Facebook= Pandora's box. What have I done?

[crl]

I joined Facebook this morning solely so I could join Pinterest. My FIL sent me a message through it like two hours later. Why not just email me? I have had the same email address the entire time he has known me. And now I have a friend request. From someone I don't recognize. I imagine it is someone I know, I'm just not recognizing the name.

I didn't actually plan on USING Facebook. Ack! Dh says to just ignore all friends request except for family.

Catherine

[khm]

Now that you are on pinterest, can't you just unhook them?

FWIW, you can instead use Twitter..... ;)

[wellyes]

I like FB messaging more than email. Email always feels more formal, like it should be properly edited for grammar. Messaging is more casual & fast.


Dh says to just ignore all friends request except for family. Staying just with family feels kind of pointless to me. I think the whole point of facebook is having a painless social connection with people you aren't close with: cousins, friends you haven't seen since your last move, that nice mom you met at you're kids school but haven't really gotten close to yet. You will find out that some people are more irritating than you ever imagined, and will be surprised by the wit and compassion of others.... you will find out who you WANT to get closer to.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Now that you are on pinterest, can't you just unhook them?



Yep, I disconnected my FB and pinterest. Now I just log into pinterest via my generic email account that doesn't have my full name.

It can be fun on FB to find people. It's nice to create your own unique network. But, I get that it isn't for everyone.

I message people through there sometimes vs email just b/c I know they are on FB more!

[squimp]

I used Twitter instead, to avoid the pandora's box.

[brittone2]

I used Twitter instead, to avoid the pandora's box.
:yeahthat:

[crl]

Now that you are on pinterest, can't you just unhook them?

FWIW, you can instead use Twitter..... ;)

Too late for twitter. And even if I unhook them I still have this Facebook account. I guess there must be some way to delete it?

Catherine

[Pinky]

Pandoras box is a great way to describe it...
Here's a link to show you how to get rid of your account:
https://www.facebook.com/help/?faq=224562897555674

[kristenk]

Do what you want to with Facebook. I think it's a nice way to reconnect with college friends and see what people are up to, but it's not my everything. I've customized security settings so I feel like I'm not totally exposed to everyone, but I also understand that Facebook *is* public and I'm careful what I post.

Just leave the friend request alone while you figure out what you want to do (if anything) on Facebook. You should be able to click on the person's name and see their page to help figure out who they are.

[crl]

Okay, I did figure out the person. Just a neutral person from the past. She must have some setting that sends requests to any of her email cony facts because I'm sure she wasn't particularly looking for me--she's got some other ways she could have found me anyway.

Thanks,
Catherine

[Uno-Mom]

You can decline a friend request and send a nice note along with it. I love FB but I have strict professional boundaries around friend requests. I often get requests from co-workers that I can not accept but don't want to hurt. I just decline with a note explaining that I do adore them madly but I keep that fb boundary line consistent across the board.

You could reply explaining that you don't actually USE fb.

[mommylamb]

Okay, I did figure out the person. Just a neutral person from the past. She must have some setting that sends requests to any of her email cony facts because I'm sure she wasn't particularly looking for me--she's got some other ways she could have found me anyway.

Thanks,
Catherine


You probably have friends in common with her and when you joined, you probably popped up as a suggested friend on her page.

I think FB is fun. I know a lot of people are opposed to it on principle, but I'm not sure what that principle is. My DH used to kindly make fun of me for it, but then he joined and he loves it. So, I say give it a chance and see if you like it. If you don't, then don't use it or delete your account. It really is a great way to keep up with people who you wouldn't otherwise see or email with. I feel much more connected with old friends because of it. And I do use the chat feature a lot even with the people I see frequently. I much prefer it to regular email.

[lhafer]

You realize you don't HAVE to use either Facebook OR Twitter be on pinterest, right? All you need is an email addres. If you don't like FB, then don't use it.

[SnuggleBuggles]

You realize you don't HAVE to use either Facebook OR Twitter be on pinterest, right? All you need is an email addres. If you don't like FB, then don't use it.

I could never figure out how to join w/o FB.. I had an invite from a friend. Maybe if I requested an invite directly from Pinterest I could have done it without FB. But, I know I looked and looked for an option that wasn't Twitter or Facebook to join.

[roseyloxs]

http://finance.yahoo.com/news/pf_article_111929.html

If you want to stay but become as invisible as possible follow the advice in the article above. If you really don't want to be on facebook then delete it.

[crl]

I could never figure out how to join w/o FB.. I had an invite from a friend. Maybe if I requested an invite directly from Pinterest I could have done it without FB. But, I know I looked and looked for an option that wasn't Twitter or Facebook to join.

:yeahthat: I even googled and couldn't find a way to join.

I'm not opposed to Fb on principle exactly. We just have a no pictures of the kids on the Internet policy, which I think would be my main use of FB. And I have mixed feelings about people from the past finding me. Not because I have a stalker or anything, but because if we aren't in touch, well, there's probably a reason. Like we weren't all that close to start with. I mean I have had the same email address for 17 years and the same phone number for eight And my parents have the same number we had when I was in high school. It's not hard to find me if you knew me and want to.

And managing the "friends" list without drama just sounds like an extra chore I don't need.

Adding to that, I have a VERY unusual last name so it is very obvious it is me.

Oh well, I'm going to think it over and decide whether I want to deactivate my FB account or do something else.

Catherine

[infomama]

You realize you don't HAVE to use either Facebook OR Twitter be on pinterest, right? All you need is an email addres. If you don't like FB, then don't use it.

When I got an invite it instructed me to sign in with Facebook or twitter. Those were the only options given...so I didn't sign up. My invite came directly from Pinterest

[SnuggleBuggles]

I decline people I don't like, I keep a pretty small friend list, I have very low drama friends (my only gripe has been people posting pictures of parties I wasn't invited to but that's my issue :)), some of my friends never post anything but I know they read because they mention things... I had the same attitude that if they were in the past and I wasn't in touch, it was because I didn't want to be. But, I have rediscovered some great friends and found that I really like who they are now and enjoy keeping up with their lives. :) FB is the easy way to reach out and you can also do it without the same emotional investment as calling someone and hearing that they aren't interested. I feel like I'm trying to talk you into something! Sorry! Just letting you know that you can use FB however you want and it doesn't have to be a big deal or a dramatic, time suck. :)

[khm]

I requested an invite directly from pinterest. It came and the only options were to use facebook or twitter. No other way.

I didn't want it hooked to FB, I'd already accepted an invite from a FB friend and instantly pinterest linked all my FB friends' pinterest accounts. I shut that pinterest account down.

When the direct email came and I realized I HAD to use FB or twitter, I signed up for a twitter account with my junk email address and promptly took it down to max privacy. Then I signed up for the pinterest.

Now, when I sign in to pinterest, it has the option to sign in with FB, twitter or my email. I use the email log in. (But that was totally NOT an option to sign up with.)

[TwinFoxes]

When I got an invite it instructed me to sign in with Facebook or twitter. Those were the only options given...so I didn't sign up. My invite came directly from Pinterest

They must have changed it, I signed up using my email address.

As for FB being a Pandora's box, for me it's been about as much of a Pandora's box as having a telephone... not at all because I'm not a teenager. When I was a teen I spent hours on the phone, I called guys to hear them talk, I gossiped about people, and I worried about what frenemies were saying. Now I'm an adult and use the phone when I need to. Just like FB. I'm an adult, my friends don't lean toward the dramatic, and I use FB occasionally, it's not a time suck. My real time suck is called BBB, but I love it so that's OK. :)

[roseyloxs]

Adding to that, I have a VERY unusual last name so it is very obvious it is me.

I would advise you to change your last name. You don't have to be accurate. I also have a rare last name so I use my first name and the first and last letter of my last name. Example if my name were Regina Phalange my facebook name would be Regina PE. I recently changed it because I didn't like having my unique name attached when I commented on public pages. Would be too easy to find other info on me with a talented google search.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I would advise you to change your last name. You don't have to be accurate. I also have a rare last name so I use my first name and the first and last letter of my last name. Example if my name were Regina Phalange my facebook name would be Regina PE. I recently changed it because I didn't like having my unique name attached when I commented on public pages. Would be too easy to find other info on me with a talented google search.

I don't comment on any public pages and only like ones with private lists. I really only like local places like my favorite restaurant or the kids' school. Sometimes I would like to but even if my name were different, I still wouldn't feel comfortable.

[123LuckyMom]

You can set your settings so anyone can see your wall and then post a message saying you don't use Facebook and for people to continue to contact you as they previously have. Then ignore your account.

[lhafer]

They must have changed it, I signed up using my email address.

:yeahthat:

[artvandalay]

.

I'm not opposed to Fb on principle exactly. We just have a no pictures of the kids on the Internet policy, which I think would be my main use of FB. And I have mixed feelings about people from the past finding me. Not because I have a stalker or anything, but because if we aren't in touch, well, there's probably a reason. Like we weren't all that close to start with. I mean I have had the same email address for 17 years and the same phone number for eight And my parents have the same number we had when I was in high school. It's not hard to find me if you knew me and want to.

And managing the "friends" list without drama just sounds like an extra chore I don't need.

Adding to that, I have a VERY unusual last name so it is very obvious it is me.

Oh well, I'm going to think it over and decide whether I want to deactivate my FB account or do something else.

Catherine

Not sure if you are aware of this, but you can make yourself completely "hidden" to everyone on facebook (you would be unsearchable.).

My aunt accidentally made herself unsearchable, then repeatedly kept asking me to "friend" her. I kept telling her I searched for her on FB, but could never find her. She changed her settings and then I found her.

IMO this defeats the purpose of FB, but just thought I'd throw it out there.

The nice thing about FB is that you can choose how much or little you want to share with people. You can mange your friends/family so only a select few can see your posts, pictures, etc.

It's actually quite fun once you get the hang of all the settings. I think this is how people (our generation and younger) will be doing most of their communication from now on, so I want to be a part of it.

[khm]

I am not sure when they changed it, but FB or Twitter is required now. I remember googling for a way around it, but there was none.

From their Help.

How to sign up for Pinterest
Pinterest is currently invite-only. You can request an invite from us or you can be invited by someone who is already a part of Pinterest.

When you receive an invite, you can register via Facebook Connect or connect through Twitter.

My invite email said

You're in!

I'm excited to invite you to join Pinterest, a social catalog. I can't wait to have you join our little community.

To create your Pinterest account, click the link below and push the blue "FB Connect" button. You can also join with Twitter.



But, once in, you can SIGN IN with just your email address vs. your FB or Twitter account.

So, now that you are in, you can delete the FB account if you do not want it. I did that with the Twitter account I used.

[Pinky]

Not sure if you are aware of this, but you can make yourself completely "hidden" to everyone on facebook (you would be unsearchable.).

My aunt accidentally made herself unsearchable, then repeatedly kept asking me to "friend" her. I kept telling her I searched for her on FB, but could never find her. She changed her settings and then I found her.

IMO this defeats the purpose of FB, but just thought I'd throw it out there.

The nice thing about FB is that you can choose how much or little you want to share with people. You can mange your friends/family so only a select few can see your posts, pictures, etc.

It's actually quite fun once you get the hang of all the settings. I think this is how people (our generation and younger) will be doing most of their communication from now on, so I want to be a part of it.
Can you make yourself completely unsearchable? I was thinking that the most limited you could make it was "friends of friends". I would like to be unsearchable because I already have way too many people on my list and really only joined to keep up with family. Right now friends of my friends can still search me out.

[wellyes]

I'm not opposed to Fb on principle exactly. We just have a no pictures of the kids on the Internet policy, which I think would be my main use of FB. And I have mixed feelings about people from the past finding me. Not because I have a stalker or anything, but because if we aren't in touch, well, there's probably a reason. Like we weren't all that close to start with. I mean I have had the same email address for 17 years and the same phone number for eight And my parents have the same number we had when I was in high school. It's not hard to find me if you knew me and want to.
Aren't you a little curious? It's a way to find out which college friends got married, how your high school acquaintances kids turned out, etc.

Maybe it's different for me because I moved -- I left my hometown for college, and left my college town when I graduated. So, this is a way for me to see old friends without seriously reestablishing a connnection. We can casually chit-chat every couple of months or whatever.

I am currently playing Words with Friends with the woman I used to have lunch with every day in high school, but haven't spoken with in over 15 years. Our messages to each other consists of stuff like mess "Is that even a real word?" I'm happy to have that little connection.

[hellokitty]

I block ppl who I don't like and/or who request to be, "friends." Once you block them, they shouldn't be able to, "find" you again on FB. Had to do this to both of my parents and my father's siblings.

[army_mom]

You can make yourself "unsearchable" from non friends so people can't just find you doing random searches for people from the past. It will keep you in a stealth mode a little longer before your secret gets out! ;)


Home
Privacy settings
How you connect
Who can look you up --> make that friends
Who can send you friends requests --> this only goes down to friends of friends but that limits it some!

Many people don't use their full last names so only people who really "know" them will be able to search them and kind of keeps the ball in their court for friends. Many of our friends make themselves unsearchable and use a single letter for their last name for "security" reasons while their DH are deployed. Yes, not super secure but it does make it a bit harder to find them.