Do I have to send a gift..

[niccig]

A friend I was once very close too, is getting married in late February. We drifted apart after I moved here and had DS. She is VERY needy, and I didn't have the time for that once DS was born. We're in Christmas card, email contact - I will get an email that is pages long, seriously I can scroll and scroll and scroll and I do not get to the end. It's overwhelming.

They've asked for no wedding gifts, donations instead (I think to help offset wedding costs as they don't have a lot of money right now), and she asked for people that can't make it to send a ribbon that she will wear in her hair.

I know she's disappointed we're not going to be there, but it's in the middle of DS and my school semester. We can't go to Australia right now, as I've got clinics and can't get excused from them.

I don't want a closer relationship, have even less time now, but part of me feels I should send something as a gift. Some token..but not sure what.

Any ideas...and thanks.

[rin]

I'd send her a ribbon and a handwritten card with some thoughts/wishes for her marriage. I think it would be nice to send her a small present, but I wouldn't feel obligated. Maybe candlesticks or something like that?

[hillview]

I'd send her a ribbon and a handwritten card with some thoughts/wishes for her marriage. I think it would be nice to send her a small present, but I wouldn't feel obligated. Maybe candlesticks or something like that?
I agree with rin. Some small token. A nice coffee table book? Stationary with her (new) name on it if she is changing her name?
/hillary

[wellyes]

I would send a ribbon and a nice, sincerely worded card letting her know you're happy for her. Skip the token present. She specifically requested no gifts, so take that at face value. I would ignore her request for a cash gift, personally.

[MMMommy]

I would probably send the ribbon with a card and include a donation (as little or as much you care to give). I think it is in poor taste to ask for a donation, but since she requested that in lieu of a gift, I would probably just oblige anyways. I always thought it was proper etiquette to give a gift, regardless if you go to the wedding. And since she is requesting donations instead of gifts, I would just honor that, even though I think the request is tacky.

[sunshine873]

I would probably send the ribbon with a card and include a donation (as little or as much you care to give). I think it is in poor taste to ask for a donation, but since she requested that in lieu of a gift, I would probably just oblige anyways. I always thought it was proper etiquette to give a gift, regardless if you go to the wedding. And since she is requesting donations instead of gifts, I would just honor that, even though I think the request is tacky.

:yeahthat: You were invited, you were once very close. Relationships are going to ebb & flow as time goes on, but it sounds like you still consider her a friend of some sort. I think its appropriate to send the ribbon & a small donation.

[KpbS]

I would send a ribbon, some cash only if you so choose, and a book like this one
http://www.amazon.com/Wedding-Anniversary-Journal-Ryland-Peters/dp/1845977653/ref=pd_sim_b_1 along with a simple card wishing her well.