update post #9 S/O - if you had a traumatic experience at a hospital...

[candaceb]

If you had a traumatic experience at a hospital and you had to go back there, what helped you?
I delivered my first DS at a regional medical center an hour from home - I had a very complicated pregnancy and was on hospitalized bedrest there when I went into labor at 25 weeks, had an emergency c-section, and lost the baby. I have not set foot in that hospital since I was discharged. For my second pregnancy, I was high risk until 36 weeks, but considered "normal" after that point so I delivered at the local hospital and had a mostly normal c-section delivery, other than the fact that they found damage to my uterus from the first (classical) c-section and DS ended up having problems breathing and went to the NICU for a few days. No traumatic experiences though.

I am currently in the process of undergoing testing to see if my uterus could potentially handle a third pregnancy. I am back with the high-risk practice at the regional medical center. One of the tests is an MRI and it didn't even occur to me that it might be at the hospital until the nurse called with all the scheduling information last week. The test is next week. Ever since I found out that I have to go to the hospital, I have had a lot of anxiety about having anxiety basically - I am afraid that I'm going to have an anxiety attack when I have to walk into that hospital, smell the hospital smells, etc. I don't have anyone to go with me - DH is "too busy" and one friend who I might ask to do something like that just had a baby, and the other is going to be watching DS while I am gone. My biggest concern at this point is that since it's an MRI that I'm going there for, I know I have to be calm for the test, and if I'm freaking out and my heart is racing that will be hard...

so, any suggestions for getting through this - I don't have time to go see a therapist to deal with it so I'm on my own.

[AnnieW625]

My delivery with DD1 wasn't horribly traumatic, just not what I expected and I am super low key about lots of stuff. I am from a little city of 60,000 people and a small clinic where I would have had one of 4 obs deliver my baby, and in most cases I could have called my doctor at 3 am and he would have delivered my baby. With DD1 I had lived in our area for just over a year and I didn't know that someone other than the regular OB I saw on a regular basis would deliver my baby. I delivered at a largish public hospital that is well known for it's NICU, but they can accept anyone. My OB tried to talk me into a local Catholic hospital, but I wanted the larger one for the resources if we had needed them. DD1 was born with no complications and the doctor who delivered her was amazing but the delivery nursing staff lacked common sense, which in the end frustrated me. So in short for the 18 months that I continued to have the insurance I had and needed to go back to the doctors there I probably would have.

With the baby we lost I had to go to a different hospital for consults and genetic counseling. That was hard and I was very happy that the hospital closed and the new one opened up and I had DD2 there. If I still have go to the old building for appointments then I will just have to go, but I will have to prep myself in advance.

[wimama]

I would ask the doctor ordering the testing to be refered to another MRI facility. I know in my area there are several private facilities and one that has an open MRI which is less anxiety producing. Also, you can ask for medication for the anxiety over the procedure. Don't be shy about it. There are quiet a few patients that have anxiety when it comes to procedures.

[sste]

Oh that sounds very upsetting. :(

I worked very successfully with a therapist. I personally really hate having anything external, particularly fear, control me or my decisionmaking. Repeating that thought was extremely motivating. :)

Outside of therapy: I read a little about it and apparently telling your story over and over and over and visualizing what happened over and over and over are very helpful. You fully process it and believe it or not it eventually gets boring. My DH was very helpful to me in this respect though I am not sure every DH would have the stomach for this - - I repeated to him what had happened at least 30 times in the first few months.

I would also consider making a couple of trips to the hospital in advance of the procedure with small goals each time- - today I will just park my car and walk through the front door and leave; next time I will walk into the hallway and just get used to the smell, the third visit I will walk in the maternity or OR area (or as close as you can get - - you may need to call in advance as these areas are often secured).

Also, I think the MRI of your uterus may or may not be helpful. I have heard very mixed views of this from MFMs - - apparently it is not terribly predictive in that people with huge windows often sail through pregnancy a-ok whereas people who look great on mri can have an issue. Not saying don't do it but I would ask your providers some tough questions on how much you can rely on that testing.

Good luck!!

[infocrazy]

Although the nurses/staff doctors were wonderful with the situation, the loss of DS3 at 22 wks was definitely traumatic. I didn't have a problem with my practice (my dr actually had tears during/after my labor) or the hospital staff, so I did have DD at the same hospital. It was still very hard to go in there and I could not go near the delivery room I was in (fortunately, there were plenty). I also labored at home a lot more than previously...not sure if that was subconcious or a 4th labor thing though.

