Please help...DS is scratching other kids

[sewarsh]

So on NYE a couple of kids were complaining that my DS was trying to scratch them. AFter they said it a few times I finally took DS upstairs and put a movie on for him and told him its not nice. Truth be told, I didn't really do much about it because I wasn't sure what the circumstances were and he'd never done that before.

Yesterday I pick him up from preschool and his teacher tells me he's playing blocks nicely with another boy then the other boy got a bad scratch down his face (she didn't see what happened).

After school we go to the gym and he's in the daycare there and when I go to get him I find out he literally just scratched another little boy and this scratch was BAD...from the corner of his eye to his lips and it had a little blood in one area. Again the daycare supervisor didn't see how/why it happened.

Also yesterday i caught him trying to scratch his older sister 2x and it was malicious - fighting over a toy - not by accident or in a "wrestling" sort of way.

So, PLEASE give me some tips on how to deal with this. I took his 2 favorite toys away yesterday because he hurt 2 different boys and I told his sister no more wrestling (which they love to do but sometimes takes a turn for the worse). We also made up a song together..."No touching, No scratching. Just lots and lots of laughing and caring and sharing. That's how we make new friends."

I'm honestly sick about this....keep thinking of the other little boys face.

My DS is 3 yrs & 4 mo old.
THanks.

[ha98ed14]

No BTDT advice, but one think you could do is clip his nails really short and do it regularly so as to make it harder for him to "get his claws into them." Sorry, maybe that's obvious. Just an idea.

[mmommy]

I just noticed that my DD (who is 2.5) has been telling us when she is upset recently. She'll say "I want to hit Mommy". I asked at her daycare about it, and although DD never had a hitting/biting/scratching problem herself, there was a biter and a hitter in her class. So, the entire class had discussions about talking about feelings, etc.
While I don't like to hear that DD "wants to hit" me, I love that she is learning to verbalize when she is unhappy.
I'd guess a two-pronged approach of talking with your DS at home and asking them to talk with him at school (hopefully speaking with the entire class rather than just singling him out) would be best. And yes, keeping the nails short and filed in the meantime. :hug:

[sewarsh]

oh yes, i clipped his nails last night - rounded out the corners more specifically.

[mikala]

How does he react to dramatic play? You could do some pretend play with his stuffed animals about various non-violent ways to show you're frustrated like using your words in various situations, stomping your feet, finding a pillow to punch, walking away, etc.

With younger kids it also seems to work to watch for the aggression and immediately take them away for a timeout if they even do so much as reach for another child's face. This is obviously harder with older kids who do it more sporadically and aren't watched as closely.

[hillview]

close supervision and intervention if things escalate. work on using words not actions to solve issues. Come up with 3-4 things DS could do if there is an issue (I used to make my DS1 give me a list of what he could have done differently -- use his words, walk away, get a grown up).

[nmosur]

DD started scratching as soon as she started preschool (at 15 months). She was scratched very badly by another child (who was also a biter but luckily didn't bite DD or else DD would probably have bitten other kids too). She did it sporadically when she was overwhelmed by the other kids - she was the youngest and smallest in class and scratching was her "defense" of choice.

When she was around 20 months or so, I started talking about consequences of scratching. I put the scare of the other kid's parents in her - how they would be very very angry if they saw that their child was hurt just like I would be very upset if another kid hurt her. That did the trick - she quit scratching!