Suburban parents who also WOTH FT

[arivecchi]

So I may be moving to the burbs soon. What do parents who work FT do with their kids if they have long commutes? My kids are 3 and 5 so they will not be attending school FT. Do people hire afternoon sitters? Full time nannies on top of schools? Do day care? I'm reluctant to do daycare because they would spend some long hours there (I would be leaving around 7:30 and returning around 6 - my DH would have even longer hours) and they are used to being home. Any advice? What do people do? My head is going to explode!

[wellyes]

Oh my! You are way too fashionable for the burbs. Actually you're pretty badass for Chicago too :rotflmao:


For the 3 year old, ask the preschool if there is a local daycare that they work with. We have one where the kids all walk from the school to a lady's house at 2 pm-6 pm. That lady is a legend around here, they have a great time in her house.

For the 5 year old, kindergartens always have extended care, right?

[carolinamama]

I only work pt but DH and I both have longish commutes. We use a nanny. She works 11 hour days 2-3 days a week for us. Of course we still have a baby so she always has a kid though. DS1 is in kindy and DS2 goes to preschool 3 mornings a week.

Is there any way you and your DH can stagger your mornings and evenings a bit? One take the kids to school and leave a bit later and then work later while the other one comes home earlier to pick up the kids? DH comes home earlier on days that I work but then works late on days that I am home. Of course it isn't ideal for family life, but it is what it is. An afterschool sitter/nanny is probably what we will do in the future as we have really liked having someone in our home with the kids and they love her. That depends on finding the right person though.

[hillview]

at that age I had a nanny/sitter (eventually my parents). Now that DS1 is 6 he does after school specials 3x a week and then is home with my parents 4:30-5:30 (when I usually surface from work). DS2 is in a special 2x a week and then same schedule.

[amldaley]

DD's pre-school also has a child care facility and does before and after school care for kids up to age 6. This typically covers 10 hours total but can cover up to 12 hours per day.

Over age 6, they work with a couple of other area programs. The before/after programs do pick ups and drop offs (one in a school bus, one in an 8 pax van). These pick up and drop offs are very tightly controlled.

[minnie-zb]

When I first went back to work we had a really crazy schedule. My kids were similar ages. We had the added craziness of both of us working in one area and the house being quite a distance from where we worked (especially with traffic). We were in the process of trying to sell our house and move, but the market had just crashed and it was hard. It took us almost a year to sell. We decided to put the kids in a Montessori program with extended hours for working parents. The school was also located near my husband's office. So the girls got to make the crazy commute with us for a year. It was not fun and we were all very happy when it ended. We at first put them in a daycare. It was okay. But they weren't super happy. Then we moved them to the Montessori program and they both loved it. To the point where we had to make them leave at the end of the day -- this is much better than them being unhappy. I think it is hard to know what's the right decision and I understand what you are saying about not wanting them to be in daycare for hours and hours.

Is there anyone near you who does in-home childcare? That's another option. It's also a good option (if you can afford it) to have a nanny. Whatever you choose, try to find something which is good for them and for you. You are going to be tired at the end of the day and still be facing picking them up, fixing dinner and trying to get some quality time with them. If you go with an out-of-the home program, pick a place which is easy for you to get to and get home.

It's overwhelming. I'm getting ready to go back full-time again, and I'll be working from home, but boy, I'm in a tizzy trying to figure out what we are doing this summer.

[BabyBearsMom]

DH and I both WOTH FT and live in the burbs. DH and I try to stagger our schedules to make things work. Therefore, I go in a little later than he does (usually I try to arrive at work at around 8:30ish and he arrives at work at 7am) but I stay at work later than he does (He leaves between 4 and 5, I leave between 5 and 6). So DD is usually at daycare from 7:15/7:30 until 5/5:30. Both DH and I will, when necessary, bring work home with us and work in the evenings after DD has gone to bed. When she starts preschool, we will send her to before and after care. I looked into hiring a nanny, but neither DH nor I really felt comfortable with that (what happens when she is sick? Plus, I like the accountability that multiple teachers in the classroom/daycare provides). It is definitely a long day for DD at daycare, but she has a lot of fun there and makes a lot of friends.

FWIW, DH's commute is about 45 minutes and mine is 75 minutes. DH does telework 1 day/week and is hoping to increase that soon, and once DD2 is born, I am thinking about trying to find a new job that isn't so far away (we live South of the city and my job is in the northwest corner of the city, so it really couldn't be worse location wise). It is a hard decision because I really love my job, but I think I need to sacrifice that to be closer to my kids. Plus, in the event of an emergency, it just takes me too long to get to them and that worries me.

[Kindra178]

We have a nanny that starts at 10:30 and works until 6. She does preschool pickup at 11:30 and k pickup at 3:00. The only negative with that arrangement is that I have to get three kids to two different schools, sometimes wholly by myself, before I goto work. My kids get sick a lot, so our nanny usually has flexibility to come early on sick days or holidays, although I don't normally pay her for those hours on the days she doesn't work. We guarantee her 30 hours a week though.

I know many full time WOTH parents that have an au pair or full time nanny from 8-6. During the time that kids are at preschool/school, the nanny does all the household errands (Target, Costco, dry cleaning, etc).

You will find that school is an AWFUL babysitter. There are so many holidays, in service days, vacation days, early dismissal days that you will need more childcare than school alone affords.

[AnnieW625]

Both of my girls started daycare at 4 months old. It is a in home daycare, which really made me feel better about going back to work and being away from them. Prior to DD1 starting kindergarten full time she was at daycare from about 8 an to 5 pm; this is the same schedule now for DD2. When DD1 was 3 she started half day preschool two days a week; her DCP dropped and picked her up. When she was 4 she went 3 half days; again DCP took and picked her up. Having her go to the Half day preschool cost us an additional $200 month on top of the full time daycare cost, but it was worth it to me because I didn't have to get on preschool waiting lists;). We are not sure what we are going to do for DD2 yet, but if we don't keep her in her current daycare we will most likely move her to a full day preschool which has extended hours.

DD1 goes to Catholic school and they have extended day care until 5:30 pm.

Both DH and I have about a 45 minute or so in the AM and PM so it is doable. I work from 7 or 7:30 to 4:00 or 4:30 and DH works from 8:30 to 5 or 5:30. I have to have the girls picked up by 5:30, but most nights I am at DD2's daycare or DD1's school by 5 pm and then I pick up the other one and we are home by 6 pm. DH gets home by 7 pm.

We have never had a nanny so my kids don't know any different, but I really think for you a nanny or an au pair to help you out in the AM and the afternoon would be helpful. I think for your piece of mind probably sticking to a similar situation that your boys have now with a nanny might work best, however if you can find a good full day preschool for your boys then you just might be able to hire a nanny or a college student to pick them up from school at 3 pm, take them home and play with them and get them their dinner started.

In regards to vacations and such we have long since decided that when the school or daycare is closed we are not at work. That is just life for us, and we are fine with that, but I know that doesn't work for everyone.

[mommylamb]

DS's preschool includes before and after care. The hours are 7 am until 6:15 pm. He is usually there from around 8 am when we drop him off until 5:30-6:00 when we pick him up, so it is a long day. The actual pre-K schedule is 9-3. I know it sounds like a long time, but he's used to it and he's really happy.

[emily]

We've done daycare and daycare/nanny combo. We're back to just daycare now. It's tough. The kids (almost 4 and 2) have really long days. DH drops them off around 7 and I pick them up around 5:30. I have a lot of mommy guilt. Unfortunately, that was the best we could do as far as staggering b/c of our hellish commutes.

When DD starts school, I am hoping to work more from home or cut back hours. With DC3 due to arrive next month, we are also contemplating taking a big hit on our house and moving closer to family. If those things don't happen, I've gotten some assurance from some of the threads here that after school programs can be a good alternative.

Good luck!

[egoldber]

One take the kids to school and leave a bit later and then work later while the other one comes home earlier to pick up the kids?

This is what we do. DH does drop off and I do pick up. He typically drops the kids off around 8:30/9 and I pick up around 5. But he usually works from home and can do this. When he is out of town, I have to do both drop off and pick up and that makes for a VERY long day for both kids.

I would try to find a preschool with before care and then have an afternoon nanny. The problem is that is can be very hard to find a nanny who wants a position like that. We actually looked for awhile and it seems like most nannies wanted full time positions and that college kids wanted just after (elementary) school type hours. And the people I know with college afternoon sitters often find them to be flaky and you have to find a new one constantly.

[secchick]

We have the baby and 3YO in an NAEYC accredited Montessori school near my work. The kid in K goes to a different private school, selected because it has extended day 'til 6. I drop of the little ones and pick them up every day. DH drops off DD at her school every day and we split who picks her up. The little ones are near me, and her school is kid of on the way home, and is 10-15 minutes or so from DHs work. If I do both pickups, it takes an hour from when I leave until I get home. It's about 40 minutes if I go straight home after picking up the little ones. Once the baby is 3, for 5 wonderful years all of the kids will be at the same school.

[lowrioh]

I have many friends in your situation that have an au pair and it works well for them. DH SAH right now but we will get an au pair once he goes back to work.

[arivecchi]

Thanks for all the feedback so far. My head is seriously about to explode!

My options so far seem to be:

1) day care with staggered times - they would still be there from 8:30-5:30 and I think that is such a long day for them

2) preschool 5 days a week for DS2 (no before or after-care) and kindy for DS1 (no before or after-care- the park district has a program for kindy but we still need someone to look after DS2) - so I guess sitter from 11-6

3) preschool 3 days a week for DS2 and kindy for DS1 - full time nanny

And I also need to figure out the summer. The preschool near us has a program in June both kids could attend but it's only 3 mornings a week for one month. The other option is day care.

[wellyes]

Oh yeah, I rescind my earlier suggestion of different aftercare for each kid. Get an au pair or nanny until they're both school age. Keep it simple and let them be at home as much as possible as little ones.

[arivecchi]

Thanks, will look at the au pair option as well.

Can someone rec. a reputable agency?

[egoldber]

The problem with an au pair is they are only able to work a certain number of hours per week. So you would still need to find preschool for your younger child 5 days a week along with the au pair. And full time child care is probably significantly less expensive than preschool + au pair. At least this was what we discovered. An after preschool sitter + preschool was 50% more expensive than an all day school arrangement.

Does your older son start K in the fall?

ETA: An au pair will also need a car plus I think you have to pay for some type of school/classes for them as well.

[Kindra178]

The problem with an au pair is they are only able to work a certain number of hours per week. So you would still need to find preschool for your younger child 5 days a week along with the au pair. And full time child care is probably significantly less expensive than preschool + au pair. At least this was what we discovered. An after preschool sitter + preschool was 50% more expensive than an all day school arrangement.

Does your older son start K in the fall?

ETA: An au pair will also need a car plus I think you have to pay for some type of school/classes for them as well.

Au pairs are limited to 45 hours a week. Every week you can change their schedule. A, try Cultural Care.

[AnnieW625]

The problem is that is can be very hard to find a nanny who wants a position like that. We actually looked for awhile and it seems like most nannies wanted full time positions and that college kids wanted just after (elementary) school type hours. And the people I know with college afternoon sitters often find them to be flaky and you have to find a new one constantly.

This really is the best time for college student sitters from about 3 to 7 pm. I did this for the first couple of years I am in college; it was great. If the school is walking or even a short bus distance from the school then you don't have to worry about them driving your kids, bit I did drive the kids around the year I was 20/21. I only once ever flaked out on a job because it was finals week and my employer and I agreed that it was simply a miscommunication between the two of us (she was a college professor at my college so that helped; and thankfully her ex was able to get the kids that day).

[egoldber]

I know that there are excellent after school college sitters. But there are also plenty of flaky ones. I've seen it. And even the non-flaky ones will not necessarily be available, due to scheduling, every semester. I know that my kids would find it hard to deal with revolving afternoon sitters.

[arivecchi]

I was just reading that we would have to pay health care for an au pair. That cannot be cheap! Plus I was just reading they can only work for a year. Is that right?

DS1 is starting kindy in the fall. Unfortunately, kindy is only from 9-11:30.

Thank you all for helping me think through this!

[Kindra178]

I was just reading that we would have to pay health care for an au pair. That cannot be cheap!

DS1 is starting kindy in the fall. Unfortunately, kindy is only from 9-11:30.

Thank you all for helping me think through this!

I think that you pay an agency a huge chunk up front, which covers health insurance (at a group rate). Then you pay a really nominal amount on a weekly basis.

[LBW]

Lori (momof3labs) has experience with au pairs in the Chicago area. Maybe PM her or look for some of her old threads? I investigated that option for a while, but decided not to pursue it because I really didn't want to help raise a teenager girl along with the boys. From what I found, au pairs can be hit or miss. You could wind up with one who is really homesick or having a hard time adjusting. My schedule is just too crazy to risk that sort of disruption. Then again, I love the idea of an au pair, and I know it works out well for many people.

I know you don't like the idea of daycare, but you should look into a couple of places before you rule it out completely. You might be pleasantly surprised. For you, it would provide a safe, very reliable source of care. The boys would probably love the social aspects. Lots of play time, crafts, physical activity, etc. Many, many kids spend full days at daycare centers and thrive in that environment. It would certainly simplify things for you, and you wouldn't have to rethink your schedule for the summer.

Good luck!

[alexsmommy]

Find out if there is some type of online message board/blog resource for families/parents in your new community. I think it's the best way to find out what your options really are. I've lived in my burb the majority of my life and I am still constantly introduced to new resources. I'd ask you realtor, and if that person is not a working mom, ask him or her to ask around in the office.
On ours, we have an email listing you can sign up for that has different topics on different days of the week. On the babysitting/nanny ones there are are always people both looking for childcare for specific hours as well as people looking for the work. It made finding a nanny who was willing to work the odd hours I needed (M 7:30a - 6:30p, Tu 11a - 6:30p) possible. I posted what I needed and another mom responded an offer to nanny share since she needed to reduce her nanny's hours but loved her and didn't want her to leave.
I think given your long commute time I'd be much more tempted to see if you could find child care through the kids schools before school and do drop off before work, then have a nanny start at DS2 preschool end time. Makes for an easier day of they can be at home AND as several have pointed out, school does not work as a babysitter for full time schedules. There are many holidays, half-days, vacations etc. A nanny is probably more willing to work with you to cover these times and may be willing to work additional summer hours so you won't have to do crazy long camp or daycare days.

[minnie-zb]

I was just reading that we would have to pay health care for an au pair. That cannot be cheap! Plus I was just reading they can only work for a year. Is that right?

DS1 is starting kindy in the fall. Unfortunately, kindy is only from 9-11:30.

Thank you all for helping me think through this!

This is one of the reasons why we opted to do our own kindergarten the first year, vs. going public. We did move our child to public for 1st grade, but it was just easier putting her in a full-day kindy program.

[lowrioh]

Our friends got an older au pair....I think she was 24 and they extended her contract so she was with them a total of 2 years. And you can get health care through the Agency.
I think that it is totally a YMMV type of thing.

[AnnieW625]

I know you don't like the idea of daycare, but you should look into a couple of places before you rule it out completely. You might be pleasantly surprised. For you, it would provide a safe, very reliable source of care. The boys would probably love the social aspects. Lots of play time, crafts, physical activity, etc. Many, many kids spend full days at daycare centers and thrive in that environment. It would certainly simplify things for you, and you wouldn't have to rethink your schedule for the summer.

Good luck!

I felt the exact same way because I never attended daycare and was raised by a SAHM, but daycare for my kids has provided the social opportunities they'd only be able to get from there and I am grateful for that. All daycares are different, but in the end I am very glad I made that choice. An added bonus is that DD1 took a nap until well after 4 yrs. old at home, and then at daycare napped everyday until she started kindergarten.

[arivecchi]

LBW, I actually do not mind daycares at all! I actually visited the one we would be using and it looked great. I think it is my own hang-up because they are home so much now and I would feel guilty moving them from being together at home most of the day to being separated at a day care for most of the day on top of the move. I am also kind of worried about what would happen if I miss a train, the train is delayed, etc. I would have more flexibility with a nanny/au pair for those emergencies.

Decisions decisions!

[BabyBearsMom]

LBW, I actually do not mind daycares at all! I actually visited the one we would be using and it looked great. I think it is my own hang-up because they are home so much now and I would feel guilty moving them from being together at home most of the day to being separated at a day care for most of the day on top of the move. I am also kind of worried about what would happen if I miss a train, the train is delayed, etc. I would have more flexibility with a nanny/au pair for those emergencies.

Decisions decisions!

I totally get the guilt, but lots of kids love daycare. DD has so much fun playing with her friends and her teachers, sometimes she tells DH "No dada, dada go home, DD stay here!" when he gets there. Also, most daycares have a late policy. It is usually $1/min late, but I have found that most daycares wave it. We have been late once or twice picking up DD (usually weather or unusual traffic caused) and our daycare always waves the charge. I think it would be different if we were habitually late, of course. But in a once in a blue moon emergency it isn't a big deal. They don't turn the kids loose on the street or anything like that ;)

[o_mom]

I would say a nanny is going to be your best option until they are both school-age. Then, maybe you could do before care and a nanny/au pair in the afternoons (our neighbors love the au pairs they have had).

[emily]

I totally get the guilt, but lots of kids love daycare. DD has so much fun playing with her friends and her teachers, sometimes she tells DH "No dada, dada go home, DD stay here!" when he gets there. Also, most daycares have a late policy. It is usually $1/min late, but I have found that most daycares wave it. We have been late once or twice picking up DD (usually weather or unusual traffic caused) and our daycare always waves the charge. I think it would be different if we were habitually late, of course. But in a once in a blue moon emergency it isn't a big deal. They don't turn the kids loose on the street or anything like that ;)

:yeahthat: to all of this. The initial transition may be tough for your kids since they're used to being home but I honestly think the transition is harder for the parents. DH & I both take mass transit so I understand your concern but really, it's not like they close up and abandon the kids.

[Nyfeara]

We use an all-day daycare. Both of us WOTH with 30-45 minute commutes. I drop off at 7, he picks up around 5-5:15. DS1 LOVES this place. He has his friends and he loves his teachers. I've even asked him on days when I'm home if he wants to stay home or have me pick him early & most times, he wants to go to school to see his friends or he doesn't want me to pick him up until they've been outside or had their Gym-Music class. There have been times where I've unexpectedly picked him up early and had to 'bribe' him to leave. DS2 is too young to let us know how he feels, but neither one is upset during drop-off.

I think if you use an all day daycare, you just have to really like your choice. My MIL absolutely despises the fact that they're in daycare like they are, but she's not volunteering to watch them and she's not paying the bill.

[carolinamama]

LBW, I actually do not mind daycares at all! I actually visited the one we would be using and it looked great. I think it is my own hang-up because they are home so much now and I would feel guilty moving them from being together at home most of the day to being separated at a day care for most of the day on top of the move. I am also kind of worried about what would happen if I miss a train, the train is delayed, etc. I would have more flexibility with a nanny/au pair for those emergencies.

Decisions decisions!

Yes, it was harder but we did find a nanny who wanted PT hours and she isn't a college student - 27 years old. It was a harder search but well worth it for us. And the above is why it is working better for us. If something happens on our commute home and it has with traffic, the kids are fine. Plus when they are sick, they can stay with her. A few weeks ago I had her texting me every 2 hours DD's temp. Of course she could also call out sick and I'd be in trouble but it hasn't happened yet. Something else to consider is that you may have some other expenses too with a nanny as in how would she transport the kids? With 3, we leave our van for ours and have a 3rd car. Something else to think about since you may not be home as much and I think you've been using a nanny thus far is how much you would expect the nanny to do at your home. I know that ours makes my life so much better as she does the kids' laundry, changes their sheets and runs the occasional errand for me. And gets kids to activities like science class and playdates.

I am NOT discounting good daycares. Until this past year, we used daycare and extended care at my kids' montessori preschool. They were very happy and so were we with their care. And maybe that's why I love this option - it just has seemed easier for us as parents than the rat race getting kids to daycare.

I am sure you will figure out the best option for all of you.

[LBW]

LBW, I actually do not mind daycares at all! I actually visited the one we would be using and it looked great. I think it is my own hang-up because they are home so much now and I would feel guilty moving them from being together at home most of the day to being separated at a day care for most of the day on top of the move. I am also kind of worried about what would happen if I miss a train, the train is delayed, etc. I would have more flexibility with a nanny/au pair for those emergencies.

Decisions decisions!

Ah - gotcha! If you are like me, you'll feel guilty whatever you do. We can't win!

[sste]

Arivecchi, do you have a precise read on your hours/commute? So, if your train gets in at 5:55 and realistically it is going to take 15 minutes to pick up then alot of programs might not work and you can take them off the table.

Personally, I would not do an au pair unless you or your DH have alot of flexibility to deal with the short-term/no childcare/finding new childcare if the au pair doesn't work out. Au pairs seem to be high risk - - sometimes it works out great but at least as often and if not more it REALLY doesn't work out. The problem is that only some of the students in the au pair program have any interest in kids; they have self-selected into a pool of people who primarily want to travel abroad.

I have worked with college sitters for the past four years and they only work if you need one day a week or weekends or your schedule is very flexible. They have so many vacations, holidays, summer plans, etc! And they have other options and even when relations are good they of course are going to drop you when that great internship comes through. The only exception to this is I would consider someone as a sitter who was working their way through a community college part-time -- much more stable.

I think the daycare might be worth trying for a while - - you can always drop out and get a nanny if it isn't working. My preference is always to try the cheaper option first if it seems good. :)

In addition to all the other suggestions, multiple of my colleagues have put their kids in private school for kindy (and beyond for that matter). But for kindy one of the rationales is that the private school had great before and after care & in applicable cases a full-day preschool program for the younger sibling - - and it was comparable or often less than the cost of a nanny. Any private schools in the area? They often cater to this . . .

[TxCat]

I have a short commute but potential for irregular hours, and DH commutes 75-90 minutes each way on the days he works. We're planning to start DD in nursery school this fall but to keep our nanny full-time, and this is what other families have done in similar situations to ours. Expensive, but the peace of mind will be worth it, and my friends who have made the same decision echo that sentiment. I also have one friend who has gone the au pair route and loves it/swears by it. However, I'm less crazy about having someone living in my home.

[elektra]

Just also wanted to share a few more details about what we do- I have two nannies who work on different days. I know finding one nanny much less two is hard enough, but it has worked out for us. One of our nannies/sitters is a college student, and so working just two days a week works for her. And then our nanny who has been with us from the beginning works 3 days a week now. And there have been several times where one can cover for the other if something comes us (ex. parent conference for our nanny). I am just mentioning it in case the long hours ends up being too much of a commitment for any prospects- having two people who work less hours per week may be better for everyone, and it gives you more flexibility too.
And sste is right too, you can always try the daycare to see how it goes and then pull them out if it is not working out for whatever reason.
Working from home a few days a week could also cut down on the daycare or nanny hours if that is an option, as it cuts out the commute obviously.

[lovin2shop]

We currently have a full time nanny, and my little one is in a part time preschool program. My older one does an afterschool program 3 days a week primarily so he can get his homework done, and because he likes the extra time to play with his friends on the playground. I honestly have no idea what we will do when my little one goes to K. Our nanny is like part of the family, and my kids could probably live without her, but I don't know if I can. She does everything like laundry, keeping the house organized, and grocery shopping. She's there to let the repairmen in, run errands, etc. She seriously keeps me sane. But, she really needs a full time job, and I'm just not sure if it makes sense to have her on full time when both boys are in school all day.

Having said all that, my older DS went to an in home daycare as an infant, followed by a Preschool with before and aftercare, followed by the after school program in K (all prior to DS#2 being born). To be very honest, DS1 benefited tremendously from the time out of the house, and my little one really needs to spend less one on one time with our nanny. So, looking back, I love having our nanny, but I definitely would not feel one iota of guilt in regards to a daycare program.

[Kindra178]

Another thing to think about with daycare. I assume your nanny does kids' laundry, stuff around the house (changing drawers from winter to summer) and feeds dinner, correct? If you have the kids in daycare, you will be the one doing all that. Believe me, I am not dissing daycare. We have so many great daycare options in our 'hood, unlike in our former beloved Chicago 'hood, but I always have sick kids!

[AnnieW625]

If you have the kids in daycare, you will be the one doing all that.

Yes, but if you find a good daycare that makes home cooked meals like mine does or you have the option to buy a home made style hot lunch (DD1's school uses a local service for this and it is wonderful; if I did it everyday it would be $90 a month and no stress, and I know my child will eat a healthy meal!) the kids will need very little dinner. Maybe one or two nights a week my kids will eat a full dinner, and honestly most of the time that is Saturday or Sunday. During the week they are very content most of the time with a yogurt, a sandwich, lots of fruit and or frozen veggies, or hummus and bread/pita for dinner. DH and I usually eat a full dinner, but honestly I would prefer that they eat snacky type foods than be starving and be grouchy while waiting for me to have dinner done, which most nights esp. if DH goes to the gym and doesn't get home until 7 is right around 7 pm. Every kid is different, but again it's what works for us.

[secchick]

Yes, but if you find a good daycare that makes home cooked meals like mine does or you have the option to buy a home made style hot lunch (DD1's school uses a local service for this and it is wonderful; if I did it everyday it would be $90 a month and no stress, and I know my child will eat a healthy meal!) the kids will need very little dinner. Maybe one or two nights a week my kids will eat a full dinner, and honestly most of the time that is Saturday or Sunday. During the week they are very content most of the time with a yogurt, a sandwich, lots of fruit and or frozen veggies, or hummus and bread/pita for dinner. DH and I usually eat a full dinner, but honestly I would prefer that they eat snacky type foods than be starving and be grouchy while waiting for me to have dinner done, which most nights esp. if DH goes to the gym and doesn't get home until 7 is right around 7 pm. Every kid is different, but again it's what works for us.

Our daycare has catered lunches and they are nutritionally balanced and really quite healthy and is served family style (think beans and rice or other baked entree, a steamed veggie, fresh fruit, not fried nuggets or pizza), and it is all included in the monthly tuition. We bring breakfast from home (he eats some at home and some at school), but they have a healthy breakfast there too for $1/day (millk, juice, cereal, yogurt, and fresh fruit) They have a bowl of fresh fruit to take at pickup so DS has an apple or pear on the way home.

ETA: The two boys go to school together and they still get to see each other. The playground is outside the baby room so the older frequently goes to check on "his" baby when they play outside in the mornings and afternoons and he will tell me later whether the baby was sleeping or playing. They also get to interact when they put the baby in the stroller for their outside time, so it's not as if the boys don't see one aother at school.

[BabbyO]

DS' are both younger than school age, but...

If we are still in daycare pre-school is provided at the day care as is after school care with pick up by the center.

If we are back to our sitter full time, the boys will likely be bussed to her house if possible. If not, we'll work with her to determine if she can pick them up after school.

I commute 1 hr each way to work...so no chance I can help out mid day.

[Gena]

When DS was a baby/toddler and I worked FT, he went to daycare at a center all day.

During DS's preschool years I was a SAHM. During Kindy, DH was a SAHM. Currently DH and I both work FT. DH has a much longer commute than I do. His is well over an hour each way, mine is only about 20 minutes. I get DS on the school bus every morning and then leave for work right after. I also pick him up from his aftercare program.

Last year, DS went to a daycare center for after-school care. It was a nice arrangement because the center provided care on snow days, school breaks, summer, etc.

This year, DS goes to the aftercare program at his elementary school. It doesn't have any covereage for non-school days, so DH and I have to use our vacation days for those.

[niccig]

Do you have to move so you have a longer commute?

I would try to keep that commute as short as possible. Most schools after care's finish at 5.30pm or 6pm. And you're charged $1/minute after that. DH can never do pick up, so when I'm finally done with school and working, I'll have to restrict job search to radius around DS's school, as I have to do pick up or have to get a sitter.

At DS's school morning care is from 7.30am and it's done by the teachers, so no extra charge. After care is until 6pm and is contracted out.

Families I know stagger drop off and pick up by both parents. Or one parent works closer to school than the other parent, drops DC off, goes to work, then picks up from aftercare. There's also sitters picking kids up and taking to activities.

Summer is camps.

[arivecchi]

Do you have to move so you have a longer commute?
We already have bid on a house in an area we love. We knew the tradeoff would be the longer commute, but the benefits of the potential move are worth it to us.

Thanks for the awesome feedback everyone. I think we are leaning towards FT nanny or after school sitter.

[hillview]

We already have bid on a house in an area we love. We knew the tradeoff would be the longer commute, but the benefits of the potential move are worth it to us.

Thanks for the awesome feedback everyone. I think we are leaning towards FT nanny or after school sitter.

FWIW I had a full time nanny who worked 10-6 -- no kids 10-12 meant she could do laundry and cook (I left recipes for her) and she would also do light kid related cleaning. It was awesome.

[sntm]

I agree with FT after school nanny or sitter. I don't have crazy commute but do have crazy hours so usually have to be at work by 7-7:30 and can work until after 6. I had an agreeable college student doing morning care for a while - she would come in for an hour or two and get DS to school. Now we do beforecare which starts at 7 - usually workable though sometimes I am late. We did aftercare but that ended at 6 and the stress if the OR was running late was too much, so now I have an afterschool babysitter. Next year with the baby, I'm hiring a FT nanny for 4 days a week to work 10-12 hour days.

For meals, I still sent DS with homemade lunch every day, though he gets breakfast at before care. I prepare some meals ahead for dinner and we do more takeout and restaurants than most people do during the week, but it works out fine.

[mackmama]

We already have bid on a house in an area we love. We knew the tradeoff would be the longer commute, but the benefits of the potential move are worth it to us.

Wow - exciting! Fingers crossed that you get the house!!

[niccig]

We already have bid on a house in an area we love. We knew the tradeoff would be the longer commute, but the benefits of the potential move are worth it to us.

Thanks for the awesome feedback everyone. I think we are leaning towards FT nanny or after school sitter.

The house sounds great. A nanny or sitter would probably work out best. They'll be able to take DC to afterschool activities. We had our first baseball practice today, it's at 4.30pm. We'll have to go the sitter route too when I can't take DS to something after school.