I would probably recommend trying to either schedule a hospital tour ahead of time/go and walk around on your own when someone can go with you so that the first time you go isn't then. We had a friend deliver a baby in between for us so I made sure to go then so that my most recent association was a good one.

It still wasn't easy though. :hug:

[sste]

Candace - - I am also very confused with last pregnancy why you would be considered normal risk at 36 weeks with a vertical/classical scar going in?? That puts you at higher risk (approx 3% rupture risk pre-labor) with post 30/31/32 weeks being when that risk really kicks in and starts climbing. Was it a planned c-section at 36 weeks for your DS?

Anyway, I think PP has a good suggestion of seeing if you can get the MRI someplace else. I was thinking you would need to return to this particular hospital for pregnancy #3 . . . or also that there may be value in making as much peace as possible with the experience. But that is very, very hard when there is a loss involved. :(

[candaceb]

Thank you for all of the responses.
sste - DS was scheduled to be delivered at 36 weeks but he flunked two lung maturity amnios so I ended up delivering at 37 weeks 6 days because they didn't want me to go past 38 weeks due to the risk of rupture if I went into labor. The reason that MFM released me at 36 weeks was that they had been primarily concerned about preterm labor or cervical shortening and those were no longer concerns about those things past 36 weeks. The local hospital has an excellent level 2 NICU and I think DS was better off there than he would have been if we delivered at the big hospital - we had our own curtained off area, a full time nurse for the first 24 hours, etc. I had many reasons for deciding to deliver locally once we were out of the danger zones for a micropreemie, including the fact that I did not want to go back to the big hospital.
I don't think I would be considering attempting a third pregnancy if not for the fact that we have a vial of embryos in a tank at our fertility clinic. I am doing all of these tests expecting that we are going to decide that it's not worth the risk, but I have to gather all of the information to rule it out. Even if we do attempt it, there is only about a 25% chance of a viable pregnancy and I am only going to do one cycle with the one vial of embryos that we already have - I don't want to go through any more procedures.
I know that MRI isn't 100% definitive but we have to go with what is available. I had a pelvic SIS (also called an SHG) in September, done by my perinatologist, and he saw a 50% deficit in one area of the uterus. I am having the SIS repeated on the same day as the MRI, by a different doctor. A couple of weeks later, I'll go back for a consult with my peri and get the results and his opinion. He is very conservative and I think he is probably going to paint an ugly enough picture to make me not want to risk another pregnancy. I feel like my most important job right now is to be DS's mom, and if there is significant risk to my health that would threaten that job, I don't want to do it.
So, all that said - there are several other appointments already scheduled that hinge on this MRI, so I'm not going to reschedule it. I'm determined to face it down and do it. I am not anxious about the MRI - I was actually kind of looking forward to laying there with nothing to do for a half hour:bag:

I realized I have another friend who might be willing to go with me - she went to several appointments with me when I was doing IVF. If I have someone to go with me, I'll ask my peri for something to help with the anxiety - he is very understanding about all of my issues and was really good at getting me through the emotional aspects of my second pregnancy. wimama - I hadn't even thought of drugging the problem before your post, so thanks for the suggestion.

I'm also going to drive down there at the beginning of the week so I can go in there once before I have the pressure of needing to get to the test. It sucks to put DS in the car for 2 hours just to take care of it, but we can go out for lunch or something before we have to turn around and come home. The place where I have to go is nowhere near L&D/maternal special care so I am not going to deal with that part of it right now. And yes, if I did get pregnant again I would have to go back to the big hospital for delivery.

[zoestargrove]

I can only imagine how difficult it would be for me. You are really wise to anticipate this reaction and make arrangements. If you are unable to schedule the mri at another location another suggestions might be to hire a doula?

best of luck.

[candaceb]

The test was today and... it wasn't at the hospital after all!
They called me from the MRI Center on Tuesday to confirm the appt and give me instructions and directions and I found out at that time that it was actually across the street from the hospital in a different building. Crisis averted.
MRI was no problem even though the longest test came out blurry so they had to re-do it and I ended up being in there for 55 minutes. My head was sticking out the end of the machine so it didn't feel claustrophobic.
I also had an ultrasound (SHG) over at MFM and the dr. said that it looked like I had healed some since September, so I'm slightly more optimistic that I could attempt another pregnancy. I have a follow-up in a couple of weeks with my peri and we'll get the MRI results then.