Super conflicted about pacifiers...please help

[Mopey]

I really cannot figure out whether to give the baby a pacifier or not. I don't like the idea of them, but I have been given some I will return and some I cannot so I will at least have a few if I need them (two different kinds).

I have read about the breathing/SIDS benefits, etc and I see with one of my friends' newborns that I think he IS comforted by it. My N & N never ever had one but they were not that fussy. Other babies are so fussy.

I guess I am really afraid it will become a crutch for all of us and I don't like how I see some friends giving it all.the.time. I want to believe I'll be able to take it back after the first six months but I'm just really confused.

I wonder what to do! Should I wait and see if this is a fussy babe? Ugh.

Please help - would love any thoughts and advice. TIA as always!

[crl]

Well,, I was on the fence and then the SIDS thing pushed me over. And then dd was not interested.

Catherine

[HIU8]

DS was given one in the hospital. We weaned him at age 3. He was the kid you see with one in the mouth and severl in his hands. DD hated them from the beginning, so it was a non-issue. Honestly, having gone through it with DS, weaning at 3 was not difficult. I thought it would be horrendous, but we suffered through one week of crying at night and then it was over.

[mackmama]

I was on the fence, too, and waited to see if DC was fussy. When DC was fussy, I'd offer a paci. DC never ended up taking to the pacis, so it became a non-issue.

[BabyBearsMom]

When I was pg with DD1 I swore I would never use a paci. Kids should self sooth blah blah blah, it's just a crutch to take away later blah blah blah. Orthodontic issues blah blah blah. And then I had DD and she needed to suck CONSTANTLY. I nursed her basically nonstop. It was exhausting. So we offered a paci and by god I could sleep for an hour without someone attached to my nipple! It was heaven. We took the paci away when DD was about 18 months old and it was no big deal. At 12 months we made pacis only at bed and nap time. I'm also relieved because you can take a paci away but thumbs are attached, so that is a harder habit to break. Every kid is different. Some need pacis and some don't. Fwiw, I nursed no problem and DD had no issues with nipple confusion.

My advice is this isn't your decision, this is your baby's and follow his or her lead.

[YouAreTheFocus]

I totally understand being conflicted on this! There are pluses and minuses both ways. Going into the hospital, I was of the "no paci" mindset, really bc I thought it would be easier to not even start as opposed to start and then have to stop.

Then DS ended up being born with jaundice...not a big deal but our hospital sends all jaundice babies to the NICU. So off he went, and when we went to see him he was happily sucking away on a paci. I was pretty :irked: that they made that decision for us. But, we let it be.

Now I have a nearly 2.5 yo paci fiend. Yes, he only uses it in his crib, but man, I can't even think about taking it out. He just loves it SO much. (And, turns out I am way more of a softee than I had thought I'd be!)

[hillview]

Well,, I was on the fence and then the SIDS thing pushed me over. And then dd was not interested.

Catherine

:yeahthat:x2 both DSs didnt really care for them. DS2 had one on rare occasion for a couple of months when he was 2-3 months old but it was never really a thing

[sunshine873]

I was kind of on the fence, but would have preferred the paci over a thumb if DC needed something to soothe them.

That said, you don't always get to choose. DD was a micro-preemie & the NICU pushed pacifier use to encourage the sucking reflex (which made perfect sense to me.) So, I thought DD would be a pacifier baby. She used one, but would never really hold it in on her own. Once she found her thumb, it was all over. Now 3 years down the road, I haven't been able to figure out how to "take her thumb away." ;)

[AnnieW625]

I gave one to DD1 in the hospital, the Playtex Ortho brand the hospital gave out, and DD1 wanted nothing to do with it. Tried the Nuk brand at a couple of weeks old and she really liked it. She used it until she was about 4 months old and figured out how to get her hand in her mouth. She wanted nothing to do with one ever again, and never sucked her thumb either.

With DD2 she got one pretty much from birth. She had reflux from birth though too and liked the constant sucking. If i let her eat for more than 20-30 minutes it would be chunky throw up all over the place. We started off with the Nuk brand, tried Avent, and Soothies, but she had the best luck with the Mam 0-6 months. I got her the Mam 6 mos.+ one at 6 mos. old, but it was too big and she didn't care for it so she just started sucking her thumb instead, which is great IMHO because I din't have to worry about weaning her from it unless she is still doing it in public at 3-4 yrs. old and she usn't half asleep.

I am in the la la la camp in regards to orthodontics because both DH and I had them, and with DD1 who had never sucked her thumb I got asked if myself or DH wore headgear (that was DH) so I think our kids might be cursed!

[swissair81]

All my girls did and my son wasn't interested. I don't care either way. I don't usually offer it in the first month, but then I will get some if I think they need extra comforting.

[Pyrodjm]

I was on the fence, too, and waited to see if DC was fussy. When DC was fussy, I'd offer a paci. DC never ended up taking to the pacis, so it became a non-issue.

Same here.

[KLD313]

In the hospital I asked them not to give her one. If she wanted to suck but not eat I would offer her the tip of my finger and that settled her immediately. I did that for a long time but it got exhausting to always make sure my finger was clean. I offered her a pacifier and she didn't like it. Then later on maybe 5 mos, I tried a soothie pacifier and she liked it but never became attached to it. She sucked her thumb a little but it never became a habit.

[carolinamama]

I prefer when my babies take a paci, as they are soothed by something other than me! And I really like it after 6 months as that's when they can usually get it in their mouth by themselves. DS1 and DD took pacis. DS1 gave his up at 3.5 rather easily.

But seriously, imo, it just isn't a big deal in the whole scheme of parenting things. If my babies take one, great. If not, okay. No kid goes to college with one and if it makes my baby or even toddler feel more secure, I'm all for it. Oh, and my two paci babies had better latches than my non-paci baby.

[elektra]

I tried to have my kids take them and they didn't want them. I have to say that it was nice not having to deal with them, but DS sucks his thumb now and it would also be nice to be able to control taking it away, which I obviously can't with his thumb.

[edurnemk]

You don't have to decide now. I had some pacifiers for DS, but planned to wait before offering them to avoid nipple confusion. I have friends whose babies have never accepted pacifiers, and some other babies love them, so regardless of what you decide, it also depends on the individual child.

When DS was a week or two, I saw him try to suck his thumb, and I gave him a paci right that instant. My reasoning was it's much easier to break the paci habit than thumb-sucking. My mom's older sister sucked her thumb for YEARS, and my grandma tried everything to break her of that habit.

I don't regret giving DS a paci and actually hope this new baby takes to it, too, because it's also easier to soothe them with a paci. Taking it away from DS was easier than I anticipated (he was 2 yo, but even our Ped recommended not taking it away earlier in our particular case, since we were in the middle of an international move).

ETA: Forgot to mention we didn't have any nipple confusion issues with DS

[R2sweetboys]

I definitely wouldn't stress about this one. Just wait and see how it goes and you'll know if you feel you need one. DS1 was a super fussy baby. The pacifier didn't cure this by any means but it did help. At that point, we were game for anything that would make him happy for even a few minutes! He used a pacifier(Nuk brand) until he was two. One day, on the way home from my parents, I casually told him that he was getting older and it was time to give his pacifiers to babies that need them. He didn't freak out so I followed his lead and decided to take away the pacis that night. He was a little upset but got over it quickly. I wanted DS2 to take a pacifier but he just wasn't interested. You really can't predict whether they'll use one ahead of time so not worth stressing about now. :)

[JoyNChrist]

I wish my kids would have taken them, but none of them were even remotely interested. And I have friends who didn't want to use them whose babies had such a need to suck that they quickly gave in.

I think this may be one of those things the baby ends up deciding for you. ;)

[SnuggleBuggles]

We had supply issues when nursing my pacifier using ds2. Ds1 never took one and nursed for soothing. Ds2 nursed for food and used the pacifier for the rest. We had to ditch the pacifier for a few days and get supply back on track after he seemed frustrated with what was coming out.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

it was not a big deal here at all. both my kids were given pacis the day they were born. i used pacis (Soothie kind) to soothe them when they were newborns in the car or places where i couldn't nurse. neither of them was really into it though...neither of them depended on it, and it often fell out so it wasn't too helpful. it was so not a big deal at all. by 4 mos or so neither kid had any use for them at all..they outright refused them. i exclusively BFed both my kids until 12 months (DD is still going strong). it was a total non-issue for us.

honestly, i just wouldn't worry about it right now.

[Pinky]

I haven't read all the other posts but just wanted to tell you that I felt the same way about kids having in their mouths all the time and not being able to understand them etc.

I knew that I wanted to use them because I think it will be so much easier to get rid of the pacifier than it will be to stop thumb/hand sucking.

Once my DD was a few months old and old enough to really notice her pacifier we strictly used it for bedtime and car rides only. She's nearly 2 now and still LOVES her pacifier but the first thing she does when I go in her room is hand me her pacifiers (yes, she sleeps with 3 in her bed! ;-) ) to put on her table because she knows that they don't leave her room.

I do carry one in the diaper bag as a "just in case" but we never use it when we're out.

I figure when she is old enough to think somewhat rationally about things (this will happen someday, right?) I will reason with her and get her to stop using it. Until then, I'm of the opinion that if it gives her some comfort at night there is nothing wrong with it.

[trales]

DD hated it from day 1. My niece was addicted to hers, SIL used to tie it to her bed and she would suck and take a nap when she was tired. I wish that I could find some magic way like that to get DD to nap.

This is something you should not sweat. You'll figure it out and whatever happens will the right thing for you and your babe.

[Tinochka]

When I was pg with DD1 I swore I would never use a paci. Kids should self sooth blah blah blah, it's just a crutch to take away later blah blah blah. Orthodontic issues blah blah blah. And then I had DD and she needed to suck CONSTANTLY. I nursed her basically nonstop. It was exhausting. So we offered a paci and by god I could sleep for an hour without someone attached to my nipple! It was heaven. We took the paci away when DD was about 18 months old and it was no big deal. At 12 months we made pacis only at bed and nap time. I'm also relieved because you can take a paci away but thumbs are attached, so that is a harder habit to break. Every kid is different. Some need pacis and some don't. Fwiw, I nursed no problem and DD had no issues with nipple confusion.

My advice is this isn't your decision, this is your baby's and follow his or her lead.

I was the same way, then found out myself at ped.office in tears, because my DS1 sucked on me non-stop... Needless to say, I was relieved to give him a paci and he was happy. DS1 weaned from it at 27 months (found out that had a big tear, didn’t have new, decided to talk to DS1, HE tossed it to trash, asked for it couple times, but after reminding about car, settled down. I even caught him couple times trying his brothers (different brand), he didn’t like it.
With DS2 it was a funny story. He started to chew through his favorite ugly smoothie pacies at 18m. I got a different brand, he saw it a distance away, didn’t like it, I put it to his mouth, he through up! ;(. Never asked for any pacies after that:) So, it was not a plan at all.
With both of them I was giving them after about 6-8months only during naps and night time. Never had to deal with a plopping the paci, because I used the clipper, very quick they learned to serve themselves + paci was not on the ground.
I would say, follow your baby cue.

[joules]

I was the same way as many PPs. I didn't want to use them so we didn't have any on hand. Then I figured out DS1 was using ME as a pacifier! I quickly changed my mind and bought some for him (I think this was around 1 or 2 months old). It made a lot of situations so much easier. No more fussing around during naptime or carrides. We tried to limit it to naps/night time and carrides. Around 15 months we noticed he started getting a bit addicted to it....when he saw it, he would want it. So we had to hide it a lot and only bring it out when needed. But one day the nanny decided to put some sort of smelly oil on it and DS1 stopped wanting it right away without a fuss at all.

We are using one with DS2 now, but very sporadically for now. He is a loud crier and we use it to calm him down so he doesn't wake up DS1 in the middle of the night.

[mikala]

There are pros and cons to everything and this one really depends on your baby's personality.

If you plan to nurse you may want to delay introduction of the pacifier until after baby can latch well, your milk has come in, and baby is gaining weight. I think Kellymom.com has specific info on pacifier usage. You or DH can always use your pinky a bit in the meantime if needed.

If you do use a pacifier it's important to still go through the checklist of things that baby might need before popping it in. Is baby hungry? Poopy diaper? Just plain uncomfortable--hot or cold, etc.? This sounds obvious but it sometimes isn't. Some babies will suck on pacifiers when they are actually hungry and it can mess with mom's milk supply, especially during growth spurts. And other babies will spit out the pacifier the second they're actually hungry or if they really need something else. You'll figure out your kid pretty quickly.

ETA: My kid went through spurts of not liking them and then kinda being okay with them, and then around 5-6 mo would just pull it out and chew on the edges instead of ever sucking on the tip. At that point I just handed him an actual teether and the pacifiers went away.

[misshollygolightly]

I haven't read all the responses, but after two kids (one who LOVED the paci and I truly don't know how we would have survived without it, and one who just never seemed to want or care about it at all), I'm convinced it's not so much about what *you* want as what the baby wants. Some babies really seem to need to comfort suck all.the.time...and it soothes them, helps you stay sane, and can be really helpful if, say, you need to go on a plane or sit through a wedding ceremony or do anything like that. Some babies could just care less (which is great b/c then you don't have to worry about weaning, dropping pacis on the ground, etc., but it also is kinda frustrating if, for instance, you'd like to be able to somewhat predictably quiet your child without whipping out a boob in the produce aisle at the grocery store just to soothe). I think the paci is a *great* tool to have in your toolkit...I'd suggest keeping the ones you've been given and, if the occasion arises, offer them to baby. Don't fret too much about it now...it's wasted energy. Don't lose sleep now trying to figure out how you'd wean a baby off the paci...he/she may not even want it, or may wean easily and painlessly!

[sweet_pea]

I had DD and she needed to suck CONSTANTLY. I nursed her basically nonstop. It was exhausting. So we offered a paci and by god I could sleep for an hour without someone attached to my nipple!

This was my experience as well. I was on the fence about pacifier use before DD was born, but it turned out that using one was the only way to prevent me from being the 24/7 human pacifier. We did limit it to only naps and nighttime somewhere after a year and were able to take it away completely just before DD's second birthday.

[Mopey]

Thanks for all the info everyone!

I do think I've been a little scarred by pacifiers (like by the five year old with a wicked lisp and problematic teeth spacing who talks through his) and the more I think about everything to do with this babe the more I realize I just have to wait and see what I get!

And I thought they only thing to wonder about was whether it's a boy or girl ;)

So again, thanks, and I will let this go from my mind until the babe chooses!

[BabbyO]

didn't read all PP's so sorry if I'm repeating anything.

I was on the fence too, then DS came back from his circumcision with one in his mouth. He was a happy baby. For DS1 the pacifier was a total soother and I was concerned that we'd never get it out of his mouth. At about 1 when we introduced rice milk (FA kiddo), we did so in a cup rather than a bottle. He quickly weaned from the bottles completely. At the same time I noticed that he wasn't as attached to his pacifier. We didn't take the pacifier away until about 15 mo (DH and I went on an overseas trip and DS was away from us for the first time for a week...so we didn't think this would be a good time to take the paci away). Anyway, we just stopped giving him the pacifiers and he was totally ok with it.

I read somewhere, and I know our ped told us that there is a natural weaning window between 12 and 18 mo for getting rid of the bottles and pacifiers. We didn't know about it at the time...but it sure worked for us. No screaming, no fighting, no cutting the nipples and throwing them out. I just simply sterilized the newer ones and packed them away for #2.

[cntrymoon2]

I was kind of on the fence, but would have preferred the paci over a thumb if DC needed something to soothe them.

That said, you don't always get to choose. DD was a micro-preemie & the NICU pushed pacifier use to encourage the sucking reflex (which made perfect sense to me.) So, I thought DD would be a pacifier baby. She used one, but would never really hold it in on her own. Once she found her thumb, it was all over. Now 3 years down the road, I haven't been able to figure out how to "take her thumb away." ;)

Yep, this is our story, too. I wish DD would have taken to a paci! She didn't have (or seem to need) any self soothing behaviors at all until she was 15 months and started getting her molars. I thought I was in the clear- no paci, no thumb sucking, no lovey. Then at 15 mos, she started thumb sucking and I hate it because she picks up germs everywhere!! I would so much rather have a paci that I could clean, instead of the thumb in the mouth after it touches anything and everything. If I ever had more children, I would really push the paci.

[fumofu]

I was also on the fence, but DS wanted to pacify on me all the time, and I just couldn't have him on the boob more than the 12 hr that he actually was on it!

We tried many kinds of paci's, one brand worked...for a week. Then that was it.

[Uno-Mom]

I have no qualms about Sprog using them. We absolutely, positively only used them for sleep. They are not allowed outside of her crib. If she wasn't ok with that limit, we would take drastic measures.

I don't jump on parents for paci addiction but I do admit that it bothers me to see wide-awake babies with them constantly in the mouth, not to mention toddlers! I remind myself that the child might have something going on that makes it reasonable. However, my concern is about communication once the child is using it when awake. Sprog usually speaks in complex sentences but she becomes a grunting, fumbling little thing when the binkie's in her mouth! :)

[sweetsue98]

We had no problems using a paci!!! It was necessary for us to get a little peace and quiet. At 12 months DD1 was weaned to only nap and night time use.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Forgot to mention, I planned to take it away from ds2 at 6m. But, at 5m, he stopped wanting it. Score for the easy job!

[trcy]

Well,, I was on the fence and then the SIDS thing pushed me over. And then dd was not interested.
:yeahthat:

[almostmom]

I see pacifiers as a great tool, if your kid will take it. Both of mine did, and they were breast fed and grew extremely well and fast.

I remember talking to mothers who could not get their babies to nap, or calm down, and they so wished their babies would take a pacifier. I felt lucky that mine did. We took DS's away at 18 months (not easy, but he got through it) and DD gave hers up around 6 months. But it was a savior during those 6 months!

I didn't want to breastfeed them to sleep, so the pacifier was a great subsititute for something soothing. Just my opinion. They don't have to be evil! My kids don't have any lasting issues from them, and I was glad for the tool.

[lizzywednesday]

DD weaned off the pacifier (that I had no interest in giving her and nobody in the CICU asked me about before giving to her, but I digress...) by 2 months.

I think this is mostly due to us needing to use it to give her medication, so it became a for-meds thing rather than a for-comfort thing.

We also co-sleep, which can reduce SIDS risk when done safely, and have ceiling fans in the bedrooms (also have some SIDS-reduction benefits) so YMMV.

Some kids just don't take to them no matter what you do, so I wouldn't worry.

And fussiness can be caused by a lot of other things - gas, reflux, startle reflex, etc. - so I don't think a pacifier is a panacea.

[Clarity]

Add me to the "didn't give a passy and then I became a passy" group. I followed the rules where I didn't offer dd1 a pacifier or bottle until breastfeeding was established - 3 weeks or so, but then it was too late. She wouldn't take a pacifier or a bottle and she wanted to nurse every 40 minutes for comfort. We made it through but my nipples had blisters from dd1.

I gave dd2 a pacifier in the hospital when she was a day old and we had a lovely nursing relationhip with no "nipple confusion". That said, we weaned her from her pacifier by the time she was 11 1/2 months old and it wasn't easy but I was still nursing her (on a great schedule) so she was still receiving lots of comfort that way.

I'd give a pacifier again, in a heartbeat.

[peanut520]

i was in the camp of paci over fingers/thumbs if she needed something to help soothe. it took a few tries but we found on she liked (avent).

we weaned the binky around 18 months when she started to chew them and put holes in them. we stopped replacing them and had her thow them away. when she asked for a binky we would tell her that they were broken and reminder her that she threw them away... and when the last 2 didnt want to break we helped them along with a pair of scissors :innocent:.

[Mopey]

VERY good point about the fingers/thumb-sucking! That might bother me more as PP said, you can't take their fingers away ;)

[MSWR0319]

VERY good point about the fingers/thumb-sucking! That might bother me more as PP said, you can't take their fingers away ;)

This was actually the first thing my pedi said to me after she asked if we were going to use paci's. She wasn't trying to preassure us at all, but simply said "I prefer children have pacifiers because you can take them away when needed, you can't take a thumb away." this resonated with me, who as a former thumb sucker, had braces and headgear. Not to mention I didn't fully stop sucking my thumb until almost 10. I did stop at about 5 but started a few years later again until I stopped at 10.

DS got one at a week old because I had to go back in the hospital and he was fine. No nipple confusion ( and I had to feed him with a bottle). We nursed for a year and he wasn't really that into his pacifier. He only used it for sleeping and if he was really worked up. He was never one of those kids that had it in his mouth at all times.

[anamika]

Oh, I had pretty strong opinions on the paci....before DD was born. I swore DD would never have one! But then she was one of those kids who just needed to suck. I remember the first time I gave her the binky - she stopped crying but then I cried for 2 hrs because I felt like such a horrible mom.

So yeah, you really don't get to decide here ;)

Just curious - did you or DH suck your thumb/paci? In my very unscientific poll of my friends, I have found that most paci/thumb suckers have at least one parent who was one too.

[larig]

When I was pg with DD1 I swore I would never use a paci. Kids should self sooth blah blah blah, it's just a crutch to take away later blah blah blah. Orthodontic issues blah blah blah. And then I had DD and she needed to suck CONSTANTLY. I nursed her basically nonstop. It was exhausting. So we offered a paci and by god I could sleep for an hour without someone attached to my nipple! It was heaven. We took the paci away when DD was about 18 months old and it was no big deal. At 12 months we made pacis only at bed and nap time. I'm also relieved because you can take a paci away but thumbs are attached, so that is a harder habit to break. Every kid is different. Some need pacis and some don't. Fwiw, I nursed no problem and DD had no issues with nipple confusion.

My advice is this isn't your decision, this is your baby's and follow his or her lead.

big :yeahthat:
we tried making it without one, but the first night we tried it and he slept for 3 or 4 hours straight we were sold. We stopped at about 11 months or so. Reading the Happiest Baby on the Block helped affirm that it could be a useful thing, especially in the first 3 months.