kids get older, I seem to be coming here for even more advice! :)

[hillview]

I am interested in other responses. My DS is younger so I am not really sure but I think I'd be ok if another family I knew well vouched for this family.

[jenmcadams]

I would...I'd be more uncomfortable if the invite was for a sleepover, but for a generic evening birthday party, I'd be fine.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I still usually go because I like the chance to socialize with other parents. :) But, I have dropped off and been comfortable with it around 7yo.

I'd be completely fine letting a 9yo go to a party without me.

[sntm]

Totally comfortable.

[KrisM]

I'd be fine at 7 or 8 years old. We haven't had it come up, but if DS was invited, he would go.

[infocrazy]

I've let DS1 (6) go to two parties by himself. DH was busy both times so I would have needed to bring the other kids with me. I could have stayed both times--checked with the host, but DS wanted to get dropped off (aka no little brother) and it worked better for me not to stay because of DD's nap time.

Both times, I knew another parent who was staying and I asked them to just keep an eye out for him. DS1 is VERY VERY VERY VERY social so it wasn't an issue. DS2 I will likely need to attend longer because he is pretty shy, at least in the beginning.

This was the first year we had a party for DS1 where we invited class friends and of the 5 boys, only one parent stayed. I do stay at most parties if the other kids can stay with DH, but mostly because the time is usually only 2 hrs and I'd rather stay and chat than drive back/forth for a short time.

[american_mama]

With my first child, she started attending parties alone around age 6 or 7, I think, plus I recall one small party she attended alone when she was 5 years. Prior to elementary school, most of the parties we went to were family parties where often mom, dad, and siblings all came too.

With my second child, she attended several parties alone when she was 4. That sounds a little young to me now, but it seemed reasonable at the time (parties in public spaces, party in a crowded house where no one else was staying and a family I felt comfortable with although didn't know well.) Unlike DD1, she rarely had friends throw family parties. In my circle, many children attend parties alone around age 5 or 6.

My rationale is this: IME there are usual multiple adults at a party (birthday child's parents, sometimes other adult family members, often parents of a few other guests), many parties are in a public space like a bounce house place or park and even those in a home follow a tight timeframe (2 hours) and familiar agenda (craft and/or games, cake, presents). It felt pretty low risk to me.

I think it's about norms in your circle and your own values and reasons for attending with your child. My kids are extroverted and like to do things alone, I'm bored going with them to parties, and I don't feel a 2 hour traditional party structure presents much risk. But my 9 year old was recently invited to a sleepover for a family I did not know at all, which seemed like way too much time exposed to a family/environment I knew nothing about. I said no to the sleepover, but let her go from about 6-9 pm for the party and pizza part (the traditional party part, for the same reasons described above.)

[mom2binsd]

My DC have attended parties on their own since about age 5, around here unless the parents are close they drop off. The only time I wouldn't be comfortable is if it was a waterpark/pool party.

I think parties, especially at a home are pretty safe, I may naive, but with all the other kids around the chances of something bad happening are pretty rare.

I guess I'm not sure what the concerns are as long as the child doesn't have any separation anxiety/severe health concerns/food allergies etc.

[pinkmomagain]

Age 7/8.

[AnnieW625]

DD1 is 5/1/2 and just went to a party during Christmas break for two hours. I left her there, but some other parents stayed. The bday girl's mom, bday girl's grandma and bday girl's teenage cousin were there so there were enough patents there. This was in a private home. I would be a bit more conservative if it was at a public place like a bounce house place that also was open to the public at the same time as the party.

[ett]

DS1 was around 6 when we started dropping him off at parties. Most parents do drop offs here pretty early (4 or 5).

[icunurse]

With my first, I used to hang around if other parents did. Probably did that until he was at least 5. With my second, it seems like every place that there is a party, additional parents are not allowed. She's super-social and the girls are very into their parties, so I think missing the party would be a greater drama vs the very slim chance of anything bad happening.

[Puddy73]

Yes, but I'd probably stick around for a few minutes and chat with the parents to make sure that I didn't get any weird vibes. Sleepovers, however, scare the crap out of me. DD has only been to one, at our next door neighbor's house.

[JElaineB]

For us, around age 7/first grade. But we haven't done any sleepovers and have no intention of doing any anytime soon (DS is 9).

[cdlamis]

Thank you all for all your advice!! I think I clung to an old philosophy from when she was younger and haven't given it much thought since then. SO glad to see it's okay to ease up a little. We are still new to this school so its very important that she have outside interaction as much as possible.