*ethical* dilemma UPDATE in OP

[lmh2402]

UPDATE: we only had about 10 min to chat before DH ran out the door this morning. i told him i needed to talk to him about something...told him that the GC had slipped and that i was "pretty sure" i knew what we were having. and that i was really sad about the surprise being ruined. told him that i would tell him, if he wanted to know. or if he wanted to still be surprised, i would be totally excited for that too.

and exactly as i predicted - even the words i predicted - he immediately said, "no, i want to be in it with it. what is it?"

i told him and he didn't have much reaction. he was like..."oh...wow. cool. that's cool! are you ok?" (he knew i was hard-core hoping for another boy). then he said, "man, she (GC) totally screwed up. that really pisses me off."

then he said we'd talk about it later and ran out the door for the train.

so...now we both know. one thing we did agree before he left - no one else IRL will know. and they won't know that we know.

thanks for the advice everyone.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

so, the hospital called a little while ago to tell me that the prelim results of our testing were "normal."

awesome news!

except, the genetic counselor who called said, "good news!! (s)he's healthy!!"

we had explicitly told them that we did not want to know the sex.

i was so happy...i said, "oh my god, thank you! thank you!....wait...are you telling me we're having a XXXX"

and the counselor said, "oh my god, (me). i'm so sorry. i was so excited and i'm so sorry."

i wasn't mad at her. it's fine. it's ok. but...i'm totally twisted about what to do.

DH was ADAMANT yesterday...during ultrasound he must have told them 10 times, "remember, we don't want to know." the genetic counselor marked it on our papers too.

it was an accident.

but now...i'm sitting here with this info. and i'm so torn up about it.

first of all, (god help me), i cried after i processed the info...b/c i'm so thrilled about the testing news...and yet feeling guilty about the gender news. both that i know...and that what we're having isn't "what i hoped for."

i don't want to ruin it for DH. i'm sad it's "ruined" for me.

but i feel like i need to process my feeling about my *disappointment* over the gender

(however, please know that i am SO, SO thrilled that the baby seems healthy. and so thankful for that...i don't want you guys to think i'm complaining about just another thing...i'm just...i'm really emotional right now.)

so...what do i do... do i tell anyone? DH? my sister and swear her to secrecy?

or keep it to myself?

[SnuggleBuggles]

Congrats on a baby girl! I'm so sorry they screwed up though and told you! I'd be sad and upset too as I like the surprise!

Tell him that you know and let him decide if he wants to know too. I'd keep it a secret from others.

[minnie-zb]

I'm a big believer that everything happens for a reason. It sounds to me (based on everything you said you and your husband did) like you were supposed to know the sex.

Congratulations on a healthy baby and pink is a beautiful color! :)

I don't think you should tell anyone if you aren't going to tell your husband.

[Giantbear]

our ultrasound person blew it for us with the last ultrasound. take some time to process the news yourself and then tell your husband if you think he is the type of person who would want to know if you know. My wife and i actually discussed this possibility as i figured i would be able to tell watching the ultrasound (i was able to) and we decided we were in it together so if one knew, we both should know.

And congrats on the healthy baby bean

[indigo99]

If you don't want to tell DH then don't tell anyone else at all.

I'm sorry it was ruined for you, and I completely understand wanting time to process the info. I want a daughter so badly and would have a 3rd child for sure if I knew it would be a girl. I do not want a third child if it's another boy though.

If you know for sure that DH doesn't want to know (and it wasn't just him going along with you not wanting to know) then I'd probably keep it a secret. Just because it's no longer a surprise for you doesn't mean that it can't be for him.

[infomama]

Congratulations on the wonderful news your little girl is healthy!! I took a good news call from a genetic counselor with dd1 and I remember each and every detail, I can even hear her voice to this day.

I'm sorry she spilled the beans. Such a personal decision but I would tell your DH. I see no reason at this point to keep it to yourself.

[Jo..]

Well I would say keep it to myself, but I truly would not be able to. I am one that needs to know, and I am a BIG blabbermouth

I think you got amazing news, and I would not be upset at the accident.

[ha98ed14]

Congrats on a baby girl! I'm so sorry they screwed up though and told you! I'd be sad and upset too as I like the surprise!

Tell him that you know and let him decide if he wants to know too. I'd keep it a secret from others.

I think she was doing the (s)he thing so we wouldn't know. I don't think she's outing the gender. Maybe I'm wrong.

If it were me, I'd tell my sister and swear her to secrecy. Unless you think DH will be mad if/when he finds out you knew and didn't tell him, why ruin the surprise for him?

[gatorsmom]

Congrats on a baby girl! I'm so sorry they screwed up though and told you! I'd be sad and upset too as I like the surprise!

Tell him that you know and let him decide if he wants to know too. I'd keep it a secret from others.

:yeahthat: I'd be pissed too that they weren't more careful about keeping the gender secret. I'd let DH know that you know the gender and that it was an accident. Let him decide if he wants you to tell him.

And I think it's perfectly legit that you are upset you are not getting what you hoped for. Take this time to try mourn that loss and then start trying to find all the good reasons for a girl. Slowly, i think the idea will grow on you.

And maybe knowing now that it's not what you wanted is a good thing. Once you have time to think about it, maybe you will get excited about having a girl and when she arrives you will be thrilled.

Congrats again on your healthy baby. :cheerleader1:

Fwiw, most of my parent friends tell me girls are easier than boys when babies and toddlers. That has been my experience too.

[mctlaw]

I am so happy to hear your update!!!
A few posters seem to think you are having a girl, but I don't get that from your post????
It is ok to have gender disappointment, whatever the gender. I've been through that and am past it now though I will always be a little sad I will never have a little girl since this is our last.
I personally would tell my DH (though I would ask him first if he wanted to know, and explain what happened). He and you can decide if you want to tell anyone else.

Again, congratulations on the most important thing, a healthy baby. :love-retry:

[infomama]

I am so happy to hear your update!!!
A few posters seem to think you are having a girl, but I don't get that from your post????


I saw the XXXX and thought g-i-r-l.

[elaineandmichaelsmommy]

Tell him.

Just say that the doc accidentally told you the gender and ask if he wants to know. But frankly I think keeping a secret like that from your husband is a bad idea.

[lmh2402]

I think she was doing the (s)he thing so we wouldn't know. I don't think she's outing the gender. Maybe I'm wrong.

If it were me, I'd tell my sister and swear her to secrecy. Unless you think DH will be mad if/when he finds out you knew and didn't tell him, why ruin the surprise for him?

it's ok...i was trying to be *stealth* b/c i felt guilty "telling" people here until i decided what to do about DH

but i know i've posted before about my wish for another boy. so it probably wasn't hard to figure out ;)

i'm just so...uhh...i just wanted a boy so badly. for DS. i was dying for him to have a brother. i think it would have been so awesome for him. i know a sister is awesome too. but i am one of four - and though we are the oldest & youngest - my sister and i are definitely closest to one another. and our brothers are definitely closest to each other. there is just something about a brother-brother, or sister-sister relationship that i so wanted for my son.

my poor DH. i know he truly does not want to know. he was telling me last night how much he remembers exactly being in the delivery room when DS was born. how exciting and amazing it was to find out he had a son and then get to hold him.

i'm going to sit on it for at least tonight and see how i feel.

thanks guys

[crl]

Congratulations on a healthy baby! I would tell dh that the counselor slipped and ask him if he wants you to share the gender with him.

Catherine

[mctlaw]

I saw the XXXX and thought g-i-r-l.
You were right! I was thinking the other way since she already had a boy. And feeling a little worried that everyone would congratulate her on a girl she wasn't having. Silly me! Congrats OP!

[lmh2402]

I saw the XXXX and thought g-i-r-l.

oh, doh!! no, i didn't even think that. now i seem all creepy for thinking that snuggles actually might have *remembered* that i said at some point that i hoped for a boy.

i'm just stepping in it everywhere today

i need to go to bed and start fresh tomorrow. i am seriously a hot mess of emotion and snot right now.

oh... and the sitter just carried DS in screaming from the backyard where he fell off the swing set face first into the pea gravel. he looks like he was mauled by a cat or something...his face is totally covered in scratches and bruises. what. a. day.

[ha98ed14]

Well, for what it's worth, I love having a girl! I think eventually you will too. Think of it this way: You're not having this next baby for DS. It's not about giving him a brother-brother experience. It's about adding to your family. You're having the baby for you and DH. And both of you are going to love having a daughter. There's an amazing relationship between a girl and her daddy, so it's a special gift for him.

