For fun: what do you judge other moms on the most?

[smiles33]

When you see another mom, what do you first notice or what are you most sensitive about? I'm talking only about physical appearance/things you can see, so not parenting styles. Poll coming!

I'm curious because it stems from the other thread I had started about how you dress your kids. Some moms posted that they invest much more time in how their kids are dressed than themselves, so it made me realize I do sometimes "judge" when moms are disheveled and their kids pristine. It's not mean-spirited IMHO. It's more along the lines of, "Wow, her kids are so cute but I guess she doesn't have time to brush her own hair!" We all make compromises and in cases like this, I assume it was more important to those moms to spend their limited time to make sure that the kids look nice than herself.

I hope this thread doesn't make me sound too shallow. Just curious. I'm sure the stroller-holics amongst us also notice what strollers moms of stroller-age kids are pushing, right? :D

[SnuggleBuggles]

Oops changing my reply bc without poll replies I free styled way off topic. Attitude is my pick. Ds2's preschool is full of well dressed and well groomed moms but many are not friendly. I notice the nice parents.

[maestramommy]

Really the only thing I can think of where I judge (I assume you mean I think to myself, "yikes!") is carseat safety. Not stuff like is this 5yo in a fully harnessed seat, but really egregious stuff like the harness is buckled, but way loose, or the straps are all twisted. Or baby looks way too big for the infant seat. Stuff like that.

ETA: okay after reading other responses, I guess cliquey-ness would be up there. Like if there is a small group of moms that know each other from some other place, and they sorta tighten up the circle and just talk about that stuff, even though there are clearly others than aren't from that mutual place, that turns me off pretty quick. For moms that look super stylish and all put together, that used to make me all nervous, but now it doesn't faze me much. Clearly there are moms that are more organized or something! As long as they are friendly and casual in manner I don't care if they look like Lady Di!

[KpbS]

From your choices, I'd choose attitude. I'm not very likely to notice the others unless the are over the top.

[lucybabymamma]

I tend to gravitate toward moms that seem easy-going -- in attitude and dress. And, I didn't really think I judged until starting to write this, and then I realized I would rather strike up a conversation with a disheveled-looking mom versus one that seemed super-styled...I guess, right now, I just can't relate to moms who have time to dress cute, blow dry AND style! :)

[arivecchi]

I'm shallow. :tongue5: I notice the style first, but end up gravitating towards the nicer friendlier types.

[gatorsmom]

the more kids I've had, the less I judge other moms. I've had my days where I am put together, looking good and I've had the opposite extreme as well. I Have had days where I am fighting off a migraine and just don't want to talk so I probably look very disagreeable. Other days I'm chatty Cathy.

The only thing I'm judgmental about is moms who use products that a minimum of research would have told them isn't the wisest buy. For example, I have several friends using expired carseats or way outdated seats. One has had to tie the shoulder straps on her 5 point harness in a knot so they stay up. It's not like she doesn't have the means to buy better, either. Or how about the moms out there who say babies hate baby slings and based their judgment on the Baby Bjorn without trying anything else. I have to admit these boards have turned me into a baby stuff snob!

[rin]

I tend to gravitate toward moms that seem easy-going -- in attitude and dress. And, I didn't really think I judged until starting to write this, and then I realized I would rather strike up a conversation with a disheveled-looking mom versus one that seemed super-styled...I guess, right now, I just can't relate to moms who have time to dress cute, blow dry AND style! :)

:yeahthat: Completely. This is my own insecurity, but when I see another parent who's completely pulled together, perfect makeup, fashionable clothing, I tend to feel like I'm going to be judged and I'm instantly less likely to strike up a conversation. Not reasonable at all, but I think it's pretty true.

I do tend to be a little judgey about the kinds of food people feed their kids. There's one kid in my DD's class who always has a bag of McDonald's for lunch. While I totally have taken DD there a handful of times (and whatever, I don't think occasional fast food is going to kill anyone), I do get a little judgey about the fact that this particular kid probably has McDonald's for lunch 3 times a week. I'd never say anything, since I know it's none of my business, but I guess I silently judge. . .

[smiles33]

Whew, I'm not alone in being a little judgy even when I try not to be! I agree, I would be too intimidated to strike up a conversation with a mom who is totally pulled together. I look for the nice ones who smile and seem to be having fun.

P.S. Yes I would be a little judgy about McDonald's 3/week. I know packing lunch sucks but McD's is worse than cafeteria food, isn't it?

[SnuggleBuggles]

I had originally cited safety before I am ammended my reply. Carseat safety and not buckling your kid into things like shopping. Arts are the first thing I notice. And I judge.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

Really the only thing I can think of where I judge (I assume you mean I think to myself, "yikes!") is carseat safety. Not stuff like is this 5yo in a fully harnessed seat, but really egregious stuff like the harness is buckled, but way loose, or the straps are all twisted. Or baby looks way too big for the infant seat. Stuff like that.

LOL this is me. i always cringe a little when i see 10 month olds already forward facing, huge 18 month olds still in infant seats, carseats placed on top of things that look like they could be knocked over by a feather (in Costco i saw a newborn in an infant carseat literally TEETERING on top of the front part of shopping cart, with the 2yo sibling sitting right next to it (she was touching it)..i had to look away.

and as for the mom with well-dressed kids but messy hair and no makeup...that is SO me!!! and when i see another disheveled mom frazzled with her 2 or 3 young kids i can feel like i relate to her more, if that makes any sense...i get the feeling she is just putting her all into her kids and keeping the house together, and i so get that. i get a bit intimidated by the moms who look like they just walked out of a beauty parlor.

[JoyNChrist]

I tend to gravitate toward moms that seem easy-going -- in attitude and dress. And, I didn't really think I judged until starting to write this, and then I realized I would rather strike up a conversation with a disheveled-looking mom versus one that seemed super-styled...I guess, right now, I just can't relate to moms who have time to dress cute, blow dry AND style! :)

This is me too. Moms who look too "together" stress me out, lol.

[AnnieW625]

I think I pretty much notice all of the choices that are in the poll. I have been noticing strollers since Miranda had that Bugaboo on Sex and the City and I had no kids then and was newly married. I notice nice things because nice things like cars, houses, strollers, infant carriers, and patents toting Gucci diaper bags is so prevalent here. However it is rare that I would actually go to lunch or for drinks with a perfectly coiffed Orange County housewife toting that Gucci diaper bag if I met them at a playdate or something. Now if I met up with them on a message board like BBB first and it turns out they have a Gucci diaper bag or a nicer car or stroller than I do then it wouldn't bother me at all. Most people will tell you immediately that I am extroverted, but when it comes to making friends or chatting people usually come to me.

I do like to look put together though so I do take that into account of how people can or will perceive me.

I am big on safety and since having DD1 I have started noticing things more and each time I see a baby that looks to be under a year old and ffing I pray for them and hope a cop stops them; same thing goes for 30lb 3 yr. olds in booster seats, and 50 lb 6 yr. olds in an adult seatbelt.

[scrooks]

This is me too. Moms who look too "together" stress me out, lol.

Ditto that!

[arivecchi]

I had originally cited safety before I am ammended my reply. Carseat safety and not buckling your kid into things like shopping. Arts are the first thing I notice. And I judge. Oh you are right! I do notice these things first in public places and I judge immediately. Cannot help it. It's a bad habit that I cannot seem to break! In social settings I tend to fixate on dress first!

[g-mama]

I answered her smile/approachability, but really, I notice all those things. Second on the list would be her style and fashion b/c that interests me. Baby gear? Not at all. But I am well past that stage in life.

I am not intimidated by well put together moms. When I had babies, I was in awe of them - LOL - and now that my kids are older, I enjoy putting myself together.

[elektra]

Well, I guess I don't truly judge someone until I see them in action (ex. carseats, discipline, etc.)
but if we are talking about first impressions and how I might judge that person to be, or what i first notice- I too voted fashion style. Followed by car, then grooming.
There is a mom at DD's ballet who is kind of quiet but always really well dressed and drove one of those Mercedes Minivan SUV type cars and I sort of judged her to be snobby. But I ended up chatting with her last week in class (she had approached another mom about seeing her at the Nutcracker performance) and she seemed really nice and I felt bad about judging her to be snooty or whatever.
People in the ballet room probably don't know what to make of me if they have the same judging criteria because sometimes I come pretty well dressed and sometimes I am in uggs and yoga pants with my hair all messy.

