All-girls private middle school/high school--your thoughts?

[smiles33]

The threads re: when to spend the $$$ on your kids' education and questioning how difficult it is for kids making the transition from public school to private for middle school has gotten me thinking and doing some preliminary research.

Our local public elementary school is very good but the middle and high schools rate very poorly. There is a private all-girls school which runs from grades 6-12. It has a fantastic reputation (100% go to college and 20% end up at the local elite university) though it may also be the place for the uber-wealthy given the $33,000/year tuition.

Putting aside tuition costs for now (FIL and MIL have offered to pay for private school for both DDs if necessary given the fact that the only public high school in our city has 4,500 students and growing), would you put your DDs in an all-girl school?

I'm all for female empowerment, identify as a feminist, but I also wonder how that works. Where do they interact with boys? Will they graduate with unrealistic expectations of how to interact with boys in a typical male-dominated environment?

I went to public schools so I have rarely been in an all-women environment. I do remember talking MUCH MORE in class during my women's studies classes which were almost always 100% women, so I do anticipate there could be great benefits to single-sex education.

Your thoughts?

[jren]

I would LOVE this! Honestly, I don't think there's any benefit to having mixed gender in MS or HS. Maybe college would be beneficial. I didn't really come into my own until after college, and really wasn't learning anything relationship-wise by being around boys at school until after college. If anything, boys were just a distraction.

[mariza]

I went to an all girls high school. Most high schools in my area were single sex so the all girls schools would host dances with the all boys schools and vice versa. Also, (this is not what you want to hear) we would hang out and er, "socialize" in local parks after school and on weekends.
I enjoyed high school and made many good friends including male friends that were brothers or cousins of my female friends or otherwise just part of our outside social group.
I've never regretted not going to a coed school and am somewhat thankful not to have had all the extra drama. There was enough boy trouble that carried over from our outside circles, I can't imagine having to deal with the boys in school too! Just my experience, I'm sure others will have a different POV.

[Mopey]

I love this question because it is exactly how I was schooled. I did the public gifted program through 6th grade and then went all-girls private through graduation.

Firstly, yes, boys can be a big distraction. We definitely had interschool dances, etc and that was enough. Secondly, it was an amazing education that I am still grateful for practically every day (I put this in another private school post - but loved what those six months of grammar has done for me in my life!) and would never change. Not to mention the friends for life, network and support my sis and I both have to this day.

And here is a little anecdote that I think can enumerate the benefits:

I made friends with two fab guys toward the end of my freshman year of college at a party one night. Halfway through our conversation they said they already knew me. I was stumped. Then they told me they knew me because I was THE ONLY GIRL in an entire semester of Intro to Poli Sci who ever spoke up and contributed to the debates. And that was a class of 80. That was a moment when I knew my luck :)

It is a wonderful offer your ILs have made and one I would seriously, seriously consider.

[wellyes]

Sounds wonderful. Going to a woman's college was one of the best experiences of my life. I had male friends (and boyfriends, and teachers, and employers ) the whole time - I didn't live in a complete bubble.

It wasn't directly about female empowerment. Being in a single sex school meant that gender was kind of a non issue. For example: I was on the soccer team, not the girls soccer team. I didn't try to look pretty for class. I did less 'performing' and learned to relax in my own skin.

I'd go for it.

[malphy]

I was in public school up until 10th grade. I had been in all honors classes starting in 7th. When I went to high school I started failing so was put into a girls only high school. It was the best thing that ever could have happened.

Without the distraction of boys it was great. Not just for the social aspects but the educational aspects too. In coed, boys were routinely favored over girls inthe math and science areas while in all girl we were able to discuss freely our thoughts and answers. There was no need to dumb yourself down for a boy. I can go on but I am typing from my phone. Please feel free to pm me with any questions.

[hellokitty]

My brothers went to public elementary and middle school and then went to a private co-ed high school and had no difficult transition, esp with it being a boarding school. My DH went to all all boys catholic high school and loved it. He said it's better to not have the distraction of the opposite sex when your hormones are raging, lol. So, not exactly the situation you are asking, but a little bit similar and both were positive. Like others pointed out, their, "sister" school was an all girls school for dances and stuff.

[pb&j]

I went to a women's college, and went immediately thereafter into a heavily male dominated industry and did very well. I am a huge proponent of single sex education.

I had men in my classes, and I even had a guy in my dorm - men could come for a semester a la 12 college exchange. I had male professors, and had a male boss at my job. And there was plenty of opportunity for, ahem, socializing with men.

The benefits to being in a single sex environment were huge - women being in positions of authority and power were totally normal and expected, we were more focused on academics and achievement without the distraction of the opposite sex, professors were tuned in to the academic and emotional needs of women.

I would love if my kids attended single sex schools in middle, high school, and college.

[maestramommy]

I taught at an all girls 4-12 school for 8 years (before kids). It was the most amazing place. I knew nothing about single sex education, and it was a huge eye opener. BUT I would also say it has a lot to do with the headmistress, and the leadership she sets. I started teaching there at a very tumultuous time at the school. The headmistress had been hired about 5 years prior to pull the school out of a rut, both financial and academic. And by God that is what she did. There are very few women (in fact I'm having a hard time thinking of one right now) that I respect more than her. She was/is amazing. Girls were allowed to be themselves, were allowed to have their adolescent drama, but still required to meet expectations. Of course, being a girls school, there was all the "mean girl" behavior you hear about, so teachers and admin spent a lot of time managing issues. But I think it was all to the good.

If we were still living in area and could actually afford the tuition (way more than what I paid for college!) I would love for at least Laurel to go there. She would probably thrive there. Dora and Arwyn I don't know. A big maybe.

[MelissaTC]

I went to an all-girls high school and DH, all-boys. That's how we met. ;) It was very competitive and it got downright ugly come college acceptance time, but I wouldn't change the experience for anything. It never occurred to me that boys could be smart because we were all about the girl power. They ingrained in us that the world was ours to take. College was the only option and we were expected to make a difference in the world. I reall thrived in it but my sister hated it. But she is much more easy going while I like to win. ;)

[ourbabygirl]

I went to our local public schools up through 9th grade, then transferred to a private, Catholic all-girls school for 10th through 12th.

LOVED IT THERE! Yes, it was quite a change from what I was used to at my old schools, but it was such an awesome, amazing place. What a fantastic opportunity you have that your ILs have offered to pay for it for your girls- I would TOTALLY take them up on that!

[fumofu]

I was in an all-girls school through 12th grade, then went to a public college. I wasn't the type to actively seek out boys, so my exposure to the opposite sex was limited. It was a bit of a shock when I went to college, but i adjusted fine.

In school, I started out pretty shy. But I came out of my shell, and I think the lack of boys helped a lot. When there were exchange days and male students visited our school, I had no trouble speaking out in class.

I loved the bond I had with my girl friends. We had both male and female teachers. It was a great experience, one I would never trade. But I really came into my own in college, and I felt like my all girls education really helped to prepare me.

I say go for it!

[AnnieW625]

The closest no public high school near us is an all girls Catholic high school so if we are still i our area it us a real posdibility for my girls to attend. My mom (and her 3 sisters) went to an all girls Catholic high school and enjoyed it. I have three female cousins and some friends who went to all girls Catholic high school and really enjoyed it. Two cousins graduated in 1999 and the third in 2005. The family friends graduated from high school in 1995, and 2005.

[ha98ed14]

would you put your DDs in an all-girl school? ...
Your thoughts?

I would put DD in an all-girls school in a heartbeat. It will be a freaking miracle if I can afford the education that I had. I went to an all-girls day school for 5th through 8th and an all girls boarding school for 9th though 12th. Of all my educational experiences, my boarding school experience was the most valuable. It has shaped *SO* much of who I am. If I could give that to DD, I would do it. Honestly, I think it might be more important than where she goes to college in terms of forming her character. A women's education is not just about taking in information in the absence of boys. It's about developing a knowledge of self in a way that happens uniquely in women's education.

If you are interested in doing more research, any school that is accredited by the National Coalition of Girls' Schools (http://www.ncgs.org/) is worth a look. The accreditation process is pretty rigorous. Apart from that, you might look at independent day schools in your area. http://www.nais.org/ Unfortunately there are not many here in SoCal. Nothing like CT where I grew up, so if I really want to give this to DD, she may have to go back east.

[mjs64]

After public elem and middle school, I went to a private all girls high school. I loved loved loved it and would never trade the experience. I got so many opportunities to play leadership roles, and the bonds I built with my classmates there are still strong. I was never afraid to raise my hand in class, unlike in public school. The focus was always on academics, service, and community. I didn't have to worry about clothes, makeup, or impressing boys, at least not during school hours. It boosted my self esteem hugely. I will say that it left me somewhat unprepared for the social scene in college, but I caught up quickly, and that was a minor trade off for those formative years. I wish I'd had the same opportunity even younger, especially when I was just hitting puberty. I'm not sure how important single sex education is for boys, but I believe with the hits that girls in our culture take to their self esteem, single sex education can be terrific for girls.

All that said, my younger sister preferred to stay in public school (coed), and she got a great education too. Just wanted to put in my plug.

Eta: we did have a "brother" school, with whom we had dances, football games, etc. I actually think I had more boyfriends (casual) than I would have if I'd attended a coed school and been worried about impressing them constantly.

[fedoragirl]

I also went to an all girls parochial school and I have developed valuable relationships with other girls/women through that experience. None of the cattiness and back biting one often hears about. I would put DD in an all girls school in a second. I wish they offered one close to where we live.

[Green22]

I moved to all girls in high school. Had issues with depression and HATED my public school, especially a lot of the people there (mean kids.) I loved loved loved all girls HS. If I had the $ I would send my daughter there in a heartbeat. To me, it was a relief not to have to worry about boy-attention, which in my old school was kind of a measure of popularity/success. (I never had any.) It was an extremely small environment, so really everyone was decent to each other. Not kumbaya, but cordial at worst.

The only thing I would say is that I recall seeing and hearing teachers talk about problems in the middle school. I think at the middle school/Jr High level girls can be horrible to one another, and I think it is a bit magnified at all girls. The emotional bullying. It seemed to me that a lot of that cleared up by high school age though. It might have been that my school was really pro-active about it, but I don't think so. I am not sure that I would want to have been in that environment at that time.

I've always had a bit of a hard time with men but that's more of a personal/self-esteem issue which I wonder if it would have been better if I had been in all girl's sooner. Who knows. HTH.

[arivecchi]

I went to an all-girls' catholic school from 7-12. I loved it! My class was small (about 80), I knew pretty much everyone in my school and I liked not having the boy distraction at school. Pretty much my entire class did really well and lots of grads went on to great colleges. There were many single sex schools where I grew up, so we socialized with the all-boy schools. It was not an issue.

[dcmom2b3]

I went to a women's college, and went immediately thereafter into a heavily male dominated industry and did very well. I am a huge proponent of single sex education.

I had men in my classes, and I even had a guy in my dorm - men could come for a semester a la 12 college exchange. I had male professors, and had a male boss at my job. And there was plenty of opportunity for, ahem, socializing with men.

The benefits to being in a single sex environment were huge - women being in positions of authority and power were totally normal and expected, we were more focused on academics and achievement without the distraction of the opposite sex, professors were tuned in to the academic and emotional needs of women.

I would love if my kids attended single sex schools in middle, high school, and college.

:yeahthat: Ry, I think we have the same alma mater. Blue, you? Me too.


I didn't attend a single-sex MS/HS, but I wish that I had. It's on my radar for DD, but there aren't many in our area, and I'm not ready to think of boarding school right now though I know I've posted in the past about boarding preschools . . . .

I wouldn't be the person I am now without my college experience. With the right faculty and mission, I can't help but think that an all-girls experience in primary and/or secondary school would be transformative.

[MissyAg94]

I would do it in a heartbeat!

[pb&j]

:yeahthat: Ry, I think we have the same alma mater. Blue, you? Me too.




You got it! :hug5:

[lucybabymamma]

A friend of mine did his master's study on same-sex classrooms and found that teachers preferred it and both boys and girls performed better.

[smiles33]

Thank you all for the overwhelmingly positive feedback! Wow! I'm truly surprised. For some reason, I thought there would be less unanimity.

Sending DDs to private school (on FIL/MIL's dime) is so much easier than the thought of selling our beloved house, which is almost everything we want (except for the a--hole neighbor, but he's been quiet for a year or so now).

[dcmom2b3]

You got it! :hug5:

:kisscheek: right back at you, sister!