lmh2402
02-12-2012, 10:11 PM
A pathetic sob for myself b/c I feel just so damn bad.
I am physically sore as hell today – I must have twisted somehow when I fell yesterday, because my back and my left shoulder are killing me, as is the huge contusion on my leg. and i've got lots of belly cramps today too.
I am exhausted b/c I couldn’t sleep last night stressing over the stupid previa stuff.
I’m angry at everyone. At everything. My husband, when I suggested to him a month or so ago, that maybe we go away for a long weekend…somewhere warm, while it was still cold here…probably our last shot before baby comes. And I suggested a specific weekend in march…b/c there are things happening every weekend before and almost every weekend after all the way through april. Only at that point did he say to me, “of course you would suggest that weekend. Of course you would. b/c that’s the weekend I’m supposed to be going to vegas for a long weekend.”
I had no idea. That he had been planning himself a vacation with his guy friends. He is never. Ever. Ever. Here. Ever. We haven’t spent any time together…even like to sit together in an evening during the week. In so long, I can’t remember the last time.
I am just…so angry.
So/but I said, “ok, self. Let’s not wallow in self-pity. He made his choice – I asked him to go somewhere with me. He said he wanted to go with his friends. Fine. I will find somewhere to go and go by myself.”
But…we are also needing to be budget conscious b/c we have a ton of huge house projects going on right now. So…given what I’ve figured out he’s spending on his vacation, that left me not a whole lot to spend to keep our total spend in the realm of responsible.
So…I booked myself a long weekend in FL at the very end of april (much later than I wanted to go…I wanted to go in march…but flights were SO expensive…this was the best I could find) at my parents’ house in a friggin retirement community. My sister actually volunteered to take days off work and come with me. So I was feeling a bit better.
(however, my husband almost had a cow when I told him. He said, “I told you I was happy to go away with my friends AND with you. How convenient that you’re now going with your sister.”)
I almost had a heart attack. Poor him. He was denied the ability to take two vacations and now he has to stay home and watch his own son for a few days.
While I “conveniently” get to delay my going away until almost May, and then end up in a retirement community in order to spend so little money b/c he's using the lion-share of what we really should allow for vacation right now, for himself.
Anyway…now my doctor told me yesterday that I might need to consider cancelling my trip b/c unless she sees a good movement of my placenta away from the current position, she’s not comfortable with me traveling at that point – I’ll be just about 29/30 weeks.
It’s like I can’t friggin win.
And then…I am talking to my Dad today and say to him that I’m so bummed that I might need to cancel my trip…and he says to me… “this is God punishing you b/c you were trying to stick it your husband. He works hard and wants a weekend with the boys to relax a little. And b/c he does that, you need to run and book your own vacation? Well, now God is punishing you.”
I have not been able to stop crying all day. I feel like no matter where I turn, someone is punching me in the face. What’s worse is that I actually had the same sort of stupid thought going through my head last night when I was tossing and turning…not about the stupid trip, but about all that’s been so stressful about this pregnancy.
But…he’s my dad. MY dad. It just hurts. A lot. It's not surprising. The total lack of mental/emotional support, and ability to cut to the core has always been his special talent. I couldn’t even say anything back to him b/c if I had even tried, I think all that would have come out was a psychotic, strangled scream.
That’s it. Pity party over. I need a gallon of ice cream.
I am physically sore as hell today – I must have twisted somehow when I fell yesterday, because my back and my left shoulder are killing me, as is the huge contusion on my leg. and i've got lots of belly cramps today too.
I am exhausted b/c I couldn’t sleep last night stressing over the stupid previa stuff.
I’m angry at everyone. At everything. My husband, when I suggested to him a month or so ago, that maybe we go away for a long weekend…somewhere warm, while it was still cold here…probably our last shot before baby comes. And I suggested a specific weekend in march…b/c there are things happening every weekend before and almost every weekend after all the way through april. Only at that point did he say to me, “of course you would suggest that weekend. Of course you would. b/c that’s the weekend I’m supposed to be going to vegas for a long weekend.”
I had no idea. That he had been planning himself a vacation with his guy friends. He is never. Ever. Ever. Here. Ever. We haven’t spent any time together…even like to sit together in an evening during the week. In so long, I can’t remember the last time.
I am just…so angry.
So/but I said, “ok, self. Let’s not wallow in self-pity. He made his choice – I asked him to go somewhere with me. He said he wanted to go with his friends. Fine. I will find somewhere to go and go by myself.”
But…we are also needing to be budget conscious b/c we have a ton of huge house projects going on right now. So…given what I’ve figured out he’s spending on his vacation, that left me not a whole lot to spend to keep our total spend in the realm of responsible.
So…I booked myself a long weekend in FL at the very end of april (much later than I wanted to go…I wanted to go in march…but flights were SO expensive…this was the best I could find) at my parents’ house in a friggin retirement community. My sister actually volunteered to take days off work and come with me. So I was feeling a bit better.
(however, my husband almost had a cow when I told him. He said, “I told you I was happy to go away with my friends AND with you. How convenient that you’re now going with your sister.”)
I almost had a heart attack. Poor him. He was denied the ability to take two vacations and now he has to stay home and watch his own son for a few days.
While I “conveniently” get to delay my going away until almost May, and then end up in a retirement community in order to spend so little money b/c he's using the lion-share of what we really should allow for vacation right now, for himself.
Anyway…now my doctor told me yesterday that I might need to consider cancelling my trip b/c unless she sees a good movement of my placenta away from the current position, she’s not comfortable with me traveling at that point – I’ll be just about 29/30 weeks.
It’s like I can’t friggin win.
And then…I am talking to my Dad today and say to him that I’m so bummed that I might need to cancel my trip…and he says to me… “this is God punishing you b/c you were trying to stick it your husband. He works hard and wants a weekend with the boys to relax a little. And b/c he does that, you need to run and book your own vacation? Well, now God is punishing you.”
I have not been able to stop crying all day. I feel like no matter where I turn, someone is punching me in the face. What’s worse is that I actually had the same sort of stupid thought going through my head last night when I was tossing and turning…not about the stupid trip, but about all that’s been so stressful about this pregnancy.
But…he’s my dad. MY dad. It just hurts. A lot. It's not surprising. The total lack of mental/emotional support, and ability to cut to the core has always been his special talent. I couldn’t even say anything back to him b/c if I had even tried, I think all that would have come out was a psychotic, strangled scream.
That’s it. Pity party over. I need a gallon of ice cream.