[hellokitty]

Mostly, I notice attitude/friendliness when I meet a new mom. However, I agree with gatorsmom, sometimes there is something they say/do that just makes it obvious they did not do their homework. Improper carseat use, baby bjorn and then ones that spout off ignorance about BFing do bug me, but that's my own quirk. I know one mom, the first time I met her, told me, "I was told that you are the person to talk to about breastfeeding questions." So, then she asks, "I weaned my baby (3 month old preemie, b/c she wanted to ttc again) and my breasts hurt. Turns out she weaned cold turkey. Sorry, but what idiot in this day in age weans cold turkey and then wonders why their boobs hurt? Yeah, I was judgy in that instance. She is nice, but I tend to avoid her, generally her parenting and lifestyle choices are not in line with mine, so we have very little in common.

[hoodlims]

I judge moms who have their kids out WAAAAY too late out shopping...like past 8:00. Same for those who drag their kids out during naptime and their poor kids are slumped over uncomfortably in a teeny umbrella stroller. To me, that is just irresponsible parenting.

[sste]

I will confess there are certain "types" that historically have not taken to ME and I do try to sort out from whatever clues there are if a person is likely to fall into that type so I can be a bit cautious.

#1 SAHM who was formerly a CEO or the like. I mean a REALLY high-powered woman. Not uncommon in my area. I tend to set them off because I WOH and I am in one of those fields where you can go pretty far without a ton of hours. But the former ceo mom often doesn't realize that big difference between our jobs or she is just nostalgic for her work a little. Or thinks she is. Or she is ordering me around with a complete powerpoint flow chart of pancake making responsibilities for the pre-k breakfast!!

#2 Women who talk too much about "actualizing" and "powerful dialogues" etc. I mean I think it is an admirable thing for sure and I certainly don't dislike them . . . but right now I am not up to any major activism or powerful dialogues as a part of my social life. And this type usually finds that frustrating in me. FWIW, I did not feel this way pre-kids! Now I am just trying to hold on.

#3 Moms or dads who have religious beliefs about women staying home and raising their own kids. This has gotten ugly on me once before IRL!

Anyway, not sure what I look to in particular but sometimes people reveal quite a bit in their initial small talk or their t-shirt slogans or whatnot.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I judge moms who have their kids out WAAAAY too late out shopping...like past 8:00. Same for those who drag their kids out during naptime and their poor kids are slumped over uncomfortably in a teeny umbrella stroller. To me, that is just irresponsible parenting.

Way too late? Only according to some. :) With ds1, we had no where to be the next day (I was/ am a SAHM), dh and I are night owls, and we were often out on the later side. Ds1 could sleep in in the morning so he was getting plenty of sleep. But, I get how this thread is about 1st impression judging. Then again, I learned not to judge some thing from reading on this board and realising that some choices are just different, not bad or irresponsible. :)

[hellokitty]

Way too late? Only according to some. :) With ds1, we had no where to be the next day (I was/ am a SAHM), dh and I are night owls, and we were often out on the later side. Ds1 could sleep in in the morning so he was getting plenty of sleep. But, I get how this thread is about 1st impression judging. Then again, I learned not to judge some thing from reading on this board and realising that some choices are just different, not bad or irresponsible. :)

Yeah, but is your child the one crying and throwing tantrums b/c they are tired and the parents are yelling or spanking them? These are usually the types I see out late with their kids. I don't often see ones whose kids are happy while shopping at 10pm at night. Even my DH thinks that it's crazy. However, I understand if your family is just late (my brother's family is like this, their son stays up until 11pm and doesn't wake up until like 10am), it's the ones who have kids who make it plainly obvious that they need to be sleeping at home that draw negative attn.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Yeah, but is your child the one crying and throwing tantrums b/c they are tired and the parents are yelling or spanking them? These are usually the types I see out late with their kids. I don't often see ones whose kids are happy while shopping at 10pm at night. Even my DH thinks that it's crazy. However, I understand if your family is just late (my brother's family is like this, their son stays up until 11pm and doesn't wake up until like 10am), it's the ones who have kids who make it plainly obvious that they need to be sleeping at home that draw negative attn.

True point! I had a happy kid. Both are still pleasant and easy to be around at 9pm. :)

[TwinFoxes]

Who knew that not looking disheveled was so off putting. I'll start going out in stained clothes (not). :) I notice friendliness followed by unflattering clothes. Not so much stylish, (most of my friends are proudly unstylish, oddly, they're not moms!) but I do notice unflattering things like the huge sports team sweatshirt and mom jeans. If it was a sweatshirt that fit and regular jeans I wouldn't notice, but I've never understood the huge sweatshirt ugly jeans look. ill-fitting polo shirts I also notice.

[elektra]

Who knew that not looking disheveled was so off putting.

You know what's funny about the woman who I thought was snooty? The other woman who I also chat with sometimes told me that she and her son would mix me up with (actually not) snooty Mercedes woman! Apparently we look a lot alike and have similar dressing styles and such. SO funny that I was annoyed by someone who others think is just like me!

[SnuggleBuggles]

You know what's funny about the woman who I thought was snooty? The other woman who I also chat with sometimes told me that she and her son would mix me up with (actually not) snooty Mercedes woman! Apparently we look a lot alike and have similar dressing styles and such. SO funny that I was annoyed by someone who others think is just like me!

Uggs and yoga pants is the style choice of the well off, stylish mom here. I think it is the pricey footwear that reminds people, "hey, I care about fashion, can afford the Uggs but am having a comfy day." So, maybe Mercedes mom sports the same look on her off days? :)

[♥ms.pacman♥]

about keeping kids up out and way too late, yeah this is where i get judgey too. and i have a 2yo that sometimes goes to bed at 10pm, so i'm not knocking the late bedtime thing at all...i get how it works for some people. Or sometimes you have just no choice at all to bring a kid out late (DH out of town and no one to watch your kids and you have to run to the grocery store or whatever for medicine or something). i just don't get things like Black Friday shopping days where people keeping their babies out till crazy wee hours of the night just to save a few bucks on something. i went to TRU on BF and as I was leaving (around 10:30pm or later) I saw some moms outside (it was 40 degrees outside, which is cold for here) standing in line waiting to get in, with babies/toddlers in who were SCREAMING their heads off. The wait to get in was at least an HOUR long, and they were obviously tired, cold, probably hungry, whatever..but the moms didn't seem to be bothered in the least, and were often chatting on cell phones and snapping at their kids to be quiet.

[DietCokeLover]

I notice things about other people because I am incredibly observant, but I usually place the judgement on myself.

Such as.... She looks great, she just had a baby 4 months ago. I look horrendous! My baby is 4 YEARS old.

Or.... Gracious, I wish I could look as calm in public as she does.

That sort of thing.

[wellyes]

If I see a mom out late with a distressed child, I try to give the benefit of the doubt and assume she is a single parent (or with a nonsupportive spouse) who works full time. Those are 'you gotta do what you gotta do' circumstances that I won't stand in judgement of.



But yeah, black Friday with kids is just awful. It's one thing to need to shop late hours, it's another to chose bargain hunting for nonesentials super late.

[LexyLou]

I know the PC thing to say is her attitude but honestly, the very first thing I notice about another mom/person is the way she's put together.

It doesn't mean I judge her on it, I just notice it.

[smiles33]

I know the PC thing to say is her attitude but honestly, the very first thing I notice about another mom/person is the way she's put together.

It doesn't mean I judge her on it, I just notice it.

It might have been my fault for not being more clear in the OP. I combined "notice" with "judge." I don't think judging something/someone means it has to be a "YIKES!" response or something negative. I meant "judge" in the sense that you actually observe/think about it. I might notice someone's wearing blue pants, but I usually don't judge them for it/hold it against them/think more highly of them.

I totally notice if a mom is super stylish and put together because it's almost always a HUGE surprise to me. Most of the moms of young kids I know are not wearing stylish clothes. They're probably like me, wearing "ok" clothes while hoping/working on getting back to pre-preg weight. I don't want to invest in nice clothes at the size I'm at right now!

[ZeeBaby]

I notice how mom's are dressed. I won't call it judging since I can't really judge a person until I meet them. I notice how they are dressed. I WOTH so I try to be pretty fashionable. I am a mess on the weekends though lol.

[scriptkitten]

to be honest i judge all human beings based on their personal style/hipness.

doesn't mean i don't like them if they aren't hip... its just that i've been style obsessed since i was born.

i also notice strollers, and i can't say i judge them, but i could probably tell you where they do or don't live around here.

[boogiemomz]

I (like many others, as it turns out) chose smile/friendly or standoffish. What I really mean is, the main thing I judge other moms about is how judgey they are. For instance, not long ago in our little gym class I felt like DD was getting the stink eye from another mom because she (DD) was grabbing as many balls as she could when it was time to put them away, including a couple that other kids were on their way to pick up. She's TWO. So, I decided, she sucks.

[BillK]

Where's the "Butt" choice? ;)

[Uno-Mom]

I try really, really hard not to but I have an instinctive judgey reaction towards women who seem crazily stylish, perfectly groomed hair, lots of makeup, etc. When I look at them, my gut reaction is to feel we could have nothing in common if that stuff is such a priority to them.

Which is totally stupid and unfair of me. I am fighting it. I go out of my way to smile sometimes or say something nice to their kids because having a nice little interaction helps me overcome my prejudice. (And perhaps vice-versa.)

I have a similar but opposite POSITIVE response to women who seem interestingly beautiful, wearing comfortable graceful clothes, natural looking makeup (or none) and natural healthy hair, not overly styled. Women who seem gracefully comfortable in their bodies.

So I admit a tendency to judge (at least briefly) by appearance.

[bisous]

I'll preface my answer by mentioning that I have friends of all shapes and sizes. I have friends who parent differently than I do. I like warm, happy people. Attitude means a lot to me. So I guess I COULD vote for that.

BUT, I also secretly judge to see if the mom is anyone cuter than me. (Oh where is that bag over the head smiley!) Just when I first meet them, though. It is kind of a game for me. Gosh I sound like Snow White's stepmother! See, while my funds are limited so I don't have a great "style", I take great pride in my appearance and I like getting gussied up to go to school pickup and to meet and mingle.

I don't mind the well dressed moms because I admire their clothes and want to pick up ideas and tips from them. I like the casual moms because I like their confidence and think they look nice, approachable and "real". The only moms I really don't like are the ones who gossip. I hate that and I assume that if you are talking about other people to me, you probably talk about me to other people!

I will say my vanity is my own worst enemy right now. I'm still about 10 pounds over my usual weight (still haven't dropped the baby weight) and NONE of my clothes fit. I wore maternity jeans today to pick up.

[MontrealMum]

I notice things about other people because I am incredibly observant, but I usually place the judgement on myself.

Such as.... She looks great, she just had a baby 4 months ago. I look horrendous! My baby is 4 YEARS old.

Or.... Gracious, I wish I could look as calm in public as she does.

That sort of thing.

Me too!

I notice lots of things because I'm the type to just sit back and observe. I've always been an avid people-watcher. In terms of moms I notice mostly style, pulled-togetherness, the occasional stroller, carseat choice but that doesn't necessarily mean I'm passing judgement on them. Just taking note. I think that there's a big difference between those two things.

But what I do judge on is attitude and friendliness. I know that people can have off days - I do too! - but it's hard for me to get past an unfriendly or aloof attitude, or someone who seems to have given me or my DC the stink-eye.

[dogmom]

Ummm....what comes out of her mouth?????

[roseyloxs]

I tend to gravitate toward moms that seem easy-going -- in attitude and dress. And, I didn't really think I judged until starting to write this, and then I realized I would rather strike up a conversation with a disheveled-looking mom versus one that seemed super-styled...I guess, right now, I just can't relate to moms who have time to dress cute, blow dry AND style! :)

:yeahthat: same here. I didn't think I judged either but I guess I do. If another mom looks casual and easy going then I usually strike up a conversation. If she is all made up though I usually don't bother. It's not really a time issue with me either. I just like jeans, sneakers and a hoody.

[Green_Tea]

I'd like to think I don't judge at all, but in reality I do find moms at both ends of the appearance spectrum pretty off-putting. If you always show up at pick-up looking like you just stepped out of an issue of Vogue, I'll probably be a bit scared of you :). On the other hand, if you always look like you haven't showered in a week and you're wearing an oversize T shirt that features a Disney character and PJ bottoms, I'd guess that we have different interests and priorities. I am drawn to what I have observed the be the vast majority in the middle - the moms who are wearing Gap jeans, a fleece and Dansko clogs or cute sneaks, neat, styled hair (that's maybe in a pony tail), maybe a little makeup and a touch of lip gloss. Basically moms that look casual but pulled together.

Of course, once I get to know you (or if you're toting a a newborn), all bets are off - some of my closest friends always look like they just stepped out of the Anthro website, and I also have friends that always look like a train wreck but are super fun to spend time with. And lots of the Gap jeans/fleece and Dansko wearing moms never crack a smile or offer a kind word. So I try to be open minded.

I never notice baby gear or car seat stuff unless it's egregious - like a newborn FFing. I know lots of smart, awesome moms who walked into BRU and registered for whatever their best friend did or simply looked cute. They simply had other interests/priorities.

[*myfoursons]

Huh, I'm surprised by how many people find moms who take care with the appearance to be off-putting. I guess I'll be honest and say that in turn, I'll judge a mom who is always sloppy in their dress and appearance (until I get to know them better).

I definitely have days were I'm in yoga pants and a ponytail (not gym days), but I have made a conscious decision to value myself and my appearance. I just feel better when I have made an effort. On the days my hair is done, I have some makeup on and am in cute clothes, I just feel better.

In my mind, this reflects the sentiment that some women have about appearing to "try too hard" in their appearance. I've heard women talk about not wearing a scarf, or a bold accessory, or fantastic shoes, because they are worried they'll be seen as someone who has put too much effort in their appearance. I guess they're right in some ways, some people do see it that way. But I'll be the one asking them where they got it, and telling them they look fantastic.

[Green_Tea]

I definitely have days were I'm in yoga pants and a ponytail (not gym days), but I have made a conscious decision to value myself and my appearance. I just feel better when I have made an effort. On the days my hair is done, I have some makeup on and am in cute clothes, I just feel better.

In my mind, this reflects the sentiment that some women have about appearing to "try too hard" in their appearance. I've heard women talk about not wearing a scarf, or a bold accessory, or fantastic shoes, because they are worried they'll be seen as someone who has put too much effort in their appearance. I guess they're right in some ways, some people do see it that way. But I'll be the one asking them where they got it, and telling them they look fantastic.

Just to clarify *my* stance - I am not put off by cute accessories or someone who looks put together hair/make-up wise at all. In fact, I think I am one of the people who wears those things! I am more put off by the mom at the very far end of the spectrum - the mom who looks like they arrived at the park straight from a fashion shoot.

I think there's an enormous middle ground. Lots of people in this thread have have equated not being all dolled up with being sloppy. The vast majority of the moms I see out and about in my area look neat and like they make an effort, but also aren't wearing a ton of makeup or seem overdressed for their environment. I suspect that when moms on this thread said they find super hip/fashionable moms off-putting, they are referring to moms that seem to be put together in a way that's actually inappropriate for the setting they're in. The mom who's dressed for a night out on the town with full makeup while she's pushing her cart through Target is, to me, unapproachable. The mom who's wearing skinny jeans tucked into great boots with a cute sweater and a scarf and light makeup is - again, to me - much more approachable.

[g-mama]

Just to clarify *my* stance - I am not put off by cute accessories or someone who looks put together hair/make-up wise at all. In fact, I think I am one of the people who wears those things! I am more put off by the mom at the very far end of the spectrum - the mom who looks like they arrived at the park straight from a fashion shoot.



I guess it all depends on what you view as being "put together" and perhaps where you live and what the social norms are there. I have *never* seen a mom dressed this way. So when I say fashionable, hip and dressed nicely, the image in my mind is nothing like a Vogue model or runway attire.

It's so hard to know online what mental images people have when talking in general terms.

[mackmama]

You know I used to be someone who would judge parents *before* I was a parent. Now I really don't judge any mom or dad at all. If someone is unfriendly - I think "been there, one of those days, hope it gets better for him/her." If someone is unstylish - I think "I'm right there with ya" (since I'm usually in food-stained sweats with my hair pulled back these days). Since becoming a parent, I've definitely learned to live and let live and realize that we never know what's going on in someone else's world.

[mommylamb]

I judge other moms (and dads) who spank. I know people will say to each there own, or I was spanked when I was a kid. Maybe it's not popular to judge other parents on that, but I do. I can't help it. I also judge other parents who seem to just lose it with their kids when there kids are just doing normal stuff. I know I don't know what's going on in their world, and maybe there's good reason, but I feel like I often see parents who go ape sh*t on their kids for just being kids.

On the other end of the spectrum, I judge parents who don't intervene and stop there kids when there kids are doing something they shouldn't be, be it endangering themselves or others. Case in point-- last summer I was at a birthday party that was at a pool and one of the other moms was off talking on her cell phone not paying attention at all to her own kids. Her 15 month old wandered into the baby pool and did a face plant and one of the other moms had to jump in in her pants to get her up. The first mom was like "oh thanks" when she figured out what happened. I judge that kind of behavior. Then again, this is also a family who lets their children ride in the front seat for very short trips and eats fast food literally every night. So, I guess there are a number of things that I judge them about.

[twowhat?]

I'd like to think I don't judge at all, but in reality I do find moms at both ends of the appearance spectrum pretty off-putting. If you always show up at pick-up looking like you just stepped out of an issue of Vogue, I'll probably be a bit scared of you :). On the other hand, if you always look like you haven't showered in a week and you're wearing an oversize T shirt that features a Disney character and PJ bottoms, I'd guess that we have different interests and priorities.

This is me.

This thread reminds me of how the ladies who write the Rants blog met:) One was the cool hip well-dressed mom and the other was the (self-described) sloppily-dressed mom and each had preconceived notions of what kind of person the other was until they got to know each other.

And this thread is also sort of motivating me to look a little more put together:)

[Kindra178]

I had originally cited safety before I am ammended my reply. Carseat safety and not buckling your kid into things like shopping. Arts are the first thing I notice. And I judge.

That's funny. I am a carseat stickler but have never once belted a sitting child into a shopping cart.

I definitely first notice how a mom is dressed but then become friends with the nice ones only.

[Green_Tea]

I'd like to think I don't judge at all, but in reality I do find moms at both ends of the appearance spectrum pretty off-putting. If you always show up at pick-up looking like you just stepped out of an issue of Vogue, I'll probably be a bit scared of you :). On the other hand, if you always look like you haven't showered in a week and you're wearing an oversize T shirt that features a Disney character and PJ bottoms, I'd guess that we have different interests and priorities.

I have to laugh at the irony of my own comment... My oldest DD has a friend sleeping over tonight. I love this friend, and adore her mom, who is the most down to earth, kind, generous person ever. She's one of my favorite people in the whole world! And when she dropped off her DD she was wearing... a T shirt with Winnie the Pooh on it.

:hysterical:

That's what I get for generalizing!

[fedoragirl]

I am stroller obsessed so that's what I notice. I could care less what the moms are wearing. I have my bad and good days. Right now, a good day would be very welcome.
Most of the time, I judge parenting skills rather than appearances.

[SnuggleBuggles]

That's funny. I am a carseat stickler but have never once belted a sitting child into a shopping cart.

I definitely first notice how a mom is dressed but then become friends with the nice ones only.


Guess you never had a kid that tried to stand up and climb. I did. I did always use the buckle and he was still able to squirm out. I never take shopping cart chances (beyond the act of putting a kid in there in the first place, which the AAP frowns on). And moms who put the car seat on top of the shopping cart? I judge them. Especially since, for some reason, the baby is frequently not buckled into their car seat.

[Kindra178]

Guess you never had a kid that tried to stand up and climb. I did. I did always use the buckle and he was still able to squirm out. I never take shopping cart chances (beyond the act of putting a kid in there in the first place, which the AAP frowns on). And moms who put the car seat on top of the shopping cart? I judge them. Especially since, for some reason, the baby is frequently not buckled into their car seat.

I have the cutest pic of ds1 sitting in the main part of an urban grocery store cart (small cart) amidst cereal, milk, bread, etc. I once deposed an expert who wrote her dissertation on shopping cart accidents (yes, her Phd had to do with accidents) and the anatomy of a fall. It really bothered her to see toddlers and children in main part of the cart or kids riding on the cart like a scooter.

[Jo..]

My favorite moms are the ones who are outgoing (I am shy around strangers).
It's the first thing I notice.

Posh hairstyles and trendy clothes spook me. I am more likely to be drawn to the plain friendly women.

[bandgsmama]

You know I used to be someone who would judge parents *before* I was a parent. Now I really don't judge any mom or dad at all. If someone is unfriendly - I think "been there, one of those days, hope it gets better for him/her." If someone is unstylish - I think "I'm right there with ya" (since I'm usually in food-stained sweats with my hair pulled back these days). Since becoming a parent, I've definitely learned to live and let live and realize that we never know what's going on in someone else's world.


mackmama, you took the words right out of my mouth!

[kijip]

My big thing is when I see a baby drinking soda, moreso if it is caffeinated or diet soda. A child with soda? Parenting choice and maybe it is a rare treat. A baby with soda? Idiot. Mean of me? Yes. But that is honestly where my head goes.

[bandgsmama]

My big thing is when I see a baby drinking soda, moreso if it is caffeinated or diet soda. A child with soda? Parenting choice and maybe it is a rare treat. A baby with soda? Idiot. Mean of me? Yes. But that is honestly where my head goes.

my kiddos do get sprite & root beer on "special" occasions (birthday, vacation, wedding). my ds enjoys trying to come up with special reasons for them (it's tuesday, it's pretty outside), but they get shot down.

[mjs64]

I voted attitude. I judge them on their "judgey-ness"--or, rather, I try hard not to judge at all. I think most moms are trying really hard (it's the hardest job in the world) and that there's no way to ever know what set of circumstances an individual is facing on a particular day. So I can't stand, as PPs have mentioned, "the stink eye." Some days I'm on, but most days, I'm just doing my best. I try to assume the best about others and hope they do of me as well. This attitude gets me into trouble though. I think I was more judgmental before I was a mother.

[3blackcats]

I voted other - Car Seat safety for sure. I can not believe how many misuses I see on car seats. Especially this time of year with huge puffy winter coats.

[m448]

Not sure right now what my knee jerk judgement item is but how I scope out a pack of moms is oddly enough to stay in the periphery and glom onto the laid back ones. I'm an extravert and very social but I've found that those in the middle of everything tend to be high maintenance, attention hogs and just too much effort. Most of my mom friends have been the ones on the sidelines who are cracking up at the action/inaction happening in the middle. I love sarcasm so I know it's a great place to hunt for friends. ;)

[SnuggleBuggles]

my kiddos do get sprite & root beer on "special" occasions (birthday, vacation, wedding). my ds enjoys trying to come up with special reasons for them (it's tuesday, it's pretty outside), but they get shot down.

When they were babies? probably not, right? I have seen 6mos getting soda poured in their bottles before. Horrible to watch.

[jgenie]

When they were babies? probably not, right? I have seen 6mos getting soda poured in their bottles before. Horrible to watch.

I saw this at the zoo the other day - older baby but looked to be under a year old.

[wellyes]

I've seen babies and young toddlers with soda too. I find it shocking.

[artvandalay]

I guess I first notice the whole package: hair, makeup, clothes.... and shoes! I don't know why, but I always look at other women's shoes. I think this is because I have a hard time finding shoes that work with my feet, so I am always on the lookout for a new pair. If they are wearing heels I look away, because I hate heels, but I will pay attention to their shoes or boots.

I almost followed another mom out the door last week at an inflatable jump place because I wanted to ask her who made her boots.

[hellokitty]

I guess I first notice the whole package: hair, makeup, clothes.... and shoes! I don't know why, but I always look at other women's shoes. I think this is because I have a hard time finding shoes that work with my feet, so I am always on the lookout for a new pair. If they are wearing heels I look away, because I hate heels, but I will pay attention to their shoes or boots.

I almost followed another mom out the door last week at an inflatable jump place because I wanted to ask her who made her boots.

Lol, that is funny about the shoes, b/c I think it says a lot about the person too. I fit in with the dansko crowd.

[artvandalay]

Lol, that is funny about the shoes, b/c I think it says a lot about the person too. I fit in with the dansko crowd.

I agree... I think shoes tell you alot about the person. I have tried Dansko clogs because I hear they are good for people with my feet issues, but they don't quite feel right on my feet.

I found a pair of Keen's this weekend that amazingly fit my freakish wide feet and have good support. So happy! Now if I can just find boots.... :irked:

[hellokitty]

I agree... I think shoes tell you alot about the person. I have tried Dansko clogs because I hear they are good for people with my feet issues, but they don't quite feel right on my feet.

I found a pair of Keen's this weekend that amazingly fit my freakish wide feet and have good support. So happy! Now if I can just find boots.... :irked:

Boots are difficult to find. I just keep trying them until I find one that fits and sometimes I end up with some odd brands. Naturalizer has wide width (and wide calf, which is my issue) boots they are comfy and stylish, you should check them out. I got a pr for a good price and even though I didn't really need another brown pr of boots, they were just so nice and comfy, I couldn't pass it up.