Choosing the right school for your child..is there a critical age for paying $$$ ??

[new_mom_mry]

So I want to preface this post by explaining that I am a complete novice at the whole "choosing the right school for your child" endeavor. Perhaps, many parents on these boards have had to confront similar choices and could share their words of wisdom with me.

The basic question is as follows: does it make the most sense to pay top dollar for a toddler program, preschool/pre-k program, kindergarten program/elementary school operating from an assumption that you can't afford to always pay top dollar for your child's education up until graduation from high school and need to make some choices. In other words, given a limited pool of financial resources, what is considered the critical age when you would want your child to have the best education possible, knowing that at other time points you will have to rely on school programs that are more mediocre??? Would it be the toddler age (1-3), preschool/pre-k age (3-5), kindergarten age (5-6), or perhaps elementary or middle school (all high schools are outstanding in our town, so not worried about those). Is it some combination of these age groups, e.g. pay for the best programs during the ages of 1-3 AND 3-5 and then send your child into a public kinder, elementary school, and so on....

When answering my question assume that the "non-top dollar" programs at each age level are ok, but the more expensive programs offer better facilities, stronger educational philosophy, lower teacher-student ratios, and better reputation among local parents.

[edurnemk]

Definitely elementary or middle school. I wouldn't choose toddler program at all, preschool is not that important either, IMO, at those ages they learn through play and socialization.

ETA: For full disclosure we pay for an expensive school for DS and will continue to do so through HS because there are no decent public options where we are, but if we had a choice we'd have him in a great public school.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Someone asked this at a school choice/ how to choose discussion I attended in the fall (hosted by our preschool director, who has been doing that job for 18 years). Her opinion was that it was more valuable in the elementary years because (with a few exceptions), public high schools offer such diverse programs with so many extra curricular activities. She was mostly in favor of magnet schools over traditional schools (schools that have a specialty like arts, math, IB...).

Personal opinion- I don't think that preschool is worth it. I have been paying way too much, imo, to attend one of the best in my city. It is really good but I'm not really sure it is worth it. It is NAEYC accredited, on a college campus, established, great ratios, great facilities, experienced teachers that have been there for years (well treated staff, no turn over). I do think that for a few hours. day, a few days a week, so long as it is safe, clean and fun that is good by me. :)

And I would choose a private high school as my top priority. That is likely because the school I attended (and that my kids would if we stay here) wasn't fantastic with college prep and study skills. I did fine but I think I would have been even better at a more rigorous school. Plus, I think you forge more connections in high school- ones that can pay off in future job searches, for example.

eta- ds1 attends a charter school which is a nice compromise for me. It is everything I wanted my public school in my district to be but wasn't. And it is free. :)

[MichelleRC]

Elementary.

I agree with the pp who said that by the time they get to HS and even middle school in some cases, there are more opportunities for differentiation and extra curricular activities. I wanted my boys to have an excellent foundation, a love of learning and good study skills early on. They would not likely have had that in our public school system. And you can't really re-learn that stuff later.

[sste]

Well, I would think college is where I would direct most of my money for max payoff. Affording a great college that works well with your individual child's academic priorities and social needs would be my focus.

For preschool in most communities there are excellent options at the mid-price range (quality drops in the lower price ranges *unless* the program is subsidized by a religious institution or a town etc). I have always chosen middle of the range options for pre-k so I could keep on paying into the college fund and because, in my community, the most expensive options did not yield higher quality "education" than my mid-cost preschool, they just had more expensive facilities and (often more teacher-turnover as money went to stuff rather than staff).

Our personal approach is that we are going to do public school all the way through unless it absolutely is not working. I will need to be really to the wall to shell out for private! But I plan on spending 3-5k per year per kid on extra enrichment/coaching/tutoring/programs whatever. That is a bargain compared to private and I think one to one coaching/tutoring with a good teacher/leader beats out the priciest group private school experience for educational value added.

Just my two cents . . .

[AnnieW625]

If you need full time preschool because you work IMHO then a good daycare and preschool are a must. I paid $900 a month for daycare (in home including transpotation to and from preschool) and paid $275 a month for three day a week half day preschool for DD1. It was expensive but worth it. The preschool in itself was only $275 a month and for half day play based that was the max I was comfortable paying. Now I will say that if we decide to send DD2 to an AMS certified Montessori preschool with before and after school care, lunch and nap that would be more than the $275 a month for half day three day a week daycare, but it would just be one location and it would be her daycare too.

