If you have two under two or ... (sleep issues)

[fedoragirl]

...a newborn and a preschooler, how in the world do you manage their schedules? I am having such a hard time with DS' sleep since his 4 month sleep regression. He doesn't sleep till midnight no matter what time I put him down. He is also refusing to sleep in his crib and continues to cosleep. While I don't have issues with cosleeping, I have developed shoulder pain and this has a lot to do with sleeping on one side because of the cosleeping situation we have. I also don't sleep very well since DS became more mobile and shifts around in his sleep.
My toddler has her fixed schedule and we sort of revolve everyone else around hers. Now DS refuses to nap in the morning unless he's on me or attached to my breast. I feel like the most incompetent mom and think how could I have raised a baby before this because I am clearly doing everything wrong if my second won't sleep at the right times, uses me as his pacifier, and cannot even sleep in his crib even though it's right next to my bed. Yikes! I think this has a lot to do with my kids' nap schedules but I cannot change things around because there is only one me and I cannot put DD to sleep and DS is on me at the same time.
I think I sounding incoherent now due to lack of sleep, a cold, and the fact that it is almost 2 am here and I am still up. Any suggestions>

[maestramommy]

:hug::hug: It's been a while since I had 2 under 2, but those first 6 months were a haze. I think my DD2 did cosleep more than the other two, and I wore her everywhere. Like, EVERYWHERE. It was the only way to keep some sense of normalcy with DD1's routine. She had a toddler class, and a weekly playdate/meetup with friends, so the only way to get around was to babywear. Also, DD2 was sleeping in our room the first 9 months, and in the beginning the only way she would sleep was in our bed, between me and her cosleeper. yeah, she'd start out in the cosleeper, and end up right next to it, in my bed. :p Otherwise she'd twist and grunt and groan and make such a racket she'd wake herself up, and of course I never slept.

It was the only time of my life I actually took the phrase "nap when the baby naps" seriously. When Dora napped I did everything I could to get Arwyn to nap, even if it meant I lay next to her the whole time. And napped along with.

[curiousgeorge]

I have two that are 26 months apart. Oldest is almost three and youngest is nine months. Honestly, this last year has been a blur!

I feel for you, it is hard, but just keep repeating to yourself that this too shall pass, they are only young once, etc. Whatever it takes!

For me, the part that is supposed to be easy has been the hardest. The baby won't nurse in public, only in his room. IT SUCKS!

At first I just did what it took to keep them both (somewhat) happy. That meant the oldest watched a little more PBS TV than I'd like.

Now, the baby usually naps in the morning and is somewhat easy to get down, then for his afternoon nap we get his brother down first by reading stories all together then getting DS1 down. Then I take DS2 to his room and nurse him and put him down.

I've had DS2 in his own room in his crib since he was three months old. He is a really light sleeper and just didn't seem to sleep well in the PNP in our room so I went ahead and moved him up. He was in our room in his crib for a week this fall while we had company staying in his room. He slept horribly.

My first rarely slept for more than 30 minutes at a time unless he was attached to me, so I feel your pain.

Is there anything you can do for DD to help put her down for a nap while DS is still with you? With my two we read stories together before naptime, put the oldest in his crib, sing a few songs and then he's either asleep or almost asleep and I leave to attend to youngest.

Good luck. It's hard. You'll make it through!!

[♥ms.pacman♥]

first off hugs. second, handling 2 under 2 all day would make *anyone* feel like an incompetent mom...it is soo hard. there are stretches where you get no rest or sleep..even if the toddler is on a routine schedule and a great napper and sleeper, if the newborn is awake and won't sleep on his/her own you just get no rest at all and it STINKS.

for me, i got lucky that DD liked her crib and was a good night sleeper in it from 3-4 mos on. though, her napping SUCKED for a longgg time...at first, she would only sleep on me, nursing...then she would only sleep in a swing, then not even then..she would take 20 min naps, and then be up for another 2 hours...it was rough. luckily, around 7 or 8 months i think she finally got better at napping in her crib (blackout curtains helped) and now at 10 months my two actually on the same napping schedule (usually get 1-1.5 hours of overlap) which is amazing. Really, It does get so much better...the first 6 months are the hardest. My DD would still love to be permanently attached to my boob, but it's so much easier now.

What helped me is making a schedule, where i'd put on an PBS kids show for DS right before his naptime/bedtime, while i could get quiet time to put DD to bed (e.g. nurse her). a lot of times she'd scream her head off as i was bathing DS and putting DS to bed. I felt horrible, but really there was no other choice, i was only one person, there was only so much i could do. DS at 18 months or so was just not old enough to comprehend that he had to be quiet, so the only thing that worked was TV. Sometimes i would do as PP did, and eventually let the baby stay up and read books with toddler, and then after putting toddler to bed i'd attend to the baby.

eta: and yeah, like maestramommy i wore DD soooo much the first few months, even around the house. that sometimes helped her fall asleep, at then i could transfer her to a swing or something and even if she only slept 15 minutes at least that was enough for me to scarf some lunch down or something.

[mom3boys]

I only have :hug: . When I had 2 under 2 I asked my SIL, who had had 2 kids 15 mos. apart (and another 19 mos. later, yeesh!) how she handled it. She said she couldn't remember, she must have just blacked it all out! She also worked full time and had a live in nanny, so maybe I should have been asking the nanny.

So, someone recently asked me what/how I did it and I honestly replied, "I have no idea. I must have been so tired I don't remember." I do know I often put DS1 down for a nap and would kind of force DS2 to sleep on me as it was my only chance to sit down for a little while. DS1 was very active and I pretty much had to take him outside every day, too, which meant going to the park, so DS2 did a lot of stroller sleeping.

Now I have a 6 mo. old and a preschooler (and a kindergartener). The time in the house is easier because the older boys are more self-sufficient and self-entertaining. The nap thing is still a challenge because DS3's afternoon nap falls right during school pickup. Unfortunately this means he only takes like a "mini nap" in a stroller or car seat when I do the pick up. I then put him down for a longer late afternoon nap, around 4 pm, and he will sleep until almost 6. He goes to sleep for good around 7:30-8 pm which is later than I would like but seems to work well. I will be happy when he switches to one nap, because I can put him down around noon and he'll be awake in time for school pickup, and then I can give him an earlier bedtime.

[indigo99]

I'm holding a crying baby who refuses to go to sleep. He will not nap PERIOD and won't sleep more than an hour at a time during the night. DH is sleeping in the guestroom since he has to get up and work so that gives me more room in the bed with DS. DS2 has also decided in the last week to give up his naps during the day so... I'm right there with you.

[fedoragirl]

So what I'm getting is that this is how it will be till they turn 7-8 months? Ok, I can stick it out then. Do I have a choice?
DS sure fooled me in the beginning when he slept the same times we did. Hmmm...shoulda' known...it was too good to be true.

[georgiegirl]

Do you have a good carrier? DS refused to nap (or sleep) flat on his back the first 4 months of his life. I wore him for many naps his first 15 months (yes, he would nap for an hour in my piccolo when he was 15 months old.). Maybe your little one would nap in a carrier. It's hard with a second little one because your life can't revolve around their needs and somehow they have to adapt, and when the little one is more difficult than average...that's really hard. Hugs.