more death, create life?

[dec756]

the wake of last years events provoking new life? my only brothers horrific motorcycle accident last year along with aunts breast cancer, granddad ran over an killed a woman really has my dbf and i thinking about death. now my uncle has throat cancer and now my granddads stroke already this year. i am so sick of all this death and disease. is it crazy and selfish to create a new life because (as a main reason) of all this?

[niccig]

For me, I wouldn't. The stress of a pregnancy, all the hormones would send me over the edge if I also had a lot of family stress. I would want to deal with all the life stress first. But that's me. You've asked a couple of times about best timing to have another DC, I don't think anyone can answer that than yourself, but I do understand asking the question.

Hugs, it's certainly been a very difficult year for your and your family. :hug:

[crayonblue]

It's not crazy and it's not selfish. We had another baby while DD2 was dying. Sometimes those wee little ones are the best things to move us forward and keep us going.

[mikala]

It sounds like you have had a really rough year and I definitely understand the desire to create something new amidst all of the chaos.

That said, I can't help but remember your domestic violence and eviction post last fall. Your number one priority right now simply has to be building up a healthy environment and secure future for your existing child and yourself. :hug:

[sdoyle]

That said, I can't help but remember your domestic violence and eviction post last fall. Your number one priority right now simply has to be building up a healthy environment and secure future for your existing child and yourself. :hug:

:yeahthat: New babies can bring hope and joy but can also be a lot of stress and worry as well. I think that's a lot of pressure to put on a new little one to help make all you have been going through "better".

I too remember your other questioning posts about having a baby and I think you need to be sure that you are doing it for the right reasons and that you are prepared for all the effort and resources that little one takes. Pregnancies are not always easy, kids are not always easy, are you prepared to handle it if it does not go as well as you hoped? You have a lot going on right now and I would hate to see you in a more difficult position.

P&PT to you and your family for all you have been going through.

Stacy

[gatorsmom]

I don't think it's selfish at all. My mother was thrilled beyond words to hear I was pregnent just a few days after she found out her cancer had returned and it was terminal. When she was well, she focused on me and the baby. And even to this day, I tell Cha cha that he saved my life. My mother died 3 months before I gave birth and rather than spend that time in mourning I poured my heart into preparing for his birth and taking care of him after he was born. I tell him if I hadn't had him come along when he did, I would have been a mess. He loves that story and asks me often to tell him how he saved my life.

If you both truly want a baby now might be the perfect time. :hug:

[Uno-Mom]

I can't comment one bit on your special circumstances. For me and dh, I don't believe we would feel comfortable making that choice in the midst of tragedy, even if it was the tragedy that got us thinking. I think we would wait until we emerged from that cloud of grief.

I do believe new life and death intersect in powerful ways. I was sitting with a dying friend when my labor began in Sprog's birthday. I thought my labor pains were spasms caused by leaning over the hospital bed for hours, holding her hand, stroking her hair, talking and singing.

Looking back, that experience fills me with peace and a sense of rightness. I am thankful it happened that way.

[HannaAddict]

I would not get pregnant as a main reason being the death and sadness all around. I think the baby has to be wanted just for the baby's sake, if that makes sense. I would also be very wary considering what was happening in your life with your significant other. I would make triple sure that you were in a stable, non-abusive place for a long period of time before adding another child. Babies are wonderful but incredibly stressful (as everyone here knows!). I'm sorry life continues to be painful and hope that there is some smoother sailing ahead. Take care!

[Trigglet]

I totally understand the thought - I would have reservations simply because of the experience that DH has had. He lost his mother before DS was born, and although DS is the total light of his life, the fact that his mother can never meet or know about DS is a constant source of immense pain for him. Obviously this will always be the case and it's not a reason not to have a baby, but it does add an extra painful dimension to the whole grieving process.

:hug: to you and your family. I hope things get better for you all soon.