If you are a full time SAHM I don't think it is as much of a neccesity. Near us though our local JCC's drop off half day preschool is $600 a month and it is really popular where as the school where DD1 went to was half of that for the same amount of time plus an hour extra two days a week for lunch bunch.

If I had a choice between expensive preschool (and was a SAHM who didn't need full time care) and private high school I would chose the high school option because right now I just don't trust the public schools in our state.

Now if you know 100% that you will do public k-12 and you really like a more expensive preschool option and don't mind paying a lot for preschool then maybe expensive preschool may not be that bad of a thing, but I might also consider putting extra money away for college and skipping the expensive preschool and doing a half day drop off ESP. if you are a SAHM.

[new_mom_mry]

thanks so much to everyone who has responded thus far...the logic for investing in your child's education during elementary school years makes good sense, but what about the notion that most of their basic skills/developmental milestones emerge in the early years? I wonder if there is anyone who would argue that it is also very important to give your child an amazing foundation of early childhood education (assume that both parents work full-time, so assume that they are at preschool for ~ 40 hours/week).

[sste]

The evidence on preschool is equivocal as to its benefits for middle/upper income kids of well-educated parents. I personally believe there is a mild positive effect but not enough to shell out alot of money. The evidence most strongly supports the benefits of preschool for low SES populations.

[AnnieW625]

I wonder if there is anyone who would argue that it is also very important to give your child an amazing foundation of early childhood education (assume that both parents work full-time, so assume that they are at preschool for ~ 40 hours/week).

This is us which is why I have no problem spend $225 a week for DD2's in home daycare that is run by a former elementary school teacher. I paid the same rate for DD1. I never went to daycare as a child so I had no idea what to expect so I wanted the most homey feeling daycare that I could afford and this daycare was it. I chose to send DD1 to preschool also so she could have the preschool classroom experience. She would have been prepared for kindergarten though from what she learned at daycare had she not been so shy (that preschool socialization really helped her) and wouldn't have benefitted from the classroom setting so much. One of my options with DD2 is to not send her to preschool at all just keep her at the daycare and have DCP get her ready for kindergarten. DD1 could easily count till 50 before she started kindergarten and she could trace her name and could recognize the letters in her name.

[SnuggleBuggles]

The evidence on preschool is equivocal as to its benefits for middle/upper income kids of well-educated parents. I personally believe there is a mild positive effect but not enough to shell out alot of money. The evidence most strongly supports the benefits of preschool for low SES populations.

Right. Likely the parents posting here and thinking about their kid's educations are providing enriching home environments. We read to our kids, talk to our kids, interact with our kids, cook with our kids... our kids are getting a great early foundation without preschool. Preschool is usually about social skills, learning school routines (but that is also taught in K), separating from the parents. Our preschool turned out to be more academically focused than I expected and he is picking up the letters and such. I don't think that is necessary though. He was picking up on letters, letter sounds and asking questions about words and letters before the school year started. If you pay attention, you will find you are providing your kids the academics even if it doesn't appear so. It's like when they were little and you would say, "see the car?" then progress to, "see the blue car?" and onto, "there are 2 green cranes"...you automatically start teaching more in every day conversation as you notice they have mastered one thing and seem ready to know more.

eta- when you call daycare preschool, I get all confused. I'd absolutely pay good money for early childhood care. But, my point of reference comes from a SAHM whose kids is in part time preschool.

[new_mom_mry]

I might also consider putting extra money away for college and skipping the expensive preschool and doing a half day drop off ESP. if you are a SAHM.

I am not a SAHM, and DH and I both work full-time. I am not too concerned about sending DS to the most expensive private college. I went to a state school for undergrad and my education there got me into a top tier grad program in my field at a great university that my parents would have had to pay $$$ for had I gone there as an undergrad. My graduate education was free because I was a Ph.D. student. Sure, my undergrad experience wasn't as rich socially, but I compensated for all of its missing social elements while I was in grad school for 5 years living in an awesome college town. DH paid hardly anything for his engineering degree from a top tier school abroad, simply because it costs way less there to attend university. All he has is a B.S. and he makes way more than I ever will with my Ph.D., but that's a different story. We want our DS to either get academic scholarships to attend a great private college or we will gladly pay for a public university, and hope that he will either major in something that will land him a good job with a bachelor's or we will pay for his non-Ph.D. grad school education that obviously won't be free. I am just speculating though...who knows how things will change 17 years from now!!!!!!

[crl]

With zero expertise in this area, at the moment I am most concerned about middle school. Ds has ADHD. I think he can make it through grade school okay. But when he hits the huge public middle schools and has to change rooms and keep track or all his stuff and assignments, I think it may become unmanageable for him. We may have to seek out a place with smaller class sizes and more individual attention.

Catherine

[Karenn]

I would choose to spend top dollar on elementary school. Around here, it's much easier to find a quality, inexpensive preschool than it is to find a quality, inexpensive elementary school, so that's what I would (and did) save my money for.

[Melbel]

Definitely middle school IMO. Here, there are many good public school options for elementary school, but far fewer good middle schools. The problem though is that it is difficult to get into a top tier middle school without enrolling in a feeder school (the same can be said for high school). High school would be my second priority. Preschool would be my lowest priority for educational expense because there are plenty of inexpensive options that are wonderful (i.e. church based).

ETA: We have had DS and DD1 in private school since pre-k. At the time, it was very hard to get in K without starting at pre-k. A primary factor in going the private route for elementary school is to ensure a spot at one of our preferred middle schools. I am not sure how much bang we got for our buck, but overall, feel that they did get a great foundation. Our local public highschool has lots of potential and will give it consideration. DD2 will attend a an almost free VPK in all likelihood before starting private school for K.

[ha98ed14]

For a girl, I would say late elementary/middle school. Studies have shown that is the age when girls tend to "dumb down" for the sake of social standing/appeal to boys. (Of course now I don't have a reference to back that up.) It's so crucial IMO that I am very open to homeschooling my DD for middle school, which is pretty much the opposite of most of my other positions on education. I had the benefit of a girl's school education from 5th through 12th. If they could have only done it for part of that time, 5th through 9th or as much of that as possible. IMO.

For a boy, I have no idea.

[123LuckyMom]

I'll put in a plug for kindergarten as a very important time developmentally. Another really important age is about 10. A good kindergarten program will teach your child to read, socialize, and love school. It's an invaluable year, and there was recently an article in the New York Times that linked kindergarten education above all others to better school performance and increased earnings. I don't know about that, but I'd spend money on kindergarten as the year where the stage is set for future education! Ages 9-10 are also hugely important for brain development and learning. If I were you, I'd pay for a great kindergarten and a good elementary school, especially since you're not worried about high school.

[smilequeen]

It depends on a lot of factors. To be upfront, my kids are going to private likely all the way through.

I would never put funds towards preschool over anything else. I believe in good preschool, but in general the differences are minor.

If you have a decent public HS, I would put the money into elementary school. I think the foundations are the most important. In general, I believe that our public school system is developmentally inappropriate in the earliest grades, even the "good" ones. A better elementary school sets a foundation and a decent public HS has a lot more differentiation/options/etc. to offer than elementary.

The thing about putting money into MS/HS is...if you had a subpar elementary school then your child wouldn't really be set up to succeed in a good HS environment. But in those cases where the elementary schools are decent, but the MS/HS are terrible...then MS/HS would be where I'd put it.

[Seitvonzu]

my thought when people i know start obsessing about this, or thinking about sending there kids to private schools is along the lines of Sste.... i'd rather help with college. i wish i could say "pay for" college-- but i'm trying to be realistic. we're going with the "public all the way" model unless there are problems. if our child (or possibly children) struggles-- we'll figure something out. but for now our resources aren't such that we are even considering private school.

i SAH and lu goes to 2 day a week preschool at a super affordable church co-op school. next year she'll go 3 days a week (2.5 hours) and then she'll go to full day kinder. i have NO question whether she'll be ready or not. she'd be ready for a 5 day environment now, really. she's very secure in separating (has been since day one of preschool ;)) and has been asking about riding the bus to kinder since she was TWO. :) we do swimming and ballet right now as well and have standing playdates with our old playgroup (that was every week prior to preschool). before signing up for more "formal" stuff we did the playdate, library programs (probably about once a week), and were in a nature tots class at a local estuary. we've always cooked, we read READ and did i mention we READ?, "done art," etcetc. plus we "play and play and play" (that's a quote from my daughter)

oh, one large-ish extra investment for our family is an annual garden membership to longwood gardens (longwoodgardens.org)-- we go at least once a month, and more during good weather months and the holidays. the membership wasn't so pricey, but the gas and eating there and stuff adds up...but the value it adds to our life is immeasurable. the learning and bonding we feel there is worth it to us :)

i'm not sure what your looking for...and my perspective is probably off. but i'm just not sure i'd think that SCHOOL-wise, early childhood is a time for investing...now, like a PP suggested -- early childhood CARE is totally different. i would invest in that :) but when i hear people mention that they like a daycare arrangement because it's academic, my mommy shackles go up a little bit....kids have such a very long time to be in school. and they are such little sponges when they are little-- they are just constantly learning. they don't have to try, know what i mean? caregivers should be able to "teach" them very naturally without too much trying too.

[lilycat88]

I wonder if there is anyone who would argue that it is also very important to give your child an amazing foundation of early childhood education (assume that both parents work full-time, so assume that they are at preschool for ~ 40 hours/week).

Like some others, this is exactly why we spent $12,000 a year for DD to attend the daycare/preschool/kindergarten she did and why we are doing the same for DS who started at the same school as an infant.

DD is now in public elementary and we're good with that. It's a 4 star school and is doing a great job. She's starting sleep away camp this summer (1 week) and will be likely doing the summer 6 week camp in a couple of years. That is supplementing some of the things we're missing in this area such as multiculturalism and giving her a larger world view. She will have the option, as I did, to attend a boarding school for high school.

[Jo..]

For sure would not pay for pricey preschool, pre-k, or k. IMO those should all be mostly play-based and fun, and the $50 school that is more convenient beats the $1000 school by a mile. I would stick that extra money into a college fund.

By grade school, I'd have to consider. It would depend on how great or how sucky the public schools were. If they were pretty bad (a 6 or less on a 1-10 scale), I'd go private.

(FTR my kids both went to a church subsidized preschool at $100-$125 per month, 3 days per week. DS has and DD will attend free public pre-K.)

[maestramommy]

my thought when people i know start obsessing about this, or thinking about sending there kids to private schools is along the lines of Sste.... i'd rather help with college. i wish i could say "pay for" college-- but i'm trying to be realistic. we're going with the "public all the way" model unless there are problems. if our child (or possibly children) struggles-- we'll figure something out. but for now our resources aren't such that we are even considering private school.


i'm not sure what your looking for...and my perspective is probably off. but i'm just not sure i'd think that SCHOOL-wise, early childhood is a time for investing...now, like a PP suggested -- early childhood CARE is totally different. i would invest in that :) but when i hear people mention that they like a daycare arrangement because it's academic, my mommy shackles go up a little bit....kids have such a very long time to be in school. and they are such little sponges when they are little-- they are just constantly learning. they don't have to try, know what i mean? caregivers should be able to "teach" them very naturally without too much trying too.

I kinda lean this way too. My kids go to traditional preschool, which is very affordable in our area. I SAH, which probably figures into my answer because there was things I can (sorta) do with them at home, or at least give them access to. I read to them, play games, let them "help" me do things. My oldest who's in K, her teacher emails notes each week telling us what they are doing, and what we can do at home. Ex: in a couple of weeks is their 100th day of school. They are supposed to bring in a collection of 100 like items (!!). We are supposed to help them out them out by 5s and 10s.

Dh and I had a discussion about schooling after the homeschooling thread from a couple of days ago. His thinking is we moved to this area for the schools. So unless the public schools are really not working out for us, that is where we will send our kids. If it turns out for some reason that they aren't working out for one or more of our kids, I rather think we'd go to homeschooling before private schooling, just because I have a hunch about our kids. Now IF private school actually turned out to be the better option, that's when we'd start paying. I don't think we've ever thought there was some critical age where we'd rather pay for private. But that depends on where you are living, I guess.

[ChristinaLucia]

We are fans of Montessori, and I think that the toddler program is a really critical foundation. My order would be toddler though kindergarten, elementary, middle with high school last.

[kerridean]

We are huge supporters of public schools. My father is a public school superintendent and my mother is a retired (inner city) 1st grade teacher. My girls even went to free public pre-K. They are doing GREAT!

We are saving our school dollars for state university educations. We are a military family and are really hoping they go ROTC or to West Point so we can spent that money on ourselves. HAHA.

[fivi2]

I agree with Annie, that the early childhood issue changes if you are talking full time daycare needs v. part time pre-school as an extra for kids with a SAHP.

Assuming we are not talking day care, I would probably rank it:

middle school
college

(big gap)

high school
elementary
pre-school.

(I don't think a toddler program is at all necessary, and pre-school is not critical either imo).

I think that middle school is tough. In my area, there are many good elementary schools, enough pretty good high schools, but some pretty wretched middle schools. I agree with haggard (;) can't remember her real user name) that I have always said I don't see myself as a homeschooler, but I reserve the right to change my mind when my girls hit middle school. I have panic attacks about middle school, and my girls are in kinder.

I think college is next important.

I debate between elementary and high school, for different reasons. I think it is pretty easy to get a good elementary education, but a bad teacher could make a kid hate school/learning for a long time. But high school has some scary social situations that could also mess up a kid for a long time. So between those, I intend to just see what happens.

For now, I am happy with our public elementary choices.

[Kindra178]

We are fans of Montessori, and I think that the toddler program is a really critical foundation. My order would be toddler though kindergarten, elementary, middle with high school last.

Our Montessori school has passed out tons of articles about the importance of preschool, even for middle class students. Of course, I can't find them now. I did find an article referencing one of the articles I have previously read:

http://www.ascd.org/publications/educational-leadership/apr03/vol60/num07/[email protected]

[Globetrotter]

In our area, there are a number of good public elementary schools. Almost all the middle schools are lacking, but I have to wonder if it's just a rough age! High schools are good but none of them is ideal, IMO.

We moved our kids to another school to avoid our local middle school, and now we are thinking about high school options (public or private). College tuition is the top priority, however, so that is a consideration (esp. if it means setting aside at least $250k/child!), and what if they want to go into professional school afterwards? yikes.

I wouldn't spend a lot on preschool, but if I was WOH at the time I might consider that more carefully.

[ha98ed14]

She will have the option, as I did, to attend a boarding school for high school.

Me too. All girls or co-ed? Just curious.

[egoldber]

I think this varies a LOT depending on the quality of the private/public schools in your area and the needs of the child.

In general, I think that kids with loving, involved parents (whether they WOTH or not) don't *need* a $$$ preschool. I think a play-based preschool with loving teachers in a safe environment is absolutely sufficient for most kids.

For a child with no major issues, delays or LDs, then I think most elementary schools will provide a fine foundation in the basics of reading and math. And even for kids with significant issues, it is often the public not private schools that have the resources available to address these issues.

I think it gets trickier with MS and HS. Personally, I would be a lot more willing to pay for a $$$ private school for MS/HS than I would for elementary or early childhood. This would be especially true if we lived in an area where there were significant crime or other safety issues in the high school.

[SnuggleBuggles]

We purposely chose a k-8 school so we could get around the middle school issues (well, at least a little bit...maybe).

[crl]

I think this varies a LOT depending on the quality of the private/public schools in your area and the needs of the child.

In general, I think that kids with loving, involved parents (whether they WOTH or not) don't *need* a $$$ preschool. I think a play-based preschool with loving teachers in a safe environment is absolutely sufficient for most kids.

For a child with no major issues, delays or LDs, then I think most elementary schools will provide a fine foundation in the basics of reading and math. And even for kids with significant issues, it is often the public not private schools that have the resources available to address these issues.

I think it gets trickier with MS and HS. Personally, I would be a lot more willing to pay for a $$$ private school for MS/HS than I would for elementary or early childhood. This would be especially true if we lived in an area where there were significant crime or other safety issues in the high school.

I think this is very well-said.

Catherine

[lilycat88]

Me too. All girls or co-ed? Just curious.

Co-ed campus with co-ed classes. But, it is two schools in name. The leadership/governance structure of each school is independent. The girls school is based on the English prefect system. It's sort of best of both worlds in that classes are coed so they are learning how to work with the opposite gender while the leadership of the school is only the young women.

[ourbabygirl]

Yep, totally agree with egoldber!

I'm a former (public) high school teacher, and while I LOVED the school I taught at (faculty, administrators, students, and their parents), I'm troubled by the large class sizes and worry that my kids would feel lost in such a big group of kids. Individual class sizes at the high school level (in our area) are in the 30's (my biggest class was about 35, but I know they go higher in core classes), and each grade had about 500 kids. I'm sure that's nothing compared to schools in California and such, but IMO 2000 students in a school is just too many!

I attended a private all-girls school for high school and would LOVE to send our daughter there, but there's probably no way we would be able to pay for it.
So our plan, I guess, is to send our kids to public school as long as there are no problems. It would be great to send them to local private (Catholic) schools, but I doubt the education at those schools would be better than our local public elementary school (not sure about our local middle and high schools). DH had a horrible experience at his local Catholic school and feel he was really poorly prepared for high school (in math, especially). I went to our local public schools until high school, and feel like I had a good foundation, but once I got to high school I felt like I had to be ashamed of getting A's, so I wanted to go to a school where I could feel good about being a good student and wanting to work hard to get into a good college.

So, yeah, my highest priority would be high school, then after that, I'm not sure. :shrug:

[ha98ed14]

Co-ed campus with co-ed classes. But, it is two schools in name. The leadership/governance structure of each school is independent. The girls school is based on the English prefect system. It's sort of best of both worlds in that classes are coed so they are learning how to work with the opposite gender while the leadership of the school is only the young women.

NMH?

7 characters.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

I think this varies a LOT depending on the quality of the private/public schools in your area and the needs of the child.

In general, I think that kids with loving, involved parents (whether they WOTH or not) don't *need* a $$$ preschool. I think a play-based preschool with loving teachers in a safe environment is absolutely sufficient for most kids.

For a child with no major issues, delays or LDs, then I think most elementary schools will provide a fine foundation in the basics of reading and math. And even for kids with significant issues, it is often the public not private schools that have the resources available to address these issues.

I think it gets trickier with MS and HS. Personally, I would be a lot more willing to pay for a $$$ private school for MS/HS than I would for elementary or early childhood. This would be especially true if we lived in an area where there were significant crime or other safety issues in the high school.

:yeahthat: i totally agree.

i have no personal experience, but this is exactly how i see it. i guess i am biased bc my kids have yet to go to daycare or preschool (I SAH), and i think they're doing pretty well so far.They will go to full-time care in about a year or so when i go back to work eventually (FT) but even then, i doubt we will shell out a lot of money for a $$$ daycare or preschool. I guess I just don't see the need for that at the toddler level, unless as egoldber said there are some issues that require much more attention/expertise, or all the other alternatives are very lacking (sub-par teachers, unsafe neighborhood, kids watching TV all day, etc). I would not pay for a pricey preschool just because it's supposedly gives a "better" education.

Also, i have to agree with the point that often public schools have more resources than private schools in terms of dealing with certain issues. my brother and i both started off in private Catholic school, but my parents pulled my brother (who was diagnosed with ADHD) out very quickly and ended up transferring him to a public school. The public school system where we lived had WAY more resources to give to ADHD kids vs. our private school. Private schools IME are much smaller and often times there was only one teacher (one class) per grade, and if you ended up with a teacher than was one of those that didn't really want to work with ADHD kids, you were just SOL.

eta: to answer the question in OP, i would say the "critical" age for a kid getting a really good education would probably be elementary school. i think many elem schools have foreign language programs, advanced math that others do not...things like that i can see making a difference for me.

[goldenpig]

Following this thread with great interest. We are struggling with this decision as well. All the preschools around here are similarly $$$ so we have to shell out for that no matter what. We are trying to decide public v. private elementary for DD. At the moment we are leaning toward public K-5 and then re-evaluate when middle school and high school come whether we will send her to private at that point. $25K x2 for private K-8 is nearing half a million dollars! Keeping them in public at least for elementary would go a long way towards paying for their college.

[Uno-Mom]

Speaking as someone who attended private school my whole life, and is married to someone who did the same ... And is now fighting like h*ll to by out from under student loan debt: I will absolutely prioritize saving for college over expensive private elementary or HS.

I just don't see the huge advantage of extremely expensive private school if you live somewhere with decent public options, especially good charters. This assumes, of course, a great educational home environment and a child whose needs can be met by a quality public school. I also agree with pp who said they would rather put the money towards music lessons, sports or other wonderful extracurriculars.

That said, I'm eying various options in our community because, you never know!

[niccig]

I think this varies a LOT depending on the quality of the private/public schools in your area and the needs of the child.


This.

We knew we would do private for MS and HS as our local schools aren't great for those. As DS got closer to K, we started to check out our local elementary, and we weren't impressed. It's gotten worse too since all the budget cuts in CA. Magnet/Charter schools near us have mile long wait lists. So, we went private for elementary. It's not what we planned to do, but here we are. It's meant rethinking how we spend our money, my 20 year old kitchen has to stay with us a little longer, but it's worth the sacrifice. DS loves going to school, my friend just posted on facebook ripping into the local school and how her son hates it, she blames all the teaching to the test and the 2 hours of homework a night, a chorus of "my child feels the same" were in the comments.

I really think you can't say until your kids get closer to K age, then you can see if the local public schools will work for your child or not. So, keep your options open.

[AnnieW625]

We purposely chose a k-8 school so we could get around the middle school issues (well, at least a little bit...maybe).

This is us too. We didn't get into the public k-8 option near us so we chose Catholic school.

[kozachka]

Our personal approach is that we are going to do public school all the way through unless it absolutely is not working. I will need to be really to the wall to shell out for private! But I plan on spending 3-5k per year per kid on extra enrichment/coaching/tutoring/programs whatever.

This is our approach as well. We hope to have DS in public all the way through high school unless he truly needs to go the private route. We are spending a pretty penny on his activities, too. DS is doing everything from chess to painting/sculpture to team sports and martial arts. We should probably add more academics such as math, but with DS gone out of town ~50% of town and me WOTH there is simply no more time right now, we'll probably do it in the next couple years.

I think you get the most bang for your buck from top grad programs. My perception is probably covered by my experience since I was able to get into one of the top business schools with a public college degree as did quite a few of my friends/colleagues. If DS does get into a great private college, then we'll figure out whether to pay for it or help with grad school, which he could also borrow funds for.

[essnce629]

I'd say high school. In our area, we have some good public elementary schools and lots of good charters and magnets, but there's not a good public high school around. We pulled DS1 out of our local public elementary school this year (which had great ratings) since none of us were happy with the school and we were lucky to get a spot at a new charter school that we love, love, love!!! His new school is K-8, so we should be all good till we reach high school (there's 2 really good private ones in the area).

[fedoragirl]

I think it gets trickier with MS and HS. Personally, I would be a lot more willing to pay for a $$$ private school for MS/HS than I would for elementary or early childhood. This would be especially true if we lived in an area where there were significant crime or other safety issues in the high school.

ITA. I am a former middle school/high school teacher. I have seen the best of kids falter around the 7th--8th grade mark. This has a lot to do with age, transitions, peer pressure, and just demanding independence. A lot of my coworkers would say that MS is the new high school. I have seen kids get into drugs and sex more in MS than in HS. I am not saying that this will happen with every child. I have had stellar students too but I would put more $$ in a MS program that challenges my children and gradually introduces them to the realities of a future college education which is where I want my kids to go. Currently, we are dealing with 40+ kids in a classroom and overtesting to appease the bureaucrats who only see numbers and not the learning.
Also, in elementary school, children don't have as much homework and you can supplement their learning with whatever suits your fancy. I have had students whose parents were into arts and culture, some who travelled a lot, others who joined book clubs... These opportunities diminish in MS because children just carry a much heavier burder academically. Then, there are sports and other things that kids like to do.
We are saving our $$ to send DD to an international school when she is in 7th grade. Same for DS. I plan to work at the same school (if things work out) so we don't have to shell out the complete tuition. Homeschooling is not an option here.

[pinkmomagain]

ITA. I am a former middle school/high school teacher. I have seen the best of kids falter around the 7th--8th grade mark. This has a lot to do with age, transitions, peer pressure, and just demanding independence. A lot of my coworkers would say that MS is the new high school. I have seen kids get into drugs and sex more in MS than in HS.


This has a lot more to do with what this age group is doing afterschool than what they are doing in school. If I had limited resources, I'd put my money into activities/tutoring/summer enrichment etc. (and if working FT - someone to drive them to all these things) rather than a private school. That keeps them busy and out of trouble PLUS sets them down the right path towards some fine ECs that are essential when applying to colleges.

[lfp2n]

Around here people who can afford it but believe in public education tend to do public elementary, private middle and then back to public High. I think that's a combination of worrying about those tricky middle school years and the fact our middle schools don't have such a great reputation. We also have some private schools that only go to 8th grade and those kids go into the public high school too.

[new_mom_mry]

Thank you so much BBBers for your thoughtful responses!!! I wish I had set my question up as a poll so that we could have a more formal tally of the answers, but to summarize everyone's responses, I am seeing two dominant themes here:

1) If both parents work full-time, then quality of toddler/preschool/pre-k programs becomes more important because you have less time to enrich your child's experience at home. Still not more important than that of elementary and middle school though (assuming we have a good high school).
2) A good middle school is key because during that time many kids may get into drugs, get involved with bad peer groups, stop caring about doing well in schools, etc....

But getting back to the awesome toddler years, has anyone who had their young toddler (14 months old) at an in-home daycare with a mixed age group ranging from 1 to 3 and clustering around 2 felt that the more structured indoor playtime activities were geared toward the older kids? I know that in formal toddler programs (e.g., Montessori) or preschool centers where kids are divided by age, activities are tailored to the age of each group. Not sure if this is a big deal or not. Would this be a reason to switch a child to a more age appropriate program now or would you just reason that as he grows older, he will be able to participate in more activities?

[vonfirmath]

thanks so much to everyone who has responded thus far...the logic for investing in your child's education during elementary school years makes good sense, but what about the notion that most of their basic skills/developmental milestones emerge in the early years? I wonder if there is anyone who would argue that it is also very important to give your child an amazing foundation of early childhood education (assume that both parents work full-time, so assume that they are at preschool for ~ 40 hours/week).

This is pretty much our situation (DH has been in school). We've had DS at a home daycare since 18 months and done stuff at nights/weekends with him and I think he's completely ready for Kindergarten, and may even be bored in some areas because of what he knows -- he reads, can write all the letters and certain words (including his own name). He can count to at least 100 and do simple sums. (1+1=2, 2+1=3, 1+0=1 type stuff) He needs work on cutting in straight lines. And writing in a limited amount of space (he currently writes VERY big and puts one word on two lines sometimes). We are working on skip counting.

We could not afford preschool so he did not go. So you can give your kids an amazing foundation without paid preschool, etc. Even if all you have to work with is evenings and weekends.

[AnnieW625]

But getting back to the awesome toddler years, has anyone who had their young toddler (14 months old) at an in-home daycare with a mixed age group ranging from 1 to 3 and clustering around 2 felt that the more structured indoor playtime activities were geared toward the older kids? I know that in formal toddler programs (e.g., Montessori) or preschool centers where kids are divided by age, activities are tailored to the age of each group. Not sure if this is a big deal or not. Would this be a reason to switch a child to a more age appropriate program now or would you just reason that as he grows older, he will be able to participate in more activities?

I have noticed at DD2's daycare that the older kids do more craft projects than the toddlers, but really that doesn't bother me because the younger toddlers get music listening time and really start moving around more then. I think I would be more apt to move a child at 3 to another preschool like a Montessori or Reggio program (which we potentially might do for DD2) if the daycare had more babies and children under 2. Age 4 was the hardest for DD1 at daycare and we probably should have moved her to a more age appropriate full time program at preschool, but at the time it was just easier for me to not have to worry about researching all day preschool centers do I just decided it was easier to keep her there. Plus because of DD1's shyness I wasn't sure she'd transition we'll. Now DD2 that is a completely different story.

[maestramommy]

I suddenly realize I may end up eating my words. Laurel suddenly starting PTing a couple of days ago. We had pretty much decided against paying $$$ for Montessori because she wasn't PT'd and showed no interest. Now suddenly here she is, telling me every time she needs to poop. If that isn't just like a kid, always making things harder! :tongue5: