Mojo...and advice :(

[smilequeen]

How the heck do you do this?????

My sweet cousin is losing her battle with cancer. It blocked off her kidneys, the chemo is NOT working, and she has chosen not to go on dialysis. The cancer is everywhere and was inoperable to start with. So, she has 2 days-2 weeks left. I need to go say goodbye. How?? I can't even fathom this. She's 29 freaking years old!

And how do I explain this to my boys. My oldest just "doesn't want to talk about it. Never!" and just wants me to not cry. How do I explain this?

Cancer just sucks.

Anyway, I just need some mojo for my whole family, especially her parents and siblings who shouldn't have to go through this :(

[pinkmomagain]

I have no advice, but couldn't read without sending major mojo for your family. So sorry you all are going through this. It is so unfair.

[lmh2402]

I have no advice, but couldn't read without sending major mojo for your family. So sorry you all are going through this. It is so unfair.

:yeahthat: :hug: :hug: i'm so sorry

[malphy]

I have no advice either. I just feel so bad for you and your family. 29, too young.

prayers

[kdeunc]

I am so sorry for your family. Wishing you all peace.

[mom2one]

I am so sorry!
No real advice but it is truly a journey of one moment, and one day at a time. If you can, just find some time to be with her. Tell her how amazing, etc she is and what she means to your family. Bring pictures of your kids/family/her to share with her.

As for your kids, there are some good kid books on death. That is what I did with my DS when my dad died from cancer.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I am truly sorry. :hug:

[Twin Mom]

No advice here either but I wanted to tell you how sorry I am for your family. Cancer always sucks but it sucks more when the person who is ill is very young. :grouphug:

[infomama]

I am so sorry. I haven't walked in your shoes ( losing somebody so young) but I think if I was there I might try to focus on remembering instead of saying goodbye. Talk about happier times, tell stories, try to smile together. I suppose it goes without saying but remind her how much she is loved. We are christians so we would be also talking about how God loves her too. When my dad was dying we just kept close, we talked about old times, and we read poetry. sometimes they would just sit next to is bed side and hold his hand.... sometimes words weren't necessary.
Praying for peace and comfort. :hug:

[wellyes]

I'm so sorry. That is just terrible. Do visit her, it will mean a lot.

[SkyrMommy]

Many prayers and sending peace to your family. :hug: It's so hard to lose someone that young. My aunt lost her battle against cancer at 34 with two young ones at home, my Dad to this day says how much his last visits with her meant to him. They were terribly sad visits, but good for both of them. It was just the talking and joking about memories that stick with him now.

[jgenie]

I'm so sorry. :hug: P & PT for your family.

[ourbabygirl]

I'm so sorry this is happening to her and your family. :( I hope she's able to be comfortable and surrounded by her loved ones, for as long as she can. :hug:

[DrSally]

Omg, i'm so sorry.

[maestramommy]

I'm so sorry:hug: I have no answer for you, I can't imagine what you and your family must be feeling right now. I'll be praying.

[wencit]

I'm so sorry. :(

[veronica]

I'm so sorry.

[larig]

hugs and PTs for all.

[Seitvonzu]

life isn't fair at all... i'm just so so sorry. your child's reaction *sob* i agree that a visit will mean so much. i'm thinking about my cousins typing this, and how we were as kids... those are really happy memories! *hugs* and positive thoughts for your family!

[trcy]

I am so sorry :hug:

[elaineandmichaelsmommy]

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. It's always terrible to loose a loved one, but particularly awful when they're young.

Make your visits. It'll be very hard but you should do them.

For your ds-you might try calling the school counselor.They'll be able to give good suggestions or depending on your district they might just loan you the books outright. And since this is traumatic for your family they'll be able to help him if he has any problems at school due to any emotion he might not be expressing.

That's all I've got for now.

[elizabethkott]

(((((hugs)))))
You, your family, and your sweet cousin are in my thoughts and prayers.

[Mopey]

I'm so sorry. BTDT it sucks. Sometimes the best thing is to be sad. Sending all of you mojo and :grouphug:

[goldenpig]

I would try to visit if you can. I am so sorry. It is so sad to lose someone especially when they are so young. Wishing your cousin and your whole family peace and comfort for her final days. :grouphug:

[HannaAddict]

I am so sorry, that is heart breaking and I wish there was something more profound I could say. I would make sure your son's school knows this is going on, just so they can cut him some slack if he is more emotional or acts out in any way. Hugs to you Karen.

[TwinFoxes]

I'm very, very sorry. :hug: My advice is to go sooner rather than later. FIL's cancer proceeded very fast once he stopped treatment. You may end up going and only being able to see/support her family, she may not be able to see you even now.

I am sending you and your entire family strength and prayers for peace. :hug:

[MoJo]

Prayers and hugs for you and your whole family.

[arivecchi]

I am so sorry Smilequeen. You will both be in my thoughts. :hug:

[boogiemomz]

So very sorry for you and your family. Sending big hugs and prayers. :hug:

[anonomom]

I'm so sorry. How awful for you and your family.

I'm not sure about how you say goodbye, but I can tell you how I handled DD when my mom died under similar circumstances last year (she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in mid-February and was gone on March 1). I was very straightforward with DD, who was 5 at the time. I told her grandma was sick and that she was not going to get better. She got upset when I cried, too, but I explained that crying is ok and that being sad is ok. I also acknowledged the basic unfairness of the situation. After that, I let her come to me to talk about it if she wanted to. I avoided sugarcoating, but I did tell some comforting lies (for example, I don't believe in heaven, but I told DD that grandma is there now).

My best advice would be to listen to your son's wishes, and let that guide your actions. In our case, DD wanted to see her grandmother and say goodbye in the hospice after she died. My instinct was to keep her from having to see her grandmother's body. But though it shattered my heart to watch her say goodbye (lord, I'm crying just thinking about it), it seemed to really help DD accept that Grandma was gone.

Again, I am so very sorry. I hope that you find as much peace and comfort as possible in the coming weeks.

[MamaMolly]

Mojo of course. Though I really wish I had more words of advice or comfort. I'm so sorry.

[Charlie]

:hug: Sending you and your family p&pt. I am so sorry.

[mom2MandC]

I am so sorry. Sending many p & pt for you and your family.

[wimama]

I am so sorry! P & PT to you and your whole family!:hug:

[twowhat?]

Cancer sucks:( No one should have to go through it. Especially young people. :hug:

I don't have any BTDT, but I guess I would not be afraid to show your grief around your children. Cry, and let them know why, and let them cry with you and let them know it's OK to feel sad and to talk to you about it. I know at least for me, my family tends to bottle up emotions - a lot (this is an Asian thing...) and I tend to do the same, but it just really isn't good for anyone.

:hug:

[lcarlson90]

I am so sorry you and your family are going through this. I will pray for your family and your kids during this difficult time. Cancer sucks!!

[smiles33]

I am so sorry. I can't even begin to imagine how to deal with this devastating news. P&PT for you and your family!

[Melaine]

I'm so so sorry! That's horrible. My prayers for your family.

[almostamom]

Our thoughts and prayers are with your family. I'm so sorry.

Hugs,

Linda

[liz]

I am so sorry to read this. Prayers for your cousin and family :hug:

[edurnemk]

I'm so sorry. I'll be praying for the whole family.

[Sillygirl]

I am sorry. That is so young.

Dialysis is so, so hard. It can be hard to get a good quality of life from it, even when you're not also fighting cancer and chemo. It took a lot of courage for your cousin to decide to forego it. I might consider it was a small victory that she had at least a measure of control in her last days.

[mommylamb]

I'm so sorry. That is really awful.

[kozachka]

No advice, but could not read and not post back. Lots of mojo to you and your family.

[MamaKath]

No advice, just much love and prayers being sent.

[cuca_]

Sending mojo to you and your family. I am sorry that you are going through this, especially with a loved one that is so young. Cancer does suck. We lost my FIL and my dear Aunt to it and it was tough. I agree with others, go visit, spend as much time with her as you can. Hugs to you in these difficult times.