Update .5 in #22 Preschool dilemma (longish with some back story)

[SnuggleBuggles]

I am annoyed to have a dilemma. I put my application in for ds2 when he was 6 weeks old for the preschool he currently attends. All good, right (application in on time, got our spot)? I chose this preschool because their k program was amazing. Ds1 went elsewhere for preschool but there for k and I was blown away. It was everything kindergarten should be, imo, filled with play, cooking, outside time... Honestly, I chose this school because of that program. I have even sucked up this year's teacher that I just don't like because it was necessary to stay in the school.

The cut off for the k program is 12/31. Every single other school in my city is 9/1. Many people use the k program as pre-k and repeat k at another school, as a result of the cut off dates.

I was told in early October that he "probably wouldn;t be ready for their k program because he didn't like to write yet." He was 3yo. I said that and they said all the kids are evaluated by the k team in January, before registration is due. Kids that don't quite make it (which she expected would be the case for ds2) would be reevaluated in April since they can make great leaps any time. I asked what my options were and explained that I picked the school because of the k program (I honestly had no idea they were so selective b/c, ime, they need the kids and the k is not academically focused). She said my option was to have him repeat the 4s with a different teacher and maybe add in extended mornings to get some extra enrichment fun (cooking, yoga...).

Dilemma...they are going to be asking me for $500 in the coming days to reserve his spot at the school for next year and I fully expect them to only offer to let him repeat his current 4yo program. I'm not happy about that idea and I only want to stay there if he can do the k program. But, I truly get that he could not be ready for it (though he will be...he's young and things click later).

I could walk away and just put him in any old preschool. Ones that are on par with this one will be full and no chance of getting in. There is a church based one that many of his friends go to, is super close and super cheap that I could switch him to. That seems like a no brainer but they don't go outside. His current school goes outside for at least 30 minutes/ day in all but pouring rain and bitter, bitter cold. I love that! We don't have a great yard to play in and I am not inclined to play outside in the winter even if we did.

There is one more preschool just as close, just as cheap with some kids he knows but I hear they have a waiting list (though the list does move). They play outside and have a great playground.

Choices:
-stick with the current school even if he has to repeat the same program
-advocate really hard to get him in the k program at the current school
-go to the church one and just play outside more on our own
-see if I can get him into preschool #3
something else?

I thought I was so on the ball and d.o.n.e. with this school choice stuff!

[TwinFoxes]

Can you talk more about why having him redo 4s is bad? To me it seems like a good choice but I think I'm missing something.

[KrisM]

When is his birthday? If he redoes the 4s, will he then go to the kindergarten there the following year?

[SnuggleBuggles]

His birthday is in Dec. and he will redo k at his elementary school.

Why I don't want to repeat...
It's expensive so do I really want to pay so much money to repeat? I don't like any of the teachers but that is just me (ds likes them). There isn't anything bad about the 4s, it is really good. But, $5k good? Not sure.

I think I am willing to pay for the k program but repeating makes me think, "might as well go somewhere else and save money l."

Maybe the main dilemma us money. The k program is worth it but regular preschool? Not do much.

[SnuggleBuggles]

When is his birthday? If he redoes the 4s, will he then go to the kindergarten there the following year?

No. He will be 5 going on 6 that year thus be ready for elementary school. The director had said 4s then their k but I said I was only to pay one more year of tuition there!

[Green_Tea]

I am surprised that they potentially wouldn't LET him start in the K classroom if he meets the cut-off. I can see them recommending that he wait another year, but every preschool/pre K/K school I have seen around here ultimately leaves the final decision up to the parents.

I don't blame you for not wanting to pay for TWO more years of school there. I'd tell them that if he cannot start in the K classroom next year, you'll pull him.

[KrisM]

I am surprised that they potentially wouldn't LET him start in the K classroom if he meets the cut-off. I can see them recommending that he wait another year, but every preschool/pre K/K school I have seen around here ultimately leaves the final decision up to the parents.

I don't blame you for not wanting to pay for TWO more years of school there. I'd tell them that if he cannot start in the K classroom next year, you'll pull him.

I agree. I've never been told which class to put my kids in.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Honestly? This is what drives me crazy about private schools. I feel like I keep getting burned by them. Ds1 didn't get into our first choice k because he was too young (June birthday, 9/1 cut off so he made the cut off...). Ds2 is potentially too young despite making cut off. I don't know what happens if I push to get him into k but I feel like I want to. I am really struggling to give them $500 in the coming weeks if they say 4s.

[veronica]

Can you sign him up for a mid-year bump up for next year( I know this may/will impact their plans for enrollment)? Or, I'd let them know that you are putting him in K the year after and really wanted him to get good preparation in the K program there-that you have already experienced and love and was looking forward to!

[SnuggleBuggles]

Can you sign him up for a mid-year bump up for next year( I know this may/will impact their plans for enrollment)? Or, I'd let them know that you are putting him in K the year after and really wanted him to get good preparation in the K program there-that you have already experienced and love and was looking forward to!


I already told them that. Not sure they care. We will see! Eta I didn't suggest a mid year bump. I am hesitant for social reasons and I also doubt they would do it. But I can ask. Thanks!

[fivi2]

Is he eligible for K at other schools? (The cut off dates are confusing)

Where will he go to first grade?

I would just put him in K wherever he is going to be for first grade. If he will have to have another year of pre-k before K, I would pick either #2 or #3. Depending on how long the day is, I would maybe be okay with no outdoor time. If he is only there a couple of hours, then I'd be okay with it. Otherwise, I'd probably try for number 3.

Good luck!

[SnuggleBuggles]

Is he eligible for K at other schools? (The cut off dates are confusing)

Where will he go to first grade?

I would just put him in K wherever he is going to be for first grade. If he will have to have another year of pre-k before K, I would pick either #2 or #3. Depending on how long the day is, I would maybe be okay with no outdoor time. If he is only there a couple of hours, then I'd be okay with it. Otherwise, I'd probably try for number 3.

Good luck!
The preschool day at school 2 or 3 would just be 3 hours long.

He is too young for k anywhere else. I would be using his current preschool's pre-k, as about half of the people do.

He will do k after he turns 5, the year after nextvyear, and he will do that at his elementary school.

[fivi2]

So if current school won't let you do K, then you are doing pre-k somewhere (either current or other) and then going to regular school for K. and if current school lets you do K, then you will "repeat" K at regular school?

If current school won't let you do K, then I would not pay them for pre-K. It sounds like you don't like their pre-K program and they are overpriced. I would go with one of the others. I don't know where you are, but I would look around for a fun program somewhere.

[SnuggleBuggles]

So if current school won't let you do K, then you are doing pre-k somewhere (either current or other) and then going to regular school for K. and if current school lets you do K, then you will "repeat" K at regular school?

If current school won't let you do K, then I would not pay them for pre-K. It sounds like you don't like their pre-K program and they are overpriced. I would go with one of the others. I don't know where you are, but I would look around for a fun program somewhere.


Yes to part one.

Yeah, I think that is where I am with part 2

(sorry for weird formatting...typing on my phone)

[o_mom]

His birthday is in Dec. and he will redo k at his elementary school.

Why I don't want to repeat...
It's expensive so do I really want to pay so much money to repeat? I don't like any of the teachers but that is just me (ds likes them). There isn't anything bad about the 4s, it is really good. But, $5k good? Not sure.

I think I am willing to pay for the k program but repeating makes me think, "might as well go somewhere else and save money l."

Maybe the main dilemma us money. The k program is worth it but regular preschool? Not do much.

How much would you end up paying for the deposit plus one of the cheaper schools? If they are substantially cheaper, then just add $500 to it in your mind and ask if that would be acceptable to you.

I guess I'm saying reframe it a bit into one of three situations:

A. Pay the $500, get into the K, so total is $5000
B. Pay the $500, don't get into the K,stay and total is $5000
C. Pay the $500, don't get into the K, go to cheaper place for, say $2k and pay $2500 total

Those seem to be the three choices if you pay the $500. Obviously A would be your first choice, but in choosing between B & C, I think C makes more sense - the $500 is sunk, so staying there just to 'keep' the $500 would end up costing you $2500.

If that doesn't work for you, then I guess I would just tell them that you aren't paying for another year of the same and find something else before you pay the $500. It sounds like a fabulous program, but at the same time, it really is just preschool (even though it is 'K', he will be doing K at public school).

[KpbS]

If it were me and he couldn't get into the class you were really hoping for I would go elsewhere for his last year of pre-k--prob. one of the other, cheaper options and enroll him in a gymnastics class for extra activity during the day (to make up for the lost outside time). The have him start K on time w/ the school your DS1 attends. `

[SnuggleBuggles]

If that doesn't work for you, then I guess I would just tell them that you aren't paying for another year of the same and find something else before you pay the $500. It sounds like a fabulous program, but at the same time, it really is just preschool (even though it is 'K', he will be doing K at public school).

It would haunt me forever to throw $500 away, even though your idea makes sense. "It's only preschool"is where I am right now. Schools B and C weren't even close to "good enough" when I toured them back with ds1 but, really, they are safe, clean,and fun. They'd be perfectly fine. :)

[SnuggleBuggles]

I guess I will know this week for sure what program he was "accepted" into and I will update then! Thanks for helping me think it through. I feel better knowing I am not nuts for just repeating and calling it a day.

[AnnieW625]

If this were me I would be calling the director ASAP and explaining your situation. The first couple of weeks at DD1's kindergarten were handwriting boot camp and it was tough and honestly even though DD1 had Handwriting Without Tears in pre k it all kind of went out the window so handwriting to her was all new again once school started.

I would find it very irritating that the school evaluates kids in January for a class that starts in September. I am not usually one that makes a huge fuss over many things, but I would make a fuss out of this. I would complain about the teacher too.

Good luck!

[SnuggleBuggles]

If this were me I would be calling the director ASAP and explaining your situation. The first couple of weeks at DD1's kindergarten were handwriting boot camp and it was tough and honestly even though DD1 had Handwriting Without Tears in pre k it all kind of went out the window so handwriting to her was all new again once school started.

I would find it very irritating that the school evaluates kids in January for a class that starts in September. I am not usually one that makes a huge fuss over many things, but I would make a fuss out of this. I would complain about the teacher too.

Good luck!

Such is the way the private schools work here and it really bugs me. It'd be great if I didn't have young, late bloomers. I find the privates here really only cater to the the other kids and it is sucky.

Ds1 didn't go into this k program writing but picked it up so fast. The school talks a big game about working with each kid but not so sure.

It's sounding more and more like I don't like this school. I'm starting to wonder if I do. ;) But, then I go in and really am pleased with what my ds2 does day to day. I think it is the overall culture of private schools around here that have gotten to me (again). It kills me to pay so much and feel like your kid isn't good enough.

[SnuggleBuggles]

The school director and teacher called a meeting with me for Monday to discuss plans for next year. I can't imagine they would have called it if they weren't going to try and sell me on repeating this year. Maybe I'll be surprised. I'll post on Monday.

I was surprised about dh today. He also agrees that repeating this year isn't a good plan. But, he disagrees with switching schools no matter what they say. I reminded him about how much we could save by switching and he said I was undervaluing the school he is at, school B wouldn't be any where close to as good school A (he really didn't think much of A) and he said we could just save money somewhere else. I really had no idea he was so invested in it.

He should go to the meeting instead of me. I tend to go all Mommy Bear and argumentative if I detect any slight of my kid. I wish there was something I could do/ take to guarantee that I could go to the meeting, sit n my hands, listen attentively and leave. I really want to be able to do that!!

Ah well. I'll be in touch soon.

[sste]

Personally I would be very nice at this meeting. I would emphasize my emotional and financial commitment and the fact that as a parent I wasn't given notice of this "policy." And if that wasn't working I would say I had a very big concern that my DS was being treated differently as part of a recent societal shift to delay and hold boys back. And that that was very concerning to me and that my expectation was that if he met the cut-off he would be in. And that I find it hard to believe there aren't girls his same age being allowed into that class. Also, if the school has another metric for placement it should have been announced in advance and applied evenly to everyone.

If I was well and truly p*ssed - - and I have done this - - I would say that in the internet age when all it takes is one angry parent writing a negative review about their experience for hundreds of perspective parents to see that review every time they google your school I am just puzzled as to why, why? the school was taking this position rather than working with me on a solution (i.e., my solution). This may not be your personality but at a certain point in any deal, if you know you are going to pull your DS (assuming you do) then you have nothing to lose.

If that didn't work I would probably pull my DS for a cheaper program and write one heck of a negative review on google. I would pull based on price - - if your school was a typical price fine what is another year of 4s in a good place. But 5k?! In my metro area current excellent preschool the 5k per year program is every day 9-2 and includes five "specials" with outside art, music, science and ecology teachers. And outdoor play! IIRC you are in much lower COL area - - your preschool sounds pricey. I think what they did was pretty misleading - - in any private school parents expect that as long as their child isn't experiencing a serious developmental delay they can move up each year and won't be shut out after investing in the school.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Update 1.5 (.5 because there are still decisions to be made but new info).

A few weeks ago, the school district came in and evaluated all the kids for development (there was a hearing a vision screening prior to that). We got a call late last week that ds2 was flagged for possible delays. They recommend further screening. He has been in speech therapy and it was pretty clear that comprehension was an issue as well. Anyway, so we had this information to add into our conference today.

Basically...he isn't ready for their kindergarten. They talked a persuasive game and made me not feel as grumpy towards them. I understood where they were coming from. Bottom line is they have always said he was on the less mature side since he is the youngest and that what he needs is more time.

What I learned today is that preschool tuition is negotiable! I raised my concerns that I didn't see the value in repeating the same program, nor did my husband. I also said that I have been exploring other preschools at a much lower price point. They countered that they didn't want to lose us as a family and would give us 1/2 off of the tuition. Is that how rich people are rich?? Do they know that everything is negotiable and never pay full price? Have I been a sucker all this time??

So, we are back to where I thought we would be but with a twist. The discount does make it more appealing. I'll keep you posted with what dh and I decide to do.

[o_mom]

Update 1.5 (.5 because there are still decisions to be made but new info).

A few weeks ago, the school district came in and evaluated all the kids for development (there was a hearing a vision screening prior to that). We got a call late last week that ds2 was flagged for possible delays. They recommend further screening. He has been in speech therapy and it was pretty clear that comprehension was an issue as well. Anyway, so we had this information to add into our conference today.

Basically...he isn't ready for their kindergarten. They talked a persuasive game and made me not feel as grumpy towards them. I understood where they were coming from. Bottom line is they have always said he was on the less mature side since he is the youngest and that what he needs is more time.

What I learned today is that preschool tuition is negotiable! I raised my concerns that I didn't see the value in repeating the same program, nor did my husband. I also said that I have been exploring other preschools at a much lower price point. They countered that they didn't want to lose us as a family and would give us 1/2 off of the tuition. Is that how rich people are rich?? Do they know that everything is negotiable and never pay full price? Have I been a sucker all this time??

So, we are back to where I thought we would be but with a twist. The discount does make it more appealing. I'll keep you posted with what dh and I decide to do.

Well... that's appealing (though annoying at the same time, lol) - sounds like a win-win - do another year of pre-K there and then move on to the public school K after that. The only concern might be the boredom factor with repeating the same program. Would he have a different teacher or exactly the same everything?

[SnuggleBuggles]

It would be quite different. He'd do mornings instead and there are a ton more kids and all different teachers. He knows all of the teachers but hasn't had them. He would probably stay for the extended program too with cooking and extras plus lunch. I don't think boredom will be a problem. Socially, all new kids though which should be ok too... He wasn't too invested in the current kiddos.

[Gena]

A few weeks ago, the school district came in and evaluated all the kids for development (there was a hearing a vision screening prior to that). We got a call late last week that ds2 was flagged for possible delays. They recommend further screening. He has been in speech therapy and it was pretty clear that comprehension was an issue as well. Anyway, so we had this information to add into our conference today.

Was your son in private speech therapy or through the EI/public school system?

If he has not had a comprehensive speech/language evaluation (as opposed to a screening) or if it has been a while (a year or more) since he had one, I would suggest that getting a full speech/labguage eval by a private SLP might be helpful.

I think it may be helpful to know if your child has just a speech delay or if he has a speech disorder. A delay can be helped by more time to mature and sometimes therapy. A disorder will not be helped by giving the child more time to mature, but requires theraputic intervention. Depending on the nature of the speech disorder, a Kindy student may qualify for more services than a preschooler would.

It's just something to think about while making your decision.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Was your son in private speech therapy or through the EI/public school system?

If he has not had a comprehensive speech/language evaluation (as opposed to a screening) or if it has been a while (a year or more) since he had one, I would suggest that getting a full speech/labguage eval by a private SLP might be helpful.

I think it may be helpful to know if your child has just a speech delay or if he has a speech disorder. A delay can be helped by more time to mature and sometimes therapy. A disorder will not be helped by giving the child more time to mature, but requires theraputic intervention. Depending on the nature of the speech disorder, a Kindy student may qualify for more services than a preschooler would.

It's just something to think about while making your decision.

I'm going to take him for a full screening with the public EI to start and go from there. Somethings have improved just with time but other things haven't. So, we'll see what they can do for us. I trust that between them and the school that we'll make some good progress. Since it is a private kindergarten, they said that he would likely qualify for better services in public kindergarten; they don't really provide anything at his current school and he is too young for public k. But, we would try and work with EI type service (not sure exact terms, just guessing) for this preschool year.