PunkyBoo
02-13-2012, 05:48 PM
Punkin has always been very sensitive and very shy. He had some texture issues as a toddler that we got through with OT/peer group therapy. He had a few episodes in his preschool years that scared me enough to ask his ped. if he might have Aspergers or something else, but she said she didn't see anything unusual but to let her know if I continued to be concerned. He had a wonderful teacher in K that really brought him out, helped him find his way, gave him so much confidence. In most situations, he is totally fine.
He plays sports, does very well at school, but I feel like there is something complicated going on with him. He seems to make friends with other kids pretty easily, even though he often has issues dealing with the level of (ie lack of) maturity in other kids. But he is greatly intimidated by adults and some situations. For example, one of his closest friends at school, J, that he has known since Kinder. J's mom S spends a lot of time volunteering in the classroom, we've done lots of playdates, and S has driven him home from school for me on countless occasions. S told me that he just recently, like right after Thanksgiving, he actually looked her in the eye when she was talking to him (she asked him about an activity at school) for the first time and also actually answered her. Punkin has known J and S for almost 3 years now. He doesn't look at his grandparents in the eye when he greets them. I related him recently to a turtle when he's around grown-ups - he wants to just retract his head and disappear into his shell.
Today at TJ's he found the little toy they hide for the kids to find. I told him to go to the front counter and tell them so he could get a lollipop. I was right behind him, and he was practically in a panic, wouldn't look up, and said in a little tiny quiet voice, "i found the octopus." Well, the TJ's manager couldn't hear him, so he asked him what he said. Punkin was mortified, and slunk behind me. I tried explaining to him that the man just didn't hear him, that he just needed to say it again. I encouraged him, but I didn't want to "save" him by doing it for him. Eventually, Boo (who is so NOT-shy he could be dangerous) yelled out "Brother found the octopus, can he have a lolly?" so Boo got the lollipop for Punkin. Then Punkin didn't want it. In the car I told him that sometimes people are busy and can't hear well when they are thinking about other things, the man was older and maybe his ears don't work as well, etc. That it would have been ok to tell him in a louder voice. He kinda 'shut down" in the car, wouldn't talk about it, told Boo he could have the lollipop, and proceeded to tell me, "I feel sick." I'm pretty sure it's anxiety. But it only seems to come up around grown-ups that aren't me and DH.
He's fine with kids, but won't comfortably talk to his grandparents, aunts and uncles or his godfather. I had similar, painfully shy feelings when I was growing up, so I don't know how much of it to just let go, how much of it is normal, or if I should talk to his ped. My fear is that if I raise the red flag with the ped, that it will snowball into something bigger than it needs to be - I don't want him to shut down MORE in my effort to help him be ok with talking to people. I always try to let him know that he is very loved and cherished by his whole extended family, and I try to give him "tools in the toolbox" for dealing with situations that make him uncomfortable or are difficult for him.
Does this sound like anxiety? Just shyness? Normal almost-8-year-old behaviour? Is there something I can/ should be doing to help him be ok talking to adults mor eeasily without making him feel bad for being uncomfortable??
He plays sports, does very well at school, but I feel like there is something complicated going on with him. He seems to make friends with other kids pretty easily, even though he often has issues dealing with the level of (ie lack of) maturity in other kids. But he is greatly intimidated by adults and some situations. For example, one of his closest friends at school, J, that he has known since Kinder. J's mom S spends a lot of time volunteering in the classroom, we've done lots of playdates, and S has driven him home from school for me on countless occasions. S told me that he just recently, like right after Thanksgiving, he actually looked her in the eye when she was talking to him (she asked him about an activity at school) for the first time and also actually answered her. Punkin has known J and S for almost 3 years now. He doesn't look at his grandparents in the eye when he greets them. I related him recently to a turtle when he's around grown-ups - he wants to just retract his head and disappear into his shell.
Today at TJ's he found the little toy they hide for the kids to find. I told him to go to the front counter and tell them so he could get a lollipop. I was right behind him, and he was practically in a panic, wouldn't look up, and said in a little tiny quiet voice, "i found the octopus." Well, the TJ's manager couldn't hear him, so he asked him what he said. Punkin was mortified, and slunk behind me. I tried explaining to him that the man just didn't hear him, that he just needed to say it again. I encouraged him, but I didn't want to "save" him by doing it for him. Eventually, Boo (who is so NOT-shy he could be dangerous) yelled out "Brother found the octopus, can he have a lolly?" so Boo got the lollipop for Punkin. Then Punkin didn't want it. In the car I told him that sometimes people are busy and can't hear well when they are thinking about other things, the man was older and maybe his ears don't work as well, etc. That it would have been ok to tell him in a louder voice. He kinda 'shut down" in the car, wouldn't talk about it, told Boo he could have the lollipop, and proceeded to tell me, "I feel sick." I'm pretty sure it's anxiety. But it only seems to come up around grown-ups that aren't me and DH.
He's fine with kids, but won't comfortably talk to his grandparents, aunts and uncles or his godfather. I had similar, painfully shy feelings when I was growing up, so I don't know how much of it to just let go, how much of it is normal, or if I should talk to his ped. My fear is that if I raise the red flag with the ped, that it will snowball into something bigger than it needs to be - I don't want him to shut down MORE in my effort to help him be ok with talking to people. I always try to let him know that he is very loved and cherished by his whole extended family, and I try to give him "tools in the toolbox" for dealing with situations that make him uncomfortable or are difficult for him.
Does this sound like anxiety? Just shyness? Normal almost-8-year-old behaviour? Is there something I can/ should be doing to help him be ok talking to adults mor eeasily without making him feel bad for being uncomfortable??