3 year old not developmentally on track?

[boilermakermom]

i am worried DD isn't developmentally on track. she is 3.5 and will start preschool this Fall. She misses the cut off date for the local public school, so she will start preschool when she is 4, pre-K at 5, and then kindergarten at 6. (cut off is 8/1, her birthday is 8/9.)

i stay at home with her, so she has never been enrolled in any sort of day care, etc. the only other person that watches her is my mom and dad.

she talks well, and constantly receives comments on her range of vocabulary. She counts to 20, and knows her alphabet, colors and shapes. (sometimes gets confused on recognizing shapes. i am not sure if it is confusion as much as just being a stinker and giving the wrong answer with a smile.) she recognizes numbers and some letters. we are working on writing them, but she is having a tough time.

this all came about when talking with a friend who has a DD about the same age as mine. we were discussing local preschools, catholic schools and private schools. we had planned on sending DD to preschool, but aren't sure where after that. (DH wants to send DD to either a catholic school or private school for a better education. i am opposed to the private school b/c of the cost. we can afford it, but i would rather use the money for other programs. i went to a public school, and received a great education. DH went to a catholic school.)

My friend made a comment about her DD being gifted/extremely bright for her age, and based on this they were going to send her to the local private school to start kindergarten at age 4. She said her DD gets bored easy, and wants her to start kindergarten early to avoid behavioral problems later in school. She also said she has been in the preschool at daycare for a year and needs a change of pace.

Basically, the jist of the conversation was that I am setting DD up for failure by starting her in school a year later then her peers. She will be bored and won't get all she could out of her education if she started on time. There will be behavioral issues as a result.

Also, I worry that she isn't prepared enough for preschool. Does she know enough? What else should I be teaching her?

I have never really focused too much on learning, which is probably why I am having a small panic attack right now. ;)

I have enjoyed staying home with her and we have always had fun! We do programs at the library, take ballet, read, play, paint, visit family, etc. She is a kid; that's what kids do.

I know I need to take a deep breath and relax. each child learns at their own pace. But I feel like I am failing as a parent. DH works, a lot. It is often just the two of us. As a trade off, there are some days that I clean the house, do laundry, cook, etc. and she plays, or helps me, etc. Those days aren't too educational. I feel guilty about days like this.

I am sure there is also some SAHM guilt. As in, if I were working she would be in day care, probably learning more then what I am capable of teaching her at home.

any btdt? anyone start their LOs at age 6? advantages/disadvantages? what do normal 3.5 year olds do? how do i know if she is behind the curve? how do you know if your child is gifted/bright for their age?

i think i am officially freaking out.

[KrisM]

I guess I'm confused. Do you have the option to start her the year before? From what you wrote, wouldn't all kids born after 8/1 start when they're 6? How is that not starting with peers?

[boilermakermom]

you are correct. however, most children are 5 turning 6 when they start kindergarten. DD will already be six.

[Babymakes3]

My ds turned 3 in august so he is coming up on 3.5. He is starting an intensive speech program this week so that may be some of our issue but he can count to 5 all the time, can get to 10 about 70 % of the time and sings very random letters for his alphabet! He knows his colors and most shapes but writing/drawing is just random scribbling at this point. So, to me it sounds like she is doing fine and I wouldn't be freaking out!
I have learned that I cannot compare my kiddo to others bc then I freak out but one of the main kids we see is a little girl who just turned 3 and is like a mini-adult so its hard not to do that! I know my ds is extremely funny and very smart, he can communicate quite well with me but others have a hard time and he is on his way to knowing most of the basics. If it weren't for the speech program ds wouldn't be going to school until he started VPK and I think alot of kids are the same way. My thoughts on this are as long as my child is well adjusted, helpful, follows instructions, can communicate their wants/needs/feelings and knows the basics, going into pre-school is just that...preparing them for Kindergarten!

[Green_Tea]

I think she sounds 100% normal, is developmentally on track, and that you are doing the right thing - both for her, and for her classmates - by following the rules and starting her in K when she's supposed to start.

IME, parents who like to announce how gifted their kids are and openly second guess other parents' decisions are actually insecure about their own decisions and where their kids are at. Just an observation after 9 years of parenting three kids.

[brittone2]

She sounds like she's doing just great (as are you!).

I think there are pros and cons to out of home care for young children. Both staying home with DC and sending to daycare have their advantages and disadvantages. I think having an engaged, loving, attentive caregiver is all kids really need at that age. For preschool prep, the occasional thing like library story hour or dance class where they listen to directions coming from a non-parent can be helpful (and you are already doing that) It sounds like she's doing great.

My DD is HSd but would be 5y9m when starting K if she was going on schedule.

You aren't redshirting (it doesn't sound like it?) so I wouldn't worry too much about being late IMO since it doesn't sound like you are intentionally holding her back.

There's a lot of great stuff you can do at home with her to supplement if you really feel the need, but she sounds like she's doing great :)

[nrp]

she talks well, and constantly receives comments on her range of vocabulary. She counts to 20, and knows her alphabet, colors and shapes. (sometimes gets confused on recognizing shapes. i am not sure if it is confusion as much as just being a stinker and giving the wrong answer with a smile.) she recognizes numbers and some letters. we are working on writing them, but she is having a tough time.


Your DD sounds perfectly on track, if not ahead, for 3.5 years old. And what you are doing with her at home sounds exactly right. As for her being too "old" to start kindergarten at 6, I'm not sure what your alternative is, since you already said you were not interested in the private school? Frankly, it seems that most people these days would love to be in your shoes and have their DC as the oldest in the class (just search "redshirting" here on the boards to see what I mean). I think some districts will allow kids to start early, if they just miss the cut-off, although I think many will require testing to make sure the child is capable.

[KrisM]

I think she sounds fine and would not find a way to push her up and have her be the youngest in the class because she really should be a year later. I would start her with her peers and not worry.

DS2 is July 2008 and he's about where your DD is as far as what he knows/recognizes. He will start kindergarten at age 5 because our cutoff is 12/1.

[nfowife]

You are not holding her back by following the enrollment rules for your school district. Your DD sounds above level developmentally to me in comparison to my DS who is halfway through pre-k. When he started he couldnt hold a pencil properly and I was looking into therapy which the pre-k teacher felt was not needed. You are doing exactly what you should be doing!

[crl]

She sounds absolutey fine to me! I see no reason to try to send her early. Kids at this age learn best through play.

Catherine

[Cam&Clay]

Our district has a Sept 30 cut off and DS1's birthday is Oct 2, so he started kindergarten and turned 6 just 3 weeks later. He is fine. I have always felt it was a good thing that he was at the older end of the spectrum. He's a smart kid and has never been bored.

She won't be the only August baby in school. She will be with her peers and be just fine.

[cvanbrunt]

Anyone who announces that their child is gifted should be ignored.

[mommylamb]

IME, parents who like to announce how gifted their kids are and openly second guess other parents decisions are actually insecure about their own decisions and where their kids are at.
:yeahthat: Honestly, I think some kids seem more advanced at that age, and then plateau and other kids catch up. Sure, you can tell that some kids are relatively bright and take to things easily, but it's hard to know whether that's how things will be for them well into the future and how they'll do academically as compared to others as they age.

I remember thinking DS would be a really early reader because he knew his letters and the sounds they make at a really early age and seemed much more advanced than the kids in his daycare. Well, he's 4.5 now, and while he has a lot of sight words and is a bright kid in general, he isn't sounding out words yet. I'm not worried. It will come when it does. But if you had asked me when he was 2.5 and knew all his letters if he would be reading by now, I would have said absolutely. Now I kind of laugh at myself.

Your daughter sounds like she's doing just fine. As for public vs. private, I'd just judge the schools based on their individual merit. There are great public schools and bad public schools, but there are also great private schools and bad private schools. I think it's a total misconception that some parents seem to have that private automatically equals a better education. In a lot of cases, I think private schools offer a much poorer education than decent public schools. Obviously this isn't always the case, but I think you just have to know what the strengths and weaknesses of the various choices are.

[mom_hanna]

My dd is in 2nd grade, and a couple of her friends turned 8 before school started, and quite a few more turned 8 in the fall. So at your dd's age for K, they would have been 6 at the beginning of school, or turning 6 within a couple of months of school starting. You are not starting your daughter late by keeping her on the school schedule. She will be the same age as many others, give or take a few months. I wouldn't worry about what she needs to know now. She sounds just fine and has plenty of time to learn more before K if that is what you want. Hope that helps.

[drako]

I was a second grade teacher at a private school before becoming a SAHM. We often would push students up because they were young but ready for kindergarten. We also would move students up for math or reading if they tested out of their grade level. I had a problem with this since I often got 1st grade students come to my class for math and reading. Yes, they were bright for their age but they were so much more immature than my 2nd grade students. They were bright for their age but they still weren't at the level of my 2nd graders. I often had to work with them one-on-one just to keep them up with the rest of the class. There were many higher order thinking skills that they just didn't get. So, I am one for not pushing a child ahead just because they seem ready at 4. They may end up struggling once they get to the older grades and the work gets harder. I think it would be much more important to keep the young student with kids their age since they will be socially similar and then give them enrichment work with students their age.

[drako]

I was a second grade teacher at a private school before becoming a SAHM. We often would push students up because they were young but ready for kindergarten. We also would move students up for math or reading if they tested out of their grade level. I had a problem with this since I often got 1st grade students come to my class for math and reading. Yes, they were bright for their age but they were so much more immature than my 2nd grade students. They were bright for their age but they still weren't at the level of my 2nd graders. I often had to work with them one-on-one just to keep them up with the rest of the class. There were many higher order thinking skills that they just didn't get. So, I am one for not pushing a child ahead just because they seem ready at 4. They may end up struggling once they get to the older grades and the work gets harder. I think it would be much more important to keep the young student with kids their age since they will be socially similar and then give them enrichment work and challenge them in other ways and be with students their age.

[bekahjean]

I haven't read all the replies, but it sounds like she's doing just fine. Both of my boys have early Sept. birthdays, and while I would love to have them out of the house earlier, we are planning on them both being the oldest kids in their classes. :) It is not like you're holding her back a full year, and she will be able to focus better since she is a little older. And when she gets to HS, you won't have to worry about who she is riding around with since she'll probably be the one driving her friends!

[Momit]

My DS is the same and sounds about the same as your DD developmentally. I'm not at all worried about him. He goes to preschool 2 mornings a week. They do arts and crafts, circle time, play outside, some worksheets (which I am not crazy about but it's ok).

He will most likely be 6 when he starts kindergarten. His birthday is days before the cutoff but our plan right now is to start him the following year.

Everything you do with your DD will teach her things, grocery shopping, sorting laundry, sweeping. My DS loves to "help" with those things. Don't feel like you are failing to educate your child by being a SAH parent. When I WOH I felt very guilty that I wasn't there for DS enough. I think feeling you aren't doing enough is something all parents struggle with from time to time.

Your DD sounds perfect -enjoy your time with her!

[JBaxter]

I can tell you its much easier to send a 18+ yr old off to college than a 17 yr old. She sounds fine. I have had 3 yr olds who can't talk ( who is doing A's & 1 B in 2nd grade now) to a 3 yr old who can read. They all even out. She sounds fine and I would NOT push her a year early.

[squimp]

Anyone who announces that their child is gifted should be ignored.

:D I agree with this. Especially at that age.

But anyway, you are not holding your DD back, your friend is pushing her DD ahead. My DD was reading at 4, but she still didn't go to K until she was almost 6. It has worked out great for her - it gives her an advantage to be at the top of the distribution. She is not bored, but our schools are really good at differentiating. Schools here really don't like it when you step outside the cutoff dates, even the private schools.

[kerridean]

You daughter sounds PERFECT. PLEASE do not listen to this woman. She sounds like she thinks a bit "much" of her daughter.

[wellyes]

She has zero credibility based on what you wrote, so don't give her another thought.

[elliput]

Anyone who announces that their child is gifted should be ignored.

:thumbsup: Where's the "Like" button?

OP- your DD sounds like she is doing just fine. My DS is not quite 3.5 and doesn't have near those skills.

[mom2binsd]

Like others have said, your friend stating her daughter is gifted is silly.....especially at age 4!!!! (unless of course she is composing music, inventing a time machine and writing new apps for Apple, then I'd listen to her!)

DO NOT UNDERVALUE all that you are doing with your DD at home. All of the activities you do on a daily basis have educational value. I'm sure she is learning how to sort/classify/count/and most importantly multitask by watching you!

I think starting preschool in the fall will be a great addition to what you are doing and provide her with opportunities to interact with peers/learn about circle time/ etc.

Don't worry about her age when starting K, she doesn't meet the cutoff so you can't send her. There will be a mix of 5 and 6 year olds in her class for sure, many parents with kids in April-Aug may be holding their child back, so don't sweat that.

[maestramommy]

You DD sounds normal. If your friend's DD is gifted, that has absolutely nothing to do with where your DD is at. I think you have been doing fine with her. Also, remember that the cutoff date is pretty arbitrary. Yours is 2 months earlier than ours. Dora missed the cutoff by 1 day, but because ours is Sept 30, she was not quite 6 when starting K. In all her evals she scored at age level or higher for everything. I don't see any signs that she is bored.;)

[Melaine]

I think she sounds 100% normal, is developmentally on track, and that you are doing the right thing - both for her, and for her classmates - by following the rules and starting her in K when she's supposed to start.

IME, parents who like to announce how gifted their kids are and openly second guess other parents' decisions are actually insecure about their own decisions and where their kids are at. Just an observation after 9 years of parenting three kids.

Haven't had 9 years of experience but I totally agree with this.

[ang79]

I have a Sept. birthday, and actually was born 3 hrs. past our district's cut-off date, so was always one of the oldest in my class. But I never felt that I was bored in school, I actually enjoyed school quite a bit! In elem. school I was in the gifted/enrichment program and a few mornings a week we would go with the gifted teacher and work on more challenging, strategy thinking activities. In high school I took the harder math and science classes but still had to work at them to succeed. Honestly, I had a few friends in the grade above me but have always thought that I can't imagine how I would have turned out if I had grown up with that group of kids. I may have ended up a different person, just because the kids in that class were so different from my close group of friends in my own grade. So it all worked out for the best that I was born 3 hrs. late!

My oldest daughter will be almost 6 when entering Kindergarten in the fall, as she also has a Sept. B-day. And my youngest has a Nov. birthday. She just turned 3, so a few months younger than yours. And your daughter sounds right about where mine is. She can count to 12 and recognizes most of those numbers and count out objects. She sings the ABC song, knows colors and most shapes and talks alot. But I actually have her scheduled for a speech therapy eval. this week, as her speech isn't always very clear. In that sense she's way different than my oldest, who was speaking in complete sentences before she was 2 and always shocks people with her range of vocabulary. But they each have their strengths and weaknesses, so I'm not too worried about it, like others said, I think it will all even out eventually :)

Keep doing what you're doing and enjoy having your little one home with you! Forgot to mention, due to the extreme price of preschool here (and because I have my degree in Early Education and Elem. education and have tons of my own learning materials, manipulatives, etc. to use with them) we weren't going to send the girls to preschool. They also go to Sunday School and story time at the library, so they have some exposure to listening to other adults, as well as socializing in a small playgroup that they are in. But then I found out that our school district offers a free preschool program where high school students help teach the kids. Right now the program only runs in the second semester. So my oldest went last spring and she will go again this Feb. - May, then start Kindergarten in the fall. I have my youngest on the waiting list to start the preschool next year hopefully, but from what I've hear the waiting list is long, so she may not get in til the following year since she'll be later to start Kindergarten. In the meantime, I try to do as many learning activities here when I am with them, as well as lots of open play where they can explore and do imaginative play :)

[SnuggleBuggles]

Is your friend a first time mom? She is talking out of her butt even if she isn't. Yeesh, different choices for different families. Your dd sounds perfectly fine and so does your plan.

[DrSally]

She sounds like she's doing just great (as are you!).

I think there are pros and cons to out of home care for young children. Both staying home with DC and sending to daycare have their advantages and disadvantages. I think having an engaged, loving, attentive caregiver is all kids really need at that age. her back.


:yeahthat: ITA with this. FWIW, DS went to a playbased preschool for the first 2 years. I had no concerns that he wouldn't be academically prepared for K.

[mom3boys]

My DS2 is 3.5 (June b-day) and he is IN preschool and I don't think he is any further along than your daughter. Maybe not even as far. He never went to daycare, I stay home sometimes and we have a nanny sometimes. I recently visited the school and he seemed to be ahead of most of the other kids in vocabulary and generally in speaking more clearly, although I didn't observe enough to see if he was ahead/behind in anything else (he is developmentally on track according to the school).

I wouldn't worry too much that your daughter will be "older", when she starts. There will be other kids who just miss the cutoff, too. Where I live "red-shirting" is so common that people hold back their kids with summer birthdays all the time even though the birthday cut-off is in the fall (10/1 in most places). In fact I almost feel like the odd person out for letting my son with the September birthday (just beats the cut off) actually attend school rather than waiting. So there may even be kids a month or two older than your daughter, who are in her class with her.

I wouldn't worry about it at all and certainly don't feel bad about being a SAHM!

ETA: I think my son mostly plays and sings songs in preschool FWIW.

[sste]

Does your DD have any behavioral problems now? I mean she is at the age when they absolutely peak so if she doesn't have behavior issues now I wouldn't anticipate them in the future. :) I will give you the other perspective - - I don't know if mine is similar to your friend's, if your friend is wierd, or I may also be a self-deluding nutcase.

Our four year old is pretty bright and had alot of behavior problems at home right at your daughter's age. He also had a strange development with a huge speech and significant walking delay and as a result of those two things we had him informally evaluated twice. Both times we were told he was tracking far above his age in certain areas and we should eventually find an elementary with differentiated/gifted programming. And I replied per BB "well it is not stable until age 7 right" and both times the therapist/evaluator replied basically, we see lots of kids, we advise you to go to an elementary with differentiation. I think the thing is that gifted is misconceived as an on/off switch and also misconceived as not related to the home environment. Whether DS eventually tests as "gifted" who knows but it seems pretty likely that he will be well above the median and have certain areas of real strength so at least having the option for differentiation or an entirely play-based program or foreign language immersion makes sense.

Anyway, in our case our behavior problems were not due to our child being so bright that he was bored with normal learning as he does all play-based stuff which he loves. Like any other three year old he wanted to maximize fun and attention for himself and he was just exceptionally cunning and skillful and strategic at that before we figured out how to set limits and rewards etc on our end!! We weren't interested in an early school start and our therapist actually didn't think it would solve much in our case - - DS would still be ahead in the areas where he is ahead even with an earlier start (he is an October birthday so starting early would not be a big dramatic thing). Our therapist thought we should look for a school that differentiates not nec. in kindy but in later elementary, and to find a school that is non-punitive in its approach to behavior issues should DS have those in school (and she rec'd some specific elementary schools to us for that).

I hope that helps. :) I think you are doing fine and your daughter sounds very bright and lovely.

[jellibeans]

My birthday is the same as your dds. My parents send me to school and i was the youngest in the class. My mom still to this day wishes that she would have held me back.
Is it possible that your friend just doesn't want to pay the cost of daycare and that is why she is sending her dd early? I honestly see no benefit to sending children early to school. There is a reason that your school has a cutoff date!

[boilermakermom]

Thank you ladies! I needed to hear positive words of encouragement!!!!!!!!!!! I felt incredibly guilty that I wasn't doing enough with my DD, and she was going to have a hard time adjusting as a result.

I looked back on how much fun I have had staying home with her, and all the things we do together. She is going to be right on track!!!!!! All children learn, some at different rates then others.

We are going to start her in kindy at age 6. She will be FINE!!! A plus - another year of hanging out with mom!!!!!! YIPPEE!!!

Thank you!!!! :yay: