When DS would rather go to time out...

[blue]

... than put his plate in the sink, WWYD? ..... In the grand scheme of things, it is a small issue. But, I don't know how to get past the cycle of telling him to put his plate in the sink, him sometimes doing it or more likely refusing, timeout, than putting his plate in the sink.

I have tried asking him to pretend to be a dinosaur and stomping to put his plate in the sink (worked for a few days), or other animals. Also, tried stickers (worked for a few days). Tried time out, put your plate in the sink or go to time out, than put your plate in the sink. That is the current cycle we are stuck on, and I want to get out of it. I am trying to be consistent, but ended up tying to many different things when one method stopped working.

Any suggestions? I know he is capable, he does other things fine. He is just very stubborn (like his mom ;)). Thanks

[brittone2]

I would physically help him walk it to the sink, or hand over hand (my hands over his) hold the plate in his hands. I'd rather not make compliance optional, and would prefer to follow through than put a child in TO (which we don't really use). Once you do this type of thing consistently, they start to get that their compliance isn't optional. I try to keep my emotions out of it and just focus on getting the job done and then it is over, kwim?

You could also try Playful Parenting as a first line of defense, but it seems like you are already doing that. As you know, kids don't always go for it, but when they do, it makes things a lot easier than getting sucked into a battle of the wills.

At that age we also do a lot of, "do you want to do it by yourself or with my help? I'm going to help you on the count of 3." Sometimes with toddlers and preschoolers this is quite motivating since they don't want your help ;)

[mmommy]

On a few occasions like this I have said to DD "do you want to take your plate to the sink now, or do you want to take your plate to the sink after you have a time out?"
She's 2.5. So far she's only chosen the time out first twice, both times when she was tired and obviously wanting to push buttons. But either way, it ended up with her doing what I asked, just with a little pause first.

Don't know if that would work with other kids though.

[hillview]

In our house the next fun thing cannot happen til the plate is in the sink. So if she wants you to play with her or read a book or watch a show or go get an ice cream or whatever it cannot happen til the plate is in the sink. For us it might not happen right away but eventually the DC wants to do something and the plate has to be moved.

[sntm]

That's why I think any punishments (TO included) don't work - it basically gives the child the option of compliance or the alternative. Agree with the above techniques - walk him through it, don't move on to any other activities until it is done, don't ask but tell, etc.

[sste]

I was thinking along the same lines as Hillview. Or even up the ante by having one of his most favored activities in a box or tucked on a shelf and the deal is it comes down and you have special time playing with him once the dishes are in the sink.

Sometimes my kids do better if I emphasize that we are all cleaning up and explain why - - I tell them directly I have more time for fun things with them when everyone does their share!

[newg]

I take a fun thing away.........like PP mentioned. Special treat, movie time after bath, playing outside after dinner....whatever it is, it doesn't happen if she doesn't listen.

[Jo..]

We are struggling with the same issues. Our children are getting sassy and entitled, and are back-talking WAY too much for our comfort. If I ASK you to put your plate in the sink, you had BETTER put your plate in the sink. We are on the verge of spanking, because we don't know what else to do.

I borrowed a couple of books from a neighbor, and am praying that they will help

[infocrazy]

"do you want to take your plate to the sink now, or do you want to take your plate to the sink after you have a time out?" Don't know if that would work with other kids though.

:yeahthat:

This is what we do

[Cuckoomamma]

I'd just ask him why he doesn't want to help out. No judgement, just curiousity. Then I'd probably offer an alternative. "If you wash the table off for me, I'll put your plate in the sink." I think you should focus on the big picture rather than the plate.

He may be willing to do far more than clean up his plate, just doesn't want to do that job for whatever reason. You may be pleasantly surprised by his response.

I hate cleaning up after dinner, but I'll do anything for you before dinner. I'd just suggest figuring out what your ultimate goals are and working backwards from there.

[blue]

Thanks everyone for your suggestions :)..... I am going to try the "do you want to take the plate to sink by yourself or with my help" approach. I tried it last nigh, and DS refused to grab his plate or stand up, so he got a lot of help from me (I had to carry him and his plate to the sink :rolleyes: ). I am hoping if I stay consistent he will figure out it is not optional... Or I may be back in a month if I am still having carry both child and plate to the sink then....

DS does help set the table for dinner (that seems to be fun for him), but he doesn't seem to enjoy clearing the table. I tried asking him why today, but he just grinned mischievously and ran off to hide. Thanks again.

[Pennylane]

I would tell him he can not get up from the table until he is ready to put his plate in the sink, end of story.

Ann

[wellyes]

I would tell him he can not get up from the table until he is ready to put his plate in the sink, end of story.

Ann
This. Once you are at the point when time outs work, helping make it fun -- like pretending to be a dinosaur or whatever -- turns the whole thing into a game, and turns punishment into a facet of the game (reward: constant focused parent attention). Make it quick, not optional, not fun.