[MSWR0319]

Congrats on a healthy baby!! We dealt with an ultrasound oops with this one too. I went to the ER at 13 weeks and the first thing the tech said was "it's a boy!" I hadn't even thought to tell him we didn't want to know because I didn't think you could find out that early. I told DH that night ( he was away so wasn't at ER with me). We haven't told anyone (I'm 26 weeks) and won't. I too had some gender disappointment and felt bad because the baby is healthy. I wanted a girl since we already had DS, but after a few days of processing it I'm very happy it is a boy. Being able to talk about it really helped, so I think you should at least tell someone instead of keeping it bottled up. That way you can really enjoy your sweet little girl when she gets here. Again, congrats on a clean bill of health!

[scrooks]

Congrats on a healthy baby! FWIW we have one of each and they have an AWESOME bond.

[daphne]

Congratulations on your healthy baby!! I just had to post b/c I felt the same as you - I really wanted a boy, so DS would get to have a brother. So I was pretty disappointed when I found out that dc#2 was a girl. Now that they're 4 & 7, though, I think they are so, so lucky to have each other. There's something very special about getting to know the opposite gender so well. I think it gives you a leg up in future relationships (personal & professional). I wouldn't change our arrangement for the world!

[AnnieW625]

Having been through genetic counseling before I would take happy news from a GC anyday. Congratulations that you have a healthy little baby!

I would tell your DH, but not tell anyone else if you think that DH will be able to keep it a secret. I am a very trusting person but if we had decided to find out and not tell anyone we would have just kept the secret between the two. I wouldn't have trusted my siblings with that secret news either no matter how close we are. We didn't want all of the stereotypical pink girl and blue boy things, although we did buy some boy things that were dogs or sports related. I put them on my DD1 and later DD2 without even batting an eye.

You could word it differently too, like the GC called and she accidently told me the sex of the baby, do you want to know? If he doesn't then just keep the news to yourself.

I came home from the u/s with DD1 and told DH we were having a girl because the legs were moving around like crazy and I didn't see anything in between. I never had it confirmed again (I had a second u/s at 32 weeks due to placenta previa) but thought it was a girl the entire time. DH and I did pick out a boy name, but the entire time except for the last couple of days where I had to convince myself that the baby might be a boy I knew it was a girl the entire time. Something similar happened with DD2 (the UST put the wand down on my belly and got lucky and got her butt with legs open) and again I just told people we didn't know the sex of the baby although we were pretty sure it was a girl. We picked out a boy name too.

My brother who is seven years older than my sister are super close. My sister is much closer to him than he is to me.

[megs4413]

IF I could keep it secret, I would. I would tell DH that I knew but respect that he didn't want to know just yet. I did this with DS' name. It was hard, but it worked.

FWIW, I didn't get what I wanted with my second child either and I'm SO, SO, SO glad that I didn't now! It really was meant to be! I cried and was sad for a few days when I first found out, but then I was able to get over it and move on with my new reality...I think that's a benefit to knowing ahead of time when you have a clear preference...I think the only time I would wait to find out is if I didn't have a preference at all. HUGS!

[mommylamb]

Congratulations on a healthy baby!!! That's really wonderful and must put your mind at ease to a great extent.

As for the gender, I think it's ethical to tell you DH that you know, but let him know you won't tell him if he wants it to be a secret still, and then really stick to that. I know I wouldn't want to keep anything from my DH, especially if I knew something he thought I didn't know. I'd probably slip. And I just think it's fair to let him know that you know.

[sariana]

I'm a little confused. Does your DH know that you know? You probably should just ask him if he wants you to share with him. Let him make that choice.

I agree with PPs that if your DH does not want to know, you should not tell anyone else either (except us, of course).

FWIW, if you told the tech you didn't want to know, then it's possible no one was looking that carefully. Just because they didn't see something does not necessarily mean it wasn't there. THEY might be the ones jumping the gun on the gender. Just a thought. And plenty of people have been told 99% one or the other, only to be surprised at the birth after all.

Don't worry about feeling disappointed. You can't help how you feel.

Focus on the great news that your baby is healthy. Everything else will work itself out in time.

[AnnieW625]

FWIW, if you told the tech you didn't want to know, then it's possible no one was looking that carefully. Just because they didn't see something does not necessarily mean it wasn't there. THEY might be the ones jumping the gun on the gender. Just a thought. And plenty of people have been told 99% one or the other, only to be surprised at the birth after all.

:yeahthat: within the year of getting pregnant with DD2 (2009/2010) I knew two co workers who had friends who were told that their baby was going to be the opposite gender of what it ended up being. That was part of the reason with DD2 that we didn't find out the sex even though I was thoroughly convinced that it would make me feel more at ease knowing everything was okay with this baby vs. what had happened with baby #2 until I was about 25 weeks pregnant. My OB with DD1 told me upfront that he calls all of the babies little girls out of habit. That helped me feel at ease. Pregnancy magazines do the same thing too, always refer to one sex more than the other depending on who wrote it so I am sure that genetic counselors and techs do the same thing.

[AngB]

After our DD died, I was secretly hoping for a girl when I was pregnant with DS but NEVER would have admitted it, I was afraid that I would "jinx"something and lose this baby too. But I was really hoping for a chance to do girl things we missed out on with dd. I gave myself a few days to be sad about it (not sad to be getting a ds, sad to not have a living dd), and then moved on. Now I can't imagine it any other way.

I would tell your DH what happened and give him the choice to know or not.

I have a sister 18 months younger than me, a brother 15 months younger than her, and another brother who is really young (10 yrs younger)...the closest 2 of the 4 of us are my brother and sister, not that my sis and I aren't close (we shared a room until I moved out, even), but they are just closer. There's no reason your ds and dd won't be really close. I always wished for a big brother, your dd will be really lucky to have one!

[mackmama]

I would tell your DH what happened and that you know. Ask him if he wants to know, too. Regarding the gender, I think gender disappointment is very real and totally okay. Feel it, process it, and then you'll let it go as your excitement grows. Congrats on the health of your baby!

[sariana]

Pregnancy magazines do the same thing too, always refer to one sex more than the other depending on who wrote it so I am sure that genetic counselors and techs do the same thing.

Too bad the tech didn't think to claim this habit. The whole thing could have been avoided if the tech simply had said, "Oh, I refer to all the babies as 'she.'"

[Gena]

That's great news about the genetic test results! You must be so relieved.

It's understandable to have some disappointment over the gender. Take some time to process the news. You're gonna love your sweet baby girl when she arrives.

I agree with PPs that you should tell your DH that you know and ask him what he wants to do.



FWIW, if you told the tech you didn't want to know, then it's possible no one was looking that carefully. Just because they didn't see something does not necessarily mean it wasn't there. THEY might be the ones jumping the gun on the gender. Just a thought. And plenty of people have been told 99% one or the other, only to be surprised at the birth after all.
.

The GC had the anmio results, which is a lot different than a tech making an educated guess on the ultrasound.

[Liziz]

Congratulations on a healthy baby!!! I agree with a lot of the PP -- you should tell your DH that the GC slipped accidentally, and let him decide if he wants to know or not. I feel like otherwise, at some point it will come out that you knew, and then it's like you were hiding something from him. And I *definitely* wouldn't tell anyone else if you're not telling DH.

[Jacksmommy2b]

Congrats on a healthy baby!


There is nothing wrong with having a preference and having to come to terms with not having that realized. Give yourself some time to mourn the son you aren't having and fall for the daughter you are!

[kara97210]

I found out accidentally with my DS - same type of slip from the ultrasound tech at 16 weeks. I insisted I didn't want to know the second time around, but DH did so the doctor told him, but I didn't know. The entire pregnancy he just used "he" and "she" to describe the baby. I was completely surprised at delivery and loved having that moment.

That said, like many PPs I would tell your husband that you know and ask if he wants you to tell him. It is a great surprise whenever and however you find out so celebrate it. And congrats on a healthy baby!

[Melbel]

Congratulations on your healthy baby girl! I agree with the advice to allow your DH to decide whether or not he wants to know. Gender disappointment happens, so be gentle with yourself.

FWIW, DS and DD1 are very close. I love that DD1 will have a protective big brother, and that having a big brother has really motivated her to keep up.

[Snow mom]

FWIW, if you told the tech you didn't want to know, then it's possible no one was looking that carefully. Just because they didn't see something does not necessarily mean it wasn't there. THEY might be the ones jumping the gun on the gender. Just a thought. And plenty of people have been told 99% one or the other, only to be surprised at the birth after all.


Well, except with an amnio they genetically determine the sex. I imagine the initial results would be a karyotype (how many chromosomes of what type) and that is probably what the genetic counselor looked at.

Congratulations on the healthy baby. Tell your husband that you know and respect his decision to either find out or not.

[chozen]

Congrats on a baby girl! I'm so sorry they screwed up though and told you! I'd be sad and upset too as I like the surprise!

Tell him that you know and let him decide if he wants to know too. I'd keep it a secret from others.

:yeahthat: this sounds like the best solution to me.

[meggswife]

I would really consider telling your husband. It's not your fault that you found out, it was an accident. You can both be disappointed about that at the same time. If you don't let him know you know, he'd probably find out at some point and he *might* be angry with you for withholding the information. Instead of you being blameless, he'd feel like you had kept something from him, (which you would have). I'd let him know you know and ask him if he'd like to know now or wait. Besides, you may have a hard time not shopping for girly stuff! ;)

[malphy]

I did not want to know the sex. I had it in my head for over 10 years that I was going to have a boy. When I finally became pg I still did not want to know. My pg was high risk due to age and m/c history. I was scheduled for a high res u/s.

A week before the u/s I had an incredibly odd but vivid dream. In essence it told me I was going to have a girl. I couldn't get it out of my head. The day of the test the tech says ok do you want to know and at the exact same moment I said yes and dh said no. It was funny but of course I won that battle. That was the first I knew I was having Dd. I was devastated. I am glad I had time to work through it before she was born.

I do not regret a thing about Dd but still wish I had a boy. Females just have it so much harder than males. We still have a long way to go as women.

I would not hide it from Dh but would give him the option to find out or not. It was an accident, I think it would be worse if he found out later that you knew. I definitely would not tell anyone else if Dh did not know.

Lastly, congratulations on the good news!!

[lmh2402]

thanks, everyone

i honestly am still not sure what i'll do

i won't even see DH until tomorrow morning. and i wouldn't tell him on the phone.

i've definitely decided i will not tell anyone else. so i'm either going to keep it quiet. or just tell DH.

i know if i give him the option, he's going to want to "be in it with me." and/but i also know how much he was excited about the surprise. we both were. we actually have talked so many times about how waiting until the birth of a baby to learn the sex is one of the last great surprises left in life.

i so don't want to ruin it for him. it's 99.9% that this will be our last baby.

anyway, i really appreciate the feedback and perspective on how to handle with DH...and the understanding re: my disappointment.

:grouphug:

[army_mom]

Congrats on a healthy baby! I was so sure I was having a boy and I was disappointed for a few weeks after I found out it was a girl but now I wouldn't change it for anything. It does suck that they slipped and told you and now you have to hold this big secret in, but it will give you time to adjust to having a girl and get excited for her arrival!

I would ask DH if he wanted to know and hope he really *did* want to know because I know I would not be able to keep that a secret. And if I didn't tell him, I would be buying lots and lots of pink! ;)

Wishing you a continued healthy pregnancy!

[ncat]

I really wanted DS to be a girl, and was disappointed when I found out he was a he. But - I fell madly in love with him from the first moment I saw him. He and DD are so sweet together and seem like they'll be buddies for life. It was really meant to be.

Congratulations on your healthy baby!

[SkyrMommy]

:hug: I am so glad you had good news today! And many, many good wishes for a happy and more restful pregnancy!

I asked DH what he would want if we were in your situation (FWIW... we both knew for DD and plan to find out this time around as well) And he said, give him a choice... let him know what happened and let him process that he 'could' know if he wanted to and give him a bit of time to decide...

Hope you have a good day tomorrow! Sleep well mama.

[boogiemomz]

I totally get that you don't want him to be disappointed... sounds like that was really important to both of you. But here you are, you know, can't turn back now. And I can't imagine how hard it would be to maintain the facade with your husband that you have no idea and keep it up til July! If it were me, I would really just have to tell him the truth and let him decide if he wants to know. If he still really wants the surprise, he can have it, but you don't have to walk on eggshells every minute pretending not to know (then what happens if you do slip up and say she/her, then you have to explain everything!). Just my two cents, take it or leave it.

As for being disappointed, I honestly think this is an advantage to finding out beforehand, so you have a chance to get used to the idea if you do have a preference. Plenty of us have/had hopes one way or the other, whether we admit it or not. Nothing wrong with that. I think being honest with yourself about it and taking the opportunity to develop some excitement about what's coming is worth something. It's going to be wonderful. :love-retry: Congratulations!!! Sorry you found out when you didn't want to, and sorry for your DH too that you missed out on the surprise. :hug:

[BDKmom]

Congrats on the healthy report!

I think that right now you are rightfully disappointed to find out something you didn't want to know. I would say give yourself a day or so to process the fact that you know, and you might then be better able to determine if it is something that will keep nagging at you, so you have to tell, or if you might be able to keep a great surprise for DH. It sounds like finding out at the birth would be really special for him, and I think it would be sweet and sacrificial of you to keep the fact that you know to yourself so that he can still have the surprise. But I think you will have to see how your emotions go to decide if it's something you can keep to yourself. It's good that you haven't seen him yet, as I don't think you could keep it from him that you know in your current state.

If you decide not to tell him that you know, even if you messed up and said "she" at some point, you could always play it off. I called our baby "he" half the time and "she" half the time before we found out what we were having. Just go back and forth with what you call it and I don't think he will catch on. And if he asks just back track and say, "he, she whatever."

FWIW, I had similar disappointment when we found out that DC2 was a girl. Mainly the whole brother for DS thing, but also because I have a comfort level with boy things, having one already. I asked the ladies here to tell me good stories about having girls, which really helped, and having now had a month to process it, I'm a lot more comfortable with the fact. But if you need to vent a little more about this disappointment, please PM me. I was where you are with it just a few weeks ago...

[lmh2402]

FWIW, I had similar disappointment when we found out that DC2 was a girl. Mainly the whole brother for DS thing, but also because I have a comfort level with boy things, having one already. I asked the ladies here to tell me good stories about having girls, which really helped, and having now had a month to process it, I'm a lot more comfortable with the fact. But if you need to vent a little more about this disappointment, please PM me. I was where you are with it just a few weeks ago...


yes and yes!! i work from home on thursdays and my office is on the 3rd floor, where we also have all our off-season clothing storage. and i went in there and just looked at the boxes and boxes of clothes that i had saved from DS and had a good, long cry. it breaks my heart to think that all his stuff is now really..."done." if that makes sense. i didn't really mourn packing his stuff away as he outgrew it b/c i had it in my head that we would have another boy and i would get to see his cute stuff again. i don't know...it's so ridiculous. i think it's hugely hormonal. but i just feel like the news is making me feel like...somehow i am losing a piece of DS. like he's suddenly aging before my eyes and i don't have my little baby boy anymore.

i don't know. this is not coherent. i can't really put it into words quite right.

off to search for your old thread...thanks for letting me know it existed.

[BDKmom]

yes and yes!! i work from home on thursdays and my office is on the 3rd floor, where we also have all our off-season clothing storage. and i went in there and just looked at the boxes and boxes of clothes that i had saved from DS and had a good, long cry. it breaks my heart to think that all his stuff is now really..."done." if that makes sense. i didn't really mourn packing his stuff away as he outgrew it b/c i had it in my head that we would have another boy and i would get to see his cute stuff again. i don't know...it's so ridiculous. i think it's hugely hormonal. but i just feel like the news is making me feel like...somehow i am losing a piece of DS. like he's suddenly aging before my eyes and i don't have my little baby boy anymore.

i don't know. this is not coherent. i can't really put it into words quite right.


I think you put it perfectly, because I'm crying reading this. I always thought that those things would get used again, so I wasn't done with them, and, I guess, I would be able to hold on to a little of DS's babyhood. I tried to go through the clothes the other day and pull out what I think DD can use, and, I thought, pack the other stuff up. But I couldn't manage to do it. I don't want to get rid of any of it! And I'm not the sentimental, keep it kind of person...

Sorry to sort of hijack this thread. If you need to talk more about this, feel free to PM...

[R2sweetboys]

Congratulations! I know that you are first and foremost thankful that the results looked good. That's great news!

I will give you some perspective regarding brother/brother vs brother/sister relationships. I honestly don't think gender matters entirely. I believe that personality very much comes into play. I have two boys, 2.5 years apart. They couldn't be more different and they fight often. Seriously, it drives DH and I nuts sometimes. We know they love each other but their moments of bickering far outweigh the times that they play nicely and get along. My niece and nephew, however(similar age span), get along so well most of the time. They're quite close and really look out for each other.

Regarding your dilemma about finding out-I think you should let DH know what happened and let him decide. He may want to know since you already know and you are a team. I would definitely have a hard time keeping such a big piece of information from DH without talking with him. Good luck and I'm sorry you were put in such a tough position.

[Indianamom2]

First....Congratulations on your little girl. After the shock wears off, I hope you can enjoy all the fun and sweetness that little girls can bring.

Second, in your situation, I'd tell my DH and let him decide if he wants to know.

[lmh2402]

update in OP

[AnnieW625]

Yay! So glad things went well!:)

[scrooks]

:cheerleader1: i am also glad it went well. Hopefully you feel better now that he knows the secret too!

[tabegle]

Yay, I'm glad it went well. (and I'm super excited that you both agree not to tell anyone else!) If my husband would have gone for that... :)

Congrats on your dd! Girls are pretty awesome! (as are boys!) :)

[mmommy]

Glad you're on the same page as your DH!

We found out with this pregnancy, because DH REALLY wanted to, but I told him I would only agree to find out if he promised that it would be our secret. So we've just been telling people IRL that we're not finding out. It doesn't really surprise people who really know us because we didn't find out about DD.

I had a brief sadness when we found out because this is going to be another girl. I didn't even realize I was kind of hoping for a little boy, probably just to be able to have the experience of mothering one of each gender. I don't think I would have experienced any sadness at all if we hadn't found out and I had been surprised by a girl in the delivery room, as then (and after) it is so exciting to get to see who it is who has been kicking me for so long...anyway, that sadness has already passed, so I'm sure you'll get beyond your initial shock too. (although you have every right to be angry with the Dr!)

[wendmatt]

Well I guess now you know, it'll give you time to become used to the idea, rather than being disappointed with the sex when it's born and then having feelings of guilt. If it is a girl (as I think I gathered from your post update), I can honestly say, my dd is totally awesome and I am so happy I have a girl and you will be too once you see her little face.

[meggswife]

I'm so glad you told him and that he handled it so well. Congratulations on your precious little girl!! :heartbeat:

[MamaInMarch]

i am one of four - and though we are the oldest & youngest - my sister and i are definitely closest to one another. and our brothers are definitely closest to each other. there is just something about a brother-brother, or sister-sister relationship that i so wanted for my son.


I haven't read all the responses so I may be duplicating...
First of all, CONGRATS!!!

And second, I totally understand this. I was an only child and I have always, always been jealous of friends with sisters. And we have 2, 1 boy and 1 girl. I highly doubt we will have any more and it breaks my heart to think my boy will not have a brother and my sweet girl will not have a sister. It's going to be ok, but it feels like a loss and I am still sad about it. It makes me want to have 2 more in hopes that I'd have another 1 of each but I doubt it will happen.
So process it and once that baby girl is in your arms, everything is ok. The love is just as intense.:)

[queenmama]

Congrats on the healthy baby!

Glad to see it went well with telling your DH; for better or worse, you are in it together, and I find that one of the most comforting things about marriage!

I got a little teary when I read your reply about all of your old boy clothes. I saved everything of Henry's, never realizing that we weren't meant to have another baby to wear them. When our little miracle came along last summer, my initial hope was for another boy. Because of the clothes AND -- more importantly -- because I've been a "boy mom" for almost 12 years and I know I'm doing it well! Henry and I are total buds, we play and hang out and are into dorky boy things. WTH do I know about how to raise a girl?! (I'm sure that my not having a great mom might have something to do with this; I don't want to be the kind of mom to my daughter that my mother is to me)

Anyway, I'm so glad we found out because I've had time to adjust, and although she's still 12 weeks from arrival (give or take!), I've decided I'm thrilled to be having a girl, because Henry is VERY MUCH a mama's boy, and now he will remain my one and only "boyfriend" with no competition. ;)


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