Nanny Issues

[alootikki]

Our wonderful nanny of 2 years had to leave us on Dec 31st. We thought we had found a great replacement who quit unexpectedly before her first week was over! So we scrambled to find a replacement, and are now working with nanny #3. This is her third week with us.

The nanny is very good with DS (18 months) but DD (3.5 years) is another story. DS is easy-going, and at that lovable cute age - it's fun to play with him and she is very loving to him.

DD has been acting very bratty with her - refusing to listen, not letting the nanny get her dressed in the mornings, feed her meals, put her down for naps, etc. The new nanny is very gentle, but a little too passive - she doesn't seem to have any creative tricks up her sleeve to connect with DD (e.g. "come, let me tell you a new story while I brush your hair!).

I should mention that this is out of character for DD - she's not a particularly difficult child. I am trying to be patient since DD misses the only nanny she can remember (nanny #1), and I'm sure it's a hard transition. But she didn't act this way with the flaky nanny who was with us for a week - by day 3 that nanny was able to dress her, feed her, etc.

The lack of a smooth day-to-day routine is distracting me from work (I primarily work from home). New nanny is diligent and trying, but just not that effective at dealing with DD, and I'm getting frustrated.

So I'm wondering a) how can I help the new nanny to connect with DD and assert some authority? and b) how much time should I give this before looking for someone new?

Thanks!

[ha98ed14]

Well, this is not a nanny issue, but my DD has a really hard time obeying me and cooperating when trying to get things done. DH says it is because I negotiate too much where I can, so DD pushes the boundaries on tasks that need to be done when I say so, like getting dressed and finishing the food in front of her. The one thing that has worked is threats. I hate to say it, but compliance comes when I say, "If you are not cooperating, I am going to have to tell Daddy that you cannot play Leapster." (Leapster is the new toy-of-the-month; Thank you Nicci!) That is something they do together and she cherishes her daddy time. So apparently I'm either a pushover or DD just likes him more (prob. some of both), but it works. DH is totally willing to back me up, so I use it. If your DD has a currency, use it. No cooperate with Nanny; No currency.

[HannaAddict]

It might be hard for the new nanny to feel like she can assert more control when you are home, since she's brand new. She's still getting the lay of the land, what she can do, and is probably more passive since you are home. Does that make sense? Some moms I know don't back up the nanny, some do. Some moms say they want the nanny to be in charge but don't really allow that in practice, and your nanny might not know the dynamics yet. When I am home and our great nanny is here, I know our kids can be harder than if I'm not home! Maybe try and be gone for errands if you can, to let them get their sea legs and communication down together. I think your daughter might be acting out more too since the other nanny didn't last, so she's pushing harder now. Just some thoughts . . . good luck. I hope time can make a difference.

[AngelaS]

I agree with HA. Also, the nanny doesn't know if your dd always acts the way she's acting for her or if she's acting out currently. I would do your best to back up the nanny. If she tells your dd to get dressed for school and dd doesn't, then you need to say that Nanny told you to get dressed, so do it.

[crl]

I would try to be gone so dd and the nanny have to work it out without you. Once they've got a routine of their own then I'd be around again. And I'd definitely give it at least a couple of weeks.
Catherine