DS cannot dress himself at all- tips?

[elektra]

At DS's 2 year appt. his ped mentioned he should be able to start getting himself dressed and undressed. He couldn't do much then but I didn't worry too much at that point.
But he still shows no desire to do things for himself in this regard or he gets frustrated and gives up. He will be 3 in May.

Even DD who has some very lazy tendencies, really wanted to dress and undress herself at 2.5+. But then DS will usually pick up his toys after playing with them (after being asked) but DD will not. So it's not purely a lazy thing with him.

Things I have been trying:
Encouraging dress up play- DD has always loved princess dresses and so I got DS a dressup box for Christmas. I still have to get the clothes on him though and he just will not or cannot do it himself.

Telling DS he can jump on the couch if he takes his own shoes and socks off.

Should I just not worry about it? I mean he will eventually figure it out right? I just feel like he really should be able to do these things, if at least for gross and fine motor development.

[brittone2]

When I worked in EI, self help was often a section that kids struggled with when we administered testing. Lots of otherwise typical kids have trouble hitting some of the milestones. Sometimes it is opportunity thing. For example, many parents don't want the mess of offering unlidded cups so many, many kids don't hit milestones like that "on time" anymore.

If his dressing/undressing is the only thing you have concerns about, I would just continue to offer small snippets of opportunity. For example, you can do things like put sweatpants or athletic pants on but leave them around his ankles and encourage him to pull up the waistband. So breaking it down into steps that are more manageable, kwim? Taking socks and shoes off by himself with encouragement vs. putting on at first. Eventually maybe you work toward him putting *one* sock on and you put the other on. Put the shirt over his head but encourage him to figure out how to put his arms through.

Just keep giving him opportunities, and if that's your only area of concern I wouldn't worry at age 2.

I do think parents end up surprised overall at what kids are "supposed' to accomplish if they look at some of the self-help milestones. Understandably, families today are often pressed for time, etc. and kids sometimes don't get as much exposure to these things as perhaps would be ideal. (My family included!).

eta: looks like he's approaching 3 now that I reread your OP. I would work on it a little more at this point. Do you have any other concerns about fine motor development, motor planning, anything like that? For most kids his age, it is probably just that he's not particularly motivated or into it, but, for a small subset of kids it can be something like a motor planning issue or fine motor skills that could be holding him back. That probably is not the case, but I'd just keep an eye on those types of things just in case. If the dressing is still the only concern, he'll probably get there just fine. Since he's coming up on 3 you could see if he's interested in a montessori type dressing frame with large buttons, velcro, snaps, zippers, etc. for play. You can even DIY something like this on your own with clothing you already have and some large embroidery hoops.

[arivecchi]

My 3 yo does not get dressed or undressed either. The ped did not say anything at all about it. He is a bit of a houdini when removing sweaters and his diaper so I think he is just not into it and you know how he is. :ROTFLMAO:

I am not concerned in the least fwiw.

[Kindra178]

I agree with A. My friends with girls have daughters that pull 4-5 outfit changes a day. Because parents usually get frustrated with changing clothes so many times a day, girls seem to learn changing quicker than boys. Oh, the incentive of dressing like a princess! Similarly, one of my three year olds wants to wear his Bob the Builder costume all the time, so he has learned to put it on himself.

I can assure you that none of my normal developing boys ever did dressing and undressing until closer to 3 and with my oldest 3.5. One way to work on clothes is to lay them on floor, shirt tag in the back. Then say, "Dive in!" That's the only way I got my oldest to put on his own shirt. He liked the diving aspect.

[elektra]

He does seem to be able to catch and throw a ball ok, and he does well at hooking up his trains and building tracks, putting together duplos and tinker toys, so I am not overly concerned.
I just wish I knew how to encourage him to dress himself! I want to start potty training at some point in the near future and I want him to be able to pull his pants up and down on his own.

I have started some of the suggestions like getting things half off or half on and he has to finish.

And yes, like the benevolent dictator, my DS does seem very particular about how certain things should be done! ;)

[Katigre]

can he pull on simple pants like athletic ones with an elastic waist?

[twowhat?]

My DDs are nearly 3.5 and just in the past several weeks, DD1 can get pants and a shirt on, IF I lay out the shirt front-side-down on the floor so that she just picks it up by the hem and pulls it over her head and IF the shirt is loose/stretchy enough for her to easily work her head and arms in.

DD2 on the other hand can put on a skirt or pants with elastic waist (that I lay out) but not a shirt. She gets frustrated very easily, and in the interest of time I just do it for her.

So the whole "opportunity" thing makes sense to me! We're always necessarily rushing, and even at bathtime I don't wait for them to try and undress - I pull off all their clothes for them in a hurry so they'll have enough time to play in the tub for a few min!

Anyway all that's to say that I probably wouldn't be too concerned. Offer opportunities on the weekends when you're not rushing (I need to do this, clearly!) and of course he'll be able to do it by the time it counts:)

[lmh2402]

DS will be 3 in early april

he can take off coats/zip-up things, sweatpants and socks/slippers on his own

he struggles with pants other than sweatpants

he also struggles...but is getting better... taking off shoes

nowhere near able to take shirts off over his head

and he can't put anything on on his own...except his slippers

so, i don't have any tips to offer you, but figured i'd let you know that your DS isn't the only one not doing stuff himself

[elektra]

And just to clarify- DS really can't do anything with clothes. He cannot get sweatpants on or off, or even pull them up or down.
The only things he has successfully done is complete taking his shoes off after I have loosened them quite a bit. And he can take his socks off if I get them almost past the heel for him.
I do need to give him more opportunities though. I just really do not want to get into battles over it.

[swissair81]

I feel you. DS is nearly 3.5 and doesn't even try and put his own socks on. My ped did mention it, but it doesn't appear that there is anything I can do about it. He simply doesn't want to. This is surprising to me considering I had 2 girls were getting their clothes on and off by age 2. My baby is 18 months and even she tries to put on her shoes/socks/coat by herself. He was later doing everything than my girls, so I'm not going to spend too much time worrying about it.

[twowhat?]

And just to clarify- DS really can't do anything with clothes. He cannot get sweatpants on or off, or even pull them up or down.
The only things he has successfully done is complete taking his shoes off after I have loosened them quite a bit. And he can take his socks off if I get them almost past the heel for him.
I do need to give him more opportunities though. I just really do not want to get into battles over it.

Totally feel you on this one!! That's 75% of the reason I don't give more opportunities!

[BabbyO]

DS1 will be 3 in July so just a tad younger than OP's DS. My DS is about the same, but our ped didn't mention anything about it. Of course if we waited for DS to dress/undress himself it would be bedtime before he was dressed and time to leave for daycare before he got undressed from the night before! :)

I HAVE been trying to encourage him to pull his pants down at least since he's been interested in the potty. He's having more trouble than I expected, even with elastic pants....the band gets caught on his booty...guess he has mama's booty!

He can get his shoes & socks off, but often doesn't want to. He can zip up & down (if we start the zipper). We've never tried shirts on & off.

I'm not stressed....he won't be letting us dress him forever! :)

[lmh2402]

re: shoes - DS can only get them off if i've loosened the velcro a lot. and even then, it's not a guarantee that he'll be able to do it

one thing i did want to mention - DS really likes taking off his own pants and socks before bath because he's very into putting them into his hamper. why, you might ask... i don't know.

he loves being able to put things in the hamper, so it's sort of like a game.

we go to OT twice a week and i've asked them a few times about self-help skills and they keep telling me that he's actually not that far behind "typical" on these things right now, so it's not really on their radar at this point as compared to other stuff they are working on with him

i will say, though, that they are the reason he is now able to get his shoes off eevn some of the time. that was one thing they did work on with him since he/they take shoes off at the start of each session.

they're also trying to help with shoes on (at the end of the session), but that's not really getting anywhere at this point

[Gena]

And just to clarify- DS really can't do anything with clothes. He cannot get sweatpants on or off, or even pull them up or down.
The only things he has successfully done is complete taking his shoes off after I have loosened them quite a bit. And he can take his socks off if I get them almost past the heel for him.
I do need to give him more opportunities though. I just really do not want to get into battles over it.

Do you think that he can't do it or that he simply isn't interested?

If it's that he can't as opposed to just not wanting to, I'm going to go against the grain here and say that IMO it wouldn't hurt to get an evaluation done. Just to be sure that there aren't some larger issues going on.

For my DS, not being able to dress/undress was part of a larger pattern of fine and gross motor delays. DS has dyspraxia, which is difficulties with motor planning. He also has low muscle tone. He needed a lot of OT work to just be able to pull his socks off, and he was nearly 4 when he finally accomplished that. DS is almost 8 and still has diffculties with clothing that has fasteners.

[carolinamama]

Ummm.....DS2 just started dressing himself sometimes. He's almost 3.5. If there isn't anything else that worries you, I think he's fine, really.

[swissair81]

Do you think that he can't do it or that he simply isn't interested?

If it's that he can't as opposed to just not wanting to, I'm going to go against the grain here and say that IMO it wouldn't hurt to get an evaluation done. Just to be sure that there aren't some larger issues going on.

Oh darn. So maybe I should worry. I'm pretty sure DS can't, but it's hard to tell because he won't even try.

[KpbS]

IME boys are a lot later than girls in this area. Both of mine were the same way. I would start practicing with pull-on pants and shorts, starting with practice pulling down (for potty training). Once he gets the hang of it you can encourage him to pull them back up. He should be able to do this with practice. Show him how to grip the pants on either side of his hips with thumb and fingers positioned inside and out of waistband and pull. It sounds really basic, but both of mine needed specific instruction and practice :shrug: Undies complicate things but once they get the concept down and practice gripping the waistband and pulling up (front and back) they can really get it, kwim? Can he do velcro shoes? That's what I would encourage after the pants. Socks are a lot harder, IMO. :hug:

[MSWR0319]

DS is almost 3.5 (April) and can pull up his own pants but wont put his own shirt on, socks, etc. he doesn't do buttons but can zip his coat. He just started showing Interest in the last few months in putting his pants on. Before that I was a bit worried, but he can do other things. I soon realized it wasn't that he couldn't do it like I thought, he just didn't want to. Some days he won't pull his pants up after going to the bathroom, other days he will. I'm not overly worried yet. He's a stubborn soul!

[sarahsthreads]

I personally wouldn't worry yet. DD2 is 3.5 and can take off almost everything at this point, but still can't dress herself. If I get her legs in underwear and/or pants she can pull them up, or she can put her arms in her shirt sleeves if it's over her head, but the rest is still definitely a work-in-progress. I am always surprised when I see one of her peers doing up a zipper all by him/herself.

She was definitely older than 3 - 3.25? - before she could remove clothes. Except shoes and socks, she hates wearing anything on her feet so she was extra motivated to learn to take those off herself early on! (This also explains the little pink socks scattered all over my house and why there are never any clean socks in DD2's drawer...)

What kind of shoes does he wear? Are they velcro, or does he have crocs or something? Could you motivate him to try to put on his shoes by tempting him with a trip outdoors? That was DD2's motivating factor - she wanted to come outside and wait for DD1's bus with me, so I'd walk out the door (the bus stops at the end of the driveway, I wasn't leaving her to walk down the block or anything) and leave her in socks but no shoes. Sounds mean, but she figured out pretty darn quick how to stuff her feet into shoes!

Sarah :)

[nfowife]

DD was getting herself dressed/partly dressed MUCH earlier than DS. He really has only been dressing himself since around 4 years old and has only been able to get his shirts off in the past 8 months or so. I wouldn't worry at 2 IMO.

[Cam&Clay]

DS is 4 and can put on a shirt if I lay it down the right way. He can put on elastic waist pants if I lay them out. He can't do socks or underwear on his own. He can put on his velcro shoes if I have a good half hour to spare.

I think it's more a case of I don't push it because we're always in a hurry. I figure he won't need me to dress him for college so I don't sweat it!

[logan's mom]

DS1 is 2.5 yo. I have just started trying to get him to help with dressing himself. Mostly because he is potty trained but can't pull his own pants/underwear up or down. I have found that "racing" him...he puts on one sock and I put on the other. Or racing as I count to get on other articles of clothing works well.

[doberbrat]

Oh darn. So maybe I should worry. I'm pretty sure DS can't, but it's hard to tell because he won't even try.

I'd say listen to your mommy gut.

My 26 mo dd can dress/undress herself completly except for starting zippers and buttons. And she has for some time. She's motivated by dressup and going potty "by myself" OTOH I know a 6.5 yo boy who is now learning to put on his socks. Nothing wrong w/him... he likes mom to do it and she's willing.

If you're encouraging him to do it himself, being w/other kids who do may motivate him. Also make sure the clothes are suitable. Everything loose including socks and neck holes. Make sure that the clothes start out right side out etc.