123 Magic Toddler Time Out

[ExcitedMamma]

Hi Everyone,

For those who have found success with 123 Magic how did you give your toddler the timeouts? I want to get started with my 2 yr old but I'm not sure if I should send him to his room or do a timeout chair. His room is usually off limits for play because I'm not sure how to baby proof his video monitor camera, the plug is too big for the child safety devices and he immediately pulls it off the wall. So I am torn should I just take it down and allow him more regular access to the room so it's less of a reward if he is sent there? Also on my own without any program when I have given him timeouts in the floor in a corner he fights it which would seem a waste if I just fought with him the whole time.

Thanks!

[boogiemomz]

I have been trying out the 123 magic thing with my 2yo. We have a TO chair that she will sit in sometimes, but we have had to put her in her room too. The rule is if her bottom comes out of the chair, she goes in her room. She has books in her room and she's pretty happy in there for naps/sleeping, but she HATES when she gets put in there by herself with the door closed for TO (it's not rewarding, at least at this stage, because she just stands inside the door wailing). We also moved into the big girl bed over the holidays, so we had to do a whole makeover to make sure everything in there was safe. The worst trouble she could really get into is taking stuff out of her drawers, which she did some at first but hasn't in a while.

So, when we get to 3 she sits in the chair. It's a little tricky to keep an eye on her but also keep her isolated to let the TO serve it's purpose, but I try to watch and if she gets out of the chair, it's up to her room. A few times of that and I think she'll stay in the chair until TO is over (we're still getting used to this system around here, so it's not well established yet).

[indigo99]

I don't know what you're talking about (123 magic?), but sending him to his room doesn't seem like it will do any good at all. Timeout at that age should only last two minutes, and he shouldn't have any opportunity to occupy himself with something like he can in his room. From watching the nanny on tv, I learned to just put DS in timeout and walk away. If he gets up then put him back with no talking or emotion ... over and over again. DS will usually stay put for the two minutes, but we do sometimes have to repeat it because he goes back to the same thing again (trying to see if he gets the same response I guess).

[ExcitedMamma]

Thanks Boogie for the advice about using the chair and the room! Please post when you have used the system longer I'd love to know if you think it's beneficial. I wish I could figure out how to baby proof the video monitor to make using his room easier. Anyone have ideas?

Indigo 123 Magic is a book with parenting advice on effective discipline written by a psychiatrist. The information sounds great, especially for whining and back talk from older children and getting their cooperation. He doesn't feel a timeout needs to be in a solitary jail cell environment but more of a break from the bad behavior.

Anyone else who has tried this on toddlers? I'd love to hear if you have found it successful and any tips.

[edurnemk]

We do a modified 1-2-3 Magic, but we quickly found with DS TO's weren't working, it was just a HUGE power struggle (maybe he was too young, I honestly now think 2 yo is too young for an effective TO or maybe DS is too strong-willed). DS's currency are his toys, so if I get to 3 one of his toys goes on TO. Works like a charm. No matter how bratty he's behaving, usually as soon as he hears "1!", he jumps up and complies.

Sending him to his room, which we do for meltdowns or when he's being rude (so not as punishment, but as a break to calm himself down) began to be effective around 3-3.5 yo. Now he'll go to his room without even being told when he gets upset and come out completely calm and happy and willing to talk things over.

BTW, I have the book but I never finished it :rotflmao:

[drako]

We do a modified 1-2-3 Magic, but we quickly found with DS TO's weren't working, it was just a HUGE power struggle (maybe he was too young, I honestly now think 2 yo is too young for an effective TO or maybe DS is too strong-willed). :

My DD is the exact same way. She just turned three and TOs really do not work for her since they make her more ENRAGED. I have tried a special spot for her and have tried her room. The one time I put her in her room she became so enraged and upset it got us nowhere except for upsetting us both. I had her in her room for probably 20 mins or so and she screamed the whole time to the point where I thought she was going to vomit. I had to hold the door shut and she just banged and kicked the walls. It was terribly upsetting to both of us. I think she is just too strong-willed and young to understand TOs or for them to be effective. I know she understands them, she just doesn't take the TO as a time to settle down. Although, I have friends who this works for so I guess it's up to the individual child. I am sure as she gets older it may work better. I now just try to redirect her behavior and that seems to work for now.

[boogiemomz]

Thanks Boogie for the advice about using the chair and the room! Please post when you have used the system longer I'd love to know if you think it's beneficial. I wish I could figure out how to baby proof the video monitor to make using his room easier. Anyone have ideas?


I had to install a wall shelf high up so she can't reach it; I keep a few diapers, diaper cream, hair brush, lotion, etc on there, and I put the monitor camera up there too. The cord does drape down and plugs in near the floor, but it's mostly hidden behind the glider in the corner. She could certainly go back there and unplug it, but thankfully she hasn't done it yet, so we're sticking with it. If it becomes a problem, not sure what we'll do.

[edurnemk]

The one time I put her in her room she became so enraged and upset it got us nowhere except for upsetting us both. I had her in her room for probably 20 mins or so and she screamed the whole time to the point where I thought she was going to vomit. I had to hold the door shut and she just banged and kicked the walls. It was terribly upsetting to both of us.

This happened the first few times with DS, too, I did make a point of telling him he was there to calm down because he can't be around other people while screaming and being rude or upset and later we talked about respect. I stood my ground, had him in his room for 45+ min, he screamed, kicked the door, threw toys... I didn't budge, I never go in his room while he's upset. Eventually he calmed down and I went in to give him a hug but did tell him next time he kicked doors or threw toys there'd be a consequence (but it doesn't happen until he's allowed out of his room, so he won't use it to get attention during the meltdown). Each time we did that the time it took him to calm down, and the intensity of his rage diminished (and I think the first day we did it I had to take him to his room at least 3 times during the day, he was definitely testing the limits). Now it only takes him 5 minutes, tops to calm down.

So what I'm saying is, that even with super intense kids like mine, it does work, but it will never work the first time, because they are confused at the new way of handling things and they want to test limits. IMHO, If they realize that kicking walls and throwing toys gets them off the hook, they will continue to do it and it will only get worse. Those first times sending him to his room were AWFUL, I was upset, too, but in the long run it worked and I would do it again in a heartbeat.

[daisymommy]

FYI ... You can get an electrician ( or a handy husband) to very easily install/wire an outlet plug way up high out of reach (like next to the wall shelf where your monitor sits).
We did this in our last house, but I haven't bugged DH enough to do it again in this one :)


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[drako]

So what I'm saying is, that even with super intense kids like mine, it does work, but it will never work the first time, because they are confused at the new way of handling things and they want to test limits. IMHO, If they realize that kicking walls and throwing toys gets them off the hook, they will continue to do it and it will only get worse. Those first times sending him to his room were AWFUL, I was upset, too, but in the long run it worked and I would do it again in a heartbeat.

I don't want to hijack the thread buy DD does this every.single.time I put her in time out in her room. I don't give in either until she remotely calms down. Even if I talk to her calmly to try to calm her that enrages her too. This is just too frustrating for me and her too. Time outs in her room just don't seem to work for her at this time. It seems best if I redirect her or put her in time out where I can see her. Taking things away has seemed to work as well. She is just too stubborn and strong-willed. Now that she is three maybe I will try it again but up until this point it didn't work. I can't stand outside her door holding it shut for that length of time and she will NOT just stay in her room...so frustrating!

[edurnemk]

I don't want to hijack the thread buy DD does this every.single.time I put her in time out in her room. I don't give in either until she remotely calms down. Even if I talk to her calmly to try to calm her that enrages her too. This is just too frustrating for me and her too. Time outs in her room just don't seem to work for her at this time. It seems best if I redirect her or put her in time out where I can see her. Taking things away has seemed to work as well. She is just too stubborn and strong-willed. Now that she is three maybe I will try it again but up until this point it didn't work. I can't stand outside her door holding it shut for that length of time and she will NOT just stay in her room...so frustrating!

I feel sending to their room doesn't work well for many kids until they're 3-3.5, that's when we started (and by that age distracting and redirecting don't work anymore). BTW I now several moms had the door knobs turned so they can lock their kids' room from the outside.

[wellyes]

We do a chair. Part of the technique, I think, is seeing me calmly going about my day -- not isolating them.

I also read somewhere that a glitter ball that you can turn upside down is VERY calming. If you have mighty TO battles, it might be worth looking into.

I do think 2 is very young for effective time outs. We start closer to 2.5.

[boogiemomz]

BTW I now several moms had the door knobs turned so they can lock their kids' room from the outside.

:waving4: