what do you do/how do you deal with this?

[lmh2402]

i am literally at my wits end. i've posted many times before about our struggles with DS and eating.

yes, he absolutely has some sensory-based issues with texture/taste. he's also got some oral motor issues going on - we've just started working with a great speech therapist.

however, i am firmly convinced that our struggles are not related to/specifically "b/c" of the sensory or oral motor.

we're in the midst of some serious toddler-picky-eater/exerting control stuff...and i'm about to lose it

at this point, he now refuses to eat any of the breakfast foods he used to eat with GUSTO!! he refuses to eat eggs, yogurt, oatmeal or toast...unless i feed it to him. if i feed him, he says he doesn't want it, but will eat it.

left to his own devices, like this morning - i had had it...i told him either he ate, or he didn't...up to him - he will eat nothing.

this morning i told him he could pick between french toast + some yogurt, or an egg + some oatmeal. he said he wanted the french toast + yogurt. he ate two small bites of the french toast. told me he "hates" yogurt (he used to eat and ask for two or three servings of the exact same yogurt!). he ate none.

he went to school having had two tiny bites of french toast and two cups of his new milk substitute.

for fruit, he now only eats applesauce, pear, pieces of apple and watermelon. he now says he "hates pineapple and banana."

he never ate veggies...so no ground to lose there.

but he used to pretend that he would feed himself at least a few bites of his own soup (we eat so much soup :banghead:)...now he won't do that either. if i/DH/the sitter/my mom doesn't feed it to him, he will just not eat.

HOWEVER, he's never met a cracker, pretzel, chip he doesn't like. he would eat any desert at any time. he also loves hummus. but i'm just biding my time before he tells me he hates that too...he used to "love" bananas, eggs, yogurt, oatmeal, avocado, toast with peanut butter...the list could go on and on. now he hates all of it.

i can't take it any more.

how do you deal with this kind of stuff? do you force the issue?

this morning i told him i wasn't feeding him. he could opt to eat or not eat. but he chose not to eat, he would have absolutely zero "special" - which is what he calls desert. we usually allow him a piece of a homemade chocolate chip cookie after lunch and/or dinner, or a piece of graham cracker.

he said, "ok, no special." :6:

i also know i'm going to get a note from his teacher telling me that he came to school hungry again b/c at snack time he ends up asking them for multiple servings of snack!

[karstmama]

well, the ellyn answer is to offer balanced meals and healthy snacks at fairly set times & let it go. it does sound from here more of a power thing than a sensory thing, so i think you're right about that. make sure there's something on his 'approved for today' list every meal to offer, and put a tiny dollop of everything on his plate and try to let it go. hopefully the slack he feels when trying to start the tug of war will convince him to stop the pull-back.

i know this can be crazy-making. you're doing a good job. take a breath and act like you're ignoring.

[Green_Tea]

I think you have two choices:

1) You can put the food in front of him, fight about eating it, and end the meal without him having eaten.

or

2) You can put the food in front of him, say nothing at all, and end the meal without him having eaten.

I'd choose #2. I would simply place the food in front of him and not engage in any discussion whatsoever. If he doesn't eat it, oh well.

I know it can be really frustrating to see a formerly awesome eater become picky, but he won't starve. My DD2 has been picky since birth. Two bites of french toast at breakfast would have been a good day! Allow the school to give him extra big snacks, and completely ignore the other behavior. If he says he's hungry, offer him a choice of two things he generally likes (even if he swears he doesn't like them NOW) and if he refuses say, "OK, no worries - dinnertime will be here soon." And disengage. He may eat nothing but carbs for a week or two. He'll live. There are kids who survive on nothing but carbs for YEARS.

Food battles are infuriating, but the eater ALWAYS has the upper hand. Don't fight the battle.

(:hug: I know this is all easier said than done, and I have fought MANY food battles with my kids. In retrospect, I wish I hadn't. They have all survived and thrived, even on a diet of milk and Goldfish. Hang in there! :hug:)

[hillview]

I'd take a look at this book "how to get your kids to eat ..."
http://www.amazon.com/How-Get-Your-Kid-Eat/dp/0915950839

FWIW we just don't force the issue at all. Kids eat what they want on their plate. I usually try to have several items I know they like but like you on any given day someone might not like something they liked yesterday. Given what he will eat it sounds like a situation that would be good to try to let go a little of vs a power struggle. It is hard and a PITA.
/hillary

[lmh2402]

well, the ellyn answer is to offer balanced meals and healthy snacks at fairly set times & let it go. it does sound from here more of a power thing than a sensory thing, so i think you're right about that. make sure there's something on his 'approved for today' list every meal to offer, and put a tiny dollop of everything on his plate and try to let it go. hopefully the slack he feels when trying to start the tug of war will convince him to stop the pull-back.

i know this can be crazy-making. you're doing a good job. take a breath and act like you're ignoring.

thanks, funny you should mention her b/c i just pulled out my book to re-read. we've never been able to follow her advice to the letter because of the sensory stuff and some of his oral motor weakness/chewing dysfunction

but something has to give

[fedoragirl]

Sorry about that. We are dealing with some of this ourselves. DD refuses to self-feed most of the time. She will eat while looking at books and my shoveling food into her. This drags out mealtime to 1 hour or even more. I cannot do that anymore with a newborn waiting to be changed or nursed. So, I told she feeds herself or nothing. She did for 2 days and then, was back to one or two bites, and done. I tried forcing it by offering several times, then luring her with fruit (which is her dessert and her fave), and in desperation, strapping her into her Tripp Trapp and making her stay till she ate more. Not my proudest moment.
DH made an excellent observation. He told me she doesn't and will not enjoy food if I continue like this. I was really struck by this because that's my relationship with food because my mom forced me to eat all the time--still does. So now, we put food in front her, she eats whatever, and I internalize all my fears and let her go. Surprisingly, she has self-fed herself for some meals (guess she's hungry) and some are still a miss. My only quandary in this is whether I should still give her fruits since she hasn't eaten much of her meal. I give it to her now but I don't know if that's the right thing to do.
I wouldn't force the issue (as you can tell from my experience above). I think it makes the power struggle even more combative. At some point (1-2 days or even a week), he's gonna get hungry. I also struggle with this but try to be consistent. My main goal is not the day to day nutrition. I really want DD to have a good relationship with food well into adulthood, and I don't want my notions about good nutrition/food to ruin that for her completely IYKWIM.

[lmh2402]

ok, thanks guys

but let me ask this - for example, what DO i give him for breakfast now?

i'm not going to give him cereal - we don't eat it and i don't want him eating it b/c i don't believe it offers any nutritional value.

(i'm not even sure he would eat the cereal...that's just an example)

it just feels like there is NOTHING he wants. if i asked him what he wanted, he'd say crackers.

so to clarify, are you suggesting:

1 i continue to offer the same breakfast stuff...knowing he won't eat it. and then...that's that. he either eats or not?

or

2. are you saying i should offer the same breakfast stuff...PLUS give him some crackers for example...b/c i know he'll eat those?

in my mind 2 doesn't not seem like a good solution b/c i don't want him to think, "see...now i really can just eat crackers."

also, green tea, LOL!!! re: "formally awesome eater." that was so not DS. not, not, not. feeding has been a nightmare since about 11 months of age.

thanks everyone

ETA:
Allow the school to give him extra big snacks, and completely ignore the other behavior. now this is also interesting as i specifically had our nanny tell the teacher this morning that she should/could give DS snack like everyone else...but when he comes back asking for third or fourth portions (yes, this what she has been telling me he does), that she should tell him no. that we are really struggling with feeding at home and i don't want him eating a ton of pretzels or crackers at school. hmm....

[twowhat?]

I think you have two choices:

1) You can put the food in front of him, fight about eating it, and end the meal without him having eaten.

or

2) You can put the food in front of him, say nothing at all, and end the meal without him having eaten.

I'd choose #2. I would simply place the food in front of him and not engage in any discussion whatsoever. If he doesn't eat it, oh well.



:yeahthat: My DD1 is similar (though probably less extreme than your DS) - she used to love fruit - banana, melon, etc - but now she doesn't eat whole fruit AT ALL. She used to eat broccoli, now she won't touch it. I agree with putting small amounts on her plate and then completely letting it go. I know it's hard. It's hard to see your child not eat. I try to offer one "healthy" thing that I know DD1 will eat (chicken, for example) and then put a tiny bit of other foods on her plate - our pediatrician emphasized that it is important that the amount be TINY - the size of only 3 peas - and then I just let it go. If she doesn't eat anything, I'll offer a peanut butter sandwich (yup - no jelly - she won't touch it) but that's it. But since I've started doing "the size of 3 peas, then ignore" - she has actually TRIED a handful of new foods. She still won't eat them regulary, but just TRYING is a huge step. And when she DOES try them (usually when I am not looking), I try my darndest to NOT comment about it. Often she'll look at the small amount I put on her plate and complain that she doesn't like it or that she wants me to take it off her plate. I simply respond "That's OK if you don't like it. Just leave it on your plate for decoration" or something similar.

Big :hug:. As a parent, it is killer to have a child who just won't eat easily.

eta: just read your update - in your case I might put 2 crackers on his plate and then a TINY amount of the other breakfast foods and then completely ignore - even go to another room while he inspects his plate (my DD1 has tended to try the tiny amounts when I'm completely not even looking). I do think it has helped my DD1 to have one thing on her plate that she likes (even if it's just a couple slices of cheese) alongside the foods she has refused to touch, in tiny "size of 3 peas" amounts.

[peanut520]

:hug:no true BTDT wisdom, but just wanted to give you a hug.

i actually dont see anything wrong with some whole grain crackers for breakfast if you offer it with pb or some cheese.

[lmh2402]

:hug:no true BTDT wisdom, but just wanted to give you a hug.

i actually dont see anything wrong with some whole grain crackers for breakfast if you offer it with pb or some cheese.

thanks. i actually wouldn't have a problem with that either...except that he now "hates" pb...and cheese for that matter too. the cheese i'm less bothered by since we happen to be trying a dairy-free-except-for-one-serving-of-yogurt-per-day diet, per the nutritionist we're working with

however, he did used to LOVE pieces of cheese. now he hates them.

[Green_Tea]

ok, thanks guys

but let me ask this - for example, what DO i give him for breakfast now?

i'm not going to give him cereal - we don't eat it and i don't want him eating it b/c i don't believe it offers any nutritional value.

(i'm not even sure he would eat the cereal...that's just an example)

If you think he WOULD eat cereal, there are some decent options. Quaker Oatmeal Squares are yummy, they have 5 grams of fiber, 6 grams of protein and 90% of the DRV of iron (plus lots of folic acid, and other stuff). Do they have sugar in them? Yes. But in terms of nutrition, they're pretty dense, and my kids LOVE them. If you think he'd eat cereal, I wouldn't completely rule it out.




continue to offer the same breakfast stuff...knowing he won't eat it. and then...that's that. he either eats or not?



That's would I'd do, but I'd be ok with adding stuff that you *know* he likes. I serve buttered egg noodles at nearly every meal because I know that, barring all else, they'll eat them. I'd rather put them out there without asking, rather than have them ask and then be put in the position to either grant or deny them. Putting something you know he'll eat on his plate completely extinguishes the battle.

:hug:

[MSWR0319]

DS is about 6 months older than yours and went throu a similar stage. I did the "wrong" thing and fed him. That infuriated me even more because I knew he was capable of it and it was foods he did like. I finally decided that with another one on the way he would this battle. So, I stopped feeding him and LO and behold after about 5 days he decideded he could feed himself. Now he only asks for help at the bottle of an applesauce cup or yogurt,etc. as for the picky eating, we're still fighting it. He doesn't always eat what's on his plate but he knows if he doesn't try it, he won't get his next snack or will go to bed hungry. Usually he doesn't care. He's slowly coming around, but it's taking awhile. I wish you luck.

ETA I always put something on his plate I know he will eat regardless of if we're having it at our meal or not. That makes me feel better knowing he gets some thing.

[artvandalay]

I have been dealing with this for years. My just turned 5 year old is exacly like this. IME you cannot force him to eat anything. I am just hoping he gets better as the years go on.

He has been seen by a speech therapist, dietician, and occupational therapist for his sensory/eating issues.

For years, he wouldn't eat anything "wet" or "chewy". As a baby, he started gagging on oatmeal, baby food. He is comfortable eating things that are crunchy and hard.

So, any sort of soft fruit/vegetable is out. Wouldn't touch yogurt for YEARS. He will now drink those little Danimal drinks.

He also likes to eat foods that are tan/brown/white. For example: Chicken nuggets, fish sticks, french fries, potato chips, bread, toast, cheese, goldfish crackers. He loves pasta, but only with butter. He will refuse anything with red sauce.

I have noticed him while eating "chewy, wet foods" that he can sometimes panic if he has to chew them for a long time. I've seen him put his hands to his mouth (anxiously) - I wonder if he thinks he is going to gag.

If we go to a party or out do dinner someplace with alot of food spead out, I notice he gets very anxious. Food in general makes him anxious.

I thought he would get better going to preschool, being around other kids during snacktime. Nope. If they pass out any fruit/veggies he flat our refuses. If they pass out chocolate cupcakes for someone's birthday, he refuses.

I've been giving him a Pediasure each night to help compensate for his diet. I also give him a Flintstone's vitamin each morning. He also frequently gets constipated because of his diet. I've found that I can hide a little bit of prune juice in the juice I give him. I give him the V-8 fruit/vegetable drink (I think it's called Fusion or something?) The concord grape one is dark and hides the prune juice pretty well.

I don't want him starving at school, so I will give him whatever he will eat in the morning (usually waffle, pancakes - I load them up in butter/syrup for extra calories). I still give him whole milk. If he has a choice between starving and eating something that makes him uncomfortable, he will starve. He is already underweight. The doctor is not concerned (underweight but in 90% for height).

I would love if he would eat peanut butter, but he won't it.

ETA: Sorry for rambling... I wanted to add I think my son is a special case. I don't know any other kid IRL that has his eating issues. If your child is eating some sort of fruit/vegetables already, that is a good sign. Hopefully it is just a phase for him.

[Green_Tea]

thanks. i actually wouldn't have a problem with that either...except that he now "hates" pb.

One of my favorite "tricks" for getting my DS to eat PB is to put some on a cracker (I like the Carrs Whole Wheat crackers (http://www.amazon.com/Carrs-Whole-Wheat-Crackers-7-Ounce/dp/B000AYDHYW) because they are fairly high in calories and they're filling) and then put chocolate or colored sprinkles on top. Yes, sprinkles. A small amount adds negligible sugar, but kids think they're AWESOME and gobble the whole wheat cracker/PB combo up when they see them. I do the same thing with bananas - DS flat out refuses to eat bananas whole, but if I cut them into small pieces and shake a few sprinkles on them, he downs them. I sometimes pass this off as "dessert" but it works for snacks, too.

[artvandalay]

.unless i feed it to him. if i feed him, he says he doesn't want it, but will eat it.

!

OK somehow I missed this in your original post. Even though this is frustrating, I think it shows alot of hope (and he is just being difficult right now).

My son wouldn't touch any of the foods that I mentioned even if I fed it to him.

[BabyBearsMom]

We are struggling a little with DD on these same fronts. I think it is all about control. What I try to do is offer a balanced meal that at least incorporates something that I know she will eat and a few new things to try. I wouldn't completely rule out cereal, you have to look but there are nutritious options out there and incomplete nutrition is better than no nutrition in my book. Especially when served with milk, a lot of cereal is nutritious. Also, my DD gets very skinny when she doesn't eat so I get calories in her anyway I can.

A typical breakfast in our house is cereal/oatmeal/toast with peanut butter/waffles with peanutbutter and then a side of fruit. DD really likes clemintines, apples, bananas, berries, kiwi, and melon, so I use those a lot but I also try to cycle in grapes, pears, full sized oranges, and pineapple to keep her trying new things. If she doesn't eat breakfast, I give her a "milk" afterwards that is actually a yogurt shake (greek yogurt, fruit, a little honey for sweetness and milk to thin it out for drinkability). She gets to drink it out of a straw cup with a cool straw, so it is fun.

A typical lunch is cheese, some sort of meat (usually salami, pastrami, corned beef or something else "spicy" as DD won't eat turkey or ham, although I try turkey and ham in the rotation repeatedly), some sort of fruit or veggie, and a few crackers. To get her to eat the fruit or veggie, I give her a dip. Either peanut butter, hummus, ranch dressing, ketchup, whatever it takes. DD loves to dip and will eat ANYTHING with dip on it. I do allow her to have one organic chicken hot dog once a week and Annies mac & cheese once a week since I know she loves these. She goes to daycare, and always seems to eat a ton at daycare.

At dinner she gets whatever we are eating. If she doesn't eat, I will give her a yogurt shake to get some calories in her.

She is not allowed to say she doesn't like something (we don't allow her to use the word "hate" and don't use the word in our house at all), if she says she doesn't like it or hates it, I correct her and say "You mean you aren't in the mood for this right now and you will try it again another time." So now she generally says "No want ri-now, notha time, mama" which is very cute.

Other ways I get her to eat:
*Using a plate with a favorite character on it and tell her that she has to eat the food so she can see who is there
*Dips, dips and more dips. Dipping makes food fun
* If she says she doesn't like something one week, don't serve it for 2 weeks and then serve it again on the third week, she usually forgot that she didn't like it by then and then loves it.
* Tell her that she needs to eat so she can teach her soon-to-be baby sister how to eat because babies don't know how to eat (she is very excited about being a big sister)
* Ignoring her when she says she won't eat. For example, the other night at dinner she said to me "Mama, these num nums are ew." I just said "okay" and continued eating with no other reaction. She pouted and whined for about 2 or 3 minutes and then got on with eating.
* I do not feed her or force her to eat. I want her to feel like she is in control. When she feels out of control she is more likely to fight back by not eating.

I provide healthy snacks between meals and give her choices (do you want x or y) but don't let her dictate what she wants outside of the choices. If she doesn't eat her snack, she doesn't get a snack.

[Green_Tea]

She is not allowed to say she doesn't like something (we don't allow her to use the word "hate" and don't use the word in our house at all), if she says she doesn't like it or hates it, I correct her and say "You mean you aren't in the mood for this right now and you will try it again another time."

We have the same rule about not saying "hate" especially in reference to food! There's nothing cuter than a two year old saying, "No thank you, Grandma. I don't care for pork tenderloin."!

[lmh2402]

yes, we're working on the word "hate" right now - this is one of the fun new things he seems to have learned at school. that and spitting! (which is actually more like drooling...but he tells me it's spitting and that he learned it from "b" at school. thanks, b.)

anyway, i've actually tried the smoothies - this is definitely a sensory thing. he cannot tolerate them.

also have tried veggies raw and cooked every way you could possibly think of...with any/every dip under the sun. again, it's texture and sensory...so i'm not even trying to fight these battles right now.

i'm more concerned with the ground we've lost. he used to love so many different fruits. now he doesn't/won't touch them. he used to love pb. and yogurt. now he hates it.

i feel like the only truly nutritious thing we've got left that he likes are the few fruits he still eats...and hummus. and as i said up-thread...i'm just waiting for him to tell me he no longer likes these things either.

i'm reluctant to do sprinkles b/c i think i've uncovered a sensitivity to food-dye. unless there are "natural" sprinkles out there? anyone know?

i really appreciate the feedback and ideas. i just cannot believe that amount of time/energy/thought/stress that surrounds every single meal.

he doesn't even eat snack anymore. at home. he never, ever wants it. no matter what i suggest/offer, he tells me he's not hungry.

[AnnieW625]

We do Green Tea's option #2 with DD1. We always have. I am lax though because between the hours of 6 and 8 pm and 6:30 and 7:00 (and I really need to leave house by 6:45) I have too many other things to worry about. DD1 likes to eat other people's home cooked or snacks at school because they are just different. In the AM if she doesn't tell me what she wants I put toast or a waffle in the toaster and tell her to get it once it is ready. Most time she just eats it, but other times she has gotten something else out of the fridge. Granted she is almost 6, and not three so it makes it a bit easier, but really I just have to approach food with her sometimes as "eat or starve" and just let it be.

[peanut520]

thanks. i actually wouldn't have a problem with that either...except that he now "hates" pb...and cheese for that matter too. the cheese i'm less bothered by since we happen to be trying a dairy-free-except-for-one-serving-of-yogurt-per-day diet, per the nutritionist we're working with

however, he did used to LOVE pieces of cheese. now he hates them.

what about pb with mix-in (honey, midnight moo, maple syrup, jams?) or do it your cracker and dip "bar". dd seemed to do much better with foods when she had SOME control over what was going into her month.

as far as natural sprinkles goes. i can only think of the large clear sugar crystals, mini choc chip or chocolate shavings.

[sste]

I will go on the record that I am pretty into healthy eating, type A, etc . . . and I swear to you my DS ate a diet that was at least 50% chix nuggets for five months in his early twos. Then it stopped and he went back to his normal eating habits, which are usually very good. I think it really helped that we didn't turn it into a power struggle and DS eventually got sick of his own nugget-focused eating. I would just ride it out for a few months, offer and don't get upset if he doesn't eat. Then re-evaluate four or five months from now and if he is still in the same place talk to your pedi, OT, come up with a plan etc.

[daisymommy]

Well, with my sensory challenged son, I ask him what he wants at each meal. I tell him what we have instock in the kitchen. Because there is a much greater likelihood he will eat it, if he chooses. And that way, when what he likes differs from week to week (and I promise you it does, even at age 9)--he knows what he will eat.

I know many of you are balking at this right now, but we are now at the point where DS has not gained a pound for 2 years :( He has fallen off his own growth curve and is now losing weight. His doctor is afraid it may come to hospitalization at some point. So yes, whatever we can get him to actually eat, we will serve him (well, within reason, I'm not talking chocolate cake for breakfast ;)).

I know for most children the old adage "he'll eat when he's hungry, he won't starve himself"--is almost always true. But what do you do when your child is never hungry, doesn't want to eat, and will starve themselves? You feed them what you can get them to eat.

I can't read my son's mind, so I ask him what he will eat. Sometimes he takes a few bites, and that's it. Sometimes he will eat it all. Either way, it's better than nothing.

[sste]

Oh my daisymommy, that sounds extremely stressful.

Will your son drink any of those "meal in a milkshake" things - - adults use them for weight loss instead of the meal but with kids I think I have heard of people giving it to the child after he eats whatever solids. They have alot of calories. I think there are also special high calorie shakes you can buy. I bet you have tried all this already though . . .

[Green_Tea]

I know many of you are balking at this right now, but we are now at the point where DS has not gained a pound for 2 years :( He has fallen off his own growth curve and is now losing weight. His doctor is afraid it may come to hospitalization at some point. So yes, whatever we can get him to actually eat, we will serve him (well, within reason, I'm not talking chocolate cake for breakfast ;)).

I know for most children the old adage "he'll eat when he's hungry, he won't starve himself"--is almost always true. But what do you do when your child is never hungry, doesn't want to eat, and will starve themselves? You feed them what you can get them to eat.


Not balking at all. You gotta do what you gotta do. I think that for kids who lose weight or have other issues, the regular rules don't apply.

[daisymommy]

Won't drink Pediasure, says it tastes awful :(
Won't drink smoothies because they are too bumpy (no matter how long I leave it in the blender.) Protein powder? too chalky.
I'm in my own private food hell here, and even the doctors have thrown up their hands, out of solutions. "Just feed him whatever you can get him to eat, with as much calories and fat as you can get into him"--so thats what I do.

Did I tell you the other kids watch what he eats and doesn't eat and are copying him now?

Pray for me.

I'm sorry I hijacked this thread...

[lmh2402]

Well, with my sensory challenged son, I ask him what he wants at each meal. I tell him what we have instock in the kitchen. Because there is a much greater likelihood he will eat it, if he chooses. And that way, when what he likes differs from week to week (and I promise you it does, even at age 9)--he knows what he will eat.

I know many of you are balking at this right now, but we are now at the point where DS has not gained a pound for 2 years :( He has fallen off his own growth curve and is now losing weight. His doctor is afraid it may come to hospitalization at some point. So yes, whatever we can get him to actually eat, we will serve him (well, within reason, I'm not talking chocolate cake for breakfast ;)).

I know for most children the old adage "he'll eat when he's hungry, he won't starve himself"--is almost always true. But what do you do when your child is never hungry, doesn't want to eat, and will starve themselves? You feed them what you can get them to eat.

I can't read my son's mind, so I ask him what he will eat. Sometimes he takes a few bites, and that's it. Sometimes he will eat it all. Either way, it's better than nothing.

:hug: :hug: i don't balk at anything. anyone does. to get their kid to eat. seriously.

in our situation, i just am getting the very strong feeling that there is some power-play coming in...and i want to try and deal with that the best/smartest way i can. but given our many other "issues" related to sensory and oral motor, i am never clear where the line should be drawn and how much i have to just accept

i'm so sorry, amy. that sounds so super stressful. :hug: :hug:

[daisymommy]

I am never clear where the line should be drawn and how much i have to just accept



Yes, that is the million dollar question, isn't it! :) So hard to figure out sometimes.

[chottumommy]

I'm in a similar boat and going to hijack a bit here. My DS who is 3 does not eat anything other than crackers and bread at daycare for a whole 8 hours.

Even at home its so stressful at mealtimes. Foods that he once liked/loved are completely off the table now. It just seems to get worse.

Eg - He loved/liked/tolerated but will not touch now

- sweet potatoes (only veggie he ate)
- yogurt
- cheese
- PB sandwich
- soup (plain tomato soup)
- rice
- french toast

The only things he eats (i'm not kidding) are

- crackers, biscuits
- peanut butter, almond butter or any other butters but only on a spoon. No dip form, not on a cracker or bread
- bread
- milk
- muffin
- pancakes
- couple of indian foods - rice pancakes, puri, chappatis
- baby fruit jars - I give him one a day
- ice-cream

He has not touched a single fruit since he was 10 months. The daycare teachers have given up on him trying anything new. They have a rule of second serving only if kids try something else on the plate but he flat out refuses and didn't even go to the table nowadays for a few weeks and they gave in and let him eat whatever he wants in any quantitiy.

I tried Ellen Satter's method but it doesn't work. He refuses to eat anything other than the list above and then is hungry and wakes up couple of times at night screaming his stomach is empty.

He doesn't have any motor or speech delays/issues. It seems like power issue combined with sensory issues but I just.don't.know what to do.

My mother's solution - give in and feed him whatever he wants. Apparently I was a picky eater too and she would let me eat ice-cream all day if I wanted. I remember very clearly that I ate cake for breakfast, lunch and dinner even when I was 5 or 6. I would eat one kind of food for a week or 2 and move on to another. But she was SAHM and would make foods from scratch with healthy ingredients for me when I demanded. I can't possibly do that. BTW I eat great now and eat any veggie in any form with no fuss.

DS2 on the other hand is a great eater. Eats anything and everything off our plate. He hasn't had any baby food and does fine with all kinds of textures and tastes. I see the huge contrast. Even as a baby DS1 was never this adventurous.


i am never clear where the line should be drawn and how much i have to just accept



Totally agree with this. Its so hard and I feel like a failure whether I give in or not.

:hug:

[sste]

Daisymommy, have you tried Carnation Instant Breakfast? Just a thought . . .

[maestramommy]

:hug: Eating, after sleeping, is just one of those mind racking things.....

My kids are what I consider typically picky, and they drive me up the wall. Because what one kid likes the other doesn't. So it feels as though there is almost never a meal where everyone sits down and eats with relish. Except pizza night. And sometimes pasta night. Even breakfast, which used to be boringly peaceful, is sometimes sketchy ever since I tried to step up the protein intake.

What I do is, I put the food out there. If they eat it, they eat it. If they don't like it, they don't eat it. However, if they want dessert, they eat it. Generally our rule of thumb is you have to eat a single bite of everything. BUT if you want dessert, you have to eat all of it. And I don't think my portions are unreasonable. I look at the size of the dessert, and make sure dinner is bigger.

This results in days where an entire meal can be skipped, and more food than I like thrown away. But this is what I've settled for because I don't want to battle, yet I am no longer cooking separate meals for the kids, and me and Dh. And I want them to be balanced and reasonably healthy. I try changing it up, cooking different ways, serving veggies fresh, steamed, nuked stir fried, whatever. Even hiding purees. But 1) my kids don't have sensory issues, 2) I know the difference between a food they really really don't like, and a food that they just "I don't feel like eating it today for whatever random reason." My thinking is, if they're hungry enough, they'll eat it. Esp. if they're hungry enough for dessert.

Now, since your DS has sensory issues, you have more to deal with, but I think the principle is the same. Out of the foods he can have, and you know he's liked before, you can offer them, but you can't make him eat them. He's not underweight, is he? If not, I wouldn't worry too much about it.

We do offer cereal sometimes at breakfast. We buy healthy kinds, or at least ones we can live with. Usually we have steel cut oats, and the kids like it because we have a lot of frozen blueberries in it, and they can add either brown sugar, or shredded dried pork (Taiwanese condiment). But when we're in a hurry, or when the kids ask, we'll let them have cereal.

[Kindra178]

I think you have two choices:

1) You can put the food in front of him, fight about eating it, and end the meal without him having eaten.

or

2) You can put the food in front of him, say nothing at all, and end the meal without him having eaten.

I'd choose #2. I would simply place the food in front of him and not engage in any discussion whatsoever. If he doesn't eat it, oh well.

I know it can be really frustrating to see a formerly awesome eater become picky, but he won't starve. My DD2 has been picky since birth. Two bites of french toast at breakfast would have been a good day! Allow the school to give him extra big snacks, and completely ignore the other behavior. If he says he's hungry, offer him a choice of two things he generally likes (even if he swears he doesn't like them NOW) and if he refuses say, "OK, no worries - dinnertime will be here soon." And disengage. He may eat nothing but carbs for a week or two. He'll live. There are kids who survive on nothing but carbs for YEARS.

Food battles are infuriating, but the eater ALWAYS has the upper hand. Don't fight the battle.

(:hug: I know this is all easier said than done, and I have fought MANY food battles with my kids. In retrospect, I wish I hadn't. They have all survived and thrived, even on a diet of milk and Goldfish. Hang in there! :hug:)

The best advice. Ever. This is the attitude I have taken, and it really works.

[maestramommy]

Well, with my sensory challenged son, I ask him what he wants at each meal. I tell him what we have instock in the kitchen. Because there is a much greater likelihood he will eat it, if he chooses. And that way, when what he likes differs from week to week (and I promise you it does, even at age 9)--he knows what he will eat.

I know many of you are balking at this right now, but we are now at the point where DS has not gained a pound for 2 years :( He has fallen off his own growth curve and is now losing weight. His doctor is afraid it may come to hospitalization at some point. So yes, whatever we can get him to actually eat, we will serve him (well, within reason, I'm not talking chocolate cake for breakfast ;)).

I know for most children the old adage "he'll eat when he's hungry, he won't starve himself"--is almost always true. But what do you do when your child is never hungry, doesn't want to eat, and will starve themselves? You feed them what you can get them to eat.

I can't read my son's mind, so I ask him what he will eat. Sometimes he takes a few bites, and that's it. Sometimes he will eat it all. Either way, it's better than nothing.


Oh geez. :hug::hug: That sounds insanely stressful. I would agree that in situations like this all (or almost all) rules go out the window. I mean, your kid isn't eating. At all. :hug::hug:

OP, in answer to your comment about where to draw the line. Well it depends on your kid, doesn't it? And every kid is different. I know where I draw the line for my kids, but I know my kids. It's one of those things that have so much variation.....

[MommyAllison]

i'm reluctant to do sprinkles b/c i think i've uncovered a sensitivity to food-dye. unless there are "natural" sprinkles out there? anyone know?


This I can help with! We get these http://www.edwardandsons.com/ld_shop_sprinkelz.itml (we get the Carnivals) they are delicious! Way, way better than regular sprinkles. We buy them at the natural grocery store.

[Momit]

I know what you mean about packaged cereals. I always did oatmeal, amaranth, rye or other plain whole grain hot cereals until about 6 months ago. We moved to a warm climate and cold cereal just seemed more appetizing. Now I get pretty healthy ones like Kashi or Nature's Path and mix in oats or other whole grains along with some fruit and nuts and flax or wheat germ and serve with yogurt and milk, so it's more of a European style muesli. Maybe you could try something like that for breakfast?

And a big yeah that to Green Tea's post on the first page. Unless there is a serious growth and nutrition issue like some PP's, it seems that your goal now is to avoid the power struggle and foster a healthy relationship with food.

Maybe your daycare would be willing to add in some healthier snacks than just crackers and pretzels?

[twowhat?]

Just wanted to add a "snack food" suggestion if your DS will eat anything cracker or chip-like: Snapeas. My very picky DD1 loves them, and they have a really nice amount of protein, fiber, and fat. They're crunchy like pirate's booty and made from pea flour.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

Just wanted to add a "snack food" suggestion if your DS will eat anything cracker or chip-like: Snapeas. My very picky DD1 loves them, and they have a really nice amount of protein, fiber, and fat. They're crunchy like pirate's booty and made from pea flour.

my 2yo loves these ( i love em too). he calles them "fries" , bc i guess they remind him of fries. LOL!